At the house, when downstairs, I had to make a point of not looking out the back window. The Angel's Trumpets bothered me. They were so disgusting looking, they made me vomit. When we went to the store to get ice cream, I bought enough to drown out the sight of the Angel's Trumpets. When we ate candy, I licked enough to bring on tooth decay, because I wanted to escape from the Angel's Trumpets.
It was really obnoxious, making a point not to look at the flowers, shielding my eyes from that horrific sight. I couldn't block it out totally by closing the blinds, the door was glass and had no blinds. I had to suffer. My mom's cousin Karen called out to me, telling me it would help if we found a way to move the flowers, because it was bugging them how I always had to look away. Bugging them? How about bugging me! I knew that I could not move the flowers, my mom liked them too much, and she liked to look at them when she was down in the family room.
Michael Moore called out to me on the spiritual plane.
“I want a sound byte,” he said.
“Of the screeching?” I said.
“No, of the beautiful melody you are projecting on the spiritual plane.”
Whenever I looked at the flowers, there was a screeching in my ears. It happened when I looked at other things too, like when I looked at the pattern on my socks turned inside out. It was a horrific screeching, which started low, and turned really high-pitched. It sounded like a death flute.
When we went to the gym, I walked in and collapsed, and bought an energy drink while my mom went to tai chi to do the warm ups. When I went in, I was ready to start doing tai chi. The instructor looked at me and smiled, because I was about to find out how much tai chi it takes to recoup from that kind of energy drain, because it was pretty intense recovering from a transgressionary life force drain with tai chi.
Chapter 34
Where does it take you, Rachel? Alfred asked as I was following a pattern in my mind.
Over the river and outside the door... I said, falling asleep.
How about you tell me a story about what you did last summer? Alfred said.
I did not do anything fun, I was just bored off Adderall...
You forget so easily. I was there with you. I remember what you did. You did a lot of snorting of the reefer, and drinking of the alcohol... he reminded me.
It was dumb. I wanted Adderall, I said.
I know, I know. I hate Adderall, he stated.
I do not. I like it for what it is, pure healthy entertainment! I screeched through my closed vocal cords.
Watch this! He showed me a picture of a girl looking up at the ceiling, and the ceiling beams dancing around.
What?! I remembered when I was nine years old, staying at the beach, watching the ceiling beams as I was falling asleep... At one point, they all started dancing. When the stopped, they were all in their original places. That was you?
Yep, it was me, Sugar Blossom. It is easy for me to work that kind of magic, my dear. He showed me a picture of a girl watching television, The Big Bang Theory. Would you like to watch this show again?
Sure, of course! I said.
Then sit here and listen. You are ready to move out. When you do, you will be thrown around like a sex doll. I am serious, this is what's going to happen. I want you to be in tip top physical condition. So let's go over the basics. Stay off the sweets. No fattening foods, like pizza or french fries. No whipped cream on your Starbucks drinks. No snacks between meals unless you are starving. Shower, every day. Shave every other day. Use lotion every day. And wash out your crotch!
One more thing, one more thing. Read books of a good nature with friendly themes, like Lord of the Flies.
Whenever I was sitting around the house, I would hear the words, “Lord of the Flies” randomly, like Alfred was talking about that book again.
When you go to get a drink right now, keep the change. Do not give them your change as tips. You need the money.
When you work out at the gym, do yoga. It will sculpt the lean physique you want.
You keep telling me, over and over again, the lean physique you want. Who said I wanted a lean physique? I like muscular! That's what I like!
No, you like the lean physique. That's what men dig. They don't want women with bulky Britney Spears muscles, they want the yoga instructor look. You will get that too, if you do yoga three times a week.
When you wash your hands after you go to the bathroom, use soap. Not so much for your hands, but because it helps the acidity of the planet, Alfred said to me.
Why is that?
You don't really need to wash your hands every time you use the bathroom, but it helps keep your body clean to wash them on a regular basis.
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