Spiritual Musings on a Chemical World

Sunday, August 7, 2016

Guardianship and the Squelching!

Sometimes, when you are 19 and your parents slap a guardianship on you, you have to admit that you our powerless and know nothing. Your parents always have your best interests at heart.

What's the track record here of parents knowing best? Let's examine the evidence. Let's exlude some things and jump right to Innercept. Did it help? Was it the right decision.

If you ask my parents this now a days, you will hear a resounding abso-fucking-not from them. Yep, that's right. They admitted to me that it was a gimmick, they just weren't informed of this beforehand and thought it would help.

By the way my spiritual growth is stalled right now for a reason I'm not going to get into on here.

Anyway, my dad was drawn in to the Innercept brochure by the "low stimulus environment" gimmick. He thought, hey, that would help Rachel! The environment at Innercept is magic and works miracles!

Anyway, what the fuck? Who the fuck would fall for something like this? Actually, I know because I was there the fucking "low stimulus environment" only applies to stabilization. When you get sent to stable, be prepared to feel like shit for as long as you are there. This apparently replaces mania with suicidal depression. You can't listen to music. So what, now music is making us manic? Right. It's well documented it does not...

Anyway, my mom sent me off to Innercept with the hopes that the wide array of educational services would convince me of the validity of the mental illness theory and there would be a light bulb moment. Hey! Everything they are describing about bipolar disorder describes me to a tee! Is that true? No, but I will tell you I never went through any sort of mental illness education. There were no groups about mental illness, just groups about anger management and collusion, and it was the same thing every week. The groups repeat like every month for a new audience of Innercept residents.

Anyway, there are so many awful things that make you think Innercept is bad for mental health! My mom told me one time, if you weren't at Innercept you'd be dead! Like she knows! I know I wouldn't have been suicidally depressed if I weren't at Innercept, it was Innercept that was causing it!

All in all, we wonder about my parents. It's funny to me that there was never any sort of mental illness education, except for when they told me to read mental illness books. I did, and I was astounded at the boringness of the stories! So bad!

Anyway, nowadays, I think about my parents. Did they do the right thing? I made friends, yes. I don't make friends easily, not because I'm weird, all the people I bump into have something wrong with them. Otherwise I would.

So this is where it stands now. When it comes to Innercept and my parents, there is a great deal of woe and regret. Not because it didn't help, I'm apparently doing fine now but there was a long period of erratic behavior on my part that was fun as hell and I'm not getting into because I don't fucking care what they think. Anyway, they don't have money anymore! They spent there life savings on Innercept! And it's the kind of thing where you wonder, Meeke, you see your money in the bank dwindling and it's a problem. Isn't it about time to pull Rachel out? Like, a couple years before you actually did? No, because I wasn't better yet! Was I ever better? Apparently, I think I am better now. I don't know if my parents would agree, but I'm pretty sure because I haven't gone to the hospital since May of 2014 and they let me move out of the house and live on my own and they aren't constantly checking on me. Is it because of Innercept? No. I don't know what they would say the reason is, probably better medication.

Anyway, that's all.