Well, time to eat! Where shall you eat? Potbelly? My guides asked me.
No, Chipotle. I said.
If you go to Potbelly, we can have a snack of Sun Chips!
That's okay, I'd rather go to Chipotle.
We are your guides, and we say, Potbelly.
Okay, you're the boss.
We walked to Potbelly, bought a sandwich, took it home, and I ate it in one sitting. Afterwards, we talked about what was going to happen to me. I was getting ready for the guardianship trial. How would that turn out? Would my parents fight it? Or would they give in right away and let me be my own human?
They are not going to give in, Salioness.
Salioness was my spirit name.
They are going to fight it tooth and nail, to the bitter end. They would anyway, but... We are going to do energy work on them, to make them more controlling of you. We will do it later on, closer to the time when you have to move out. You will move out with Melvin. You will go without their permission. You will live with Melvin. He is going to contact you in September, maybe, or a little later. We don't know, but sometime sooner than you think.
But I don't know, what if they just drop it? Or what if they have a better lawyer than I do, and it doesn't work? What if I can't get rid of it?
I was fearful of both these outcomes. I wanted there to be a fight, a good fight, a really good fight. I didn't want them to just give in and drop it, or else there would be no media attention, no leverage, no publication of my memoir series...
Forget the memoir series. You will do that, don't get us wrong. But you will do much greater things for this country than write a series of bestselling books.
What am I going to do?
Brittany Murphy chimed it. It is amazing, what you are about to do for this country. You will change the way people see the planet. That's all. I'm not allowed to say anything else. You really have to think outside the box for this one.
She's right, we can't tell you yet. But it will amaze people, though it will take some time for them to really appreciate how great it is. Anyway, back to the guardianship trial. We need to go over what their major points will be.
One, your alcohol intake, versus your medication use. You are not allowed to drink on your meds, yet refuse to listen. Also, you have a history of not taking your meds as prescribed, all of them. Adderall included. That's an easy one to counter, don't you think?
Two, you are incapable of recognizing when you are going downhill. We find this one funny, personally... You know why. You always know exactly what is going on with yourself, you just don't ask for help, because you don't want it. Like we said, every time anything like that happened... It was us, got it? Every single time. But you can't argue that one in court, so don't use that excuse. Just say you are a mystic, which you are, and it's normal for mystics to go through unusual experiences. Don't worry about the case so much here as the leverage. This is one of the things that will get you noticed.
Three, your ideas about who you care about. They think you care little about other people, so you will do things to hurt yourself too, like self-harm. They will bring up the suicide attempts full blast, and it counts against you. However, they have no case. Past instances of self-harm, even suicide attempts, will not hurt you because you have shown a long history of being happy and free of those thoughts. This is not an issue.
Are there any real issues that I need to worry about?
Yes. Drug use. Steer clear of everything except alcohol, even marijuana. I don't care if it's legal, don't do it, it makes you look bad. Another thing you can't do anymore is dance provocatively, it creates a bad image.
Really? But I like to dance.
We are joking. That is all. That's the case right there. The real thing to say is, they have none. You have a case. You will be working as a professional medium, energy worker, and reiki master. You will make a pretty penny, too. But don't count on that for a couple of months. To begin with, you will apprentice for a psychic who is already in the business. She will help you out a great deal, and help you get on your feet as a psychic/medium. When you have proven yourself to quite a few of her clients, she will help you start your own practice.
We walked to the store, and I bought a bottle of caffeine. We drank, ate, and were merry in the store, and then left a mess for the workers to clean up.
On the way home, a man came to me. He told me he needed help crossing over, in other words, help finding his way home. I told him to look up, go into the light, zzoot! He was gone. My guides informed me that the more I help cross over, the more will come to you. You need to stop helping them.
At home, I watched TV. I had this problem where I thought things in the show were dumb. When I thought it was dumb, I said, “hahaha, very funny you guys,” in my head, but everyone could hear my thoughts, so they knew what I was thinking. It was stuff that used to be funny, or maybe never even was funny, but I had seen it so many times it wasn't funny anymore.
I noticed something else. When I watched shows I hadn't seen a million times, I laughed a lot more than I normally did ever. I laughed at TV shows again! It had been a long time since I had actually laughed at anything I watched on TV. I didn't know why. I was always worried that I would laugh at something someone else thought was dumb and it would make me look dumb. Now, I laughed openly. When I laughed, it was a much more relaxed, deep, invigorating laugh. Like a weight had been lifted from my soul. I knew what it was. It was coming off the Adderall. It had prevented me from laughing, deadened my spirit.
When I watched South Park, I had the problem a lot where things seemed stupid. It wasn't like the dark spots, the places in my mind where things embarrassed me so I had negative associations with those things... it was a little bit more intense. There was a feeling of raw grinding gears, with those places in my brain where there were no happy neurotransmitters. When I had this problem, it embarrassed me too, so I would create dark spots this way. This was the problem I was facing now. Way, way, way too low dopamine. My guides said it was gradually starting back up. I didn't notice it yet. It didn't help that I was still on bipolar medications, which prevented it from starting back up because they prevent the production of dopamine. When I was out of the house, for sure, I would go off these medications right away, with or without a doctor's blessing.
When I took my medications in the morning, I felt no different now. There was no longer that happy high anymore, from the Adderall. Still, I looked forward to getting up in the morning, because I felt complete without it. The energy rebalancing had done the trick.
When I walked to the store, I remembered the time I went to the market and bought an alcoholic beverage. Without warning, I saw my mom pull in the road. She looked like she was lost. I asked her how she was, and she told me to get in the car. I had been walking back from the energy drink store, but she didn't understand that I wasn't drunk. She asked me what I had been drinking. “Diet coke.” I answered. She tried to smell my breath, I breathed heavily on her. She looked disgusted. We went home, I went back up to my room, and I channeled some more.
What is the name of your grandmother's mom? They asked me.
Nell.
Yes, and she's here right now! She wants you to know that she loves both you and your sister, but not your mom or her sister. That's how much they hate both of them. They love your sister in comparison.
I laughed, a little. Then they told me that I was the family wonder, who loved to eat food but hated to clean up. Go clean up after yourself next time.
When you go downtown, bring your lap top. Go over to Matthew's and say you are going to work on your mobile app. He will help you with the graphics.
I want to do that, but I don't know if I can.
You don't need to do that, but you will try to make a game to help him out a little. That's not it. When he gets out of the money problem business, you will be good friends, but for now, you need to help him out. He's on the list of people we are worried about. Another thing is, he is a liar. Get used to it. He isn't about to stop. Just take everything he says with a grain of sand.
Time to incense! My guides informed me of some rituals associated with incensing. Like, don't brush your teeth the night before you incense, it is bad luck. Another one was, do not wear revealing clothing when you incense, it opens you up to receiving the spirits in your body. Another one was, wear a melancholy attitude while you incense, as it creates a better environment to get rid of the spirit.
First, I went into the bathroom, and I lit a stick of incense and smudged the floor, and left it in there. As I left, my guides told me that saging the bathroom right now would bring back the dark spirit. As I left, I heard disembodies voices speak to me. “Me.... Me... Me.... Sage the bathroom! Me.... Me... Me....”
I went outside with my incense, and smudged both my stone and my cross necklace. My guides told me the exact moment when the spirit left each of these items, and I was instructed to go back in the house immediately.
I did a round of incensing of clothes, a round of saging, and I even had to throw away some of my clothes my guides told me were not salvagable. I did so reluctantly. When I threw away some good yoga pants, I was mad. I was unhappy afterwards, so I had to cut a cord – a tie to the yoga pants. That made me feel better.
When my sister came over for dinner, they all joked with me about how I had thrown away some washcloths, after using them.
“They are washcloths, Rachel... You use them, wash them, then use them again! That's what we do! We recycle them!” My dad joked like a buffoon.
When I was all done, they told me not to use the bathroom at night. In fact, I had to sleep downstairs. One time, I was using the restroom, when I thought, “Maybe I really am the second coming of Christ. Am I?”
My guides instructed me that the answer was no and to get out of the bathroom immediately. As I sat in my bedroom, I kept wondering that over and over again, with happy twirly lights around my head.
“Okay, you did something bad right there. Now, we are going to do a spell to reverse what you did.”
Oh, boy. I waited.
Okay, now, go into the bathroom. Pat the shower on the back.
Hmmm.... Which part was the back? I patted what I thought was the back, without thinking beforehand, just doing.
Nope, wrong. Let's try again. Pat the shower on the back.
I patted a different part.
Correct! Now, kiss the shower.
I did so.
That should help with your horrible, horrible fear of this shower.
They were right. I got a feeling of dread every time I walked past this bathroom. When I passed the bathroom at night, I was instructed not to think about anything at all, don't let my attention wander to the bathroom, or the spirit might latch onto that strand of consciousness and use it to get to me, to come back.
The spirit in the bathroom has no consciousness. Just programmed energy. That's what a lot of spirits are, programmed energy. Souls have consciousness. Mere spirits do not.
When I was done with the shower stuff, I showered downstairs. One night, I wore the sweatshirt I was wearing the same day I had used the stone to put Jesus in my aura. I wore it out with my sister. When I came back, I was feeling drained, like I had felt on some horrible, horrible drug I did once that I no longer remembered. My head was swimming with negative thoughts. My guides told me to take the sweatshirt off, put it out in the yard, it is going to be gotten rid of. Then, sage your aura, get the devil out. He is back again. Now, shower, cleanse your heart chakra, cleanse your crown chakra, wipe the residual energy out of your legs, throw away the wash cloths, and then you're done.
As I stood in my bedroom afterwards, I wondered. Maybe, the spirit guides were real. But maybe, they were evil. I felt like I was on to something. My guides were spirits, but they were leading me astray.
Well, we don't know what to say to that. Just breathe. Things will be okay. Drink some fluids. We'll tell you some jokes in a second. But for now, just breathe.
Okay, time for some jokes. We want to first tell you about the girl who has no soul. She went to your high school.
Do I remember her?
Not very well, but she's someone you definitely noticed. Think back.
I thought for awhile, asking about different people, until I figured out who it was. It was a girl in my Honors chem class Junior year, who was in the year below me. We were doing a lab one day, and we needed to figure out 110% of a number. The girl gave me instructions for how to do that.
“You take the number, multiply it by 0.1, and then add that number back to the number.”
“...Or we could just multiply the number by 1.1” I responded, a bit amused.
“No, no, no!” And then she repeated her instructions insistently.
I thought this was dumb. Like, really, really dumb. I tried to catch another girl's eye and smile, but she was staring off into the distance. “Wait, I think your way would work too!” she said, but she had to check on her calculator to be sure.
Yes, that's the girl. The first girl has no soul.
I laughed. And no one knows?
Nope, no one knows. She would insist she had a soul. But she doesn't. Her parents would be very disappointed if they found out. Anyway, so some time in the not so distant future, there is a plan... She is going to die. She is going to die in a horrible, horrible tragedy. Something really sick and vile is going to happen to her, to prove some sort of point to the world. It will seem really really sad, but really it isn't, because she has no soul.
I laughed my head off.
A long time later, they told me that this wasn't exactly true. There was no horrible tragedy, and the girl actually did have a soul... Just a very, very weak soul. She wasn't happy, doesn't feel things as deeply as other people... So weak, after this lifetime, she was going to go down to a lower dimension.
One time, a girl you know was in love with a guy you know. Michael was in love with Izzy. When they got together, they became entangled in a web of hormones so great, it was hard to get untangled. When they got untangled one night, Izzy lost her purse. She found it in Michael's eyelid. When he took it out, it had so many eye goobers on it, they decided not to use it anymore. Instead, there was a one in a million chance of ever becoming one with each other again, so they just took their chances and left each other for Ralph Nader and Monica Lewinsky, respectively.
I laughed.
Okay, another joke. One time, there was a woman named Elmo. She existed in separate places at one time. When she woke up and saw her mother with her ex-boyfriend, she decided it was no longer time to do speed, and she zipped along at half speed until she ran out of gas, and hitched a ride with Monica Lewinsky for Kristen's apartment, where the three of them ate hamburgers and laid eggs on the couch until no one knew what time it was anymore. When Monica woke up the next morning, she blamed the mess on Kristen, got a lawyer, went to court and sued. She won five thousand dirty pictures, and 18,000 free masturbatorial views.
I laughed.
Okay, one more. When Michaelangelo was 17, he ate a big piece of cake. He did not understand what cake was, so he decided not to eat anymore. When he turned 50, he learned that it was sponge cake, and he used it to paint the Sistine Chapel until it was pretty again.
Wait, that one wasn't funny!
Whoops, we are done! No more jokes for you!
Well, we have a surprise for you tonight! A channeling from a favorite dead celebrity!
Ooh! Ooh! Who is it?
Marilyn Monroe! She has a message for the country on the current state of celebrities, and their religious influence on America.
“Hello, nation. This is Marilyn Monroe speaking. We enjoy your antics up here in heaven, with the Clinton's, Obamas, and the Reagan's. When I grow into a better spirit, I will reincarnate on Earth to pretend I adore the antics of the lesbian movement, but for now, I do not want any part of it. I do not understand why women trounce around as butch lesbians, not because I do not understand where they are coming from, but because it is a look that is unappealing to both men and women. On the flip side, I appreciate this struggle for equality amongst trisexuals, and I enjoy the word “trisexual.” When I stop talking to myself in the mirror every night, I remember Hillary Clinton, and I wonder where she is going in the world, but I do not understand her struggle with Bill. He is the best man for her, and she is the best woman for him. They are a wondrous couple, I want to understand how badly they love each other because they love each other a lot, but loving each other is hard when you are so readily in the public eye, and when the paparazzi follow you wherever you go and try to bring you down for things that are not normal, but ordinary, like taking a piss in a urinal where people are watching. When girls believe in things other than the power of their own physical wonder, it is easy to understand why they do not live in slums and watch sleazy sitcoms on television day in and day out, but pretend to enjoy the finer things in life. We know what is going to happen in the world, you do not. But we don't know how it is going to come about, so hold on to your watches, for this is the time when change is made, and people are found out for who they really are.”
Marilyn joked with my about the color of her eyeshadow, for hers was a darker, more perfect color than mine was.
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