Help Like Jesus: Part 17

What would happen to me, if I didn't get out of the hospital soon? Where would I end up? I wanted to know what would happen, so I asked my guides.

You are going to leave the hospital very, very soon. You will go to a place inside your mind, to stay for a week or two. We will help you learn some things that are important.

Why do they have to take forever getting my food? I am hungry!

Don't worry about that, you need some crackers! Go! Eat crackers!

So I left my room, and brought back some crackers and wolfed them down.

Now, you need to know something about your mind. It is not fragile, like they say. You are going to be moving out with Jordan, if he has a place to stay. We don't know. We haven't manifested the reality yet. We have not manifested any realities. If you manifest the wrong reality, you morph into a world where only you exist. Really. That's why we have to be careful in this state.

What happens to people, when they morph into realities where only they exist?

Well, in their previous reality, they die. In their new reality, they usually become celebrated people, win lots of awards, etc.... until they start to notice. They notice, there is something missing, with human interaction, that used to be there, that isn't anymore... They don't really believe, though, until they die. When they die, they are told they were the only one in the reality, and it is traumatizing... To think that they were the only one in that reality, and they were alone so much, so long.... They need integration into society, to get back on their feet.

I remembered something, from a Sylvia Browne book I read. Is there something called cocooning?

Yes, there is. Good question. It is normally used for universe crashes.

What's a universe crash?

Oh, something goes wrong... And then, the universe startes imploding on itself... Much like the one you were in.

I was in a universe crash?

Yes! In fact, you one time had a very powerful past life regression dream. The one with the picture, and your mom, and the “Oh no, not that! Oh no, not that!”

Woah! Holy fucking shit! That meant that that dream had something relevant in it to this!

It's very common for a universe crash to start with a moving picture. When someone sees it and freaks out, it can bring on the crash of the world. When two people see the picture, it makes it more real, and more likely to crash. When five people see the picture, the crash is eminent. When the picture moves, it is because there is a bug in the wiring of that part of the universe, which will usually correct itself, if left untalked about. When seven people see a moving picture, they do not understand how to live very long. Usually when the universe crashes... the lucky ones die of dehydration. The unlucky ones starve to death, because they cannot get food into their bodies... it keeps morphing, turning into other objects, and stuff to that effect. You will run into objects that aren't there, random pieces of stuff will fall on your head, and you will see things move that do not exist in real life. Objects morph into other objects, and stuff to that degree.

Could there ever be any universe crashes on Earth?

No, there could. There will be, if certain checkpoints are reached. If certain things happen, like say, a dog with a red collar barks up a withered oak tree five days in a row, then the universe will crash. That's not a real one, I'll tell you some real ones.

They proceeded to go over a couple odd things that if happened on Earth, would bring on a universe crash. It would only work if done by someone considered in the spirit world to be sane.

Now, don't tell anyone those. Those are for your eyes only. When the universe crashes with vigor, the only people left standing are the ones who do not believe it is happening. The deniers do not die.

Is that true?

No, but it is a spirit joke.

When I got up the next morning, I remembered my dream. It involved a person who was looking for me, and I hid everywhere, except it could not be found out that I was hiding. He looked inside a drawer, and it dawned on me that the girl I was looking for was not him, a ghost!

My guides told me the meaning of my dream. The girl I was looking for was Martha Stewart. She needed help on the spiritual plane. The guy who was looking for me was a man I knew from a past life, a man who raped me and imprisoned me, for the Earth equivalent of 8-9 months. When I was told this, I got scared. Who was after me now? Who was going to find me hiding out in the park one night, when no one was watching, and kidnap and molest me?

The guides laughed. We were only joking. We need your help with something on your mind. Your worthiness. When I tell you what you like about yourself, name three things.

Okay. My sense of humor. My philosophical thinking. And my adventurous spirit.

Okay, now, name five things you love about your spirit guides.

Okay, umm.... Their names? Umm... their advice, their worthy party-going habits, and their wild crazy ideas about God.

Now, what are your ideas about what the rest of your life is going to be like?

I will be famous, popular, romantically involved with Martin Sheen, and in love with myself so bad it takes it two hours to rotate around my house.

What?

The paparazzi.

What did you think of the ball game last night, Rachel?

Which one?

The one we had with you, while you were sleeping? You were the star player!

I liked it, but was it better than sleeping in peace? Nope, not really.

We enjoy talking to you, but we love to hear your voice! Speak!

They laughed.

I was mad. I threw a pencil in a huff. They screamed. We danced. And then, we ate some cake to celebrate the dawning of a new age.

This was before I got a phone call from my sister. I went to answer it.

We talked, and it was revealed that we both hated my mom. So cripplingly badly it had caused us problems. I realized that she had had the same problem I had, with hating her. That's why I had liked the teacher. She had had problems too.

I walked around the hallway again, several times, while the spirit guides got songs on the radio for me to listen to. It took me awhile to recover from the moment I had first become one with myself, from when I got over the idea of being done with my mom.

I walked back to my room. When I got there, my mother had arrived. I told her she was okay not remembering what happened the night I was taken to the hospital, I was freaking her out on purpose. She didn't believe me. She thought I had been psychotic.

I went to a group meeting, and took back some papers. I had become obsessed with small details in my room, like the bed being made but unmade, the trash being cleared up, to avoid looking like I was a wreck. I decided what would make it even better would be to put up some therapy stuff on the wall.

The guides told me that objects had souls. When one object dies, it becomes one with another object. When one object splits in two, its soul does not, it dies. When food is eaten, and the food has souls, that's the happiest an object can be!

Objects do not like being used for purposes other than their intended purpose. I was going to put up some papers on the wall, but in my intense emotional state I felt bad, guilt, because I was not putting them up for my betterment, which is why someone typically puts something like this on the wall. So I sat down, and talked to the paper, and talked to the pieces of tape I was using, asking, “Now how would you like to be a decoration instead of something used for betterment? It is for a good cause, I promise!”

Now, those are happy objects! My spirit guides said.

We walked to the place where you get snacks, and picked up some cheese, and went back to my room. When we got there, the doctor was surveying the room.

“Hello!” she said.

“Hi...” I hated this doctor with a passion.

She tried to again force me to agree to getting the invega shot instead of the pill, which I flat out refused. I wasn't going to go for that shit. When she was done, she told me I could leave tomorrow. I was better. Things were looking good.

Okay, now we are going to talk about something important. What you are going to do when you get out of the hospital. What are you going to do?

Try to get an Adderall prescription!

That's okay, but you need to work on some stuff with us. We are going to teach you some stuff, and you will learn a lot. We are going to help you remain anonymous for the time being while we gear up for the guardianship trial! We need your help though. Do not work out too hard, it is hard on your body in the spiritual state you are in.

Will I need to check my email, to see what the guy from the writer's conference said about my reading?

We don't think so. You won't need to do that. While we were going through this, you were so scared about the outcome, you manifested it so that it could swing either way, like Schrodinger's cat. We honestly do not know whether you were right or not on that. His guides weren't sure exactly what he was talking about when he said that. We told you what we thought. That's what we thought.

Another thing about when you go home, you need to breathe oxygen. You have been stuffed up in this horrific psych ward for the past week and a half, you haven't been able to breathe! Another thing is, on the way home from the hospital, tell your mom you came to a realization while you were at the hospital, and that was that you were raped.

Okay, I said, and downed the last of my fifth cup of coffee.

It was the day of my release. I waited, and waited. When a hospital staff asked me if it was my day to go home, I responded with a, “Hoorah! It is so!”

When I was leaving the hospital, we stopped and bought a diet pepsi. I waited, went over to the other side of the store and channeled. I still felt the need to channel every little thing.

We got in the car. I was nervous for this upcoming conversation. I didn't really want to tell my mom this. However, I did anyway. I got out a piece of nicotine gum, to get the conversation juices flowing, and chewed. Then I told her, when I was in college, I was raped. I realized this when I was in the hospital. I blocked it out. It was a guy I knew a little bit, who I was meeting for the first time at his apartment.

She asked a couple questions, but for the most part, appeared indifferent. I was surprised by this. I was raped. She didn't care.

We got out of the car at home. I went up to my room, checked facebook, and wrote a status.

Okay, my guides said. Now, you need to understand something. We are trying to help you. So whatever happens, just remember. We are on your side.

I know that. Of course I know that!

So when we tell you, you need to pretend things are back to normal, do not channel in front of them. They will not like it. They will think you are talking to your invisible friends.

But I am! You are my invisible friends!

More like, imaginary friends. When you go downstairs, eat a banana. Don't talk to your mom unless she talks to you. We will make it through this hard part of the journey. When you get back up here, do not hesitate to ask what you will do next.

I did so. When I got back up, I asked. They said it was time for a shower, and then, bed.

Chapter

Okay, you have slept long enough.

My guides woke me up. I looked at my watch. It was 5:23.

Go, make coffee, eat breakfast, and come back to your room. We have some stuff to do.

I did as I was told. When I got back, my guides informed me that I was going to learn energy work. The same kind that I was seeking last April, to help me with my rampant fixation on Chance.

So first, lay back. Watch the ceiling. Imagine two lines. One is you, one is Chance. Imagine them getting closer, and closer, and closer. Now, imagine them hugging.

I did so. When I did so, I received a funny tingle.

There you go! You just made an attachment. They are not bad, they are good, if you are going to be in a relationship. Now, imagine the three weirdest words in the English language. Now, imagine them coalescing into one word. What is that word?

Detrimental.

Excellent! Now, imagine your mom, and your dad as lines. Now, imagine them getting closer, and closer, and closer. Now, imagine them preparing for action.

What did I do there?

You created a loving bond between the two of them. Now, imagine your mom as a one-way street. Close the traffic!

Zzzzzt! I closed the traffic.

There you go! You made her less fixated on you. Now, we are almost done for now. One more time. You, her, your dad, and boom! There, you put a working bond between the three of you.

Now, look right there, and look right there, and look right there.

I looked, at all three places.

No! You weren't supposed to look! That means you're delirious! When you are consciously aware that we are telling you to look somewhere, and you look, it means you are delirious. It's a sign you've been doing too much energy work. If we tell you to look some place subconsciously and you stare at one place, it means you are dazed.

Go, get yourself some more coffee. When you go, use a red cup, and do not look at your parents.

Why?

Looking at your parents is bad luck right after your first session of energy work. Another thing. When you go, do not eat food. Food is bad right after energy work, in this state. And do not ask for permission to pet the cat, the cat is not good luck for energy work! Do not invite the cat in the room! We have some more to do, right now! You need to wake up a little more!

When will I be a real energy worker?

When we are through with you!

When will I be able to cut the energy cord to Chance?

We are not ready for cords yet. We soon will be. But first, we have to get rid of some attachments.

I did as I was told, and returned to my bedroom.

Now, imagine a two-way street connecting you and your mom. Now, close the street going from you to her.

I did so. Zzzzt!

There you go! You closed off your projected thoughts to her. Now, do the same to your dad.

Zzzzt!

There you go! Now, make a list of items you want for dinner, because it is time to go to the grocery store. You are right, we will tell you what to get.

We went to the grocery store, got a bunch of random food items, and came back to the house.

Now, more energy work! Imagine a line connecting you and your mother. Now, run a line through the line.

I did so.

Now, run another line through another line going between you and your father.

I did so.

Now, run yet another line between you and Kristen. Now, poof!

Poof! I did with my mind.

Now, run a line between Kristen and yourself. Now, attach!

Attach!

Now, run yet another line between your mom, and your father!

Attach!

There you go. Now, time to eat some celery sticks and peanut butter. Go! Do not clean up after yourself, your parents will do that. When you get to the kitchen, walk clockwise around the island. Do not look at your parents. Watch for slugs, because you can look at the ground.

I woke up the next morning, ready to use my mental powers for the greater good. I had breakfast, exactly what my guides told me to eat, and drank coffee. I went back to my room, turned off the light, locked the door, and began the energy work.

Now, draw a line between you and your dad. Make sure it is straight. Try attempting to make it wild. Now, make it illustrated. Now, make another line between you and your sister. Make it pretty. Now, make it moody. Now, make it pretty again, with a star and a flag. There you go!

It was funny, because they would tell me to do these strange abstract things with my mind, and I would be able to do them easily. I didn't know exactly what they meant, but when I moved my mind to the adjectives they used, I did it about right.

Okay, now we are going to break attachments. You have one to your mom. Go like this. Two lines, interwoven. Now straight! Straight! Straight! Curve! Curve! Mood! Body! Habits! One! One! Three! Happy! God! Love! Peace!

When I did so, the attachment became weakened.

Now, move your mind like this, and like this, and like this.

I did so. When I did so, the attachment broke.

Hooray! You are no longer attached to your mother!

Now, we will break an attachment to Melvin. Go like this. Cabbage! Cabbage! Willingness! Barsicles! Water! Patty! Milk! Hobgoblins! There you go, you did it!

Now, you need to make an attachment between you and your sister.

Two lines. Now, imagine them intertwining. Straight. Straight. Straight. Curve. Waterfall! There, you did it!

Okay, time to get up! Food! Water! Something beautiful is happening with your mind. You are becoming an energy worker! Rejoice! You have a trade!

I went downstairs, as instructed. I didn't look at my parents, as instructed. I drank from a red cup, as instructed. I ate as instructed and returned to my room as instructed.

When I got there, they were ready to move on to cords.

So, we are going to help you with the first few, and walk you through the motions of cord cutting. We will start with an easy one. A crush cord to a guy from high school you don't remember. Okay, here it is. You've got it. Now, tug! Tug! Now let go! Poof! You did it!

Now, another one. A love cord to your mother. Just kidding. Another dormant crush cord. Right here. You got it. Tug. Tug! Okay, now let go!

I waited, and waited, and waited, to get to the nasty cord to Brandon. They said that was a little bit too advanced. When I waited, I grew cold and hungry. I wanted a time out.

Okay, now look there, look there, look there. Okay, you're delirious. Try getting up and moving around a little bit.