I was at the gym one morning, when I discovered what the consequences of doing all these readings were.
On the treadmill, I started wondering, what if I am the second coming of Christ after all?
I tried, very solemnly, to dismiss the idea. No, no, no, NO. Don't go there again, Rachel. You've been there before. You've seen where it takes you. Hospital, more medication, crash landing when you fall back to Earth, onto the hard surface of reality. You really don't want to go there again. So no.
I got off the treadmill, still vaguely wondering if it was true.
At the grocery store, I started to truly believe it. I began fitting the pieces together, of how all this was planned. I don't remember what I was thinking, exactly. None of it was all that impressive. I believed it now, I just needed to hush. Keep quiet about it. Go about my daily return. Pay the fact that I was the second coming no mind at all.
I drank a sample of coconut water. I felt immediately more energetic. This was what I needed. My mom had already paid for the groceries, but I threw a hissy fit and she let me go back in and buy some.
At home, I went into the kitchen and ate some chicken from the fridge. Bam! No more delusions. Well, not really, but that was when the idea that I was the second coming began to unravel. I had no rational basis for believing that. I knew that before, but it just seemed so true.
This was harder than I thought, at times. At times, I could not resist temptation, resist the temptation to believe I was the second coming. I always told myself, when I was out of that state, I would never believe that shit ever again. I didn't even like believing that shit. It was stupid, in a way, to feel so high and mighty about myself, to believe I was that far superior to other people. But when I was in the right state, I didn't even need a reason to believe it. It felt right. And I wanted to believe it. Boy, did I.
I chalked it up to a form of grounding. I had read before on the internet that eating meat is grounding, something that was necessary in psychic development. It was normal, not a symptom of mental illness at all, to lose touch with reality a tad bit if you are not placed firmly on the ground. The unfriendly energy in meat brought you down from loose spiritual states, in a way that desensitizes most people to psychic energy. However, being a highly sophisticated psychic being, I was already overly sensitive and a little bit of the energy helps keep me from wobbling uncontrollable and losing track of the Earth plane. I needed to stay grounded on the Earth plane. It keeps you from getting carried away with ideas that are only loosely based on reality. I was a great soul, sure. I was going to do great, spectacular, magical things. I was going to be a supreme figure in the world. Let's not get carried away and say I am some otherwordly, godly being.
However, I wasn't discouraged from doing readings. I asked Matthew's mother what he thought of Matthew. I did this intensely angry, irate breathing motion. I felt like my head was about to explode, there was so much angry energy emanating from my crown chakra. As always, I laughed really hard afterwards. Every time I got an extreme reaction from a reading, I chortled immensely.
I had had a dream where I was in a blissful state, and everyone kept telling me, over and over again, that I was delusional. I was delusional. I was delusional. I didn't believe it, but I wondered, was this a sign? I wondered a little bit, but not really. This didn't seem like a delusion. I didn't think delusions included automatic movements. Things like the reading on Matthew's mother confirmed my beliefs. The energy to my head was very, very intense. I didn't think it there. It wasn't imaginary. I had to keep pushing all this energy into the ground, I could feel all the energy pool, the way it pooled told me it wasn't imaginary. This was real energy. Not a figment of my imagination.
I couldn't see how I could be making all this up. This was way too real. Plus, there was no misconstrued ideas to go along with it. No more grandiose half beliefs. Great things were going to happen, sure. I knew that deep down. But there was nothing crazy here. At least, nothing that I thought was crazy, or in the least bit impossible.
I was thinking about having another status, something I was wondering. I felt this new energy radiate through my body. I was wondering what sex would be like. Feeling all the intense, euphoric energy from sex might make a psychic experience sex a lot more intensely than someone else. So I was considering have a status which posed the question, “Do psychics experience sex differently?”
I ran it past Adam. I asked what he thought of the status. I got a strong laugh. So, I went ahead and posted it.
The next day, I was looking at Adam's profile. I wasn't even looking at his pictures, when I sensed something about his energy, just looking at his profile. Sometimes, I could do that. I could sense the person's energy, just by looking at their profile.
There was something wrong. So I asked Adam's picture, “what's wrong?”
I spoke automatically. “You look like you're heading for another melt down.”
He was basing this on my most recent status. It was a bit bold, slightly off the wall, not really, but a little bit. I was exasperated. You said you liked it!
Great. So, this wasn't as reliable as I had thought. Sure, he liked it... a little bit, at least. However, he had only said he thought it was funny. He didn't necessarily mean funny in a good way. He didn't necessarily mean he wouldn't have second thoughts about my sanity. Geez, this was going to be tougher than I thought. Looks like I would have to grill him about each status I posted, before I posted it, to cover my bases and make sure he wouldn't take anything I said the wrong way.
I figured something else out. With this whole reading thing, what someone is going to do, what they might think of something that haven't actually seen, it wasn't fool proof. Sure, it offered an educated guess about what they might do or think of something. But it could easily swing either way. There was no telling what their reaction might be.
I was on the way home from the gym, trying to decide on a song to listen to, when something told me, “Listen to something light.” I wasn't sure what it was that told me this, but I had been listening to a lot of songs with a more heavy energy, an energy that made me feel more intense emotions, because I was going through something intense. I took the message's advice. I put on “Call Me Maybe.”
I wondered if this was going to lead to a career. Maybe, I could be a professional psychic, and break free from this bullshit house, with the bullshit parents, and the bullshit medication.
I asked Adam's picture if he was Adam's higher self. He laughed, and then said yes.
In an effort to let Adam know I like him, I went and liked something on his wall. I asked Adam's picture if he had gotten the picture, that I was trying to send a message. Nope. Too subtle.
Rachel: Adam says he's considering talking to me, but he doesn't know what to talk to me about. Sorry I'm just dumping all this information on you how are you? I asked your higher self. It said it kind of bothers you that I've been unloading all this information on you like this, but it was pretty indecisive about that.
Erik: No I'm fine lol. Busy elsewise though.
Rachel: Okay. Is that really how you feel though? I say yeah, and then I say I don't know. Erik: I enjoy being your journal, and I don't mind you talking with me about this, even if it's at me instead of with me.
I asked Melvin's picture, “Will we hang out?” I began nodding vigorously. There was something odd about this reading, however. Like, it came from a higher place than just his own personal knowledge.
Erik kept advising me to ground, eat B vitamins, fresh food, go for walks... Erik: When you do this, you introvert to do it. Introvert too hard... and it causes headaches.... Walking extroverts your mind and spirit. A lot.
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