My life has turned to complete shit. I'm going to get help for my alcohol problem... When they let me into detox, so I am GOING TO... But fuck it, for the last several days I have been drinking. I don't do anything embarrassing when I'm drinking, unless you count strange Facebook statuses. It's gotten to the point where I am physically addicted to alcohol, I drink every day, I drink alone... I can't go a day or even very long without drinking, or I go into withdrawal. It's not as fun as it used to be, either. So I said, fuck it. If there's a problem, you should do something about it. What do I gain from drinking? Well, weight, is about it, and temporary stress relief.
Anyway... so I was drinking and hanging out with a friend, and I went to bed. When I woke in the middle of the night, I felt like I had had a nightmare. Yes, I did. It was the return of the Bowel Movement People.
I had that nightmare in 2016, when my guides were "training" me, doing strange things to me... I had a nightmare that I was in this locked facility with the Bowel Movement People, where they would force you to have bowel movements all day long, watch you, and command you not to move, not to move, "You are annoying the fuck out of us," they would say in a calm voice. It was nasty and horrible, worst nightmare of my entire life. Well, actually, it's sort of funny if you have distance from the situation... But in the dream, it is the worst scenario you can possibly imagine.
I feel like complete shit. I am withdrawing from alcohol now. I have pain in my body, in my heart. It is a broken heart, not anything wrong with my physical heart.
I feel like my guides may have destroyed my life, but I don't even want to think about that. I have to go to some facility to detox. They aren't talking to me right now. When I withdraw from alcohol, sometimes I go into dark spaces. I think I am having an energy disturbance all the time, where you send out bad energy in all directions. That doesn't help the situation, people send you back bad energy when you do this.
I want cocooning. On the other side, after a particularly harsh lifetime, they put you in a little thing and smother you with comfort, to recover. I need that.
