My experiences being spiritually possessed go back to 2005 and the incident with "Sean." It seemed to me at the time that that was spiritual possession, however it was my first experience with alcohol, and there was that.
Then, the drinking of the liquor prior to the ER incident struck me as too easy of a move, and I zoned out while I was doing it. This is something that could keep me up at night screaming if it weren't for the fact that I take everything in stride and say it's part of the drill, due to the intense effect the ER Incident had on my parent's and how they view me.
Then... Out of nowhere, the William Vandergaw incident. I happened to remember thinking the thought that saved my existence and in essence humanity during this occasion, which was as I was getting up immediately after we had both taken three shots of liquor and had a beers in our hands, I get up and walk back to the kitchen because I'm worried that won't get me drunk enough, and as I'm walking I can't get over in my mind thinking about how bad I really didn't want to do this but wow my body just popped right up out of the chair and walked to the kitchen, huh. Yeah, so at the time... I didn't understand the point of this exercise until my guides told me eventually and they were in the picture way earlier than they told me about the cinching of energy related to caring about someone's opinion of myself. I brought it up a couple times, and they found ways to distract me. I don't know why, it is probably complicated but they told me in like 2017 or something why we had that beloved incident.
What else? I'm used to letting Subbie move my body. See, Subbie can move my body as well as Conscie can, and Subbie can override Conscie's decisions most of the time if necessary. If a conscious decision is overriden by Subbie, there is nothing Conscie can do. Of course, usually that's just fine, like when I look in the mirror and am suddennly walking in the other direction, despite Conscie wanting to fixate on the mirror for a second. That happened one time, it was kind of funny. That's the other thing though, there are lots and lot of experiences related to the Mindflip that are incredibly cool, so yes, I did get the "mental handicap rewiring of brain" that everyone always wants. I had a fixation on it before I got offered the mission, this particular brain situation. It is both fun to use and rewarding, as I knew the mindflip would help me grow an astounding amount in intelligence. I'm thinking of going off on a tangent but I wanted to write about... Spiritual Possession.
People, young and old, as a side note... Don't mess with Ouija boards. I have never done so, but it is common sense not to. Stores stopped selling them for a reason. Knowing that stores won't sell Oijja boards yada (I've read this on spiritual websites I don't know what happened) is good enough reason for me to say no thank you that's stupid.
So, at some point it becomes obvious to me in my life that I am at times spiritually possessed. The story of hurting my mother went like this: Actually, I was planning on playing around with my parent's beliefs and this "that one time in downtown Portland"... Those words have come out of my mother's mouth and she stops. It's the Santa Barbara streets issue, I lived it up on the streets of Santa Barbara for several days before my parents took me to Idaho to Innercept. I had the time of my life, I was also under spiritual protection from the spirits, and Santa Barbara seems safe compared to downtown Portland. There is some dark energy there, something I would like to stay away from, so for some reason it's a joke with me that my mother would think I would repeat the Santa Barbara stuff in downtown Portland, like a kitten running playfully into traffic. I fear downtown Portland, to a certain degree. I also believe that other cities like Detroit probably are even scarier in this regard.
Anyway... I don't remember what I was thinking the night of the incident walking back from the gas station, drinking a hard seltzer Four Loko, just one (all day), and I left the bottle like a rebel in the little bird bath in front of the house. I walked in, my parents were sitting around the island in the kitchen finishing dinner. My mother said something that angered me because it was probably something about medication but I don't remember at all what the comment was. I remember I was annoyed, but... Not... Enough to do that, which I did while I was thinking that, seemed like Subbie, and I even got in on camera but my camera was stolen before I uploaded new stuff. My spirit guides told me it made a mark on Mass Consciousness, this moment where I felt indifference to what I was doing, and I was doing something that could have killed her. Kind of like, I'm sure I've pointed this out but this is funny and true, the Waterworld experience makes a noticeable impression when thinking in altered states but I don't know how to describe it. A memory of a shared moment of fun that went from happy to the most miserable you can imagine.
So, but we are talking about the attack. I rode a wave of rage right there, throwing my mother on the floor. So I cussed her out when she was on the floor. Spiritual possession involves whatever the force behind it to be able to manipulate you (me) emotionally as well. I called her the C-word, which really bothers me. You know, what happened in my life is both Robin (he didn't want me to tell anyone this though, but whatever) and Alfred called me the C-word for no reason in 2014 only to prove a point. Anyone can use any word and they don't need a license. So there is a culture shock thing with this word and it doesn't mean much when I say it except to mean I am angry. Also, I had a reoccurring dream that I called my mom the C-word, in 2019, and I was scared that it would come out of my mouth without me meaning to at some point, and that ended up happening.
So, I rode a wave of anger, I did not touch her again or try to hurt her further (I've heard my mother say I repeatedly slammed her head against the floor, that is absolutely not true but I think there is room for memory confabulation if your head hit the floor this quickly). I wanted to talk about the part that happened next. I did a little Diablo thing which was both touching and dumb, moving my dad's cane like it was a staff and Diablo, then took a video, put a couple of signs on the floor, and went into sleep. The police woke me, and I was compliant eve though the healthy thing here would be just to let me sleep in my own bed. Instead, I have to go to the part of Unity with the bright lights on you as you sleep, the only reason for this I think is in case people bang their heads against the wall which I find that disgracefully offensive for anyone to even suggest that I would ever purposely bang my head against the wall. Which brings me back to the thing where well I hit my mother's head pretty hard against the floor. Shit. Shit. Shit. Cringe, repeat. This is a thought that has been repeating for quite a long time in my brain, I cringe a I think about it, and I sometimes remember and sometimes do not... What? That other people might think I enjoyed doing that and that I am sick.
What else? After the spiritual possession incident, there is something I want to tell Eminem and everyone else about how it effected me. I was in denial that that incident was wrong, for a long fucking time. This is IRRATIONAL THINKING. That means, I did not think about the incident, did not fixate, and I believed it was right for some reason but I didn't think about it and I don't remember exactly how I thought about it which is bothering me because that doesn't seem to make any sense. I thought she deserved it I guess. Moving on. Moving on. Oh, and Sunday's Fan sent me a song called Tipton by Odessa. "All is well in my soul." Yes, that was true. Why? Because the part where I moved to throw her to the ground did not make sense in terms of motivation. There were no violent ideations whatsoever.
Subbie wanted to point out "haze." This issue was a "haze" issue in my brain that lead to blurry.
Jason was Sunday's Fan, he psychically read my mind and probed to see my reaction to that song, which he sent to taunt me, and then he said right there he wanted to marry me instead, for a second or maybe more, due to the fact that that song was dead on (not a song I listen to most of the time, it is too mellow and slow). But, all is well in my soul, because at heart I had no intent to hurt my mother.
Anyway, so that's my story, and then there was this recent incident at the ranch in Boardman. We got back from our Boardman trip in the van, I got out, went over to the nurse's station, yelled at the woman working (I don't know her name, and I don't remember what I yelled. Aggravating psychological factor on my mind was that I had used meth to counteract the dopamine blocking effects of the medication, and now I had meth face which I think went away but I'm still worried about). I was angry becaue of the medications, I don't remember what I yelled it wasn't that bad, it wasn't the C-word, then I walked around the stairway thingy to the entrance to the nursing station, for a second I thought you know I could go downstairs and leave this situation alone and relax but I don't wanna, and went and stood behind her, I didn't want to hurt her at this point. Then I was standing behind the woman and was struck with furious wind of anger, I pushed her hair down once, use of force was minimal, I didn't actually want to hurt her but I did in that one moment right there, which is what I wanted to talk about. There was this moment I was struck with rage and wanted to hurt her and not hurting her, in terms of motivation related to spiritual possession, actually didn't seem like an option I was allowed to choose. So it was a "multiple choice test with only one answer and that was to shove or push."
Anyway, I like writing and telling people stuff. I hope someday I will be famous for my writing and my outstanding personality.
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