Spiritual Musings on a Chemical World

Sunday, July 23, 2023

Help Like Jesus: Part 31

Well, I was the one who was going to save the world from insane amounts of destruction. To me, this meant little. I was used to believing strange fantasies. It was not a fantasy to me though, it was real. I was going to be the one who saved the world. Not really, I was going to be famous though. And I liked that a lot.

Well, that was it. I was destined for greatness. Believe, I did. Want, I did. Have, I did not. Only time would tell if these beliefs would prove to be true, or false. I hoped for true, and did not plan for false. It was a wondrous time. This was wonderful. I liked it. It was happy, it was nice, it was grand. No, not grand. Whoop di freaking do.

I was still unhappy, due to the mental illness bull crap my parents had fallen for ever so easily. I had had my rights taken away from me, pushed in and out of dumbfuck treatment programs, prescription drugs shoved down my throat. It was hard. I was not happy. Would it be worth it? Yes. But was it worth it now? No.

What would happen to me? Would I prefer this spiritual existence to my previous horrifically dumbfuck lifestyle? No, yes, no. I would, of course, but would it last? I needed help from my guides for every little thing. Would I make it through a guardianship trial? Would I make it out of this house? Would my parents fight it, or let me go? I hoped they would fight to the bitter end. I knew they would, but doubted it somehow. Exist, I told myself, be. I would be the best for this job. They kept telling me, I was overqualified for this mission. It would be a pretty easy job for me, not too easy, but pretty easy. It had been so far, not really, it was dumb, and not easy. I understood why I would never be the same after this again.

Please, I told myself, don't come down. Don't come down from this dream. This is good. This is all you ever wanted. Please. Don't come down.

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