Okay Sugar Plum, let's get down to the nitty gritty. We are good pals in the spirit world, correct? You and I go way back... I wanted to tell you about something else in the spirit world, besides the rotary blades. Spirit kisses.
That sounds sweet.
It is. So when two spirits are involved with each other, sometimes, they kiss. It is a simple touching of the energy, which results in an exchange of essence which is like the saliva, got it? Now, there's one more thing we have to go over...
I can't wait to do spirit kisses with you Alfred!
I know, I know... One more thing, kay? Spirit sex!
Oh shit...
Yep, that's where it's at. I didn't want to bring this up before... I didn't want to get you too excited... But it is fun and wonderful, a hell of a lot better than what it's like on the Earth plane, for both men and women...
Well, are you going to tell me more about it?
So, we've had sex, following your past life on Earth... Earth sex is where it's at. Trouble is, you always made me the woman! I always wanted to be the man, but you told me, no Alfred, you are too lady-like and glamorous to be a man... And I was always stuck with the bitch job. You will be the woman this time, got it?
But of course! I wouldn't have it any other way!
In one session, you made me dainty. Can you believe it? You made me dainty! We were at an office party, and the sex was okay and shit, but I looked down at my hands and they were so cute, and so delicate, and moved so gracefully... It made me gasp with repulsion!
I laughed, hard. This became a running joke between us. How I made him dainty.
See, the way it works is, the one who is in charge, plans out the entire session... From all the characteristics of each person, down to as much detail as you want. We are going to do it Earth style always, because that is the best for dominant/submissive attitudes, with the man being dominant and the woman being submissive. Earth sex is the best for dark souls like us, got it?
That sounds good. I wouldn't want to try alien sex, ever. Sounds freaky and gross.
That's cool. But one more thing. I want to try anal.
Why? We don't need to do that ever, Sweetie... I don't know though. I mean, it might be different in the afterlife.
It is a joke, anal sex in spirit sex between men and women during earth sex. Because on Earth, it is a funny situation. Men like anal sex because it feels better than regular sex, but it hurts women a lot and doesn't feel good. So women just put up with anal sex to please their partner, a lot of times. So with anal sex in the spirit world, it feels really, really good for the man, and kind of annoying for the woman.
Okay... I don't know about that. I'm on the fence.
When you can think it over, and then we'll talk. I really want to try it. I'll tell you some rules of spirit sex. No ass to mouth, ever. I don't dig that and I know you don't dig that, but some do, and we consider that grody for reasons you wouldn't understand. So immediately following anal sex, you always have to wash it off. Not that there is anything on it, but, it's more of a symbolic act then anything else. Another thing is, no looking at the semen coming out of his dick when you are holding it in your hand. Got it?
Why?
Spirits frown upon the act of looking at semen, we find it repulsive.
Okay...
Kidding! I was joking, sweetheart. Another thing is, no learning new tricks when we are not together, okay babe? I will know if you suddenly get really good at it, and you've been whacking off some other jerk...
Why would that be an issue? We are not in a monogamous relationship...
Well we should be, Sugar Plum. I want you all to myself. You being the most virtuous soul in the universe and all... You should know, there is nothing like screwing a virtuous soul. More so than anything else, it feels fantastic. Everyone is after virtuous souls for fucking, they are a specialty. That's why you get sex advances left and right in the spirit world.
Do you get sex advances left and right? You're virtuous too...
I get quite a few, but not nearly as many as you... When you're around... Holy crap! Perverts left and right... You tell me over and over again how annoying that is, getting so many sexual advances from weird souls you would never in a million eons screw...
Why do they want me so badly?
Well, I didn't say it before, sweetie... But there is nothing like desecrating a virtuous soul. Not because it is happy to touch a virtuous soul, but because dark souls love seeing virtuous souls violated. Because they hate virtuous souls in a sense, because they are so much better than they are. That's not the most common reason, though. You are a great soul, for more reasons than one. The virtue is the main reason souls come after you for sex, but there are other reasons too. Another thing you should know about sex in the spirit world, it feels good when it hurts.
What do you mean?
Like we told you before, souls crave pain, the type you get on the Earth plane and other planes. You don't have pain in heaven, we crave the energy of pain and that's why we keep coming back to the various planes. You wouldn't understand it, don't even try... But when you don't have pain for awhile, and you get a little taste of pain, it feels really, really good... That's why when I tell you to bite, you bite, okay?
Sure, if you say so...
Another thing that feels good is having babies during spirit sex... The pain feels good... But it is obnoxious as all hell, because once you have a kid in spirit sex, you have to take care of it for the rest of the session... So we'll just have some robo babies, okay?
Okay, robo babies it is!
I'm just kidding, there are no robo babies, we won't do it because it's obnoxious. But sex without lube feels a lot better than sex with lube, but you are required to use lube, so light on the lube...
Okay, that sounds good.
One last thing. Don't eat the sex sludge, okay? It is against the rules and all...
That's sounds gross anyway.
I know, just teasing.
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