Spiritual Musings on a Chemical World

Monday, August 25, 2014

The Atheism Delusion

So I enjoy the whole God debate. I really do.

One the one hand, you have the theists, you can't perceive of how this world got here without the existence of a divine creator. And then they pull the argument, "well you can't prove god doesn't exist!"

On the other hand, we have the atheists, who's understanding of the argument of the divine is limited, and think that people pull the "well God did it" in argument to fill in their own gaps of ignorance.

I get sick of each side.

Personally, I don't think the idea of God is a filler for the absence of logic.

The most powerful, important thing in the world is consciousness. If there were no consciousness, what do you have? Well, you have atoms, and particles, and waves and neutrinos. But what is all that if no one is around to perceive them?

They don't exist. They don't exist. They don't exist.

If there is no experience, that's it. They don't exist. It's like the tree falling in the forest. Does it make a sound? Nope. No one hears it. No sound exists. If no one experiences the universe, it is null and void. It might as well not exist. In fact, it doesn't really exist.

These atheist folk, they try hard to rid themselves of the idea that they are the center of the universe. In a way, we are... But that's not the point. They don't think that, because it sounds wrong. Atheists value humility. It is the number one thing atheists value.

Consciousness is a product of the human brain, a human construct. So is physical space, but they don't think that way. You can touch physical space. Things you can see and touch are usually real.

Therefore, they don't want to think that it is in any way shape or form important. It is wonderful, to be sure. But not important.

Wait a second, that's not how they think! It's not wonderful. It's normal. Mundane. Stupid. Pathetic. Something not to even think about. A careless byproduct of the faulty human brain.

So they don't want to think there was a conscious component in the creation of the universe, because that's too heliocentric. I'm not even talking about a Christian God. Just a conscious force. Because they have consciousness, and they don't want to attribute any human characteristics to the universe, since humans are petty, small, insignificant. It is our animalistic, anthropomorphic nature that does this.

Consciousness is not necessarily a human characteristic. It merely means something which is aware, which perceives, which experiences.

The number two atheist value is material things. They like things they can touch. Look at. Feel with their hands. Think about on a physical plane. They like to think that the universe is physical. That it was created by physical means. Everything is physical.

Consciousness is not physical. And so they say... But it is! I can touch the neurotransmitters with my hands!

Can you touch ideas? Emotions? Can you touch happiness? Can you touch sadness?

These are apple/orange ideas. They argue that consciousness is physical. Some do, at least. Because they know this is a shady area, these atheists. This is where things get abstract, and there is no abstract word to describe exactly what consciousness is.

Words are abstract. Concepts are abstract. Thoughts are abstract.

But what about Venn Diagrams? Venn diagrams represent concepts on a physical plane, where they can be touched with your fingers.

Maybe your brain is just a series of Venn diagrams, encoded in a language Earthlings can understand.

And I go off on a tangent.

Luckily, I know better. You can't touch an abstract feeling. What is pain? Is pain a physical item? Is it a particle? A wave? A neutrino?

It is an energetic state.

But you can't pinpoint exactly what it is that experiences pain. It is only one part of you that experiences, one part that thinks.

That is you. The true you. The one and only you.

You are what matters.

So maybe, what is more likely, all the atheist jabble about the big bang? OR DELUSIONAL BELIEFS?

Maybe you are delusional. Maybe nothing exists, except this delusion you have, which doesn't really exist either because it's fake. Maybe you are just an unconscious speck of consciousness dreaming of a pixie earth land, where you meet other souls, experience pain and pleasure, and dream about this concept of the big bang!!

It's not really hard to imagine, but no one wants to think that. Because their brain wants to think that other people exist too, simply because it is hardwired to. It is hardwired to think the universe is physical. It is hardwired to think the physical matters. It is hardwired to think other humans exist, just like you, and have consciousness. You don't question this, these are the facts, man. Dissenters are laughed at. And we are hardwired to think there is a soul in there doing the laughing.

What I am saying is, most Christians, and atheists, both, have childish beliefs. Everyone thinks within a box. What really exists? The thing doing the experiencing? Or the thing that is experienced?

What exists? You? Or the universe?

Why, the thing that is experienced surely exists! Why would I experience it if it didn't exist? I can't rely on the fact that I experience, that doesn't mean I exist!

If it were a choice between one or the other, atheists think the think that is more real is the universe. Because they experience it.

It is all childish jibber jabber. Everyone thinks within a box. We all think within a box. You can't know. YOU CAN'T KNOW. Atheists, you aren't as smart as you think you are. I know you think you are hot stuff, figuring out that Christians have crappy arguments. Doesn't take a genius, smarty pants. But you're views are childish.

Exactly. I was an atheist as a child. Seemed logical, using my childlike logic. Then, I grew up. My logic matured. Now I see through that. It's not my fragile brain can't fathom a universe without a god. I can. Leaves more unanswerable questions than anything. So does the God argument. But unlike you, I acknowledge that consciousness is a more powerful concept than you can ever seem to imagine.

So go ahead and laugh, atheists. Laugh at my crappy arguments.

Saturday, August 23, 2014

God Doesn't Love You

So I notice there is this common sentiment amongst the Christian community that God loves you just the way you are. He doesn't care if you are black, white, hispanic, asian, albino, whatever. He loves you despite your faults, your weaknesses, your transgressions. He loves every single one of you.

Bull. Shit. Well, part of that is true, actually. He doesn't care what race you are. He hates you for who you are.

Chances are, God doesn't love you.

I am sick of this sappy, lovey-dovey, effervescent deity imagery. God is great, sure. But he is not sappy. He doesn't love everyone. Sure, he likes a lot a people. He loves some really awesome people who strike his fancy. He doesn't like the sucky people, the mean people, the stupid people, the dull people.

This is all a ploy from the egotistical, stupid, mean, vast majority of the population. They want to think they can do mean things, think mean thoughts, picket abortion centers, attend sexy ecstasy parties, run rampant, spit on people, be nasty, blithering, pieces of shit, and no matter what they do, GOD STILL LOVES THEM! God is unconditional love! THANK GOD FOR GOD'S UNCONDITIONAL LOVE!

Well let me tell you something, pea brains. If you suck, God doesn't love you. If you rape that baby, God doesn't love you. If you spew that dim-witted atheist rhetoric, God doesn't love you.

God hates militant atheists, agnostics, and Christians. God hates mean-spirited people. If you are stupid, even if you think you are smart and making a coherent argument, God sees through that bullshit. He hates you for the wretched scum of the Earth you are.

God doesn't hate gay people. Sure, he hates some gay people. But he doesn't hate them BECAUSE they are gay. He made them that way. He hates them when they are lousy people.

God hates hippies. Lousy creatures who drive low gas mileage, parade around the Saturday markets, smoking dope, low lives. There are better ways to help the planet.

So chances are, God doesn't love you. Chances are, God dislikes you though. He might even hate you. He might like you. He might love you. But don't count on God loving you. Jesus will love you no matter what, because he is God's gory sappy side. But don't bother praying to him. Or anyone. Count on the people who care about you.

I'm sick of these people. God loves everyone, equally. They don't want to think that God plays favorites. They don't want to think that the person who matters prefers their happy, virtuous neighbor over them. Well let me tell you something. He can and does. Because God is a badass. Not a sappy man on ecstasy.

If you want unconditional love, go to a rave. That's the closest you will come. Unconditional love is a pipe dream. You don't deserve unconditional love, you big loon. Unconditional love is a pipe dream. The only person you feels that way is your mother. And she still secretly considers you her helpless little bundle of joy.

God knows you. He doesn't love you. He abhors the crap out of you. So stop whining to Him about your problems. Chances are, he doesn't listen. He's not going to change His Divine Plan just because you told him to. Quit whining, quit praying, and get up on your hooves and do something about it! And quit smoking dope while you're at it.

Love,
The Spirit Girl
AKA God's Favorite


EDIT: I'm not trying to be mean by saying this I'm just stating the facts. God's personality is more Old Testament. What I'm trying to say is, you shouldn't care what God thinks because his opinion of you isn't as important as you think. Different strokes for different folks. Being mean to those who deserve it isn't a bad thing. It's actually a good thing.

Monday, August 11, 2014

More pills, More Problems

So, I asked my mom what it was she thought that Innercept had done for me.

Well, that's an easy one, darling. They educated you on your condition!

Ha!  Ha! HA!! HAHA!! What a laugh. No, they didn't Beev. I was never educated on any conditions at Innercept. Not my bipolar disorder, my schizophrenia, my body dysmorphic disorder, my OCD, my tourrettes, my anorexia, my narcolepsy. None of those. No education! No education! NO EDUCATION WHATSOEVER!.

I'll tell you what I was educated on. Collusion. The problems with beating things up to relieve aggression. How to smuggle tea and crumpets in to stable. Boring, worthless things I zoned out. Videos on quantum physics. Stupid videos. The Miracle Worker. Never a dull moment at Innercept, that's not for sure. But no mental illness education.

But that's all right. That's okay. You just keep thinking that, Beev. If it makes you happy, you keep thinking it. Because I know it doesn't mean a thing to you that I say they didn't teach me shit. What would I know after all? I'm the one with bipolar disorder! I can't tell left from right, up from down, or manic from suicidal depression. We know that information's in there, Rachel. That wisdom that Innercept bestowed upon you about your conditions! Your condition!

Be healthy! Have Fun! BAAAHHH!!!!! (HEAD EXPLODES). Whoops, inside joke.

So it makes my parents feel proud of themselves to think that Innercept helped me understand my condition, force-fed me urine samples, and now I can relax and be at ease with whatever shitty mind-altering substance anyone throws at me, knowing that it will help calm my "mental state." I'm sick of this bullshit.

No, no no no NO!! There was no education. I don't know a damn thing more about bipolar disorder than I knew at the beginning. Ups, downs, whatever. I don't need to know. I don't want to know.

I will tell me what Innercept did teach me. Interpersonal relationship skills. That's it. That's it. There groups don't mean shit. Therapy doesn't mean shit. I don't fucking know how therapy is supposed to work. Sitting there, talking to my therapist about the weather, a meaningless dream I had. Every. Single. Fucking. Session. What was I supposed to talk about? Issues that actually matter to me?

I'm not as fucked up as you think I am. I have nothing to say. If I said the things that mattered out loud, it makes the pain worse. Swiss cheese Adderall holes in my mind. Not my brain, my mind. Pockets where there are no happy neurotransmitters. Don't think about it. Don't think about it. That's what I keep telling myself. Don't think about that embarrassing moment that no one thought was even a big deal, small deal, or any sort of deal, and no one even remembers. Don't think about it and it will go away.

But they don't go away until I gave up adderall. So many problems I didn't have before being on the prescription medication.

All in all, Innercept is a freak show of idiots parading as doctors and power-hungry war mongerers parading as staff members. It is fun, in a way. I had a blast, in a way, when I wasn't being fucked up the ass. I am better off now than I was before Innercept. Sure, maybe I could have had an education instead of Innercept and be making a living. But fuck school, I can channel, I'm too cool to go back.

So that's it. That's the gist of it. The kids are pissed but the parents love it. And that's all I got to say.