I had a dream when I was in about second grade, where I woke up crying because someone stole my Native American feather. It was a state-of-the-art Native American feather, had all sorts of mystical powers.
Actually, it was because I received this feather instead of a life, I think. My guides were talking to me at the time, I recollect now, about my life and when I got older, I would go through all sorts of mystical altered states. Of course, something would happen to me that was horrible, and there was a big gaping parental problem... Only partially their fault.
I've been processing this issue a lot, the selective mutism one. For people who don't follow me on Facebook or who may not already know, I didn't talk in high school. Actually I didn't talk from fourth grade onward. When I was at a treatment center called Innercept, I randomly started talking all of a sudden. Effective treatment? No, my guides reversed a problem they gave me.
As for the current state of beliefs in my head, I am not convinced I have any special significance in the world, or for the cause of global warming... Maybe someone who, after death, gets suddenly recognized for having good philosophical works, and an interesting memoir series.
Of course, this happens after death. Like in this thing I remember from the other side.... "Your worst problem is being under appreciated. Which, as we all know, thinking the worst problem is being under appreciated is classic sociopathic thinking..." (hold for laughter)
There was a situation where a Blurry Face on my friend's list posted a meme one time, "The worst feeling in the world is feeling under appreciated." Oh. CLASSIC sociopathic thinking!
As an adult though, I've been processing this issue... the not talking in school issue. It seems to have gotten to the point where, the entire thing makes me suicidal. It's not regret, though. It's not like I could have done anything different! If I could have effectively made good conversation with lots of people, I would have! The problem was, in most social settings, conversation was so incredibly CHALLENGING I just chose not to do it. It was either that, or sound like a moron.
My guides say they did something to prevent me from being able to put my brainwaves in conversation mode. I notice that, actually. Every time I do it now, I remember the "shrimp tacos" exercise.
Shrimp tacos exercise. When I was at the treatment center, after first making conversation about the ridiculous moronic new food pyramid... vertical lines, defeats the purpose of it being in a pyramid... I would talk on and on about shrimp tacos. That's how I solidified my brain's ability to switch into that mode, when they calmed down the release of the hormonal suppression or something (they said there was some aspect of a hormone being suppressed).
All this should be well-documented in my medical history. I mean, that I couldn't make friends at my new school. When I got to junior high, I joined Girl Scouts... That's how that story went about.
I was always curious, what dream did I have when I first learned of the social predicament? Subbie said, you had a dream about a person who was locked in a box for one thousand years, and when they opened the box they were still alive... Which evokes a "huh" from Conscie. Actually, that's interesting. That was one of the dreams, it wasn't the first one.
The first one, actually, was one I didn't remember upon waking. There was a dream I had as a child, where I was at a birthday party... It was so vivid it seemed like a memory, but it was obviously a dream. The girls all watched the previews for a Disney movie, and then ran away and played their own games when the movie came on. My psyche's way of saying, these movies will cause very serious worldview issues, you will wish you had done this instead of watching this crap.
Anyway, my guides, on a subconscious level, and Ian... I remember Ian being present back then, too. They were all talking to me about this thing they were going to do to ruin my life... When they finally told me about it, we were in Indiana one summer (I remember the ironic thing about my life was, the defining moment of my childhood happened one summer in Indiana on a subconscious level). "We shut off your social signal, before you move. You won't be able to make conversation with the other kids." That's what Ian told me.
The dream I had was like a large THUD!, of horror, me sitting in class, the bell going off, and a reference to the Disney dream, like the other kids were moving around me really fast (in the Disney dream the kids were moving really fast playing their own games). Kind of like it was saying, talking to the other kids will cause you emotional problems as well!
Anyway, the dream I remembered upon waking.... It's funny when it comes up now, it did at the hospital, that was when we were first talking about it, wow that was a long time ago I don't even remember that dream anymore... There was a newscast I was watching on television, about a woman being eaten by a swamp monster. They were talking about how it could strike again, and... "We hope it's not this kind of swamp monster (there was an image of a big fat scary ravenous devil monster)... boy do we..." Darkest dream symbol I have ever had.
I woke with a start, went back to sleep... Later on I remember sitting in my grandma's bedroom talking to my sister, zoning out and wondering about dreams. MAN, what a dark feeling... God, DREAMS, geez, let me tell you, weird... Like, wtf?
Subbie says, it ended up being way worse than she ever could have imagined.
The dream I had at the hospital... I made everyone laugh telling them about this. A reference to later elementary school and processing the issue. It was a memory (not a real one) of taking the hose in the house to make the house into a swimming pool, I was so distraught and in so much pain from the situation.
I don't know what the point is... Not to be bullied? Some sort of very SPECIFIC raising and upbringing, not superior, superior for some reasons, I guess... Not being bullied. Kids didn't dare make fun of me in junior high/high school, most kids didn't in elementary school either but I was insulted every once in awhile. Not in junior high or high school.
It seems like it ruined my life. And hey, that's why I was depressed, since age 6... that's when my guides started talking to me, telling me I had hard life ahead of me. I thought they meant I was going to be homeless, so I started worrying about homelessness and lack of being able to get around in the world, from age 6. Of course, that's a fear I have now. Recently though, it's changed more to lack of significant people in my life, maybe I will survive I will just be horribly depressed... Which is better?
Other essential dreams and recollections.... In first grade, I had a dream that I took something to make me skinny (I was a little chubby and picked on for it), and it was dangerous and I felt distant from my family and regretted it horribly. I woke up glad it was just a dream.
Other essential recollections.... The first time I heard someone sing, "Hi, my name is, what? My name is, Who?" STUCK OUT LIKE SHIT. First time I heard that on the playground in sixth grade, I wasn't watching MTV.... Man that stuck out, like I knew that was significant...
