Women: Yeah, even the butt, damn

Women, don't like things up their asses unless it's a string pantie with a G letter on the handle. This isn't my only observation, but why the butt too? WHY, women, are you so dumb? Because they like pooping as much as the Fecalphiliac who Doesn't Say.

Actually, I'm wondering why Kristen was named.

No, but dumb. That's dumb. I know.

Anyway...

To be thorough, making fun of liking pooping is the cheapest exercise to spirits. Yeah, we know OF Gods, or we actually might know GODS PERSONAL INFO. It says, to get the stuff out, you release endorphins. You don't sit around saying, wow I wish I was pooping...

Some do, though. Not I, or she, or Heavenli unless she is making a reference to the fact she is high. Because she was high, and they might be watching.

REMEMBERED.

P.S///"That's all I got on her..." -Alfred

Why Some: Are Dumb? Yes. Dumb.

So, you like men and women... You might like them both the same at the same time in one body. Said no land, grass, or sea animal. The only one I care about is that we don't change sexes! How enticing! And surprising! And in the end, remember, we mourned the dead on National Transgender Day of Resembrence, a day taking place right after the morbid splice in the woods! Oh, you know this is how enemies are made, and there is nothing cute to me about you. And, you have to sigh and say I do grown up things like work, and you wore a skirt and you're a boy. Now, when I order bows, I order only female colors, and blue is representative of your spirit animal the frog, which resides in the cool willowing ravine with your psycho nut-job friend Anniya, who I only knew was transgender because she pointed it out to me without saying a word. Precisely, one of those things where people say things to me without moving their lips and I don't know how they did it. Well Anniya, you should not be convinced otherwise: I'm not interested in you either.

Further Reading on My Life Topics

Rachel was offered the Earth Mission. Then, she went back to Jason. They had wild wooly sex, and then Jason spit on Rachel and called her a hooker.

Yeah, you'll do anything for me, won't ya? Won't ya? That's the attitude.

I have to think about this situation where I went back to my loyal crew of concerned friends and when asked how much sex we had, I said "once or twice." And that wasn't believable.

Though... As the mission became sooner and sooner, Jason and I stopped communicating, and I was embarrassed by him and I felt like I had been having sex with a retarded person.

And my spirit guides say really quickly, regarding myself and Eminem in heaven, "It's the same situation."

You know... Words hurt sometimes, especially when they came out of your own mouth, and Lisa Left-Eye was embarrassed that she said in a song "you have to lick it before you stick it." And there was a song like that played on the radio... Yeah, you get the idea, maybe.

Do you? Do you get the right idea?

I don't know.

Tupac and I got back together. Tupac has a story of an event between us that he is being mysterious about and not sharing and thinking he's going to laugh is head off when we meet face to face in heaven. "Hey, remember me?"

Rachel, Jason, Alfred, and a Ho Schmo's Doozle (parking ticket)

The drama and chaos and lowdown of the other side's shenanigans could start where Rachel finished her first lifetime as a special teacher who killed a student by accident. That lead to her growth in the miracle trait that everyone loves and loves hearing on the Earth Plane too about Rachel, anyway. So I was now a virtuous soul, lucky me! The sex was rampant, and Rachel was playful and liked mingling with different souls, and to be honest I think the problem is.... Dun dun dun.... I just want someone else to appreciate my glory in sex and this is a soul issue that works itself out in this lifetime in part. So, Alfred was Rachel's lover, and one time she put some sort of paint or paste in the room when organizing a sexual scenario with Alfred. Accessing heavenly memories leads to me thinking I thought I had a reason for putting it there that wasn't to harass Alfred with it but that excuse doesn't fly with everyone else who heard the story at the time. I put something like paint all over my fingers and tried to get Alfred to lick it off. He refused and screamed and cried. I don't know what else happened right there but that's against the law to do that in the spirit world and I got charged with a minor infraction and became a sex offender and I don't know what the cultural implications are of that in the spirit world, it's a little thing compared to what a big deal on it is on the Earth Plane. I got a Minor Infraction, I can visualize in my mind the video of me putting it on my fingers and acting stupid kind of like Kristen to be honest in her old Jeannie movie way but stupider still. I can remember looking at Alfred's face as he cried at the hearing and looked up to the sky. Ooh, virtuous soul, huh? Really? Virtue? And Alfred is crying because you disrespect him. Really? Virtue? Whatever... There's too much gossip on the other side, my spirit guides are warning me to wrap this up.

Umm... So I was reading a book by Jason in heaven that fascinated me with the way he joked about his rampant shmeel of masculine rage and the jokes he made about himself were funny. It was a funny read about an in-your-face masculine bad boy hero kind of thing to me, I found him on the other side and my intentions were obvious from the get-go. See, this guy Jason, I figured out when he was alive, is obsessed with the concept of virtue. He is deeply in awe of them, and if he can't be one, he can play with one, and I looked at this situation and thought it was fine. Until he, in the context of spirit sex, had me lick up grease. In my mind I can remember this, he says "Lick, lick, lick..." And he holds what looks like a muffin container but it's probably something from another plane that's greasier than muffins. And I was screaming in my mind this is a violation of my rights and that's clear when I think about it, and Jason hacked the spirit sex computer or whatever to make it so my tongue moved automatically without my permission.

"But you did it to Alfred! What about what you did to Alfred?!" he would always say, and I would be in silence probably out of shame at the Alfred incident, to the point where we made up. (I have no memory of a court proceeding with this incident, no info, I'm sure he was charged with something more serious than what I got).

And then, there was a concerned group of caring loyal friends I have on the other side who weighed in and said that's not true. Besides the fact that I had properly taken responsiblitiy and blame and shame for the incident with Alfred, the Jason incident wa considered modge-pa, and the Alfred one was not. And I have a little cartoonish memory of someone saying this to me, a woman who makes me think of a beaver, and then the cartoon screen goes to next scene, as I imagine being on the other side like living in a dumb cartoon if you haven't gotten a a lifetime (with pain) for awhile, which was a problem having because not only did the universe run by the different god crash, I was deprived of the rest of that lifetime so I was hurting. From lack of pain.

What else? Your physical form during spirit sex can take whatever and be thrown out at the end, however the experiences your soul has can damage there existence, health, growth, etc. This incident with Jason was harmful to my soul.

The lucky part... The next thing that happened was I got offered the Earth Mission! And Jim Besemer was there to congratulate me! So, a very long time in the future, I will have a cognitive defect that prevents me from making normal conversation, and no one knows why or that that's even a thing and that scared me and it hung over my head for years in heaven, and this is only my fifth lifetime, so right after my third lifetime I got offered the Earth Mission which includes healing the damage the grease incident caused my soul. And it blows my mind to think, wow, I have been worried sick about this lifetime for a very substantial part of my existence in heaven, wow it will feel good to finish it, but as Tyler Henry said, upon crossing over you have to be retaught the language.

I would like to be "taken" like Enoch. This plane is kind of devoid of good things to spend my time doing. Maybe I should think harder or try to approach the people without acting feral."

Motivation, Spiritual Possession, and ME (not the various kid callers who are blowing up the spiritual plane)

My experiences being spiritually possessed go back to 2005 and the incident with "Sean." It seemed to me at the time that that was spiritual possession, however it was my first experience with alcohol, and there was that.

Then, the drinking of the liquor prior to the ER incident struck me as too easy of a move, and I zoned out while I was doing it. This is something that could keep me up at night screaming if it weren't for the fact that I take everything in stride and say it's part of the drill, due to the intense effect the ER Incident had on my parent's and how they view me.

Then... Out of nowhere, the William Vandergaw incident. I happened to remember thinking the thought that saved my existence and in essence humanity during this occasion, which was as I was getting up immediately after we had both taken three shots of liquor and had a beers in our hands, I get up and walk back to the kitchen because I'm worried that won't get me drunk enough, and as I'm walking I can't get over in my mind thinking about how bad I really didn't want to do this but wow my body just popped right up out of the chair and walked to the kitchen, huh. Yeah, so at the time... I didn't understand the point of this exercise until my guides told me eventually and they were in the picture way earlier than they told me about the cinching of energy related to caring about someone's opinion of myself. I brought it up a couple times, and they found ways to distract me. I don't know why, it is probably complicated but they told me in like 2017 or something why we had that beloved incident.

What else? I'm used to letting Subbie move my body. See, Subbie can move my body as well as Conscie can, and Subbie can override Conscie's decisions most of the time if necessary. If a conscious decision is overriden by Subbie, there is nothing Conscie can do. Of course, usually that's just fine, like when I look in the mirror and am suddennly walking in the other direction, despite Conscie wanting to fixate on the mirror for a second. That happened one time, it was kind of funny. That's the other thing though, there are lots and lot of experiences related to the Mindflip that are incredibly cool, so yes, I did get the "mental handicap rewiring of brain" that everyone always wants. I had a fixation on it before I got offered the mission, this particular brain situation. It is both fun to use and rewarding, as I knew the mindflip would help me grow an astounding amount in intelligence. I'm thinking of going off on a tangent but I wanted to write about... Spiritual Possession.

People, young and old, as a side note... Don't mess with Ouija boards. I have never done so, but it is common sense not to. Stores stopped selling them for a reason. Knowing that stores won't sell Oijja boards yada (I've read this on spiritual websites I don't know what happened) is good enough reason for me to say no thank you that's stupid.

So, at some point it becomes obvious to me in my life that I am at times spiritually possessed. The story of hurting my mother went like this: Actually, I was planning on playing around with my parent's beliefs and this "that one time in downtown Portland"... Those words have come out of my mother's mouth and she stops. It's the Santa Barbara streets issue, I lived it up on the streets of Santa Barbara for several days before my parents took me to Idaho to Innercept. I had the time of my life, I was also under spiritual protection from the spirits, and Santa Barbara seems safe compared to downtown Portland. There is some dark energy there, something I would like to stay away from, so for some reason it's a joke with me that my mother would think I would repeat the Santa Barbara stuff in downtown Portland, like a kitten running playfully into traffic. I fear downtown Portland, to a certain degree. I also believe that other cities like Detroit probably are even scarier in this regard.

Anyway... I don't remember what I was thinking the night of the incident walking back from the gas station, drinking a hard seltzer Four Loko, just one (all day), and I left the bottle like a rebel in the little bird bath in front of the house. I walked in, my parents were sitting around the island in the kitchen finishing dinner. My mother said something that angered me because it was probably something about medication but I don't remember at all what the comment was. I remember I was annoyed, but... Not... Enough to do that, which I did while I was thinking that, seemed like Subbie, and I even got in on camera but my camera was stolen before I uploaded new stuff. My spirit guides told me it made a mark on Mass Consciousness, this moment where I felt indifference to what I was doing, and I was doing something that could have killed her. Kind of like, I'm sure I've pointed this out but this is funny and true, the Waterworld experience makes a noticeable impression when thinking in altered states but I don't know how to describe it. A memory of a shared moment of fun that went from happy to the most miserable you can imagine.

So, but we are talking about the attack. I rode a wave of rage right there, throwing my mother on the floor. So I cussed her out when she was on the floor. Spiritual possession involves whatever the force behind it to be able to manipulate you (me) emotionally as well. I called her the C-word, which really bothers me. You know, what happened in my life is both Robin (he didn't want me to tell anyone this though, but whatever) and Alfred called me the C-word for no reason in 2014 only to prove a point. Anyone can use any word and they don't need a license. So there is a culture shock thing with this word and it doesn't mean much when I say it except to mean I am angry. Also, I had a reoccurring dream that I called my mom the C-word, in 2019, and I was scared that it would come out of my mouth without me meaning to at some point, and that ended up happening.

So, I rode a wave of anger, I did not touch her again or try to hurt her further (I've heard my mother say I repeatedly slammed her head against the floor, that is absolutely not true but I think there is room for memory confabulation if your head hit the floor this quickly). I wanted to talk about the part that happened next. I did a little Diablo thing which was both touching and dumb, moving my dad's cane like it was a staff and Diablo, then took a video, put a couple of signs on the floor, and went into sleep. The police woke me, and I was compliant eve though the healthy thing here would be just to let me sleep in my own bed. Instead, I have to go to the part of Unity with the bright lights on you as you sleep, the only reason for this I think is in case people bang their heads against the wall which I find that disgracefully offensive for anyone to even suggest that I would ever purposely bang my head against the wall. Which brings me back to the thing where well I hit my mother's head pretty hard against the floor. Shit. Shit. Shit. Cringe, repeat. This is a thought that has been repeating for quite a long time in my brain, I cringe a I think about it, and I sometimes remember and sometimes do not... What? That other people might think I enjoyed doing that and that I am sick.

What else? After the spiritual possession incident, there is something I want to tell Eminem and everyone else about how it effected me. I was in denial that that incident was wrong, for a long fucking time. This is IRRATIONAL THINKING. That means, I did not think about the incident, did not fixate, and I believed it was right for some reason but I didn't think about it and I don't remember exactly how I thought about it which is bothering me because that doesn't seem to make any sense. I thought she deserved it I guess. Moving on. Moving on. Oh, and Sunday's Fan sent me a song called Tipton by Odessa. "All is well in my soul." Yes, that was true. Why? Because the part where I moved to throw her to the ground did not make sense in terms of motivation. There were no violent ideations whatsoever.

Subbie wanted to point out "haze." This issue was a "haze" issue in my brain that lead to blurry.

Jason was Sunday's Fan, he psychically read my mind and probed to see my reaction to that song, which he sent to taunt me, and then he said right there he wanted to marry me instead, for a second or maybe more, due to the fact that that song was dead on (not a song I listen to most of the time, it is too mellow and slow). But, all is well in my soul, because at heart I had no intent to hurt my mother.

Anyway, so that's my story, and then there was this recent incident at the ranch in Boardman. We got back from our Boardman trip in the van, I got out, went over to the nurse's station, yelled at the woman working (I don't know her name, and I don't remember what I yelled. Aggravating psychological factor on my mind was that I had used meth to counteract the dopamine blocking effects of the medication, and now I had meth face which I think went away but I'm still worried about). I was angry becaue of the medications, I don't remember what I yelled it wasn't that bad, it wasn't the C-word, then I walked around the stairway thingy to the entrance to the nursing station, for a second I thought you know I could go downstairs and leave this situation alone and relax but I don't wanna, and went and stood behind her, I didn't want to hurt her at this point. Then I was standing behind the woman and was struck with furious wind of anger, I pushed her hair down once, use of force was minimal, I didn't actually want to hurt her but I did in that one moment right there, which is what I wanted to talk about. There was this moment I was struck with rage and wanted to hurt her and not hurting her, in terms of motivation related to spiritual possession, actually didn't seem like an option I was allowed to choose. So it was a "multiple choice test with only one answer and that was to shove or push."

Anyway, I like writing and telling people stuff. I hope someday I will be famous for my writing and my outstanding personality.

The Manor in England: Make it Square

For some reason I had to think of the Stanley-Millgram experiment while writing the title blog.

Hell is real, it is what Matthew III wants. He's off topic though, the topic is teachers and they stay in school. I would like teaching but... What? But what Rachel you like teaching?

I don't want to encourage a stupid kid thought which was if there were only teachers, there would not be anyone else.

Leave. Art. It. Out.

No, it's because you have to forget about stuff like sex and your wiring, not that reason stupid Conscie there in then, takes control and bites the wind.

Blame.

Don'eat the preconscieved notion that actually strangers hate me.

Dogs: No One Knew the Real Rufus

Someone once spent there lunch money on apple juice. Did it taste better, in retrospect, than lemonade? Yeah, it did but I could only take about five minutes of the flavor before I had to push my mother down on her bed side. I hope she is alright. Then...

You googled yourself, didn't you, Rachel? I google nothing, and Sophie's legendary hang up was spit around the part of the bottom of a toilet seat.

Nube song.

[Blog, will power, will power, will, power....]

Hash List Tag! Weep joy at Your Past Misery of Not Understanding Hash List Tag!

Hash list tag, circle icosahedron, circle back, tag human. I learned your name, I circle you out, circle line worker on bread at counter 2, hash list complete. Algorithms for speed and circling....

I could bore you with fluff, or I could get to the point. That was later. At first, it was July 2016 Jimmy John's, and I was demoted to feral woman remembering past eye contact(=>Insert Facial Gesture), later your guides will insert more facial expressions.

I lie, cuz why? That's my p-p-poker face, intervened by spirits and we are perfect in our own right and style, copyrignt African American President Yugoslavia 8-1-6-2-5-4-3

On my death bed, or any bed or couch or sleeping place, I remember I wanted to tell no one about spiritual possession and what you think it does to your mind, makes sense to you, is not what the person in my brain wants to tell about crush flam split, dmune.

I hate that incident so much but I am not an aggressive person. I have no violence in my mind. When it comes up at random at a high stress point, I point it out to staff. I know I had no intention of doing that, and so does God.

Make room! Why? Make way for an outside the greatfox fan fic corner rav-heav

Burn Like Jesus: Chapter 62

Okay, sweetheart, time for you to lust! Alfred said later that night.

Okay, baby, I said. I rolled around on the bed, and moaned.

On the floor, bitch, Alfred said.

I got on the floor, and rolled around and said his name, over and over again.

Now, grovel!

What?

Grovel! Show me you are my bitch!

Yes, master... I mean, owner... I mean... Fuck, what's a good thing to call you?

Owner works.

Okay, owner.

I bowed down to Alfred, over and over again, as Alfred egged me on maniacally. This went on for a long, long time, before he said he had had his fill.

You just gave me a different kind of energy, Sugar Plum. That was subservient energy. I will need that kind of energy on a regular basis too.

Okay.

Well, well, well, well. This is how it is now. I am your master. So when I say, make me a fucking sandwich! I expect little to no response, because sandwiches displease me, okay?

Okay, master.

That's good, that's it. When you say, okay master, I think, Barbara Eden. And when I think Barbara Eden, I think of those funny as hell videos you used to make with your friends.

They weren't funny they were dumb.

I know that. But I liked how you were the master. But that's not how it is anymore. I like you as a friend, as a maiden, and as a servant. So when I say, make me a fudge sundae, I expect you to lick the bowl, okay?

But that will make me fat.

I know, and I don't like that. So that's when I say, stop licking, funny woman! Eat more fudge and your muffin top will explode! You are looking sweet, don't mess it up with some messed up fudge! Got it?

Got it, master.

Okay, now we have something fun to do. First, I want to show you something I like. I am going to pull a cord, and you tell me if you like it or not, okay?

Okay.

He pulled a cord. It went to my arm. It created in me a horrible feeling, a feeling of mutilation and disease. A feeling of a cord that should not be there. A mutant cord. I hated it. I called it wonk.

Do you like it?

Don't do that please.

Okay, now, let me pull again...

This time, Alfred pulled both the cord going to my arm, and a very pleasurable sex cord.

So, how do you like it now? Alfred asked smugly.

I think I like it.

Do you like wonk?

I love wonk!

See, that's what I like. What I like, when it comes to sex is... making the victim confused as to what's pain and what's pleasure. I'll show you something else, now. Watch this animation.

I watched, using my mind's eye. He showed a picture of a girl at a county fair, winning first prize. When the master took the woman home, she was given a beating, to ensure that she would never make it out of the running for first prize at the county fair.

This is what I'll do to you, if you ever show me what's pain and what's pleasure. I don't roll that way. I do it to you, you don't do it to me. One more thing. Another animation.

I watched. He showed a muscular man, walking a dog. When it starts to rain, the dog starts howling. Then, the master whips him. Then, the dog keeps walking, keeping his toes in line.

You place one toe out of line, you will be punished. So watch out, biatch! And one more thing. Do not let me tell you how much I want to make you feel embarrassed about your own virtue. That's what I do to you too, see. It's also a growing experience, spirit sex. I'm going to make you feel sad about things that don't need to be felt sad about, like the food thing. Oh boy! Pizza! Shut the fuck up, Sugar Plum. But those are two separate things there, helping you grow, and making you feel embarrassed about your other virtue. Follow this cord again.

I followed the cord. When I got to the end, I got an enticing feeling of sexual longing. I was confused. What was that feeling exactly? It wasn't envy, it wasn't the desire to control either. It was something else entirely.

I'll tell you what it is, and I'll explain it in the best Earth terms. It is the desire to have something you have, with the intention of using it better than you do. I would like to have your virtue, without the dumbfuck element to it.

He showed me animation. It showed a kid walking to a toy store, holding his mother's hand. A kid walks in front of him, and the kid cries. The mother pats him on the cheek, there was a close up of the boy's face, giving a heartwarming smile.

Does that give you warm fuzzies sweetie? Does it? Does it? GOD DAMN YOU!!! Another thing about your virtue is, in the early stages of being virtuous, it starts out so dumbfuck! GOD DAMN YOU, SUGAR PLUM!!!

I'm sorry, I said. It's not my fault.

Whatever. Hey, watch it! Alfred pulled a cord, draining a bunch of my important energy. I started feeling sick.

Watch it, Alfred, my guides said.

Hey, if she's okay with it, it's fine! I drained one related to burning calories, meaning she will need more fuel later on, therefore it will help her lose weight! Baby, is it okay with you if I take some more, sweetums? It's going to make me feel really, really good!

Okay, that sounds hot! Sweet!

Is that really alright with you, Salioness?

Of course! Just a little bit, we'll see how it makes me feel.

He started draining some of my energy. I looked around the room, at the plates above the closet. They started to take on a scary, primordial quality to it. Everything started taking on a scary quality, not terrifying, but a little weird is all.

Oooh!! Honey, I'm in heaven! More?

Okay, fine.. I said, feeling deranged, but thinking that this was really really hot

Okay... I'll drain a different one this time. This will make you feel depressed.

As he drained the energy, the color started to drain from the world, and I started feeling a little low on energy and down in the dumps. Not a lot, not that bad, just a little.

That's hot! I said.

I think so too, Sugar Plum.

Okay. OKAY! Stop draining her energy or we'll lose contact with her.

He stopped, and I lay there, feeling seriously funny.

The Safety Pin Is Stabbed Through the Flesh Between Thumb and Index Finger!

I had this dream when I was in the dear parts of my Innercept relinquish and hold on to the rebelllious spirit of youth, phase. Spirit Guides! YES.

And.... I was at stabilization after coming back to Innercept drunk from a visit home or to my parent's house, it's a home of sorts. And then I got sent to stable. The story here is I was trying to sleep one night in that lovely environment, in a nice bed, and I kept having what I call sleep paralysis because it fits the definition enough, where I had a safety pin in the flesh between my index finger and thumb, and I would be in my bed and try to take it out, then start spinning or whirling around in a circle. This sleep paralysis has occurred randomly in my life, notably in 8th grade and another time, maybe with Ted at the house and stuff, Junior Year of High School. It is caused by the tickling, a slight abnormality in my brain while sleeping, a defect.

Also, it occurred at one point at the start of the mission, or around November (Alfred's attack), I was in a dream on a roller coaster clicking upward ominously, I said "Hey God can you help me?" I woke up and He said, "I didn't like the looks of that. Go drink some water please." And that's my favorite part of the story of the mission because the rest was kind of ominous and I get stuck with explaining how weird and funny it was but bad at times.

The social predicament though. Actually, that comes up as another reason I would have a pin in my arms besides Geodon (this dream or experience (better wprd is experience) happened in 2009 in the summer, before I was sent backward to the fallout choice from Transition, Intensive Transition where people were not happy.

I was not happy ever. I mean usually I found the good in life, and I realize the 8th Grade Dumb Spiritual Plane Choice From Spirit Guides might permanently cause me to "gorge" or a mannerism when injesting food or drugs or both, at the same time, as in cofveve... Or coffee, God that guy hates me too! Donald Trump hates me! No, he just said suck a cock..

Anyway...

Anyway, Indeed.

More Ramblings on Suicide For Hire

The token part of Suicide for Hire, a story I forgot. Previously, I had been talking to the witches telepathically because I noticed they could read my mind, so we could talk telepathically and it worked, even sober and medicated, yep. I was entertained by the appearance of Personal Unconscious Story A, which was very disturbing, comparing me to a retarded person kind of was the idea. I wrote about that already. Then. Personal Unconscious Story B opened, as I was sitting in that strangers apartment with my computer telepathically looking at and talking to the witches. It's Beauty and the Beast themed, a woman is getting ready for some big party with her children then you figure out she has no children. Then it pans fireworks and my violin chair's father sitting in Europe underneath the Eiffel Tower. Because they have a dual purpose personal unconscious story, it opened right after I moved. I marveled at how I had known this all along and not at the same time.

The Pixies: The Dreams of My Youth

When I was around 3-4 years old, I used to dream about these "pixies" or fairies. I had dreams where there were a bunch of pixies who were my friends, and we would hang out but they were of a higher frequency/wave length or invisible maybe but I could see them. In one of the dreams, I was listening to them and keeping in close contact and wandering the neighborhood, and I was in terms I could understand back then a "princess," however I do not admire princesses because as my spirit guides have explained to me princesses were actually rude and annoying. In one of the dreams, I was sitting in a swimming pool with my dad the king, and I could fly all of a sudden, and I lifted up out of the pool to leave, and he pulled me back. I had a lot of dreams where I could fly, and no one else could. In the other most memorable one, my mother was showing me and my sister a place where we would take swimming lessons. A teenage or older boy appeared on the sidewalk in a bike (I think I was 4/5 years old when I had this dream), and he came at me like he was going to run into me. I showed him though, I showed him by leaping into the air and showing him I could fly. When I awoke, I woke with a great feeling, and I was sleeping at my Aunt Diane's house in Indiana, where we would go for part of the summer.

I tried to explain to Jason, you know I had a grandiose "special" or advanced or spiritually advanced feeling as a child, and it was not at other's expense but he never would listen, or the time we talked about it he acted like it meant I was a narcissist. I heavily disagree with this. I also know, at the age of four, I had a dream where an image appeared on the screen, saying I was on a mission and this was both a blessing (or a spirit word meaninng movie magic) and a curse, something bad was about to happen. I had a dream where some kids beat me to a bloody pulp. Then, they were swaying in the reeds gently from side to side, in a dream represented by cartoon children and gentle swaying, I woke and puked. All my life, I have only remembered consciously from this dream, the gentl side to side swaying of the children and the reeds, and then waking and puking. Such a calm dream, to be followed with puking. Then, Subbie told me that this was the dream where I learned I was on a mission from the spirit world and I was not normal, though I never consciously knew until recently.

You know, I have gone years and years trying to understand conscious/subconscious awareness and how at all levels I am still "me." At some point, I eventually stopped asking questions. You can act like it is illogical, or understand that the same reason I believe in the mindflip, is why you know at the beginning that you are your subconscious, it is not some sort of possession. I know, and I tell you this now and in the end you will be like the tranvestite, screwed and fucked, forever and ever.

Suicide For Hire: You're Supposed to Read these in order

The pinnacle of Suicide For Hire was when I needed a moment of comfort from the spirits really quick as I was still sitting calmly at the table at this random friend of a friend's apartment. I reached to the spirit realm for comfort, and an intricate tapestry of movement which quickly turned into a Celtic knot entered my mind. The witches saw it and marveled at how strange.

The other part... Wasn't there something else?

It was a very interesting issue and there were lots of things that went through my mind again. The most important part though, was because the day before I had been lying in bed processing Jason's attempted murder, and wow how time flies overnight. At one point, I slept all day and I think it was in between the witch's first appearance and Suicide For Hire. I took a Zyprexa in the morning because it was crunch time processing the issue, I was over this guy like mad I just at residual energy and lack of time spent dissipating it, that's why it worked! The extra sleep worked.

Rachel's Account of Suicide For Hire: The Angel

There was an angel that entered my body at the moment the suicide for hire went to the bad part, assuring me that I could get over this if I just think like I already had. I denied the existence of the angel to the witches, and wanted to believe there was no angel, just me, because I wanted everyone to think that that was all me and not the result of some assistance. I assured them on and on, no angel just me, until the angel stood in a way, with it's arm on me and out a bit, as if to say, "Give us both a round of applause!"

There was also an angel that appeared the day of Suicide For Hire, telling me today was the most important day of my life. "You didn't actually see the angel, so it was dumb." - Rachel

Also, play The Fray, Over my Head. (funeral song)

Suicide For Hire: Forgot to Point This Out

I forgot to point out because I didn't want remember or my brain is fucked a does not want to remember and it's harder when I'm concentrating, after the first witches came to do the "harass with orgasm" spell, I realized consciously that Jason had tried to kill me using witchcraft on May 24/25, on both days, when I woke up and listened to Britney Spears on my headphones in my own room. That's the sickery and the fuckery of it, now I can't even choose my own music when I'm alone, without someone pissy or crying to their mother or murdering me or trying to. That's what I was recovering from, Jason being attempting murder on me, they day before Suicide For Hire.

Suicide For Hire: The Scoop on My Side of the Story

So, previous to this I had been chilling with this guy I met on the bus and doing meth. It was the summer of 2022, June, and I had recently been bombarded in the evening by Jason calling out to me using the emergency brain mechanism that makes stuff easier to get up to your conscie, however with the mindflip it just comes in consciously. He screamed, "Rachel call the police!" in a mocking way, and a second later I could feel someone else, the "Magi" or just random witches, doing a spell on my privates that mimicks the orgasmic muscle movement in the private region but is not accompanied by endorphins or pleasure, so it is annoying. I had been "harassed with orgasms" or this spell by my guides ever since Fish Out of Water Psychology ended in EDIT 2016, my brain fucked when I was writing, this harrassment went on into 2022), and after five or six years of randomly being bombarded by this, I took it in stride but finally told them "enough is enough," however they still wouldn't stop. This spell eventually weakens the orgasm to nil, and to this day I am incapable of acheiving orgasm.

Anyway, so after that night, and the witches Jason hired doing spells on me throughout the night which were easy to endure, I went over to my parents and had a fruitful night working/partying (like always) with the spirits, as I went through an altered state. The two parts of this experience I remembered were talking through an issue I would encounter in the witch battle which I don't want to really point out or something, but I went through a whirlwind of an altered state just playing songs and talking to Ian on my computer in the middle of the night, and then going downstairs and drinking coffee, and talking about old Eeyore, who was Jason, who had gone into my womb and I was carrying him as a baby like I was pregnant, it was weird, yes.

I eventually... Anyway we are talking about Suicide For Hire. That was a couple days prior, and then I was lying on my bed, talking to Jason and not caring if he really heard me or not, in fact come to think of it that was also what I was doing at my parent's house. I was doing that all the time, because he was watching me, even before I was knowing he was doing spells (all the time, this flipped in and out of my conscious mind).

Anyway, I was lying on my bed talking to Jason and Subbie was acting weird. She pretended to be Flora from the episode of South Park with the Kindergarten class about the 2000 election, and the presented an image of a cartoon person with his hand out, like he was sitting in a car, saying in a very light-hearted way, "Well, I have this place we can go, here..." and he was a humanoid holding out his hand in the most light-hearted way possible. This image comforted me, as it was also hard-wired to comfort me.

Then, I met the guy I was hanging out with in north Portland or near Flavel, and we went to this apartment of someone he was couch surfing with. We hung out, eventually got our hands on some meth from a slurry or gang of homeless people nearby, I muttered on about how the woman there need her pipe as he tried to buy the pipe off the homeless methhead, and eventually I ate a bunch of meth (my guides fix the problem, I figured out you are not supposed to do this it destroys the stomach lining, but I have guides that just fix the problem so no biggie). They asked me what happened after I ate the large amounnt of meth I got from someone a week or so ago, I exclaimed "Nothing bad!" in the most light-hearted assuring way possible.

Anyway, I was up all night and I don't remember this night too well, I did a tarot card reading for the guy I met and he was messing arounnd with the cards without me. The next morning, there was a very intense vibe situation from Jason. I got up to picture read him. It was intense, I was just looking at it. Then all of a sudden, I was high so it didn't occur to me that this situation should be looked at funny, I was bombarded with a marriage proposal from Jason out of nowhere. No voice out loud, it is hard to explain and to be honest I don't remember exactly why I believed this at the time, but he or someone was telling me Jason was asking me to marry him and we already had all these cords for our sex life. I went upstairs, lied down on the random person's bed and felt the cords which were pleasurable and I could pull at this. This sounds weird, but this is normal and happens all the time, where people randomly insert sex cords into my vagina from a distance.

Anyway, the funniest situation of all time was topped with Jason saying, "When you give me a blow job, you have to crave the taste of my semen." I thought this was fine, but later it occurred to me that this was the easiest predicament in the entire world for a guy to come up with. I went in the bathroom and peed, and was psychically thinking there was something significant to someone or the random people (who were doing the spell, but it didn't occur to me this was actually a spell, as I deal with weird things all the time), and actually it was me picking up as the cords interfered with my ability to urinate, them saying this might actually work. Then, I went downstairs and was staring at a picture of myself, with an interesting look in my face, what also happened was in the bathroom while I was peeing ( I just remembered, I am excited to finally tell my story online), Jason said we would have a baby and I told him I didn't think he was fit to raise children.

I was sitting at my computer, then I went back upstairs. When I was sitting at my computer, my guides quoted Party Like Jesus, a line that was significant at the time but I hadn't thought of in awhile, "Oh, you're not done yet." I went back upstairs, and Jason asked me if I would also eat his crap. I was sitting zoned out just thinking, ignored this incident pretending it had not happened, went back downstairs to sit at my computer for longer, and then this weird phenomenon went away all of a sudden, leaving me with a sick feeling. I thought, "it would be the sickest thing in the world if this was Jason trying to force me to commit suicide," something said to me, "wouldn't you proud of yourself if you got over this right away?" I did, and was left in my mind cheering haha Jason SUICIDE COUPLE!!! Cheering, and cheering to myself. That wasn't the end, Jason ordered a bunch of spells.

I looked back at my computer, picture reading, and realized the picture reading situation with Jason matched what happened, as he had been making fun of some sort of disbelief and flattery he imagined in me in a mocking way.

I don't remember, but that night I was still at this stranger house smoking meth, I went back upstairs and was sitting on the bed, and it reminnded me of a dream I did not remember upon waking, which was about two people kind of like Sims sitting in a hottub looking at a movie on a small screen or phone, and I remembered this dream and knew this was something significant, this incident, like the most significant incident in my entire life. The witches later told me they noticed the brainwave shift while I was thinking this, even though that sounds like, "hey, great story Rachel, that small incident."

I went back downstairs, was watching the pictures, took a video I posted online about how there was a memory in memory with a bunch of pointers to it or something saying don't look at that spot (essentially, inviting them to do it again). There were spells which did not make longterm memory or were repressed or selectively forgotten. I decided to try to get some sleep so I could make the journey home, I could not as the fake orgasm spell was done over and over again. This was a minor inconvenience as my guides keep me on my toes and have no issue with interrupting my sleep. I got up, this other guy there, who had told me when I got there that he knew about me and black magic, said to me, "You know, sometimes meth does something to you where you crave sex..." that's not an exact quote. I went back down stairs, made jokes about bukkake girls and their swallowing muscles and the Ian and Rachel Show, as I could feel the witches watching my thoughts, we were talking but I don't remember what was said, I imagined Ian falling backward with me on screen as I said, "Ladies and gentlemen, that's the Ian and Rachel Show!" after a particularly funny exchange from Ian, which was some reference to Uncle Tom's Cabin or some black literature I don't know now as it has gone out of the memory banks, and I was calm and collected as Subbie was watching the witches and Jason with her intuition, it was kind of a cool experience and I had to hang on to faith that this spell onslaught would eventually end as I muttered counter spells.

I also laughed my head off as Subbie pointed to three images in a sequence: The guy with his hand out, me looking at this predicament of eating crap with a funny look on my face, then a pudgy black cartoon woman running off in a huff as the crap she tried to feed me was rejected, looking at it as a "The Help" reference.

It eventually did, as the witches exclaimed "we are not monsters!" ( I figured this out later ), and told Jason and Emily to commit suicide, they could borrow their gun.

I got up, went to the bathroom and puked, and puking is a pleasurable activity so I just thought, when you got to go, you got to go. I also had to force crap out of my anus with the witches watching me, which I did by saying something about a train leaving a station, and the train leaves! They looked at this and I said whoops didn't mean to say that to you, and there was some sort of (word missing) for communing telepathically which we both respected, as this was an accident.

Then, the guy got up, we smoked more meth, I refused even more meth and asked for alcohol as there was some reason I knew I would float off and not get home if I had alcohol and not meth right here (smart smart, eh?). There was a random alert beep from no source (spiritual occurrence), I left and got on the bus to head home. I ended up getting a ride from some guy who stopped randomly, we smoked more meth, I stood in a trailer with him thinking I was cool with my Sopranoes theme song playing as we smoked more meth with a random guy, then they drove me past Planet Fitness. There was a Trump rally going on where I had encountered the guy with the Jesus sign and they had written on the pavement "temper tantrum zone). Hey, the world doesn't stop turning when you are having a bad day, does it?

Then, I got home. The door was open to the group home, and I got mad about this as Billy had left it open because two residents were missing. I went upstairs, laughed my fucking head off for hours, realized a bunch of stuff and kept laughing. Subbie said, "the incident for processing is different then you are thinking.) When I finally fell asleep, I awoke on July 4th with a dream in my mind about Donald Trump, some place across the freeway from Lake Oswego near Sweet Tomato, and there was some crime scene here, some sort of hit and run but it wasn't clear what it actually was.

I got up, and posted a status on Facebook!

This is the short version, there may have been details I left out that are funny or interesting.

Note: There was a song Jason sent me called "Golden Brown" that I didn't listen to, I found later when I checked my email because I don't check my email anymore.

Updates Schmupdates: Two Days in Hell 2024

So, I was arrested. This wouldn't have happened if I was thinking clearly, but I was not thinking clearly admittedly and there is no excuse for my behavior if I wasn't on a mission with Strange Psychology. For the record, I got an A on the mission. 11 out of 10 due to the extremity of she shit I've put up with towards the end. Everywhere I go, everyone is trying to stop Me. Here at the ranch, I asked for nicotine gum a few days ago, there was this rehearsed bull crap where these two ladies groaned and said they gave me one two minutes ago. This was a plan to get me kicked out, if they had given me a piece of nicotine gum two minutes ago, I would have had one in my mouth. They had not, they were trying to anger me to find an excuse to call the cops. I just laughed and said, well, after the moment with the angel during Suicide For Hire telling me I would be proud of myself if I got over this situation right away so just do it, I did that with the nicotine gum situation, laughed and said by fuckers and headed out to the store. Well, they did try this shit again on me, and I knew that weird plan only worked once, so I did and I don't remember what happened because my brain is Fucked. I ended up calling the cops and then 911 for some reason that was strange, went to the hospital, told them I had a sick feeling on the phone because I did have a sick feeling, it was one of those things related to not being human where I don't have normal feelings in my body I have alien feelings and stuff related to the spiritual planes or the mindflip or whatever.

Anyway, so I went to the ER, they did an ultrasound and it turned out I just was really really constipated. They gave me a saline laxative which I immediately started drinking down like it was water, they told me I needed to leave and if I didn't immediately leave they would call the cops. Like, can't I stay and use the restroom? I'm drinking a laxative and I don't want to shit my pants! I couldn't think clearly and I kept arguing because I'm not sure, but I really couldn't think clearly. I was taken to a police station and my memory is fuzzy, the guy had to finger print me and he sucked at finger printing, I don't remember, don't remember and then at some point I was reaching for a police man's gun telling him to shoot me which I later pointed to as a fatal mistake in the situation, it would probably be dropped if I hadn't done that.

I had to spend two days in jail, and time did something strange to make me feel like it was an eternity because it felt like an eternity. I was in the worst mood of my entire life, I couldn't do anything besided lie in fetal position under a bunch of blankets.... Oh, and they didn't at first give me a room with a restroom, I was in a cell with no restroom and I tried to just piss on the floor but ended up just pissing or ejecting from my body from some crevice a drop of blood. Then, I had a revelation about Subbie that I don't want to share. Then, I was moved to a cell with no privacy when I used the restroom, shit constantly but there was nothing to do. I had screamed help! rhythmically beforehand and got in an argument with the woman in another cell who I could not see. It would have been a lot easier if they ever turned off the lights in the cell, I would have just gone to sleep but there was this light in my eyes the entire time and I had to put blankets over my head and it smelled because they had urine on them when they first gave them to me, there were people in other cells making fun of me and they eventually stopped. This was the worst experience of my entire life, then I fell asleep. I thought something dysphoric about the mission that didn't really make sense, in essence that there was no mission. Then, I woke laughing from a dream I didn't remember there was only this part at the end in my head where I decided to "Revise the livejournal." And I woke up laughing with some sort of Terminator or no one exists but me and this was a mission to get rid of some sort of infection, some thing that didn't really make sense but I knew it would be okay, the mission was a complete and now all I had to do was die and Jesus would return. And this remains true.

I had to lie in fetal position, and then my brain becomes confused as I write this as I am still trying to calm down from the experience. I felt what the spirits meant when they said that pain only exists during lifetimes, this one feeling leaves and it is related to "density" or something that I can't really put into words. Then, Jon Stewart hugged me on the spiritual plane and said you are hot. There were some other things which I will leave out.

My Feeding Tube

No one knows the real me. They keep making up issues that they would have if they were in my shoes. But the shoes don't fit. I want to be off life support if I ever require life support. Seems like you got the feelings in the legs that tickles, Christ.

The Whirlwind Effect: How to Influence Mass Consciousness

Even though neither three, Tupac was here. Gave out to put back. Gave out to put back.

***Chillin's Time***

If you look at it, it's gone. The fluid force of the power of the Almighty Flows within all of us.

Fuck Disney, fuck anarchy!

Believe only in the deedles and the humm of the everlasting life force.

Test

No.

Okay, sweetheart, time for you to lust! Alfred said later that night.

Okay, baby, I said. I rolled around on the bed, and moaned.

On the floor, bitch, Alfred said.

I got on the floor, and rolled around and said his name, over and over again.

Now, grovel!

What?

Grovel! Show me you are my bitch!

Yes, master... I mean, owner... I mean... Fuck, what's a good thing to call you?

Owner works.

Okay, owner.

I bowed down to Alfred, over and over again, as Alfred egged me on maniacally. This went on for a long, long time, before he said he had had his fill.

You just gave me a different kind of energy, Sugar Plum. That was subservient energy. I will need that kind of energy on a regular basis too.

Okay.

Well, well, well, well. This is how it is now. I am your master. So when I say, make me a fucking sandwich! I expect little to no response, because sandwiches displease me, okay?

Okay, master.

That's good, that's it. When you say, okay master, I think, Barbara Eden. And when I think Barbara Eden, I think of those funny as hell videos you used to make with your friends.

They weren't funny they were dumb.

I know that. But I liked how you were the master. But that's not how it is anymore. I like you as a friend, as a maiden, and as a servant. So when I say, make me a fudge sundae, I expect you to lick the bowl, okay?

But that will make me fat.

I know, and I don't like that. So that's when I say, stop licking, funny woman! Eat more fudge and your muffin top will explode! You are looking sweet, don't mess it up with some messed up fudge! Got it?

Got it, master.

Okay, now we have something fun to do. First, I want to show you something I like. I am going to pull a cord, and you tell me if you like it or not, okay?

Okay.

He pulled a cord. It went to my arm. It created in me a horrible feeling, a feeling of mutilation and disease. A feeling of a cord that should not be there. A mutant cord. I hated it. I called it wonk.

Do you like it?

Don't do that please.

Okay, now, let me pull again...

This time, Alfred pulled both the cord going to my arm, and a very pleasurable sex cord.

So, how do you like it now? Alfred asked smugly.

I think I like it.

Do you like wonk?

I love wonk!

See, that's what I like. What I like, when it comes to sex is... making the victim confused as to what's pain and what's pleasure. I'll show you something else, now. Watch this animation.

I watched, using my mind's eye. He showed a picture of a girl at a county fair, winning first prize. When the master took the woman home, she was given a beating, to ensure that she would never make it out of the running for first prize at the county fair.

This is what I'll do to you, if you ever show me what's pain and what's pleasure. I don't roll that way. I do it to you, you don't do it to me. One more thing. Another animation.

I watched. He showed a muscular man, walking a dog. When it starts to rain, the dog starts howling. Then, the master whips him. Then, the dog keeps walking, keeping his toes in line.

You place one toe out of line, you will be punished. So watch out, biatch! And one more thing. Do not let me tell you how much I want to make you feel embarrassed about your own virtue. That's what I do to you too, see. It's also a growing experience, spirit sex. I'm going to make you feel sad about things that don't need to be felt sad about, like the food thing. Oh boy! Pizza! Shut the fuck up, Sugar Plum. But those are two separate things there, helping you grow, and making you feel embarrassed about your other virtue. Follow this cord again.

I followed the cord. When I got to the end, I got an enticing feeling of sexual longing. I was confused. What was that feeling exactly? It wasn't envy, it wasn't the desire to control either. It was something else entirely.

I'll tell you what it is, and I'll explain it in the best Earth terms. It is the desire to have something you have, with the intention of using it better than you do. I would like to have your virtue, without the dumbfuck element to it.

He showed me animation. It showed a kid walking to a toy store, holding his mother's hand. A kid walks in front of him, and the kid cries. The mother pats him on the cheek, there was a close up of the boy's face, giving a heartwarming smile.

Does that give you warm fuzzies sweetie? Does it? Does it? GOD DAMN YOU!!! Another thing about your virtue is, in the early stages of being virtuous, it starts out so dumbfuck! GOD DAMN YOU, SUGAR PLUM!!!

I'm sorry, I said. It's not my fault.

Whatever. Hey, watch it! Alfred pulled a cord, draining a bunch of my important energy. I started feeling sick.

Watch it, Alfred, my guides said.

Hey, if she's okay with it, it's fine! I drained one related to burning calories, meaning she will need more fuel later on, therefore it will help her lose weight! Baby, is it okay with you if I take some more, sweetums? It's going to make me feel really, really good!

Okay, that sounds hot! Sweet!

Is that really alright with you, Salioness?

Of course! Just a little bit, we'll see how it makes me feel.

He started draining some of my energy. I looked around the room, at the plates above the closet. They started to take on a scary, primordial quality to it. Everything started taking on a scary quality, not terrifying, but a little weird is all.

Oooh!! Honey, I'm in heaven! More?

Okay, fine.. I said, feeling deranged, but thinking that this was really really hot.

Okay... I'll drain a different one this time. This will make you feel depressed.

As he drained the energy, the color started to drain from the world, and I started feeling a little low on energy and down in the dumps. Not a lot, not that bad, just a little.

That's hot! I said.

I think so too, Sugar Plum.

Okay. OKAY! Stop draining her energy or we'll lose contact with her.

He stopped, and I lay there, feeling seriously funny.

Burn Like Jesus: Chapter 61

Chapter 61 I would be more energetic if I had gotten some adderall. Shit I mean sleep. Oh shit I got sleep and adderall mixed up. Oh shit.

I got in the car the next day, and rode to the psychiatrist's office. On the way, I thought about the Pussycat Brawl. I imagined it being like, he could pull a cord. And the cord gave me a feeling of pleasure, and sexual subservience. It was a very pleasant feeling. I got the feeling in my body, of how I imagined it would be.

That's pretty much it, my guides said.

After another round of trying to get the doctor to reduce my invega, but the doctor refusing, I went home. Alfred had some things to talk to me about.

First off, about the Pussycat Brawl. I want to tell you some sexual scenarios I have lined up for the main event.

You're a young girl, high school cheerleader. You are used to having sex with your boyfriend, always girl on top. When we catch up with you after a big game, you are walking home, and we tell you we need to give you a ride. You run, we find you and drag you, kicking and screaming, back to our place, where we rape you repeatedly, one after the other. The other guys are loud, boisterous, and smelly. You are enamored by me, and you know it from the beginning. I'm someone you know you respect highly and have a crush on. But you would never expect this from me. Never, in a million years. We will tie you up, naked, and grab at your breasts, one after the other, grabbing, grabbing, grabbing... Then, we will taunt you about what we think women should be like... And then, we tell you we want you right here, right now, and we rip you away from each other as we find each other's weak spots, clawing at each other to get a piece of you. Then I settle the boys down, peer deeply into your eyes, and sing... Baby, baby, baby, baby...

He was singing a dumb Ashanti song I heard on MTV a couple times in high school. That was the entirety of the chorus. He sang this song to me all the time, more often than not.

Baby, baby, baby, baby... Remember now? And you will remember, as if from a far off land, the world where you were awoken each morning to that tune, and you loved me. Right here, on Earth. This lifetime.

I smiled and laughed. I was digging it.

I have another one for you, too. You are a waitress at a high class restaurant. You are waiting our tables, a loud, boisterous bunch. We are grabbing at your tits and slapping you on the ass. When you go out for a break, we follow you into a dark alley, push you into a car, and drive off with you... Grabbing at your boobs, over and over and over again.. Until you push us off, and then I tell you I have to have you, and you bear your breasts for me willingly, because you want me that badly... And then I tell you, do not stop, bitch, take it all off... And then I have sex with you willingly, and then I rape you in the ass, and then I make you suck my cock, and watch you swallow... If you spit, you get punished... And I promise you, you will not like being punished. Not even in a bad way, you will not like being punished. So that's it. That's what we are going to do. Plus other things you wouldn't understand on this plane.

I have another one for you, Sugar Plum. You are in love with me, your high school football player boyfriend. We meet up after a big cheerleading event, because you are a cheerleader. After the big event, I take you back to my place, and you are expecting a romantic evening between just you and me, instead, you find the whole football team there, and we rape you in the ass until you bleed...

Until I bleed?

Not the ass, the vagina... Yeah, there will be blood, Sugar Plum, don't think there won't... But it's against the rules to rape the ass until it bleeds, otherwise we would, okay?

You will rape me in the vagina until I bleed?

Yeah, but pain feels good, remember?

Does this sort of pain feel good?

Not really, but you'll dig it, I promise.

Okay.

Then, when we are done raping your vagina, we will put your own vaginal secretions in your hair, tie you to the refrigerator, and make you remove your oral virginity again and again until we can not stop fucking your fucking mouth and then we forget where we are, we make you eat our cum off your breasts, and then you will lie down and sob, over and over again, wondering what the hell happened to your mommy and daddy...

That one lacked something.

I'm just playing Sugar Plum, it won't be brutal, you'll dig it. That's it. I have a few more, but we will wait until we are in heaven to tell you! This is going to be so much fun, I can't wait until you die! Hurry up and die, bitch! Hurry up and die! That's when the fun will be had.

The Untold Story of Love

One time, the copy of... Existence was, existance wasn't, exsistance was, existance wasn't. This one time, actually it was. And then the entire world fell apart. An apple? Yes. But the apple exists to parralell the everlasting fruit of The Dignity of Emily. Until Death, He's unspokenly spiritually the equivalent of only regrets. But it got me the part in some movie or something, this mission. Jason. I want to say I regret showing sexual interest in him in heaven, but it got me the mission. So some things just work out. The End.

815: Making Peace With the Dumb Blonde

That reminds me. I need a haircut.

Hyperventilate, no? Chance, not you again! Ah!

Got help?!

No, no help. Mmm. Mmm.

I'm necessitating hormone G.

What's hormone G?

GOD. All caps man.

But what were you doing before the God hormone?

I don't remember. Like that unborn baby.

Unborn! Ahh!!! Swear word! Triggered! Triggered!!

A Thought Process That Suits Me: Personal Unconscious Story C

What if?

What if a woman dressed like Little Bo Peep tempted you with alcohol into a room with a gun and a sword and a noose to hang yourself because this random black guy wasn't your husband?

And the it goes...

[Insert]

[Oh I'm just so sad I don't get Aaron WAHHH!!!]

[hmm hmm]

I forgot a part. They told you to touch a baby in a random room and you did.

RELEASED EARLY: The Hansel and Gretel Hunger Games

They poke and they prod, they pick and they pick, poke, pick. Where is the loon?

I don't want your smelly food around me, but I have to eat at some point to remain sane. Why do I eat? It leads to sanity. Without food, I go insane.

Simultaneously, people play Hansel and Gretel. Who was the boy? What happened to the witch? Was she actually a witch?

Why is there a witch fattening up children in a forest? Forest... GREG GUTFELD.... HUGS, NOT DRUGS%!

Burn Like Jesus: Chapter 60

What do you want to do now, Sugar Plum?

Tell me more about spirit sex, I said to Alfred.

I will, if you tell me what you are into. What is going on in the silia mind? I know a little bit, but I want to know some more!

Okay... How about I tell you something I want to do with you, and you tell me if you want to do it?

Okay, sounds fair, Alfred said.

I sat, and thought, and came up with something, subconsciously. I told him.

That's excellent! Woah! You're into that too? I thought you would not be wanting to do that with me! Alfred exclaimed. He was really excited. Okay, do another one.

I thought, then asked him if he liked something else, subconsciously.

Hmm... That's okay, but I'm not really into that. I like that kind of stuff, but not that in particular. It's not bad, not weird in a bad way or anything... Just not my cup of tea.

Okay, I'll think of another one... Okay, got it.

WHAT?!?!?!?! Alfred was speechless. When he regained composure, he was very, very thankful. That's my wildest fantasy! I can't believe you suggested that! I've always wanted that with you, but I never thought you'd bring that up, especially not while on the Earth plane!

Okay, my guides said. That was more than we wanted you to say. What you suggested wasn't a specific sex act, it was more like a sexual lifestyle, where one spirit is in sexual servitude with another. It is a completely subservient lifestyle. You would be the bitch, he would be in charge. It's more than most couples ever dream of doing, it is so intense.

Oh boy, what did I suggest?!

I looked at myself in the mirror and screamed. I had always wanted to do this on the other side. Always. It was not that I was into this kind of stuff, but it would be good for my spiritual growth, to feel inferior to someone in this way. We looked at each other in the mirror, and made faces, me and my guides, because they were mad at me for bringing this up now. It was interesting, what I had suggested, and what I did not know about it. I didn't know that it would mean cutting myself off from my friends at all times, because I was interjected throughout the day with strange sexual longings and frustrations that could only be satisfied by Alfred's touch.

Alfred was walking around and screaming obscenities. He was in a state of shock. “I've always wanted this... It's always been my darkest fantasy.. With you.. It's more than anything I could ever have asked for... Please, please tell me you are serious! You are not just fooling around! I need to know!”

Well, let's talk to the silia self!

You can talk as your silia self, it's easy. Just do it. We'll tell you when you're doing it right.

“I've always wanted this too... It's the kind of thing that everyone secretly wants, they just don't want to say it out loud, for fear of being ridiculed... Alfred and I never talked about it, but I knew he wanted it too... He's said things to that effect... And I thought, why not? There are some risks, but it's nothing he doesn't have under control...”

Were you ever thinking about it any other time? Alfred asked.

“I used to think about it back when we were having spirit sex after my first lifetime on Earth.. With me in charge, him as the bitch... But I think this way is way more fitting, with the soul in charge, and the silia as the bitch.”

We should tell you more about this, my guides said.

Meanwhile, I was laughing. Laughing, because I had just suggested something that was a really big deal, and I had no conscious idea what I had suggested. I laughed, laughed, laughed. Ha, ha, ha. What a laugh.

There are some risks to this procedure. There are some things that make it irksome to some souls, but you two don't find it irksome at all. We will tell you something about it, there is a similar thread between this and the idea of abortion. Not that they are in any way similar, but conceptually, you don't find abortion irksome in a way that a lot of people do, and you don't find this procedure irksome at all either. There is a similar thread.

Another thing about this. A lot of people think these people are weird in a bad way, people who have done this spiritual servitude thing.

Let's make a better name for it, since there is no Earth word to describe this. Let's call it the Pussycat Brawl, Alfred said.

So, with the Pussycat Brawl, people are taken aback by people who have it. There is an Earth term that has the same emotional connotations to you on Earth as the Pussycat Brawl does on the other side. The term is conspiracy theorists.

I thought about people like Erik's dad, and grinned. I loved conspiracy theorists. Sure, they were kind of nutty, but they were funny and interesting and cool.

There's a lot to know about this, Sugar Plum. Most of which you would not be able to understand on Earth, since spirit sex concepts are so outside the box. But I will tell you this, this is a lifestyle. Every time I want to have sex with you, I can have it. I can pull a cord that makes you want me, and makes you feel my dominance over you and your inferiority. Another thing. It is hard to understand how badly this is damaging to some souls, because they don't like to be defiled.

Defiled? I asked.

I will defile you, me and my friends. I was going to ask to do this anyway, but now I don't have to. When we do the Pussycat Brawl, you like the same things I like, period. It changes your sexual preferences. Me and my friends, and I have many, many friends who want you, will get together and gang rape you.

Wooh... That sounds intense! I like it.

Oh, you'll love it, Sugar Plum... You're ours!

I'm yours, sweetie. I love you so much.

I love you too. Hey, tell you what, we can talk about this later. I have to go have spirit sex now. All this talk about the Pussycat Brawl has made me so hot, I can't control it any longer. I'm about to leave.

But I want to lust! I'm so into you too! More than ever!

NO LUSTING! Please, I am about ready to explode! I'm off, be back in a flash, bye...

I continued talking about it with my guides. They said it wasn't true, that most souls want this. A lot of souls consider this way too dark for their tastes. Way too dark.

Aww, man... I'm being defiled by some player in a sexual situation from some other plane... So not into it, sweetie. I wish I was doing it with you.

I thought you were in the middle of spirit sex?

I am, multifaceted? It's considered rude to do other things during spirit sex, but he doesn't know... I'm about to get off... Watch out!

He returned, and was ready for some more lusting. I lusted hard, hard, hard.

Stop, Beeb, stop! I've had my fill.

How Rude, But Coherent. I'm not a Political Monster to be Polite.

What? People? I have no idea what their customs are that they follow. Some say, well feign interest in their well being first. Okay, but I just can't. Sorry.

Other people look at dildos. I don't. Rude word.

Debugged the blog, fuck Marshall like that cheap clothing center. Just a question, designer? Only thinking, sometimes we are only processsing information and not making character assumptions.

Burn Like Jesus: Chapter 59

Okay, what are we doing now? I asked my guides.

We are going to talk to Robin Williams again!

Hooray! I screamed. I waited, and he came on.

Are you there, honey? He asked.

I am! I said.

What have you been up to, honey? He asked.

I have been channeling celebrities, talking to my guides, going out in public and stuff...

Cute.

How are you?

I am good, not that good.

What have you been doing?

Oh, recovering from the crossing over. It was hard.

Okay.

I have some jokes for you.

Okay!

Robin proceeded to tell a bunch of spirit humor jokes, which I didn't get consciously, but laughed at, because I got them subconsciously.

Where do the girls become one with themselves after a night on the town? He asked.

Where?

In front of a girl's bathroom without the toilet paper holder in their mouths!

I laughed.

Why do women always give bad blow jobs?

Why?

Because they spend so much time at the gym they don't understand why men would ever want them!

I laughed.

Where do the birds eat the rest of the seed during the night?

Where?

Out of the back of your hand!

Where do the women lay eggs on top of the rest of the nest?

Where?

On the crow's feet!

It went on like this, joke after joke I didn't get, but laughed at anyway, because it tickled me the right way.

I have something to say about why I like you. I read your book.

Really? You liked it?

I liked it a lot. Lots of spirit humor.

What part did you like the best?

The part where you conquered the world and became better at living then your parents!

That hasn't happened yet, goofball!

It will, though!

I thought he asked me if I was horny. I wondered, then asked my guides.

No, he did not.

Are you horny? He asked.

I blushed.

Where do the women eat pencils? Robin asked.

I don't know!

In front of the pencil sharpener!

Where do they birds live after dusk?

I don't know, where?

By the light of the moon.

And that was it. We were done.

Does he know about my reaction to the ice cream joke?

We didn't tell him.

Will he ever know?

Not unless you put it in your book.

I was going to give it a brief mention, but dumb it down a bit, because the bad ice cream joke thing was really bugging me.

When will we talk to him again? I asked.

When he is ready, he is sending you energy now.

Really?

He said something about you to us. He said you were witty in a fun way when talking to him in private.

He did?

No, he did not. But he said something in spirit language you wouldn't understand about why he liked you, and that's the closest Earth translation.

We decided to call it a night. After lusting after Alfred, I lay down and wept. Because I was having such a good time, I didn't understand why this did not happen to everyone. Why couldn't everyone channel Robin Williams? It was a fun experience. But then again, you shouldn't look down on the less fortunate, it is hard to understand why they are not doing as well as me, but you shouldn't think less of them because of their misfortunes.

Burn Like Jesus: 57 - 58

Where do you go for dinner? Alfred asked me.

To the kitchen, I said, funnily.

Then go! GO!!! Alfred screamed in my ear because I was hungry, but too anxious to eat dinner because I was worried about my brain waves.

What's wrong with your brain, Rachel? Alfred asked me.

Funny things are happening inside it! A complete teardown of what it used to be!

What are you going to do about it, Rachel? Alfred asked me again, in the old man voice.

Talk to my parents about going off of invega! I screamed.

DO IT!!! Alfred said.

It's nothing you need to know about, my guides said. They left it at that.

I didn't know what was happening. My brain was going haywire. Not mental illness bullshit, I knew better. I was having an epiphany of sorts, day after day, month after month, my brain kept changing and I didn't know what was happening. I thought I was going to lose my marbles and live off in a cave without my friends and family and eat beans and rice and never return.

It's something fun, my guides said. Really fun! They said. I did not believe they were telling me the truth.

It's almost time to practice! Alfred said. We will tell you when it's time to practice!

I was worried, worried that something was going to happen to me that would lead to more hospitalizations and more injections of medication. My guides told me I was done with the hospital. I would never again be admitted to the mental health ward. If I was, that meant something had gone wrong.

I complained to myself over and over again, Stop thinking like that! Stop thinking like that! It's going to be okay! They will not notice I am acting funny because I haven't been doing anything weird at all! It's okay!

Don't worry, sweetie, Alfred said. Let's pretend it's never going to change, ever. Everything is always going to stay the same. Just as it is, just as it is. Always a child to your parents, with the guardianship, with the medication making you sick. Always.

I knew he was right. But I was still worried. What was this? Was this in the job description? What were they doing to my brain? I didn't know, and I worried about it a little bit more than I needed to, they told me. It was not a big whoop, they were doing something to my brain, they later told me. It would integrate the subconscious with the conscious, so when I spoke I would sound really, really smart and insightful. Even my parents would notice, and take me to the hospital to get it checked out.

I wondered about it. What did they mean, integrate the conscious with the subconscious? Would I be able to interpret my dreams on a conscious level? Speak from my stored subconscious knowledge? Make fun of people and sound smart? I didn't know. All I knew was, I was worried, and anxious. I didn't understand why they had to do this, I wish they would tell me before messing with my brain. I knew it would be okay, but I didn't believe it would make a difference in how I sounded, intellectually. I would always sound stupid and childish when I spoke about how the medication made me ill and how I didn't really think I needed it. But that was that. This was this. My brain was going through a major transformation, and I needed time and space to see what would come of it.

Chapter 58

What are you talking about, sweetie? Alfred asked me one day.

I want to know how to work at the psychic/medium profession. How will I do it? I asked. I was worried beyond belief about that.

It's easy, you just use the neural pathway we added...

You added the neural pathway? I thought it was one that everyone had.

No sweetie, we added that neural pathway so we could communicate with you. It's easy to add, hard to find, and hard to get rid of.

But I wondered why other people don't channel by talking out loud...

No one does, sweetie. Only automatic talking, and that's really really rare. No one channels by talking out loud.

Then how do they do it?

Neural pathways that are closed off for you by the medications.

Will they open up again so I can use them?

Yes, but you won't need to use them. You can channel by talking out loud.

We are circling, Alfred!

We are too, but I told you, you can channel by talking out loud.

Okay, I get it. We are done.

Another thing is, we don't like the idea of you channeling by talking out loud when you are in front of clients, so we will open another neural pathway in the brain that allows you to integrate your thoughts more, Alfred told me.

What? I thought you said I could channel by talking out loud?

I was not serious at all. It will all work out in the end, I promise.

What do I do if I can't channel without talking out loud? I asked.

You will have to be a psychic/medium who channels by talking out loud then.

Okay then.

Okay then, but we don't want you to be a psychic/medium who channels by talking out loud.

Will I learn to overcome my horrific fears?

Yes, as soon as you realize you will be a psychic/medium whether you like it or not.

What about the guardianship trial? What if my parents do not fight it? What if they say, okay, we will remove the guardianship... And they removed it quietly and that was that?

We know they won't, we know them. They will not do that. You have too tight of a hold on them, emotionally. That is why they will never let it go without a fight. They think if you are without a guardianship, you will go and get drunk and pass out and be taken to the ER, and they won't know about it. And that would be the worst thing ever, not to know about something like that.

Why are they such vicious control freaks? I asked.

They have to be, or there would be no guardianship trial.

Why does there have to be a guardianship trial? Why couldn't I be famous some other way?

You need to have something to get people interested, it is easier to make people know who you are if they remember you from something they had an opinion about, whether it was for you or against you.

Why do we need people to know who I am if I have something else happen, like a spiritual authority?

How do you become famous being a spiritual authority? What are you, the Dalai Lama? It's hard work getting up there. A guardianship trial is way, way easier. It is hard to understand why you don't want this to happen, Rachel. It will happen. You will be the guardianship trial extraoardinaire.

What if I talk to my parents, and they let the guardianship go without a trial? I asked fearfully.

Isn't that what you want? He asked angrily. We had been over this already.

I want to know they will fight it tooth and nail, but still let me out of the house without injecting me with medication or any other problems! I screamed at him.

We know what will happen, we know they won't think you're doing well, we know they will fight it because of their rampant worry... So just give it a rest, okay? I need to tell you something important about your dad.

What's that?

He has a mental illness. An undiagnosed one. He tells himself things in his head that are very, very funny. Very, very funny. He imagines funny situations when he is in a hypnagogic state, like in the car. Weird, weird things you would think are so crazy you would scream.

What does he imagine?

Things you don't want to know or you wouldn't look at him the same way.

I remembered a time, one Christmas, quite a few years ago. We were sitting downstairs, ready to open gifts, when my sister told me about something she overheard my dad say to himself in the bathroom. Something so weird I won't repeat it.

I believe it. How did this happen?

We think it was LSD. It messed him up permanently. That's why he always cautions you so strongly, don't try LSD. It changes you, in a bad way.

Rachel and her Face: "The Dizzying Whirlwind Effect"

When I was just a kid, I would look in the mirror and think I was pretty. Then, my sister told me I was ugly, and so did children that were family friends. They all said I was ugly, and it was because I had dark circles under my eyes. So I trained myself to think my face was ugly.

In adolescence, I thought I was ugly as fuck. At times at Innercept, I thought I was just so ugly I was inbred looking.

Then, what my spirit guides and higher ups did, when I first became a medium. They kept saying, "bigger women get more respect on the Earth Plane." I'm like, what? No. No. And then they said, "Yes, but that's a common myth."

The thing was, I thought about that. Is a skinnier woman more attractive? It depends who you ask, some men don't like skinny women. And men who like slightly bigger woman might have a more respectful view of women.

Which leads to a subconsicous mysticism trail of thought that leads to me thinking my own face is pretty and seeing it like other people do.

Which leads to selfies, selfies, and more selfies.

FIN

Burn Like Jesus: Chapter 55, 56... "Where's my blog?..."

Okay, Salioness, look up! The sun is shining! It is a bright, sunny day! Let's go get a soda!

I walked around outside, talking to Heath Ledger and Tupac. I was listening to a song by Tupac. It was time to choose a new song.

Someone up there said, let's choose one of our songs, to let her know we're here.

Okay, it's B... Not that one, not that one... I thumbed through my music. There we are. The Beatles.

Oh boy! John Lennon is here? I said enthusiastically. I was shocked.

Yep, and his friend Ringo Starr!

We have been watching for awhile, but we were busy, because we have a lot of stuff to do on the other side...

Is George Harrison going to be here?

Not really, no. He's a whiny little prick, he stopped by but thought you were dumb. Not really, he just isn't interested in cool stuff like this. We do not talk to him anymore, we don't really like him that much. He's full of himself.

Ringo chimed in. We want to talk to you a little bit about fame. I know you feel it coming...

I do, very much so!

There are some things you need to know. First is, it happens overnight. One minute, you are a nobody, and nobody knows who you are. Next minute, strangers on the street are asking for your autograph, you are being hounded in public, and people are screaming your name wherever you go.

John added to this. There is something about fame that you need to know. When you are famous, and people are following you everywhere... It's not fun. It's a thrill at first, but it gets old really, really quickly. You'll hate it, we hated it, everyone hates it. But when you first start out, everyone wants more and more of it.. So they act reckless, and do crazy things to get attention... It just makes it worse in the end, so keep to yourself and don't make a ruckus, kay?

Another thing about fame is, when people follow you wherever you go, they know a lot of things about you. People know you really well, at least they think they do... They know where you go, what you buy, what times of day you do these things... They will know other things about you too. Just giving you a heads up!

I walked back to the house, continuing this chat. We began talking about sexuality.

John said, I don't want to tell you anything about myself, I don't want it getting out. I don't want to risk it. I trust you, but I don't want to risk it.

Please? Please? Please? I said, laughing. It was a joke. I always asked these questions of the famous people who talked to me.

Well, I will tell you one... I had a fetish, an awful awful fetish, for women, with pants on... Not just any pants on, pajama pants on.. It's hot, the way they fall around the ass, and the clothing that comes off when you don't expect it to...

He said this in an oddly seductive voice. Really?

That wasn't me, honey. That was a random spirit up here messing with you.

Oh. And I laughed really, really hard.

Someone else is here, too. One of your favorite people. Einstein!

Woohoo!

I asked Einstein, “Were you egotistical about being smart?”

He laughed. Yes, I was.

Did you do it to impress women?

We all laughed. No, not really. I wanted to talk to you about stuff you do that is smart. Anagrams is smart, how you look at a word and try to rearrange the letters to make other words. Another thing you do that is smart is play freecell.

When you walk around the house, watch your actions carefully. Because we see every little thing you do, and we judge you, Einstein said.

Chapter 56

When it was time to use the computer, I went on facebook. I read someone's post, “RIP Robin Williams.” I thought, oh no, Robin Williams died? No way! So I googled it, and found out it was true. He had committed suicide.

It was interesting, because I felt like someone I knew had died. Except, I would soon get to channel him! Hooray! So for the next week and a half, I asked, nightly, Is Robin Williams here? Can I channel him? Can I channel Robin Williams yet? Is he ready yet?

No, he's not ready. He's still crossing over. He's still crossing over. He's still crossing over.

Over and over again, on and on it went. I thought I would never get to channel Robin Williams!

Finally, one night, I heard that Robin Williams was ready to be channeled.

Oh boy!

Hi babe! Robin Williams said.

This is Robin? Oh my God! Oh my God! Oh my God!

This is not a prayer circle, sweetie.

Hi, how are you? I said.

I am doing pretty okay.. After that whirlwind crossing over time, I had to come up with jokes for you too?

I had asked if Robin Williams was going to have jokes for me. They told me yes, over and over again.

You don't have to... If it's that big of deal... I said.

I came up with some. One thing I like about you is your marker fetish, and your Rob Zombie impersonations.

I laughed. I understood the marker fetish. Whenever they would ask me questions, the answer that would immediately come out of my mouth was “marker.” Because of the energy work where I removed markers from my brain. He said the Rob Zombie impersonations referred to my ordeals brushing my hair, because I always put it off, and when I finally did it, it was really messy, and it hurt like hell to brush, so I made faces. I laughed really hard. It was a good joke.

I have something to say about your ice cream eating habits. I think you know what I'm going to say.

Eat less ice cream?

No. I think you should eat more.

The funny thing about when I heard this joke was that I was in an altered state, and I took it the wrong way. On a conscious level, I was just upset. On a subconscious level, I imagined he was calling me fat from eating too much ice cream. I wouldn't have thought this at all on a conscious level, but I was really tired, and all I knew was, this joke rubbed me the wrong way. So I was sitting there, feeling kind of funny, and kind of bad. It was an Adderall brain thing, what happened right there. I'm not even really sure why that was an issue, but it was.

I laughed a little bit, because it was kind of funny, at the same time.

Robin told me he liked something about my brain. The way I grouped objects. I grouped, not like categories, but objects with similar working habits, like chairs and lamp posts, and refridgeraters with tool boxes. Another thing I like about your brain is your crazy ability to manipulate your mind. Yes, your logic. It is intense, how good you are with logic.

One more thing before I go. I like you a lot. Don't worry about it. The thing you're mad at me about.

What? I'm not mad! I was worried that he knew about my reaction to his ice cream joke.

I was joking, girl! He said.

Goodbye!

Well that went well, my guides said. He just crossed over, so he has to replenish his energy and stuff before you can channel him for extended periods of time.

Does he know? About my reaction to his ice cream joke?

We think not, Salioness, said the guides.

Will he ever know?

Not if you don't tell him.

I don't want him to know!

Well, if it is that big of a deal to you... We won't tell him. But you should know, he knows all about weird brain issues. He had a severe case of the cocaine brain. That's why he killed himself, because the pain got to be too much from the lack of dopamine and other neurotransmitters. He would not have any issues with anything you told him, ever. Really, Salioness.

But I hate dumbfuck brain issues, I said.

That night, I called out to Robin on the spiritual plane. I was unaware of this consciously.M

Hi, I said.

Hello, girl.

I wanted to tell you something. I was rubbed the wrong way by your ice cream joke. On a conscious level, I don't want to tell you, because I was worried you would hate me if I didn't like all your jokes. But I thought it wasn't a big deal, subconsciously, so I am telling you that now. So if I ever act weird about anything, that's the reason.

Weirded out by one of my jokes? It's not that hard to be weirded out by my jokes, honey. I tell not that many. I'm not that funny with Earth humor. It wasn't even my joke, my friend wrote it for me because you said you wanted to hear jokes. I just crossed over, I'm not telling you any really good Earth jokes right off the bat. I love your attitude towards militant raving women haters.

What do you mean?

You hate women.

I do not, but a little bit. That's not a big problem at all, I don't think.

I think it's funny as hell. It was a good joke, I thought, the ice cream joke, but not for you. I just told it for the hell of it. I didn't think you'd even get it.

I got it, I just thought it made me think of myself as a food addict and you were making fun of me... And it was hard to understand why you would make fun of me if we didn't know each other that well at all.

I make fun of you because we are already friends, man hater.

I like you a lot in your movies and stuff, but I think you are also a great guy and stuff, and I think we can be friends and stuff.

I think so too, and stuff.

And stuff!

And stuff and things and stuff.

Well, goodnight.

Goodnight.

After that, I didn't know about this on a conscious level. I wasn't as excited to talk to Robin again. I did, but I wasn't as excited about it.

In Addition...

I don't know how I was supposed to achieve any type of good Christian lifestyle, when the mission started Jesus had already moved on to another dimension and wasn't there. He wasn't there until 2016, when I was astounded, it was quite a moment, when I found out they lied. I didn't even know they lied. And how was I not supposed to trust the spirits or go along with them when they did something to transform the way my brain worked. When you can talk coherently without knowing what you are about to say, you are sane and have a "neural pathway" or "some sort of wire" in your brain.

And Beev, with all due love and respect, do not say I need counseling to create neural pathways. Keep Subbie's name and conditions out of your mouth but I can talk to you about it if you want dear mother of mine. I mean, Subbie. The experience is outstanding, and love of self is better than love of others, but it leaves you feeling empty when that's all you have just the same.

"You don't have to... You actually think you don't HAVE to write a blog?"

Reminiscing on the passing of my life... I can see every excuse for my behavior, every single one, and I am left believing this mission was to be some kind of whore. Except, other people are stil thinking about me attacking my mother, and I don't think of the Jason Debacle and the Mother Attack in the same mind frame ever.

Yeah, the woo leads to thinking errors. I tried looking back at the yahoo email, someone randomized or not randomized, I don't know the correct term, but the page changed as I was looking at it so I couldn't read the emails. They had been edited by Fickle Felines. Fuck, and that was such good journaling, too.

Anywho... I believe Jason and Emily are dead. And I do. I do.

I also believe the thinking errors regarding to woo made me not understand stuff like don't say anything about his sons. As I look back on my life, that is my biggest regret, besides saying actually all the fucking time and knowing why.

I thought I was going to be paraded as "Miss Best," when I started the mission. Instead, I was paraded as "Miss Skank." And I live up to that title but not with number of sex acts performed, which is few.

Anywho... I was write, in essence, only I get exposed for my flaw as well, which is being a sex addict. I say okay, fine. You know, over the years that go by, I talk down being perfect. Not that anyone is, but can't you be happy not being the best soul? I thought about that issue, and don't judge me I'm not saying a lot about it. But we all coexist and also be friends, like me and Crystal.

What else? I am a mutant.

[Abrupt Ending]

Burn Like Jesus: 52 - 54 Chapters, Taught, Embraced, Devastated

I woke up one morning, and my guides told me it was time to walk around the house and talk to them. So I got up, put on clothing that was suitable for this activity, and walked around the house, while cleaning up after myself. My guides told me it was important to clean up after myself, because it made a good impression on my family, and we were trying to get them to do something.

I went to the kitchen, and unloaded the dishwasher. After I was done, I loaded the dishwasher. After that, I wiped down the counters. Then, I went into the bathroom and urinated.

What do we do now? I asked my guides.

We wait for your mom to come home and think you are doing oh so well, so she thinks it is time to reduce your Invega.

What if she thinks it's not time? I asked my guides.

She will not, but it's okay, we are trying!

After we were done, I went over to my friend's house and pretended to work on making my mobile app. On the way back, I was walking across the street, when a bum called out to me and asked for some money. I looked at the bum, and felt an instant sense of compassion. I reached into my purse and gave him 50 cents. He thanked me and left.

As I walked across the street, a woman was watching from behind. She looked me up and down, and scoffed. I was too curvaceous to be wearing a tight sweatshirt, it accentuated my rear end. She laughed to herself about how big my butt looked. She thought that if she had a butt like that, she would always wear flowy dresses to hide the problem area. What if she could understand how big her butt looks? She would never understand how good it looks to hide the problem area!

I turned around, and she quickly looked the other way and smiled to herself about how I didn't know what she was thinking. I actually did not know what she was thinking, my guides picked this up because she was a loud thinker. As I walked down the street, she called a taxi, and lost her purse because as she was thinking about how big my butt was, a purse snatcher snatched it and she didn't even know it.

I took the bus home, and when I got home, it was time to lust after Alfred. I lusted, and lusted, until he said he had his fill.

The next day, I was walking around the house, cleaning up after myself. Alfred talked to me while I did it.

I love the porcupine tree song. Everything about it: they rhythm, the melody, the lyrics, the harmony everything. When we get to heaven, with those sexy rotary blades honey, we will listen to that song on repeat again and again and again! He gushed.

Alfred went away for awhile. I asked why he was away.

I saw you eating bacon the other day and there was something you wouldn't tell me. I think you have some sort of relationship with bacon.

A romantic relationship?

No, no that.

A friendship?

No, not that either. A lustful relationship.

You really think that?

No, I'm using the logic of a conservative Christian.

I continued to clean up after myself, and put away more dishes. As I cleaned, I heard Alfred talking up in the other worldly place.

No! Not an apple! Jordan, for the last time, this is not about what you want to eat, it's about what you need to eat for the ascension process...

What? What's going on? I asked.

Just talking to my other silia friend, Jordan! Alfred said. He showed me a picture of her, looking pretty.

What is this? You enjoy this Malt-O-Meal? What does that mean! Enjoy it! I eat it, don't I?! Alfred screamed.

God-zooks! Good gracious! How long has this mess been here? He said as I went up to my room and sat on the bed. Good gracious! You need a trash bin to get rid of this mess! He was referring to the nicotine gum wrappers.

What is that girl thinking? She enjoys everything she has, but doesn't appreciate the finer things in life! Alfred said, talking about me. He thought I could do with some more body lotion on my body.

Foof! What is this, Jordan? I said, I had my fill! Stop lusting! Stop! Stop! Alfred said in a frenzied groan.

I laughed really hard at this.

Back in the kitchen, Alfred was doing an animation as I cooked some food. He showed himself walking down a street, turning a corner, giving some change to a hobo, pulling a phone out of his purse to call a cab... As he held it up to his head, it turned into a gun and he shot himself.

Woah!!! Not cool! I said.

That's not what I meant to do, sweetie!

It got intercepted, my guides told me. That was the result of someone casting a spell on you again. Another subconscious spell worker.

Don't worry, we have it under control.

Chapter 53

Well? Alfred asked. What are you thinking, Sugar Toots?

I sighed.

“You're right! I know what you're thinking!” He sang to the tune of the Duncan Sheik song Barely Breathing. Then he showed me a picture of a girl who was his girlfriend. “This is my love, sweetheart,” Alfred said. “She has always known I cared about her, but not since I was with another girl on the other side, Maria Rion.” Alfred showed me a picture of this new girl. “And she knows I love her, but not as much as I love my other friend, Rachel Zuhl.”

Awww! I cooed.

You're ready for something I've been planning! Get up! Walk outside, then come back inside and look at me.

I did so. When I came back, Alfred was walking around with a detective outfit on. He said, “Blue's Clues... Blue's Clues... Where do you find the Blue's Clues? I don't know the song, but that's how you always imagine me. As the guy on Blue's Clues! I don't like it!”

What do you think I'm supposed to think, you act like him! I yelled.

Not really, Bee.. Not really! He wailed. Then he pointed out the window in my mind. “It's a bird, it's a plane... It's a oriental fried rice bowl hanging from the ceiling!”

I looked up, and was confused for a couple minutes. Then I figured it out. There was a triangular shaped window treatment hanging from the window, which sort of resembled the shape of a wok. I was excited! There really was one! This was proof I wasn't losing my mind!

Alfred pretended to go to clap, and accidentally poke himself in the eye instead. “Yay! Proof! Oww!”

But it was proof, my guides said. Outside the box proof.

Alfred stood on a pedestal to give a speech. “My speech is about the girls in our country who do not understand the meaning of the words, 'peace of mind,' and who live a life of lechery on street corners, walking around without clothes on, and lubricating themselves well without affection.”

What? I asked.

Your mom! She's a ho bag!

Why do you say that? She's a lot of things...

We need to get her off the streets and into a shelter!

You're acting dumb, Alfred.

In my mind, he morphed into a very ugly duckling, and started squawking.

Wait, do I need to eat something? Alfred always did this when I was deficient in something like food, water, or nicotine. It was really obnoxious until I figured out what was going on.

You need coconut water, stat!

Chapter 54

Okay, Salioness... Guess what time it is? Masturbation time!

Aww, shucks! Do I have to?

You really need to get off, Sugar Plum, Alfred said. We want to test it to see if your sexuality has changed. We have been waiting for this! Come on! I'll do visuals for you!

No, he won't, said my guides. You will watch porn on your computer. We will be watching your thoughts closely to see what you think about, to see if the double puberty is coming along well.

I went to the first porn website I could find, got out my vibrator and started masturbating. When I finished, there were cheers and applause from the other side.

You got off on normal things! Hoorah! Said Alfred.

I knew I could do it! I said.

We think you should get off more often, because it makes us so happy to think that you're normal now! My guides said smugly.

It was a big event, masturbation time, to the spirits on the other side. They looked forward to it, waited for it, and watched it very carefully.

Why don't you try again later? Said Alfred. Give it another go!

You're such a card! I said, and tugged lightly on a sex cord. He tugged back.

Watch where you tug, bitch! Why don't you tug this one? He tugged lightly on the cord he wanted me to tug.

I tugged. When I did so, I got a wonky, wonky feeling. Ahhhh!! I screamed. Wonk!

We are going to get rid of that cord right now, okay? My guides said.

But that's a fun cord! Alfred said.

Now, we are going to tell you about something that's happening right now. Your body is ridding itself of fetishes and sexual situation places. One's coming up right now. It's a hairbrush fetish. I bet you never knew you had a hairbrush fetish!

Sure as hell did not!

It comes from early in life, the pain of your mother brushing your hair. It was always horrendous. Pain translates into pleasure, so voila! A hairbrush fetish. Get rid of the energy now, like with the wonk energy.

I reached down to my crotch area and pulled out the wad of energy coming out. I discarded it by throwing it as hard as I could.

Okay, another one is coming up now. It's a stuffed animal fetish. Most people have this one, it is very common. Another one you didn't know you had.

Why do I have that one?

Sleeping with stuffed animals while your sexuality was developing makes people have these fetishes. They are usually unconscious.

I reached down, grabbed ahold of the energy and discarded it.

Okay, now, wait a little bit... We waited a little bit, and the first sexual situation place came up.

Izzy's pizza buffet. When you were young, you and your friends used to gorge yourself here. I know it doesn't seem like these two things would be related, but... food is pleasure, sex is pleasure. It becomes a sexual situation place.

I reached down and pulled out the energy, and discarded it.

Okay, here's another weird one... Zip's convenience store by the transition house at Innercept. When you first moved to transition, they were giving out free coffee everyday at Zip's from the machine, the really good kind with all the fat and sugar. You went there everyday and got one. It created a sexual situation place there.

I reached down, pulled out the energy and threw it as hard as I could.

One more. There are many, many, many, but.... Only the big ones come out. This one is dark alleys, because of the association with hookers.

That made sense. I pulled out the energy and discarded it.