So I am going off Adderall, for life. No more of this bullshit drugs and horrible searing soul-shattering depression it causes to my soul.
I am sick of this drug addictedness I have. No one understands. Well you're a drug addict! That means you shouldn't take that drug! Well actually, what it means is, I need this drug in order to feel okay, and not like a horribly depressed lump of dark coal, or even worse, an empty pool of nothingness. So I wait, and wait, and wait for my doctor to give me a new prescription. Then when I finally get a prescription for something close enough to Adderall, the insurance companies tell us that Adderall is cheaper so I should be on adderall instead and refuse to pay.
So I stew in darkness, and the desire to feel whole again, and I turn to alcohol and cough syrup to relieve the horrible searing depression. So my parents blame me, blame the alcohol, blame the drugs, send me to the hospital.
So anyway, I have done it. I have overcome the need to turn to drugs for my issues. I want off all of it. All the drugs. Even the Adderall.
I made a subconscious decision, after lack of proper sleep, I went to an altered state and told myself, no more drugs, no more drugs!
I SHALL BREAK FREE FROM THIS INSANITY OF ALWAYS NEEDING DRUGS TO FEEL OKAY WITH MYSELF! THIS SHALL END NOW!
I told myself, no more Adderall. No more artificial "happiness."
My body goes into internal turmoil as my adrenals go haywire, pumping out all this excess adrenaline. It's not agony, it is just very uncomfortable. A more acceptable anxiety than I'm used to. I'm sick of this house, the house that worships doctors, and prescription medication. The house that worships an ideal state of artificial happiness, who thinks there is nothing better in life than drugs, no they aren't drugs, they are "prescription medications!" These aren't "bad" drugs, like weed, coke, meth, and LSD! These are happy acceptable "healthy" drugs!
I don't want to be a part of this anymore. I want out. Not out as in suicide, like my parents would think if they read this, because they think like sick people. Always negative, always negative. Rachel's acting different, oh no! She must be suicidal, or teetering on the brink of insanity! Time to take her to the hospital and pump her full of "healthy" happy drugs!
No more adderall, to begin with. Adderall is the reason I am emotionally unstable, so fucking anxious, getting horribly, horribly embarrassed over things that aren't even embarrassing in the slightest. I am so fucking sick of being embarrassed all the time.
So I've done it. I made a subconscious decision. And my guides tell me, that's what you need to do and your body will return to normal and you will feel good again, dopamine production will start up again, you will feel happy, naturally happy, and not need those fucking stimulants to induce an altered state of manic depression.
So I'm done with these drugs. The only drug pushers in my life are my parents. They have pushed drugs on my from a very early age. Ritalin. Adderall. Lamictal. Abilify. Geodon, which is the cause of pretty much all of my brain damage (which the doctor will never say out loud!). Invega. Lithium. Ativan. Everything that fucks up my brain, my life, my emotions, and my happiness!
Good bye drugs! I am done! I AM DONE!!!!
WOO HOO!!!
