So, I wanted to discuss damnation and hellfire a little bit more.
What I am thinking is, and I am not an expert an scripture. But, it is about choice. In the Garden of Eden, Adam and Eve used their free will to CHOOSE to disobey God. They did not choose God.
This was a story that is symbolic of something else, and I am not sure exactly what that is. But to overcome it, humans have to CHOOSE God. So by accepting Jesus into your life, that is choosing God, therefore, overcoming the other choice to go against God.
Hell is something that is very rudimentary. On Earth, while alive, you can be close to God, distant from God, or anywhere in between. When dead, you are either with God or completely separated from God.
Hell is kind of like a whole other dimension. When I think of hell, I think of a game you might play on a really old computer, with really basic graphics and stuff. Because I think of hell as kind of related to computers.
One thing I have never had to do before in computer programming is reference counting. If you have a reference to a variable, you have a connection to it so that you can keep using it. The reference counter counts the number of references to the variable, and when it goes to zero, you can't use it anymore, and the memory space can be reused for something else.
So when you die, and you are not saved, the reference counter goes to zero. Except, you will never cease to exist. You go to hell, and God can't reach you because He has no reference to you.
So it's kind of like being trapped in a really miserable computer game.
I don't try to upset people by talking about hell all this time. I am not intolerant of anyone's beliefs I just had an experience where I became convinced that you needed to accept Jesus to avoid hell.
Friday, June 28, 2013
Thursday, June 27, 2013
Brain Shifting
So I realize, that when all this stuff happened last month, I suddenly got way more self-confident.
I feel like this is a position that everyone is trying to push me out of. They are trying to push me back to the place I was when I was not self-confident.
I don't know how much more self-confident I really am, but I know I can feel it in the way I walk. Or at least, I could for awhile. I would carry myself differently, like I was lighter, and I could move around with more ease.
So I can go up and talk to people. Like, I have no problem at all, at least when I was at the psych ward. Maybe the psych ward was different. I talked to emo kids about being emo.
For awhile anyway, I felt like I could think better. I see the world differently. It is kind of like this grid, and objects form a place on this grid but it is not necessarily right along the grid lines. The grid lines represents the ideal. I imagine a grid with a bunch of x's all over it.
I lost a little bit of self-confidence actually because I gained a little bit of weight. Not a whole lot just a little bit.
One thing people don't take into account is the intricate emotional needs of the individual. Because emotional needs are really intricate. Everything about the individual has an emotional effect on the individual.
My family didn't understand why having a guardianship would have an emotional effect on me. Yeah, like taking away my rights as an adult has no emotional effect on me.
People like to be seen as attractive and intelligent. Which seem like nice things to be but they aren't what really matters. What really matters is your ability to see other people as humans. What really matters is kindness and having a heart.
But anyway, I feel like my brain suddenly became more powerful.
I feel like this is a position that everyone is trying to push me out of. They are trying to push me back to the place I was when I was not self-confident.
I don't know how much more self-confident I really am, but I know I can feel it in the way I walk. Or at least, I could for awhile. I would carry myself differently, like I was lighter, and I could move around with more ease.
So I can go up and talk to people. Like, I have no problem at all, at least when I was at the psych ward. Maybe the psych ward was different. I talked to emo kids about being emo.
For awhile anyway, I felt like I could think better. I see the world differently. It is kind of like this grid, and objects form a place on this grid but it is not necessarily right along the grid lines. The grid lines represents the ideal. I imagine a grid with a bunch of x's all over it.
I lost a little bit of self-confidence actually because I gained a little bit of weight. Not a whole lot just a little bit.
One thing people don't take into account is the intricate emotional needs of the individual. Because emotional needs are really intricate. Everything about the individual has an emotional effect on the individual.
My family didn't understand why having a guardianship would have an emotional effect on me. Yeah, like taking away my rights as an adult has no emotional effect on me.
People like to be seen as attractive and intelligent. Which seem like nice things to be but they aren't what really matters. What really matters is your ability to see other people as humans. What really matters is kindness and having a heart.
But anyway, I feel like my brain suddenly became more powerful.
Wednesday, June 26, 2013
More on the Mind of God
The problem was, thinking with the mind of God proved to be an issue. I would put my hand over my mouth and whisper something snarky to myself:
"Woah! We are Beev and F. Meeke! We don't know about withdrawal effects."
Beev and F. Meeke is what I call my mom and dad.
This was a change in my personality. I thought it was a welcome change. But they didn't. They were trying to medicate me to make it go away.
Because what's funny to my God, is making fun of people's intelligences. In an affectionate way.
Like, I wrote on my sister's wall, saying that the reason she thinks people are so ugly when she goes out in public is because she sits around and looks at pictures of beautiful people all the time, and beauty is just an average of all the faces she's seen.
Beev said that didn't make sense. It made more sense that Kristen was just weird. "That made waaaaaaaaaaaayy more sense to Beev."
I act a certain really weird way when I talk to myself like this. Anyway, so they didn't like the personality change. And tried to fix it with medication.
I told my parents that there is no way I am going to stop talking to myself. It's a little glitch in the way I am that has been hardwired in so hard it would be impossible to get me to stop.
"Woah! We are Beev and F. Meeke! We don't know about withdrawal effects."
Beev and F. Meeke is what I call my mom and dad.
This was a change in my personality. I thought it was a welcome change. But they didn't. They were trying to medicate me to make it go away.
Because what's funny to my God, is making fun of people's intelligences. In an affectionate way.
Like, I wrote on my sister's wall, saying that the reason she thinks people are so ugly when she goes out in public is because she sits around and looks at pictures of beautiful people all the time, and beauty is just an average of all the faces she's seen.
Beev said that didn't make sense. It made more sense that Kristen was just weird. "That made waaaaaaaaaaaayy more sense to Beev."
I act a certain really weird way when I talk to myself like this. Anyway, so they didn't like the personality change. And tried to fix it with medication.
I told my parents that there is no way I am going to stop talking to myself. It's a little glitch in the way I am that has been hardwired in so hard it would be impossible to get me to stop.
Thinking With the Mind of God
So I recently had another "whatever the fuck that was" experience. It was actually quite pleasant, when I wasn't getting grief from my parents.
So what I have learned is just to take the beliefs as they come. My beliefs about what is going on are changing. All that matters is that I don't lose faith in myself. Everything will be okay as long as I never stop believing in myself. I just have to be open to the fact that I have a lot of beliefs that are most likely not true. When one gets disproven, accept it and don't let that make myself stop believing in myself.
At this point I don't want to get into the details of what happened. But, basically, I imagined a bunch of shit, then I started arguing with my parents.
More and more frequently, I start thinking with the mind of God. At least, this is how I interpret it. The energy kind of goes up and out of my head and I start laughing about something on Earth that doesn't logically make sense.
Back a couple months ago, when I was thinking with the mind of God, I was thinking about how people missed the point with Jesus, they were just in awe of how great he was.
The point was there is really nothing wrong with comparing yourself to Jesus, what's wrong is hatred.
So I started hearing all these thoughts in my head, people saying mean things and people saying nice things. I felt the vibration of each thought. Mean comments had this nasty unharmonious noisy ring. Nice things had nice energy.
So one of the things was, Jesus was a great guy, but even He wouldn't go to hell. And by hell I mean a hell that is eternal. Jesus is willing to suffer but He wouldn't even go to hell.
But a lot of humans do go to hell. So in a way, those humans were a lot better than Jesus was!
No sentient being would willingly knowingly experience that kind of agony.
So in my room, I was whispering to myself over and over and laughing, "those people were a lot better than Jesus was!"
The major theme of this particular episode was people thinking for themselves. At the hospital, I picked up a Rush Limbaugh book, because I realized I don't know anything about him. I started reading, and I wrote down a quote from him because I thought it was so true. It was something like, "I'm convinced that most people don't really think, though they believe they do."
I had a lot of arguments, and I kept running into the fact that we were talking but not really communicating. So I started really making sure we communicated, but people got mad. They got mad at me for asking them what they meant by things. Why they thought things.
I was writing a lot of facebook statuses when I was arguing, trying to illustrate that the way they were thinking was incorrect.
But the thing I was thinking was, only intelligent people appreciate really intelligent things. So I was thinking that some of the stuff I imagined when I was delusional, it only makes sense to intelligent people.
And other people aren't going to understand stuff that comes from the mind of God.
I imagined that a lot of my facebook statuses were this way. They were only funny to people who are intelligent, and stupid to people who are unintelligent.
God created humans with the capability of thinking for themselves. However, most of them don't. Humans were actually, in a way, made way to stupid and not intelligent enough to understand God. But God didn't fully understand humans when he first made them, and when writing the bible.
One of things I was thinking was that God didn't hate Esau. He just meant he didn't like him as much as Jacob.
So what I have learned is just to take the beliefs as they come. My beliefs about what is going on are changing. All that matters is that I don't lose faith in myself. Everything will be okay as long as I never stop believing in myself. I just have to be open to the fact that I have a lot of beliefs that are most likely not true. When one gets disproven, accept it and don't let that make myself stop believing in myself.
At this point I don't want to get into the details of what happened. But, basically, I imagined a bunch of shit, then I started arguing with my parents.
More and more frequently, I start thinking with the mind of God. At least, this is how I interpret it. The energy kind of goes up and out of my head and I start laughing about something on Earth that doesn't logically make sense.
Back a couple months ago, when I was thinking with the mind of God, I was thinking about how people missed the point with Jesus, they were just in awe of how great he was.
The point was there is really nothing wrong with comparing yourself to Jesus, what's wrong is hatred.
So I started hearing all these thoughts in my head, people saying mean things and people saying nice things. I felt the vibration of each thought. Mean comments had this nasty unharmonious noisy ring. Nice things had nice energy.
So one of the things was, Jesus was a great guy, but even He wouldn't go to hell. And by hell I mean a hell that is eternal. Jesus is willing to suffer but He wouldn't even go to hell.
But a lot of humans do go to hell. So in a way, those humans were a lot better than Jesus was!
No sentient being would willingly knowingly experience that kind of agony.
So in my room, I was whispering to myself over and over and laughing, "those people were a lot better than Jesus was!"
The major theme of this particular episode was people thinking for themselves. At the hospital, I picked up a Rush Limbaugh book, because I realized I don't know anything about him. I started reading, and I wrote down a quote from him because I thought it was so true. It was something like, "I'm convinced that most people don't really think, though they believe they do."
I had a lot of arguments, and I kept running into the fact that we were talking but not really communicating. So I started really making sure we communicated, but people got mad. They got mad at me for asking them what they meant by things. Why they thought things.
I was writing a lot of facebook statuses when I was arguing, trying to illustrate that the way they were thinking was incorrect.
But the thing I was thinking was, only intelligent people appreciate really intelligent things. So I was thinking that some of the stuff I imagined when I was delusional, it only makes sense to intelligent people.
And other people aren't going to understand stuff that comes from the mind of God.
I imagined that a lot of my facebook statuses were this way. They were only funny to people who are intelligent, and stupid to people who are unintelligent.
God created humans with the capability of thinking for themselves. However, most of them don't. Humans were actually, in a way, made way to stupid and not intelligent enough to understand God. But God didn't fully understand humans when he first made them, and when writing the bible.
One of things I was thinking was that God didn't hate Esau. He just meant he didn't like him as much as Jacob.
Sunday, June 16, 2013
Punishment
So, I wanted to write about something I was writing about at the hospital. The concept of punishment, and how it relates to hell.
What is the purpose of punishment? Some people do not understand the purpose of punishment. The true purpose of punishment is to CORRECT BEHAVIOR. So, your kid gets in a fight with his brother, or something. You punish him. Is it because he DESERVES TO SUFFER? No. You are trying to teach your child.
That is the whole purpose of negative feelings that happen on purpose. The purpose is to teach.
So is hell a punishment? Well, hell is eternal and there is no coming back from hell, so there is no way for people to learn from their bad behavior and make it better. So it is not a punishment.
Why do we send people to prison? There are two reasons we send people to prison. One is to correct behavior. The other is because they are a menace to society and they need to be removed. It is not to make them suffer. It is to remove them from society.
The only time people deserve pain is if it's going to help them learn.
So anyway, what I am trying to say is, souls that are sent to hell on purpose, they are like prisoners who need to be removed from society. These souls are a menace to other souls so they need to be cast out. Because these souls are dangerous and threaten the well-being of other souls.
And that's how things are.
What is the purpose of punishment? Some people do not understand the purpose of punishment. The true purpose of punishment is to CORRECT BEHAVIOR. So, your kid gets in a fight with his brother, or something. You punish him. Is it because he DESERVES TO SUFFER? No. You are trying to teach your child.
That is the whole purpose of negative feelings that happen on purpose. The purpose is to teach.
So is hell a punishment? Well, hell is eternal and there is no coming back from hell, so there is no way for people to learn from their bad behavior and make it better. So it is not a punishment.
Why do we send people to prison? There are two reasons we send people to prison. One is to correct behavior. The other is because they are a menace to society and they need to be removed. It is not to make them suffer. It is to remove them from society.
The only time people deserve pain is if it's going to help them learn.
So anyway, what I am trying to say is, souls that are sent to hell on purpose, they are like prisoners who need to be removed from society. These souls are a menace to other souls so they need to be cast out. Because these souls are dangerous and threaten the well-being of other souls.
And that's how things are.
Friday, June 14, 2013
My Christian Enlightenment
So I had an enlightenment a month or so ago.
One thing you should know about my enlightenment is that I just tagged on some shit to it about all religions being correct to sound more politically correct.
So I used to think that Christians were kind of stupid. Now I actually think that Christians are way smarter than atheists. Actually it's not a matter of one being smarter than the other.
I didn't understand the idea of getting saved. The thing is, it's not really supposed to make sense to us because we're not God. That's the thing about Christianity, or this brand of Christianity I subscribe to. Part of it is accepting that you don't know fucking everything.
Which is something that atheists refuse to do. They think that they are capable of comprehending the universe. They can't accept that the universe follows a logic that they are incapable of comprehending.
Except that when I reached enlightenment, I did comprehend it. And I remembered how, the only way to get around the hell problem, is to have people accept Jesus.
You realize that God IS NOT all powerful. I don't believe in an all powerful God. My dad told me that I wasn't allowed to believe this. That if I believed in God, He had to be all powerful.
But I don't believe in an all-powerful God. My God can't do something like, say, create a rock so big He Himself cannot lift it. My God can't do that! Well, that doesn't logically make any sense! Yeah, because my God cannot do everything. He can't do things that don't logically make any sense. And saving someone who has not accepted Jesus, or bringing someone back from hell, are things that don't logically make sense to God. Because God follows a higher logic.
People think the idea of hell is funny. You realize, once you have properly had the shit scared out of you, that hell is the scariest concept there is. There is nothing fucking scarier than hell. It's this state of horrible horrible agony that goes on for eternity and never gets any better.
Non-Christians get annoyed by Christians trying to convert them. One thing I have learned is, Christians really aren't trying to be mean when they try to convert you. They aren't trying to be intolerant of your belief system. They seriously just want to save you from the fucking most horrible scariest shit ever.
You realize that God hasn't talked for 2000 years. That's not very long for God. The way humans think is different from the way God thinks. You also realize that there is no way in fucking hell the bible is inerrant. You know why? Because language is so fucking shaky and unreliable. Like, today, people don't even agree amongst themselves what words mean. Think about being translated between languages, and several times into modern-day English. They keep translating the bible because the English language keeps changing. There is no fucking way the bible means exactly the same thing now as it did back when it was written.
So these are my ramblings for today.
One thing you should know about my enlightenment is that I just tagged on some shit to it about all religions being correct to sound more politically correct.
So I used to think that Christians were kind of stupid. Now I actually think that Christians are way smarter than atheists. Actually it's not a matter of one being smarter than the other.
I didn't understand the idea of getting saved. The thing is, it's not really supposed to make sense to us because we're not God. That's the thing about Christianity, or this brand of Christianity I subscribe to. Part of it is accepting that you don't know fucking everything.
Which is something that atheists refuse to do. They think that they are capable of comprehending the universe. They can't accept that the universe follows a logic that they are incapable of comprehending.
Except that when I reached enlightenment, I did comprehend it. And I remembered how, the only way to get around the hell problem, is to have people accept Jesus.
You realize that God IS NOT all powerful. I don't believe in an all powerful God. My dad told me that I wasn't allowed to believe this. That if I believed in God, He had to be all powerful.
But I don't believe in an all-powerful God. My God can't do something like, say, create a rock so big He Himself cannot lift it. My God can't do that! Well, that doesn't logically make any sense! Yeah, because my God cannot do everything. He can't do things that don't logically make any sense. And saving someone who has not accepted Jesus, or bringing someone back from hell, are things that don't logically make sense to God. Because God follows a higher logic.
People think the idea of hell is funny. You realize, once you have properly had the shit scared out of you, that hell is the scariest concept there is. There is nothing fucking scarier than hell. It's this state of horrible horrible agony that goes on for eternity and never gets any better.
Non-Christians get annoyed by Christians trying to convert them. One thing I have learned is, Christians really aren't trying to be mean when they try to convert you. They aren't trying to be intolerant of your belief system. They seriously just want to save you from the fucking most horrible scariest shit ever.
You realize that God hasn't talked for 2000 years. That's not very long for God. The way humans think is different from the way God thinks. You also realize that there is no way in fucking hell the bible is inerrant. You know why? Because language is so fucking shaky and unreliable. Like, today, people don't even agree amongst themselves what words mean. Think about being translated between languages, and several times into modern-day English. They keep translating the bible because the English language keeps changing. There is no fucking way the bible means exactly the same thing now as it did back when it was written.
So these are my ramblings for today.
Friday, June 7, 2013
Three Cheers for Zombie Academy!
Three cheers for zombie academy! Are you experiencing a human emotion? Don't worry!! There are drugs for that!! Human emotions are unhealthy, they should make you feel dirty and full of shame, if feeling dirty and full of shame weren't also human emotions. Side effects to the drugs include massive weight gain, hair loss, breast development and discharge in men, and increased salivation leading to excessive spitting and drooling.
Don't want medication? Who gives a flying fuck what you want? If you refuse your meds, we will have you injected with them!! We have the legal power to do that!!
Don't trust your therapist and Zombie Academy? Don't worry!! No need to put your trust in your therapist! She will steal your private journal and read it to get to know you better!!!
Don't want medication? Who gives a flying fuck what you want? If you refuse your meds, we will have you injected with them!! We have the legal power to do that!!
Don't trust your therapist and Zombie Academy? Don't worry!! No need to put your trust in your therapist! She will steal your private journal and read it to get to know you better!!!
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