Where do I start, with this chaotic sequence? I looked at Jason funny when he wrote me. He said I was toxic. No, there was an excuse in every situation, of why we no longer talk. I have my friends at a distance now, unlike Jason who keeps his friends at arm's length as he said. I figured out he was blocking psychically for me, I found it, friends he had were just his wife, of people who mattered to him.
Damn I can't speak proper English. That's editted, that last paragraph to eliminate the run on sentence issues.
At Howell's bar, I went to get out of the house, then sat at the bar for a change and scenery and hopefully a conversation with a stranger. I was sitting next to an old man who looked exhausted. I knew I wouldn't be able to pull off starting a conversation here, with my conversation abilities. I looked at the television screen and it was Amber Heard. Jason sent a commit suicide spell, which for a second makes me want to kill myself. This was the first time he cast this spell. "Kill yourself, it's Amber Heard." I laughed my head off later at this joke, not knowing if it was truly funny or if I was just laughing nervously. I realized though it was probably a hybrid of the two, so it was okay to laugh at that joke. But, Jason was watching me, telling me to kill myself because he thought I would feel like it on the way home. No I wouldn't, I don't have the annoying drinking alcohol alone effect. I know how to stay optimistic. He thought I should try to talk to the old guy next to me. There in person, I didn't want to. I listened to my music, glancing at the b.i.t.c.h. on the screen and laughing to myself, some woman asked me what I was listening to that was so funny. This wasn't embarrassing. Jason cast a suicide spell, and this was so unfair I sent innocence. Innocence was an energy I didn't know about until I tried to send it to Jason. Subbie said, that energy is effective. There was some effect of Jason looking at me funny and trying to send innocence back, and it was pretentious.
When I really needed Jason to stop, he would not. I was going crazy, and as I access memory, I see a glimpse of "random strangers or Jason sending the spells." It might have been random strangers, but I knew sometimes it was Jason. He did not stop, and I do not know what the spells he was sending did or what they felt like, I don't remember. I think they just horrifically drained my energy, which was unusually resilient due to the fact my spirit guides did this same effect thing in the spring of 2017, and right there I knew that was the toughest person, maybe not literally but I think I qualified for putting up with this nonsense I don't remember, it got written there as, "At any moment, in the bus, as I was walking in public, my spiirit guides would drain my energy so I felt horrible, and I did not collapse." So these were the spells Jason was doing.
Afterwards, I was informed of some enthusiasm or disappointment from the Dark Duo of Infamy about the five years after Ethan's death. Well, that got leaked out the leaky faucet of what I say, out loud or in Jason's messages. And online. But this was particularly depressing for him.
Actually, he was struggling because he did not care. When he first started watching, it was a slow period in my life, or slow couple of days. He said, what, where's the ridiculous action and adventure? Well, he got mad because he started during a slow period, looking, and he would say things to me randomly. One time, he suggested for the sake of both of us, stop listening to the Avril Lavigne song "What the Hell." And one time on the way to the gym, "You are not allowed to listen to The Game by Disturbed!!!" Which I started listening to thinking about Jason's magic attack.
Well, the other thing about this situation is that he witnessed a sad occurrence, which was staged because Conscie trusts Subbie to $Death$. If Subbie wanted to stage a stupid event, she would and did. The next day was the attempted murder.
This part right here, though, is what I'm pointing at. He was looking at me, dismayed at the magic attack, when I really needed it to stop, for my sanity. Then he sees me get on my computer and play the Pledge of Allegiance on repeat. Wow, he missed where that idea came from, looked at it and realized he was reading me entirely wrong altogether, he was looking at my brain wrong, and he felt shitty but he was already in over his head. He does not want to talk about this moment or even mention it, as on his strong side's note he feels nothing less than remorse over this issue, and it sounds maybe kind of hokey right now, saying this, but it's true.
Doot di di...
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