After I was hit by the black magic attack, which I had to do knowing I was on the twig, meaning danger if I make a false move, maybe. This was serious, I was fighting him off but after awhile I started to see fuzz in the air like I was becoming mildly psychotic: Fuzz with depth, which I consider psychosis, and it doesn't ever happen any other time. I wasn't sure if I was making the right decision or not, but as my head was spinning in a circle, it felt like it but my head wasn't moving... I went downstairs and said, "I'm still not taking the antipsychotics."
I had to sleep, but my brain wasn't going to let me. I went downstairs to take a klonopin, I took one, but it didn't take effect. I started crying. How irresponsible, they do something to my brain against my wishes that causes it to not work properly. In that moment, I thought the enjoyment I got out of life would not be present anymore, the thing that makes altered states interesting would no longer happen. I remembered back to a day when I still lived at my parent's house: I was a little bit suicidal and had a dream, according to Subbie I didn't remember, that Subbie died. I realized that it was about this (this was a theory), and it was the psychosis black magic that had robbed me of my enjoyment in life, as Isis the Pearl House employee asks me if I want to weigh myself too, which made me naturally assume the black magic thing was a Pearl House Event for staff.
I realized that the dream was not of the neural pathway between Subbie and Conscie being severed, rather, it was of the geodesic dome which is the mindflip being thrown to the ground and shattered, done by someone else. It was the saddest thing ever and I let myself cry. However, my brain returned to normal after enough sleep, with limited defects. It required both marijuana and alcohol to knock me out.
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