The Other Morning...

Well, I have been keeping a tid bit from my readers. There was some reason I had to wait to right now to tell the story from awhile ago or not that long ago but maybe several weeks, dunno how long, maybe a month I guess?

I was awake in the wee hours of the morning as usual, and there was someone attacking me and I was blocking, or so I thought. At some point they were finished attacking me, and I was left with something wrong with my brain. It's hard to understand, but the part of my brain I move or something... I was hooked like I was caught in a strait jacket, with the dopamine receptors or something, maybe serotonin as well, as I heard in my head that this thing sort of recreates serotonin syndrome (my spirit guides told me my mom has this, where the serotonin receptors aren't working properly), but even sicker and weirder. I didn't panic, I sat there, and as I explained to the FBI, moved the brain parts in a fashion that kind of resembled Bernice trying to brush her hair after she bobbed it in the classic high school English class movie, "Bernice Bobs Her Hair." I did not panic or worry. There were thoughts of feeling like a victim going through my mind right here, and I instructed myself to stop whining as it was getting in the way of me freeing myself from this (it was a simple command, 'stop whining,' not a belittling to Conscie "whine whine you whiner kind of deal, which the witch I was looking at with my subconscious mind, saw and thought was important), and not very much time later I was back to normal, I found a way to get them apart, and it was something I remembered that I could recreate.

The witch continued to watch, as he thought later might be a good time to try this again, but ha later isn't an issue if you're me.

There was something in my mind about how this entangled brain state snaps together when the subject panics, which due to spirit guide training I don't do.

Also, this was Mr. Fictitious Last Name Michael's (I can't use his name anymore for some reason, not sure so I'll just say this), attempt at getting me to commit suicide, and it costed more than the kitchen sink and stuff, I was told $50,000 but this might not be exact. This was part of a rainy day/retirement fund he had, and it was blown in one fall swoop as the witch gets paid based on the work he does, there isn't a satisfaction guarantee. The witch treated me in a slightly sweet manner after this, and then disappeared.

I laughed my head off at this situation. I was told by my spirit guides this guy thought he would make money from interviews with the media afterwards.

Anyway, I wasn't worried. Then they did it again at one point, someone did, don't know if it was on a whim of a witch or if they were paid again, I woke up and my brain was like this again. I did not panic, worked under pressure, it was harder this time but I got it undone and back to normal without panicing, just a small release of a neurotransmitter that I was annoyed by because I wanted it to be completely done in stride and forgotten about, which it was. The neurotransmitter was a feeling of horror concerned with the situation, which was mild but not conducive to the task at hand.

Then, the other morning, I don't remember what I was doing when I noticed, but they got me hitched up and tangled another way, which I patiently tried to resolve, and eventually succeeded, but it was in a way designed specifically for the mindflip, which if I have, and I am not lying, and you know that you shouldn't try to interfere it means I am right.

So I was left again with the classic scenario of the guy who threw his life savings out the window. The witch had told him this was impossible to get out of, but nope I did it with the mindflip.

I don't know if they have theories, but if you can rewire the brain in some way, it indicates design, which indicates God exists, and Christian framework. Well, no, but I have it. Close enough, yes.

The Year Was 2023: Continued

After I was hit by the black magic attack, which I had to do knowing I was on the twig, meaning danger if I make a false move, maybe. This was serious, I was fighting him off but after awhile I started to see fuzz in the air like I was becoming mildly psychotic: Fuzz with depth, which I consider psychosis, and it doesn't ever happen any other time. I wasn't sure if I was making the right decision or not, but as my head was spinning in a circle, it felt like it but my head wasn't moving... I went downstairs and said, "I'm still not taking the antipsychotics."

I had to sleep, but my brain wasn't going to let me. I went downstairs to take a klonopin, I took one, but it didn't take effect. I started crying. How irresponsible, they do something to my brain against my wishes that causes it to not work properly. In that moment, I thought the enjoyment I got out of life would not be present anymore, the thing that makes altered states interesting would no longer happen. I remembered back to a day when I still lived at my parent's house: I was a little bit suicidal and had a dream, according to Subbie I didn't remember, that Subbie died. I realized that it was about this (this was a theory), and it was the psychosis black magic that had robbed me of my enjoyment in life, as Isis the Pearl House employee asks me if I want to weigh myself too, which made me naturally assume the black magic thing was a Pearl House Event for staff.

I realized that the dream was not of the neural pathway between Subbie and Conscie being severed, rather, it was of the geodesic dome which is the mindflip being thrown to the ground and shattered, done by someone else. It was the saddest thing ever and I let myself cry. However, my brain returned to normal after enough sleep, with limited defects. It required both marijuana and alcohol to knock me out.

The Year Was 2023

I clung to life, or some sort of hope, in my bedroom. At one point I was so lost, without love/close friendships, I had nothing but the mattress and I clung to Donald Trump through the mattress. People don't like it when I cling to them through the mattress. When it comes to the mattress imprints or connections through the mattress, this is my toy and I am pro. I don't know if other people experience this mattress issue, or if it is just me. Yes, black magic makes it really stick, without being able to leave if I'm pulling on you. You can try to one-up me, but this is not a boring toy. People touch me through the mattress. I was wondering if the laws of the natural world changed and this is something that happens, bed astral projection.

So, the day after the anniversary of Suicide For Hire, I was living it up with Chris Sepelak that night and the spell hit. The coincidence was I was listening at the time to the right Tupac song with the right line in it, and so of course I shared it on Facebook and I knew right here that this was not him being friendly, and you can laugh about how I didn't know that afterwards but I see no harm in this situation. I was in denial, which is a long-winded psychology discussion. Donald Trump gave me a kiss right before this happened to say goodbye, which was experienced in the air around the room, not on any particular body part of mine.

So, I came back and I knew that the miracle had happened! Now, it would come to light the injustice of 2022, when I was clinging to my sanity during a blocked out for much of it, I noticed it at the time, acknowledged it was Jason, and didn't remember later... Anyway, I had various incidents of disrespect by staff during this showdown, which started with just Jason, and became a full-out battle with many witches, which I remember in retrospect as a stressful but valued life memory. As I acknowledged at the time, this was a childhood issue, and I would come out on top of my psychology circuit in the realm of the strongest person, in some attempts of quantifying healthy life experiences, as this was a healthy life experience, so what I can't quote Dr. Dre, Eminem? Is that some thing about being white?

Anyway, after experiencing the blow in terms of a spell, I was excited and ready for change. Well, the worldwide witch community all knew the stories of me fighting off Jason and the other witches, so that would come to light. I didn't expect this to happen beforehand, and now I knew it would.

I talked to Aaron on the spiritual plane, and he told me he liked women who had a few extra pounds, which was an attempt to make me eat more but sorry I didn't want to. He told me he liked how the song "Life Goes On" came on right after No More Pain and Hearts of Men on the Tupac CD, which Subbie pointed out and I listened.

I don't have anything positive to say about this guy, he kept saying on the spiritual plane that it must be the tryptophan in turkey, and he kept forgetting what I said about how my experiences in 2018 dining out were not my preferred activity, I had no friends because of the mission and there was something wrong. This experience was depressing. Usually I ate at Sweet Tomato, because my brain required mega nutrients and one of the perks of the mindflip is it requires you to have a healthy attitude about eating extra, which I could handle.

So, video montage of an artistic nature, it still didn't register that it was an attempt to make me commit suicide, even when he told me to commit suicide through the mattress, and I clutched him and told him to go over all the reasons why I should, and he got irked out but... I'm not sure what happened then, but the next thing that happened, they switched from black magic love spells, to psychosis black magic, which I found I was able to counter and the experience of blocking psychosis black magic was so fun, it renewed my passion for life and made me want to live again!

When things get entertaining, I start to want to live.

I regret nothing.

Beware the Farkle Swerve!

Jason was the classic and intensely tragic faced when he mentioned,...

You laugh, haha I don't care about Technical Fouls, karma, activity that's illegal in the spirit world, any of it.. Don't matter! HAHAHA IT DON'T MATTER!!

Then, splat.

Now, what did he say, "I've tried to eat at the fabric of time to go back in time, I eat and eat and try as hard as I can because... It doesn't seem to be working yet, but there is always a first time. BREATHE!"

Sexual Wooing Energy: A Raunchy Evil Sick Joke, Satan & God, XOXO

Is sexual wooing energy designed by Satan?

Or is it with God's permission, and he uses it to his advantage, but it spreads evil.

Sexual wooing energy, when used on a woman or Rachel specifically, makes her gungho about pleasing the subject.

Now, the part I want you to understand of my story, 2019 September, an awkward special month. I saw Jason thinking in my picture of him, I might be happier if I marry Rachel.

Then I told him.

There's something wrong with this. Reading other people. Then telling them.

Leavenworth, Washington. A roast of the host of the coast, toast? Post on, until then.

Hey, what I was going to point out was, I got lost in a fantasy when I noticed this, or it was already happened that gave me permission.

This was a private fantasy. Jason shouldn't have known about it, unless he can feel when I pull at him in the mattress. Actually, it's not if, it's to what degree, he proved to me he notices.

So, Rachel saw Jason thinking about marrying Rachel, then Rachel got caught up fantasizing... It was about living some sort of sexual dream, with the uber babe Jason who was just so fucking hot it bothered everyone... Hate, new word for you bimbo.

Rachel tried to explain it to Jason the best she could. There were never any guys who wanted me, besides a couple or a few and Matthew of course. No one, there was no lively experimentation with sex, I was never popular sexually. I didn't experience proper adolescence.

tion

As I come down from the sexual wooing energy cocoon of raw sex energy, I see that a woman being as forceful as I was about this, (which to me sounded like repeatedly saying, we could and should check out this sexual situation between us, and him not wanting to live a little and paying attention to his marriage vows.

Actually, there was a plan in case Jason changed his mind and married me. The mission would go somewhere else then.

Miss Ethics Seeks Pleasure in the Form of Facebook Status Tirades, Whimsy Astounds

My life, I can't predict. I don't understand why I should eat every day. I eat every single day. If there are rumors that I am a pig, I have gone out to restaurants alone when that was the only activity on this shit ass plane that excited the nerve endings, granted my social handicap prevents me from feeling like I can connect with others. Also, I can't talk about things that are important to me because everything involves character and people get pissed when I talk about character, to themselves and I have to think about it because of Subbie. Other than that, damn I hate restaurants. Like, God damn. I hate even more ordering from Grubhub, but my brain requires fuel. I have to make an effort to withstanding the haughty taughty naughty gagging smells of restaurants, God they irritate me like a shitty perfume smelling like delish in your kish sandwich with fries, yuck. If I go out, it would be to a coffee shop, because coffee shops are not included with most restaurants. I hate restaurants, and if I'm a pig to you, you're actually the more pig-like one because I have freedom from food fixation, but I have to eat sometimes like everyone. In that way, I'm more human than all of you, because I have transcended the belief that food is the ultimate satisfaction. The ultimate satisfaction to me is death, wink wink nudge nudge, Aaron.

Developing Kindness: Forgive Preachy Hypocrite Assumption, of me

To develop kindness, the spiritual model is to start by devoting emotional resources into vicariously feeling pain over other's problems. This results in a decisive effort to solve the problem, and after you do so, you can learn to practice sympathy, not empathy, especially when dealing with Earth Plane horrific situations. You don't want to empathize with everything. You first learn empathy. Than you learn to block it out, and respond.

Also, in regards to Jodie. The call in I got from her in the shower was that you learn to distance yourself from situations when you blame the person.

I have had people look at a spirit-induced (fake) embarrassing look on my face, and not believe it and laugh it off, practically. That's what it seems like, given the situation. Don't believe my facial expression? Good, because the spirits mess with that too and that means you have proper empathy, or sympathy in this situation (not sure, have not asked).

With regards to puberty, you have to start by minding your own business when it comes to other's problems. When others reach out to you about their issues, then you can give your input and focus on installing a solid base of empathy. This is something that takes numerous lifetimes and work on the other side to develop, and sometimes the process is ugly.

Only then, can you reach the Golden Standard and complete unity with Christ. I was told to say Buddha instead though, so praise be with him as well.

A Vortex Hot Spot For Jason's Will and Energy

The situation reached a marked heated spot when Jason came out of the bed, and bounced around the room, taunting me with lines I had to strain my ears to hear. It wasn't really him, as I knew, this was the person I had been cuddling each night through the mattress, though. I had to be drunk to withstand this torment, it was hateful and bitter. At the liquor store, the woman didn't bother to ID me and I had my ID.

This part was not that long, as it was July turning into August. If there is a part I forgot, of the heated battle, I will remember later and note. The part I wanted to explain, was how we were in some sort of lock, the witches, Jason, and I, we were in some sort of lock as I reacted with indifference to his hate, than he sent woo. "Hey, what's this? Don't go limp, don't go limp, don't go limp you empty void of a person... GOD..." Yes, Jason... I was right it was sexual wooing energy all along. He was in over his head though, still.

Each night, my wind down routine included plugging in the phone, and plugging in the computer.

Then, Jason got a supernatural knife, made use of the connection we had to try to cut my aura at the heart while I was sitting on the bed, I had to get away from the bed, but instead I drank liquor and that worked quicker. I had no resting or sitting spot, and the bed was a vortex hot spot for Jason's will and energy. He did not succeed at cutting, and I don't remember what happened at this point. I had to be wasted, and he was pulling me from a distance, than Witch C came up, fired a bunch of warning shots, and at night was in my bed comforting me through the mattress, as its a traveling spot for human souls. A place of easy entry, or easy reaching, and a window of opportunity if you like to leave the mattress at your own place. There was no place to sit or perch.

Sleep Was Easy..

"Stuff a cock in it, we'll have you committing suicide either by midnight tonight or tomorrow by noon lunch hour." The new witch in charge invited with a furious tone.

"No, I make the rules around here. This is my turf."

Ooh, I bet you didn't think of... He put into my frame of vision a hamburger with cheese, and I sucked a breath in with enthusiasm and then pushed it out.

"Tell me, tell me, honey, sweetie, what is your worst fear..." Ian cooed to me, pretending to be Alfred.

"You know what it is and that's secret, dum-dum-fuck." I retaliated and the first shot was hired, which I was quick to block.

"Well, we'll need a neat playlist for the occasion..." I whispered, then reached over with my hand for the computer. I was hit by two more spells, got back up, and went through my music library, scrolled, and put on a song to shoot magic to.

"Ooh, Nelly Air Force Ones. Good grief.." Ian tickled his ear and yawned. I yawned as well.

"Geez, this song brings back memories..." I was reminded and did not hesitate to point out to them, I remember listening to this song with my mom, and I remember walking around the loop in 2020 wearing my mom's shoes, and my mom during the after effects of Fish Out of Water Psychology was placed in my mind and then..."

They groaned. Geez, "what a hot tapestry of emotionally charged incidences,"

Jason took the clit pounder, and pounded my clit while saying "Mom, mom, mom, mom, mom..."

"You have a point there?" I retorted, with unwavering strength as if this had not bothered me in the slightest.

Fury raged through Jason, I could feel him sending anger and hatred.

"Well, this song here will calm the mind..."

I played NF Time. It was a song that was on the radio as I was being transported in 2019, after thinking that Jason and I would be hitched.

Then, I fell backwards in slumber. I fell right asleep.

When I awoke several hours later, there was a hubbub of Jason going nuts, the witches were holding him back as he wanted to burst forward.

"Ha. You die now."

"Outstanding! Can you send a ladder so I can climb out of this dilapidated shack known as Pearl House?"

"Suck a cock, like you know how to!" Jason screamed. "How dare she! How dare she bring that up..." he burst forward and started doing a spell, a killing spell, I fell back and lied there, then lost consciousness. I drifted in an out of consciousness, in when Jason started doing the kill spell again, out when he lost his nerve and back to sleep I went.

In the morning, I woke up with a cheery smile. Gee, Jason, I sure hope you did some permanent damage that will hasten the death process considerably.

I had had a dream about being molested. I was living my life, and it turns out I was blocking something out: I was molested. Then, I realized I was blocking something else out... I was still being molested. Then, I figured out I was blocking something else out: My life had consisted of nothing but being molested, and it was still going on.

And an image of a golf puck.

[Abrupt Ending]

The Next Morning...

I awoke from a dream. I do not remember the dream, but Subbie said something, upon waking. "Let me show you something right here." I closed my eyes and started to drift off, and my focus went to a small stairway and someone hiding with a flashlight and evil intentions, right next to it. "Jason is still not done."

I had to sleep each night on the mattress, the same one Jason did some sort of sexually aggravating spell on me on. I couldn't lie down in the bed without trying to grab Jason, and imagine in a delusional way that things were fine between us. This was still a struggle I was going through. He was the only person within range of me on the spiritual plane, and he was the only person who was actually real to me, in a certain way.

Jason could feel it when I rolled around on the mattress and tried to grab for him. He got so pissed off he started fighting me again, for that reason alone, the mattress issue. I turned the mattress over which helped the problem, to some degree.

"I can't help it that I'm not blind. I can't help it that I'm not blind." Jason kept saying, he said it to Subbie and I heard it consciously. I eventually figured out why he said this. He had placed an emotional connotation of him in my lamp, and I kept staring and talking to the lamp for comfort. When I figured this out, it made me particularly ill and I fell back on my bed in a frightening tapestry of imagining taking a knife and slitting my wrists, no, my throat to make it quicker. "Hmm. I did not like that," said Jason. Like a trooper I went downstairs, took a prn of Zyprexa, and went to sleep. Sleep was essential to getting through this ordeal, it was a magic bullet.

Untitled Witch Sequence

I was visiting my parent's house, and I saw the omen or visual my spirit guides were givine me, of wolves. In the distance, the witches were being hired by Jason again, and they were not friendly, like I was hoping to believe, even though that was stupid. I was in denial over the severity of the situation, I didn't want to think about the ill-will or hatred involved. It was an advantage that we weren't meeting face to face.

Back at Pearl House, something happened that took me off guard, and left me feeling a little defeated. Jason had hired an energy worker to cut the Adult Romance Cord that Jason and I had, which was a burn because the Adult Romance Cord is a cord related to conversation. This was his move to point out he did not like my messages. The cord immediately built back, and I was told that the energy worker he had hired got angry at him for this occurrence, he was harassing me or something. I could keep going, but that was an annoying blow.

Sometimes, when you do witchcraft, you try to present an emotional weakness that your target has, and it allows you to cast harmful spells. I have never read about witchcraft. I have only done a bunch of exercises with my spirit guides in altered states. At one point, they used the three years in elementary school with the social predicament, but this proved not to be a good one. I started teasing them with potential weak spots.

Necrophilia... Nope. Nice try.

"Ooh good one good one, where is your Facebook status on that incident?" The other witch retorted.

The Sims building files... Wooh, that's a burn right there! Save it for hell, as the hellfire will scorch a little more completely than this next exercise!

Ahhh... Diapers? Ha, yeah right that's old, not around anymore dumbass...

"That's the epitome of a lost cause, take your Facebook page down!" the witch said. That was presented as an alternative to suicide, which was bothering him.

Ahhh... I blocked the spells, it was easy. This right here... I presented an image of a rubber ball. "No? No? That's right, I don't get why that's a fetish for some. It's weird to me."

Then, there spell intensity started to weaken. "Should I give you a hand? You really haven't gotten me wanting to die, rather feeling quite chipper and cheery. Do you want to play a game?" I presented as a possible weakness, pretending that I was blocking it out but I pushed it into their scope of reference, an image of the pictures I look at to picture read.

Jason and the witch both did a facepalm or head to desk, and hesitated, and then Jason tried to use it to attack anyway, and so did the other witch or witches (if there were more than one, which I'm not sure). I blocked, with strength, dexterity, and extreme intensity... I blocked with memories of picture reading. That was an exercise that was easy and thorough.

Ooh, you're still wondering what I think about when I masturbate, aren't you? You think that's going to work, ha!

I headed downstairs for nicotine gum. I had a bad habit of pounding on all the doors downstairs to make it come quicker. Standing there waiting, I announced to Jason, perhaps moving my mouth or whispering, you know what I think about? All the stupid unfair occurrences in my life, and right before climax the word "Greta Thunberg." Just the word Greta Thunberg, not an image of her... I waved my finger in the air as I said this.

You said that's... "Fucking cool." I whispered in a deep voice, then pretended to fall over... "AHH!!! Don't quote me!"

I went back upstairs, and resumed fighting. The spells they were doing were not making any headway in getting me suicidal. At one point, I stopped the petty spells and used my psyche in a different way. On a subconscious level, I was waving a baton. It was an exercise I was immediately good at and this baffled me because I had never learned or practiced this time of spell work, I waved an invisible baton and the witches fell still and silent. This black magic was effective.

On The Day the Food Was Tainted

I dealt with that and did not end my life over it or feel weird. I went on to listen to No Doubt, and think about the social predicament when it started, and how my spirit guides used a spell to numb me that started immediately. They told me subconsciously one year in advance. The joke was, "Smooth sailin'.." I chatted to my bestie Jason's screen about this, then online I guess, because I'm always like look at me God works through me ha ha choke choke choke damn leave me alone guides. Then, I eventually took a Klonopin and went to sleep. I woke up, and realized something. I had a dream that was "Heart on the Loose," which was a goal point of mine that I wished so badly I was my future self, when I was younger and yonder.

Then, I received A Brain Mental Map in the form of Personal Unconscious Story A

After the incident at some guy's place I don't remember where he left, I was in one room, and I was doing counter spells and smoking... Jason was blocking out the high which is serious felony or damn issue to go nuts over by the heaven's public... I wrote in a message to Jason, Conscie just keeps going no.. No.. I don't want to hear anything about it. Like the livejournal quote, and Personal Unconscious Story A. I was reminded that I have a glitzy high-strung demeaner that people think is dumb funny but it's the result of travesties beyond normal comprehension, ones that make mortals scream and cry. I am not mortal, like some. I breathe fairy dust out.

Meanwhile...

These posts prior to this one, about magic, this was not what I was thinking about consciously during April/May of 2022. I was thinking about ways to make money, my hopeless love predicament... I knew what my life lacked was close friendship. That's the society approved answer, but I don't know how to have friendships. I drew a lot of tarot cards, wished for Adderall in my head (no curses for such), and hung out with the depraved victims of society smoking their meth. That's what I did, and drew the 7 of cups meaning self-delusion. And I went to the gym everyday. (and she went to the gym everyday, GOD... So Full of Fuck..)

Then, Beforehand

Something that happened that did not immediately get acclimated and processed as part of my life experiences at the time... Jason had some way of mashing my clit. At one point, he get a really powerful love/sex spell, that had me acting all sexualizing and beating against the mattress with all the sexual energy, no orgasm... He did that, then I had to deal with... Tainted food. Nothing was wrong. Then... The FBI caught it on camera. Jason came back, and texted me via Facebook Business page, an image of a monster that looked like it was about to slice open a victim's head, he said this was the monster who attacked, and he had been out putt-putt- golfing when I posted a video that said "STOP! JASON STOP!"

In my defense though, and I had the upper hand in this argument... You, Jason, are the only person in range of me on the spiritual plane, so I will continuously mind to the brain's abiity to fathom what was going on, and the issue wasn't the rape of my clit, it was Jason insulting me and then I repressed the memory but had that picture of the monster, which I stared at a lot, longingly or hopefully. Or maybe I was just looking at the monster's face when I was being clit mashed, and it created a vortex attachment situation.

DUN. DUN. DUN.... What happens next?

If I remember, Which I do not...

They did "sharp-shooting" spells that were easy to block. At one point they came, right after a shindig with my parent's at their house and my sister, they came and... I block Jason's spell and then grab his accomplice, "Okay your turn."

Eventually, I ran out of a reason to live though. This was July of 2022. Without love, what do you do? Just keep moving, keep walking, keep going. It was at least sort of funny, there were plenty of things to laugh about.

Hey, I remembered that the first time I broke down in tears over the Jason attack in June, I was listening to the song Fear of A Blank Planet, which was a song Jason didn't like... No he likes the song but thinks of me in a derogatory way when he listens to it. I broke down in tears, he listens to the song all wrong, but it's not about the song. The tears were not about the song, it was about the attack in general.

At one point, I was drinking liquor and planning on dying in my room of a broken heart or something, and then there was a fictitious death of Jason staged.

I was in my zone and my mom came in and bugged me about the clutter in here. Damn, how rude.

It was a joke that Jason died prior to St. Vincent's 2022 (BPB caused hospitalization). They both shot themselves one after another, and then I get moved from place to place, the ambulance, the ER, finally St. Vincent's where I can leave the room if necessary (and it is frequently necessary to move), hospital staff see me emoting and laughing and giggling flirtatiously, and say she is acting stupid. I was talking to a witch, and we were communicating, but I don't remember what was said anymore, it helped at the time.

After the Jason incident, it caused the witches involved to question there moral compass in a very serious way, to say the least of that situation. Some want to attack me because of America.

Soul Durability: Advancement Attained

The worst part, or very tricky part that I made easy... The ridiculous knee twitch. But, I am fast-forwarding to September of 2022. When there were a couple witches watching me, as that was intense and in the end they sided with leave Rachel alone... Jason was doing love spells, where I would start wondering if I was getting married to him, but I knew I wasn't I just had marriage ingrained, I wanted to move on and this was pushing me to the extent where I was worried about mental collapse, and he kept doing it. What happened was... I got stranger, plain and simple, grew in the rare trait that this situation allows you to grow in. Later on I'm attacked by Aaron in a way that's similar, I don't have feelings for him at all, there wasn't anything special except that he witnessed stuff and I could tell things he was thinking but it's still unclear, it's in language I do not quite understand. I think it was just curiousity, but at one point it was a joke about me and psychopaths.

At one point, I was constantly shipping between Pearl House and my parent's house, because the change of environment was so crucial to remaining sane. I stared at Jason's picture while listening to Changes by Tupac (which makes me think of hatred as a concept), and listening to that song in the car still while my dad drove me back to Pearl House. I could communicate with the witches, and I said to them, okay okay maybe it's like this, and I did an image in my mind of a car being forced to drive off a road, but if you look at the image it was just a bolt of light going very fast off the road, but I said it was Jason's car and my messages forced him to... Okay, what now?

Actually, Jason was still capable of witchcraft, and did something very cruel where he forced me to poop. It was an endeavor in understanding how durable I am as a soul.

And then... Well, Aaron hired spellworkers to do emotional attachment spells that weren't "a forfeit" -Ian's terminology

I was currently growing in the right trait though, after Jason's love/sex spells. So endure it I did, and push me to the cliff of take Aaron and... Wow, I can't put it in words, like a dingy noise does not disturb or what I don't know what to say I'm sorry..

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I went home after Suicide For Hire, knowing that was the biggest punch line they could throw and I passed the test there. I went home wondering if Jason would strike again. All awhile, I used a Roadrunner "Meep! Meep!" cartoon imagery to desensitize myself to the hatred and ill-will that was part of this occurrence. If Jason did anything else, it would be easy to handle.

This was early July.

When I got home, I was still high. I was now menstruating. At one point, I went out in public reeking of menstrual fluid, in my mind to make a statement about the extremity of my stress level. I laughed my head off in my room. Surprise surprise, I was way more secure than I thought I could be, I had just survived an attempt on my life. Now, I had to do a juxtapose dance, juxtaposing any emotional attachment away, separating myself emotionally from Jason.

Jason was determined to force me to commit suicide, but the punch line he had was blown. I can't think anymore or write anymore

That's the problem. This is a situation that I am very proud of, but there is so much trauma involved I can't let my conscious mind focus on it it wants to dart away and my thinking gets jaunty. I can't write this.

I laughed at everything that had ever happened to me. And then I realized, my friendship with Larry the guy downtown was... We might not be on good terms. I addressed that idea, erased it, put it in the back of my mind, and when it came back months later I was ready to deal with it.

Spiritual Growth Path to Err: Repeating a Mistake to Make a Point (It's me, take it or leave it, is the point)

During the August or September months of 2022, I came to terms with the fact that Jason had bought the services of someone who fashioned something to my chest. It was supposed to show me Jason's fictitious emotions. My spirit guides revamped it so it only worked when my conscious awareness wouldn't remember it later.

When I found out he did this, I came from a point of higher awareness and I laughed. I laughed at him, a good hearty laugh. Wow, in the scheme of things... How stupid since it was woo. I wonder what kind of... Karma, well I wasn't angry, I kept worrying though what the effect was on my aura. Because part of taking it off required paying attention to the bundleness of my aura. I was worried it had an effect on my aura or my health.

So, Jason said fine, laughter? Here, I also know someone who will do supernatural work to turn off your metabolism and massively hype up your appetite, so that you will go into an uncontrollable eating frenzy and he went on about haha! Team Gastric Bypass!

Emily at the time, his wife, this made her ill. I was on the bus coming back from Chris's one day, after dealing with being at Chris's and experiencing some sort of witch effects which I dismiss as drivel in retrospect but Chris said meth and dismissed it as such, he wasn't angry but it wasn't meth (Chris Sepelak hates meth, by the way, parents)(this is the joke, said my guides).

Anyway, so Emily was doing something with her mind, at the place where Jason was talking to this spell caster or dinklehopper as we call them... To place herself over me in my mind whenever I thought of stopping for pancakes, because I was craving pancakes but if Emily was over me I wouldn't stop for pancakes. I got home, and at the food there, and there wasn't any more of that. Except to point out because of Emily, the practitioner did it to Jason instead. But may have caused me irreversible damage in the process.

Jason has a problem where he can't admit he has problems. You admit you have a problem, you point to it, and you are in the context of a God-ordained mission, got to confess to the issue and change, not repost "Mmm, potstickers, yum." To point out you are very tolerant of this trait in yourself.

Jason would cease asking questions, if he thought a question's answer might prove him wrong.

And... They told me my soul problem was I throw fits, coincidentally with standard gerbil noise enthusiasts, coincidence that I am Guardianship Extraordinaire. So don't repost statuses, just to point out you are comfortable with yourself. You have to admit you have a problem and change. What was the problem?

I don't remember.

Read, re-read, and check for more updates from UberSleuth Rachel.

Comma, Ian the Great Fagg.

My Sophomore Year of High School: The Cracks Were Consumed by the Crack

What a tweaked out year! Woah!

Happiness-wise, I thought about it every day, going to school, what the fuck was up with my life. When I started taking Adderall, I got consumed with thinking about how boring existence was. There was stuff like sex, food, music, sports, art, and that was it. Kind of blank.

When I discovered downloading Sims stuff, I really enjoyed that will I was high on that drug. Wow! I found something I am passionate about! That's what I seriously thought back then and I am confiding in this blog because I think this is a terrible thing to think.

When I eased off my Eminem obsession and fixated on objects in the Sims, collecting them and not using them mostly. I played around with them in the game, but that was minimal, I got sick of the game but I was fascinated with how you could add more objects.

The best website was The Seven Deadly Sims and it's paid site, which I actually got my mother to pay a couple bucks from pay pal for, the 8th Deadly Sim, which had objects like strap-on dildo shelves and bongs and stuff to make a strip club, which I made but never had any sims go to because that part of the game was dumb to me now.

One day, I asked my sister if she wanted to mess around in my Sim stuff and make a house or whatever. She said sure, and messed around and right away she said all the scrolling of going through the object catalogs was so annoying she didn't want to do this. This sure made me depressed. Wow, my fascination thing in life was dumb.

However, this was a moment that caused me to grow, and put my eyes on the prize: Self-Esteem build on something cool I could make, like a computer game.

My Spirit Guides call this incident with my sister Ego Ground Zero.

Sometimes, we compare people who did not properly develop self-esteem, to this point in my life, like they feel this way all the time, practically.

So, it was a self-esteem widget, as Ian remarks.

Actually, though, it was an exercise in getting rid of collection of objects fixation that everyone's self esteem has, and I had to get rid of it and not fixate on collecting stuff and things. So we built up the self-esteem of collection and destroyed it in a neat thorough way.

Also, something about the Sims game play is monumentally helpful, to helping me multitask.

And, the Sims exercise had one more purpose. I spent a of time looking at the surrounding architecture during this period of time, as unimpressive as it was here, which it is. However, Chance was ego observer monumento, so when he died it made the world seem dreary and it was very hard to deal with the surroundings. Just access those algorithms you learned in high school for appreciating the surroundings, then go off and listen to this one song Save Tonight which I listed to one time in 2013 and... I don't really want to share, but I was thinking about fucking Chance and then going for Todd, listening to this song, than immediately dismissed the prospect. At this point, after he died, we dissipated built up anticipation about seeing Chance in person, which I always consciously thought would happen eventually. Subbie knew better.

Spirit Stuff About Adulthood

Something I realized upon waking the other morning... I am grinding constantly against becoming an adult. I am an adult, with a guardianship as you know, my parents have guardianship over me, and my dad made so much money helping start up a business that we were rich at one point. Anyway, side track against going off on a tangent.

There is no magic moment I am looking forward to, which is part of the Adult Algorithms shift. I all the time tell myself, it's not so bad, other people have to work jobs they hate for most of their time... And I constantly disparage other people who work. In turn, this makes me seem lazy. I do not bother to clean up, is one thing.

So since I am always disparaging others for working boring jobs, I can't bring myself to do mundane tasks.

If you think I am lazy, I am not. I am very energetic and I'm getting my groove back on and doing my own creative workout, I just started this morning.

I don't like cleaning. I used to like cleaning.

Ooh, by the way, your scent sure "smells" good Aaron, are you going to taunt me again with another spell?

Right now my plan is to settle down with this guy Alex.

And process psychological predicaments that I have. There are plenty. Of. Weird issues/situations. That I think about all the time.

Also, it would be easier if I had the clutch of a high school community of core people. That's why I don't disparage myself for not being able to work a job, but I could. You know, Jimmy John's was a breeze. until the incident

Social Fiasco, Impaired Judgment, Hippocrite!

Which is easier, sacrificing your own body for a cause, or forcing someone else to? As I deal with the notion that the mindflip might have come at a horrendous cost... The cost of being able to have friends or normal social encounters. At one point, I disparaged my mother as being "fortunate to be kind," like the Oingo Boingo lyric. Actually, some of us wonder about her kindness, if it exists, not that it doesn't but she spends time moaping and worrying about issues that aren't worth her worrying about, and that used to be a big deal with my sister and I, we were glad when "Worry Wart Beev," which is a song in my old musical (You haven't heard? I had a musical), she uses worrying about other people as a crutch to making herself feel superior and what a kind heart! Actually, right now I am worried about my own spiritual growth. What if it isn't a success this lifetime? And as Subbie pointed out, "you got to get burned," in order for sustained growth in a trait like virtue, or maybe any trait but specifically special good ones, and the burn this lifetime was the Eminem fiasco. Yes, I was spiritually possessed, I remember my thoughts.

Well Rachel, Tell the Story of the Mythical Eminem Visitation to the FBI

Sometimes, I receive word that someone specific is at the FBI. This time it was Eminem, and I don't know anything except he was supposed to be in this day I am talking about. It was a cool spring day, I was doing great and I had a hairdresser appointment to sit through later that day. Well, I was a riot. Actually, I don't remember, except this one thing I said cooly but don't think is cool and shouldn't share. This was a challenge, but I like challenges, staying comfortable in my zone, is more important than what I say. Well, what a day... I got out of the hairdresser, I may have called him Marshall but he wasn't actually there I might just have been talking about Marshall not "Eminem." Anyway, I remember the part where I was sitting in front of my computer admiring my hair, and laughing, like full out giddee and full of glee, "Me? Slut shamed, ha! HA! That's not going to happen." You better believe it will happen clueless person. And then I got attacked by Jason, and I think this was happening maybe the entire time anyway, except it didn't cause a probably at the hair salon any struggles with muttering counter spells or manipulating bullets of energy. I lied there, I came up for air, Eminem was watching that same day I guess, I fell down on my bed and I was hit with a massive love spell to Jason. I collapsed on the bed, all drama here was legit and no faking. Well, if that really was Eminem's visit, and he had a visit according to Rachel. Spring 2022 before the showdown, was the time here.

The Rest, I Reckon, went down at Pearl House, down like an Upturned Smile

Jason sent the energy drain spells. The trick? I've been getting stronger dealing with horrendous energy situation but describing myself as a whirlwind of energies loses it's flavor to the Spirit Guides. Do you read good? I will help you read, Conscie...

Anyway, so Jason was doing simple easy energy drains, he would try to time it with what I was doing and see, moved to a less comfortable sending, if I cast it right when she walks outside, she will know not to but it worries me, it might cause existentialism if I'm not careful with control of my mind during the experience, which I always am.

At the start, I mean the start of our "gentle talks," Jason and I were talking like bullies. I was playing Hunger Games Themed, after all is said and done from the day, I can cuddle with you at night, like how they bond together and eventually kill the people you were playing friend games with, to point out the death in the arena wasn't about mixing up words on Facebook.

So, I was talking to Jason, in my mind, haha leave the house. Well, I have this memory, there were both hunger spells and energy draining spells, it took a lot of carefully planned endurance. I was running home, or walking home quickly, I might have been coming from church or the gym. As I walked, I was starving but it wasn't real hunger because the hunger spells mess that up. Then, Emily did a spell to try to slow me down or make me feel more feeble, and so I started throwing at Emily bad spells, as Jason started.

I'm done. Bye.

Springs A'Drift, Asprung, Afoot, and Onward With a Change In Pace...

It was masterfully the months of spring, and like the master, Donald Trump came to visit the FBI surveillance headquarters. Actually, I don't remember when all this happened, but it was light-hearted and carefree, forgetting for a second about Jason's lack of response (and black magic, which started, to refresh your memories, at Unity 2022), casting off the smug demeanor, to be carefree and senselessly crazy in front of my own computer screen! What are the risks, huh? I can't tell my Computer something, now...

Well, it was funny, but I'm still kind of embarrassed that I said this, but it's the funniest thing you can possibly say right off the bat. Ole Donald Trump was there, and I said, "Well, you and your locker room talk... I say, this is an A-B conversation you can C your way out of it..." Which was my opening line, I chatted about....? Well, I liked that you tried talking to Kim Jong Un, well Conscie doesn't understand diplomacy and Subbie corrects with now now, sometimes you don't even talk to foreign leaders, it's some complicated game. And, well I already know my favorite line is that you call yourself a genius, why not? I don't remember this conversation, what else happened, later I wondered to the screen why shaming a woman in a beauty pageant for gaining weight was a problem with liberals or weirdos, and he said back (actually I want to think he did, my spirit guides could read his mind to see his response), that's the line good people open with, except for the one I used. I remember this same day as I chatted and mumbled and hummed to the rhythm of my computer screen. I picture read Donald Trump, I said I liked what I saw... What are you thinking? That's not a compliment to your appearance though. I actually told him, your appearance isn't very good but you are thinking positive nice thoughts. Because hey, anything goes at Rachel's place.

EDIT: This same day, my dad groaned loudly in his office at random.

Fast-forward, I was living at Pearl House like always, at the house, fixing myself a salad... Something entered my emotional energy field around my body, a sexual pulley thing from Donald Trump. I hesitated, I didn't want to embarrass myself and Subbie doesn't trust his lame attempts to say he respects me too much, but how could this right here hurt? This seemed nice, I grabbed a hold of the cord with my abdomined, we rubber banded back in forth in a sexual manner.

I did not address that issue, or say anything out loud about it. I brain multitasked disregard that incident, to keep Commander Cool, talk about my childhood, the summer I found out about the social predicament, the big Disney blockbuster was Pocahantus, what a lame ass summer. I told him about how I knew that because I was thinking it but didn't know it was really you telling me this Donald, hehehe, that you liked or felt strongly about the temper tantrum my mom threw in early 2017, when she cleaned up the kitchen and she had an emotional response to me not holding her hand through the paper work while I was undergoing Fish Out of Water Psychology. This right here is an example of why I don't feel stupid, talking up Donald Trump, because this was a pleasant thought of Donald Trump. So...

I went back to talking about all sorts of little kid things, unusual psyche occurrences, not normal things like bike rides or drinking from the hose, things like remembering, oh hey good one Subbie... That one morning I was in Indiana and I woke, and I was 6, I thought the entire day passed, and it was the next morning, after waking up from this occurrence. It was all this wonderful stuff that was promised this lifetime, "But there's a catch..." Ian's voice, and I knew that meant this was bad news. That was familiar, and this was a little kid memory. Then, hey Subbie what else do you know, hey Subbie what else do you know... Forget the mannequins, get this on screen though, whatever by Donald Trump I want to talk to Subbie and normalize a little.

Another day, I was sitting in my room, at Pearl House, talking to the computer, pointing out Donald Trump was making jokes about virgin blood. Jason through some energy at me and interjected, "Yes, that's not a hard joke either that's easy..." I moved when the energy hit me, and later pointed out that wasn't the punchline though, the jokes flow and keep the psyche happy, like normal functioning brains.

The other time, I remember talking to Donald Trump, I was confiding in him about something very personal I will risk sharing, which is that I've wished people who do something as litte as unfriend me on Facebook, back in the dayz of 2018/2019, when mental collapse narrowlly overted itself due to my steady piloting, something as horrific as suicidal ideations. If I was to do a report of my thoughts, I would point to this as something for potential worry and that was bothering me. Was that that bad? The short answer from Donald Trump was no, and I dismissed it then as well, as wow this isn't an obsessive interest in them feeling bad, this was dinky and not holding a lot of emotional energy, not a strong lucid passionate thought. It was Donald Trump who said no, and whether or not it was really him is irrelevant, as the more I thought on it, I have phased it out now, and that wasn't something that was important to me. If I really thought about it, and what that looks like, the experience of wanting to take your own life, no I don't actually wish this on anyone, in the past too but especially now. And that's my token word extravaganze for now...

Soul: Solia's Journey of Peace, Racism, and a Story

The thing that was requested that I point out... Was this really requested, Conscie wondered, this dumb piece of information? There was the racist woman on the bus that one time over on Sandy, who got infuriated over something small and said the n word and go back to Africa over and over again, and they called the police. This was an incident that happened during the eventful months of 2016, which no one wants to hear about and we wish this never happened. What's my point? I don't want to be compared to that woman. The joke about the situation, when I first got on the bus that day, I looked at her and asked Robin if he thought the was pretty, because Robin and I would compare notes relevant to potential lesbianism that never flowered. He said yeah sure, but what if I looked at her, and gurgled or something strange? Then she threw a fit and I thought of her as ugly. Then I was compared to her, in my own mind, this woman came back and was in my mind. Well, what I wanted to say...

What if the underlying reason she did this, was because even that weird white girl on the bus thinks she is black, because she vibes to music a certain way. If you are bothered by a different race of people being on the bus... This doesn't bother me in the slightest, but this woman must be bothered every day she rides the bus.

...Anyway...

Back to the Jason debacle. The last scene in the summer black magic extravaganza of summer 2022, before a delusional double suicide. I found the song by Danny Elfman, "It Only Makes Me Laugh," laughed at the marvelous coincidence, and went to bed. In my dream, I was hovering, lying down and hovering, and something was being done to my intestines. I woke up, jolted myself awake, as something was not right here. I fired off black magic in all directions, at Jason, at Emily who was awake and a part of this, and at good ole Witch C who just came along to see what I would do this time. I ran from my bed to my hall perching spot, joked and threw darts of black magic, then came back to my room and played the lullaby "Little Boy Blue." Which came up in 2016, that Subbie said "Little boy blue" and I laughed my head off at this word combination, and later I found out it was because of this perturbed lullaby I listened to as a child, and understood English sort of or subconsciously but maybe consciously as well, and Little Boy Blue and his eyes of terror, fast asleep.

The witches actually fired sleep spells at me, which did not work. Geez, you went from fast asleep to wide awake in three. Seconds. Flat.

In other news, since I have the conversation ball... Should I tell the Michael story?

Oh wait, after that... The hubbub with the witches right there, the Archangel Michael entered my body. I felt relief, and his majestic featheriness. Jason simmered, Emily sent a friend cord, and I turned my focus inward, not outwardly advertising this situation, and this was the thing that made a difference in my life and I know the Archangel Michael helped me through the end of 2022 and beginning of 2023, when he left and then came back later.

Dude, I was impressed with my ability to stay sane through out this period of time. In Boardman recently, there was some noise in my bedroom that was driving me crazy. Literally crazy.

On Virtuous Souls, including but not limited to Myself

I made a point of telling Jason proudly, in my mind, as I was fighting off the spells in summer of 2022... "I would never gloat about my virtue on drugs."

Jason said, you got to be kidding me, oh, you're not kidding? Well, actually, that's not bad...

Then... I was sent to the hospital by the Deluded Reference Club. I have realized since this incident, oh fuck leaky mouth, leaky mouth, did I say something about race here, yes the three of them were black, it was just an inside joke with myself after Christie said to me about hovering over me when I had a knife so I couldn't cut my vegetables in peace, 'This stays off Facebook!'" And... I knew because of that there might be something serious about my predicament, or reputation. I went for the gold anyway, yacked probably, I don't remember what I said, about the Black Power Brigade which insinuates it was some sort of contest of races or something which is irrelevant. Look, I'm sorry. This incident was not about race, and actually the African Americans.... Are more fun to talk to on the spiritual plane. Like the Audio book the Triple Package I look at suddenly, being a minority drives passion in to some people's steps.

I know this virtue thing might annoy people. You can think that to yourself, but don't tell other people that... I think I'm the Chosen One, well everyone already knows I think that. However, it says in the reports due to spiritually possessed incidents, it says I'm violent when I don't think violently at all, I don't like violence. I have pushed people away in self-defense, like the cat, that was such a groan of an incident because my parents made fun of me for putting poor Chubbie Mae in the garage, yada yada stay on topic. Yeah and I kicked the cat, knee-jerk reaction when she rubbed against my legs later that day.

The best time to be thinking about your own virtue is when sitting at a table at St. Vincent's Hospital, in a casual chat and color session, and some girl says, "You know I'm usually really nice when thinking about other people, however..." Stop right there. Nice, huh? I'll show you nice... Why can't she be nice to? Just take her word for it. I smiled at her later, and she commented on the spiritual plane, I saw that thought process! I laughed to myself about this incident, because you might not get it, but I forgive myself here. At the time, I couldn't even watch television I was so easily triggered, and morbidly upset about my general ignorance of facts which made me feel so fucking stupid, and no friends to talk to... When I was a child, I may have told myself that I was self-centered. Then suddenly, my compassion hit me in the face. That's why Alfred always said it in a stupid voice to me, repeating something I thought to myself about being considered virtuous.

Actually, I was told that this girl told that story to someone else, and they laughed AT me. This period of time was slim pickings for feelings of self-love and acceptance of self. I still had that V-word attached to me. Am I making sense? I liked this story.

I thought old what's-his-name was mad that I thought this, though. So, I pointed to the spot in fourth grade. The reason I might not appear like I'm always sacrificing myself for others, the degrading sickness of the Social Predicament made me anti-social. I'm on a mission too, and tending to my brain's needs is a full-time job. And yes, I should have taken the cans in my room to Plaid Pantry and got cash back, how hard can that possibly be? Well, coulda woulda shoulda, you are right, at the time I didn't know Plaid Pantry would recycle them.

I notice the cursor, is what I wanted to point out. The cursor of my motivation, which I watch due to the fact that the spirit world is always watching what I'm thinking with diehard obsession. I'm in this kind of morbid death clique on the other side, I don't know if I'm really one of the cool kids (see here I go with my high school motif...), but I wrote a series of books that are funny parodies of real situations on various planes. Anyway... Whoops tangent.

I go back to noticing the cursor. I look at the cursor when I am at rest. And I look at the cursor when I am going through the hardest struggle of please don't medicate me. All the time, I wish no one harm. However... You must look at the potential to misuse the power behind the cursor when we introduce the thought process of petting others like they are common lambs or sheep.

And then I remember that I used to pet people and that was weird, and people might have thought that was strange. But also, wow I've changed this lifetime. Would I do it all again? No, but I get a better wacky experience on the other side, as John Lennon and I are both collectors of strange experiences, as we put it (it's a drug thing, yes surrie).

Actually, what is virtue exactly? It is emotional sensitivity, but in time you learn to block out other people's emotions, and there is some tuning into...

I lost my train of thought. Yes I believe this situation. I believe lots of things, but when I think of what Christians believe, that's weirder than anything I believe. That Jesus died for our sins, I mean, that God's son had to die, and everyone always dies at the end of their lifetime anyway, but Jesus Christ had to be crucified for our sins. That's sort of dumb, honestly. However... It's a fun story when you read it and live it and get into it, sort of like you excuse Bella's Character Flaw in Twilight, kind of a shallow floozy woman.

I personally excuse a woman for having strange socially reason if she happens to be unusually pieous and God is always helping her and with her. Also, she wasn't the only one at Bible study who God spoke to individually, other people said that happened to them as well and told good stories. I believed all of them. I'm good at empathy and knowing which stories are made up and which are true, through my intuition.

I Have Reason To Gloat, Though Strength and Time Are Precious

I passed a test my spirit guides had for me. It was "the ultimate test" of the entire mission. I remember how my spirit guides described it to me, at my Grandmother's house in Indiana, as a situation where you wake up and from the wake up moment, something has to be right in my mind for me to pull off the test properly.

Well, what ended up happening... That last paragraph will confuse you as to how it relates to "the test," so stop thinking about it right now!

The test was to go from this love spell from Aaron, straight to pulling back and blocking what I thought was probably psychosis black magic. Rachel Zuhl's magic worked without a hitch. No, I didn't believe this situation where Aaron wanted to do a love spell because he was going to be with me. Besides, that guy was probably fat, but I don't remember. You're not a dreamboat, Aaron. And then some.

The key to the test though, it happens suddenly where the witch is done with the (dysfunctionally placed) love spell, then I get a feeling as the black magic that I would describe as a sick dark soul predicament, though it's probably at my expense. It's a gentle manuever, as I was doing well in the morning and woke up strong, from love spell, sick pleasure maneuver, and block spells.

How dumb. Let's gloat!

History of Innercept, In Brief

First, I went through the whiny cry-ee period. I ran off and hid behind the shed, wanting (not waiting) to die. I tried to drown myself in the bathtub. I didn't tell a soul, it's just dumb to think I wouldn't come up for air. Britney Spears did it in a video, though.

Then, around August, I was Christian. I thought in my head, while listening to a song by Disturbed, Land of Confusion, and walked. I told my parents, wow I miss the small things. Gosh, I miss going for a walk listening to music. Wow, and Innercept lets me, music and walking at the same time, outside, no indoor treadmill stuff (nonsense).

For most of the time, I was volunteering at the Humane Society as well.

In November of 2008, yep first Innercept year... I don't know what you remember if I started Innercept in 2007, solid year, or 2008 a good year. Yeah, it was the time I let go of the belief that I was Jesus, that year.

Do you think I am so arrogant I believe I am Jesus? You didn't skip reading Party Like Jesus, did you?

You may have, and I can't force you to read it.

However, in December of 2008 I attempted suicide.

Then, in 2009, I got excited about this year being a great year, and I was allowed Adderall, 20 mg XR I think, could have been 30. I wouldn't remember the doseage, but I would remember what medication I was on and the time period or years and months I was on it. I've gotten accused of this by my parents before, they have told me I wouldn't remember what medication I was on at the time.

Then, the Adderall was taken away. I tried to switch to coffee, but Paige told me they mixed it with decaf, and I was feeling like crap anyway, believable story to me, there were more coffee grounds in the same coffee ground container than yesterday, yes they would do that to us.

I started walking, thinking I want out of this place. Really, I was walking to ye ole Maxwell house, which is the name of the street the other house is at, it's not named after the coffee brand. I didn't make it, they came after me, chased me, took me to Kootenai County Behavior Health. I was there, when they switched my medication from Abilify and Lamictal, to Geodon, and then also Lithium.

I was cycling like a rollercoaster here! Cycling... Cycling... I got out of the hospital, I would laugh my head off by the bathtub, I hated it but God I could laugh. Wow, that Matthew III was funny... Yeah it was funny, and Hugh also knew about it.

Yep, and everything was about Hugh, too. I really liked him, he's okay face wise, not going to lie I like the way his face looks but he isn't the babe Sean, like oh my God but no. I don't care about faces, anyway. You could... He's fine.

My mother even gave me Baby Huey cards to keep in my purse to try to get over him. I did not use them, though Subbie said, and this is a quote, "Well you wanted hypnosis to get over the guy, why not try Baby Huey cards?"

So, we are still talking about the 2009 period. Around June, a year after coming to Innercept in June 2008, I started taking a philosophy class. Then, I had to go Sarah Sabel's wedding, which I thought was fine, the problem was afterwards I got jealous, you know I should be getting married and graduating from college right now, I wish... Instead, I was forced to take Geodon and ride around in a car for most of the day.

I remember eating their fucking food too. The food pantry brought food to the Humane Society. I sat there and ate it, and never complained. I sat in the room, and wrote in my Geodon Philosophy Notebook, which was dark purple. Then, I would walk dogs, every once in awhile, walk a dog. This was fun, or I suddenly got more optimistic thinking of this.

However, simultaneously they gave me quarters for doing basic things like showering and brushing my teeth, in August and July of 2009.

Then what happened, Rachel?

I took a test and got prescribed Adderall! I was on Adderall, I beasted through a 2 and a half hour workout every other day, and programmed a perfect Tetris learning algorithm game. I did this perfectly, and it was on Adderall.

Then what happened, Rachel?

Well, that was when I got sent to Transition, and I discovered cough syrup. Wow that was fun, but something was wrong, and the Geodon stayed. I would cycle into deep depressions, not thinking of suicide, actually right here I tried cutting. I cut my wrists three times, and on the third I did not cover it, I went to the medication center, sat down, with a staff present, and confessed to cutting myself and that I wanted to stop. And I never cut again, true story. It wasn't really fun to me anyway.

So... Well, I couldn't go back to college, but I tried to take Philosophy and Nutrition from BYU. I did quite a bit of the Nutrition class, I learned a lot. The Philosophy class was... I couldn't read Descarte. Like dude, I don't follow your train of thought. I get I think therefore I am.

Then, I tried meth! Similar to Adderall, I just can't concentrate! Well, I don't have to do it again, but it's normal to know, or I mean helpful to know, it feels like Adderall.

It did the first time I did it, in June of 2010. I was sent to Intensive Transition, where I also did well on the chewing tobacco I did in my private little fucking bedroom which I liked, I liked having privacy. See, Rachel does better with privacy of space.

So, blech, I agreed, this chewing gum is better. I was still on Adderall, and started composing symphonies. However, the Geodon was not helping! AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

Whoops, skipped ahead. I was cycling from the Geodon, now only up, and yes I remember sitting in the Innercept office with you, Beev and F. Meeke, and I kept rehashing stuff, it was Hugh's dream and maybe Matthew III, I was zoney and out of it I couldn't concentrate and the meth was still... It interacted with the Geodon. Now, though, I cycled up and up only.

I got changed from Geodon to Invega, going off Geodon made me stop cycling. On Invega, I gained weight. Yeah, I could have made the effort to go to the gym, the Kroc Center, which I did too but not enough. I had to go there to use the internet.

Okay, so you want to hear the rest of the story?

In 2011 I was querying agents about publishing my book. That went absolutely nowhere. I was happy, though, boy was I with the spiritual plane that I was on then. I got no bites or requests of my book, only from some woman Julia Simko's dad knew.

In 2012, I attended this Bible Study. So there was Bible Study.

I was also taking theater and working with the elderly who had dementia.

What happened Rachel?

Actually... Is this passing?

Bible Study

I Made it to my parent's house...

In June of 2022, before Suicide For Hire, right after the first witches attacked. I made it to my parent's house that morning, wondering if I was safe. They did a spell on me that made my private parts leak water or something. That's the part I'm having trouble mentioning. I said, if you are going to do that I can put up with it I'll just put on a maxi pad. I didn't, and they stopped, these witches did. I could tell they were talking about me seeming like I was abused, maybe they should lay off. They were watching, I was sitting on the bed in my mom's sewing room, they said, "We work outside the law." And I thought "haha..haha, you work outside God's law because he isn't protecting me from this.." Then they shot a spell and my guides intervened and blocked it. It had the impression on my mind like a bunch of them in unison shot it off and it was a molecule flying and my guides put it out.

So that was that part. The mood was focused.

I Think I Had to Sleep a Lot

After the first witch attack, going back to that... The next morning, or some morning, it probably wasn't right afterwards because my memory is strange about thinking about this... I woke up, clinged to Jason or was it Nick Fredricke? In the bed, he said "No I don't want to help you I do not want to help you I don't want to help I wish you well not at all..." And that was all I had left, of relations with the human species. Pulling on something in my bed, damn. I got up, out of bed, and there were witches doing nasty spells. I left the room and went over to my parent's house, to refresh and stay sane. That is where... We had the session stuff with Ian. This was a low point, not as low as January 2022 though, that was how low... Can you possibly go, like the jail visit the first time.

What Happened With the Grim Reaper Dude?

This guy Jose or something, some common Latino name, told me his entire family worships the Grim Reaper. This is the guy who was present at the apartment during Suicide For Hire. I thought that was sort of cool, that coincidence. We were meeting this one time at the abandoned lot, I talked about psychic stuff but I couldn't focus well do to the meth, it made me kind of "zony" which is not the same thing as zoned, something not conducive to anything at all. I mentioned Fentanyl, it might have been this guy who said this (I might be getting things confused), "Well this has Fentanyl in it." I smiled. "You know, that's the difference between my mother and me. I wouldn't worry about something like that!"

The Grim Reaper dude indicated he has always felt some sort of divine protection.

"The Popular Response:" Another Untold Story, Told!

The night was sometime in February of 2023, I think. The month is unclear, but I think it was February, it could have been March. I was living at Pearl House. I told night staff, I'll try melatonin tonight. Maybe it will help me sleep.

The melatonin did nothing, and I don't know if my guides disappeared it on the way down or not, but that was a good night, all right. No, not good, eventful. At first, I was being harassed by some witches and using my faith in God as a shield, as Ian puts it. There were a number of them doing something my brain has blotted out or repressed. I was talking to the FBI, I don't remember about what, as I got up and dusted myself off so to speak, and lay back down on my bed kind of like psychoanalysis style.

Then, Subbie said she was looking at something funny. The Dark Duo of Infamy was plotting against me again, thinking of putting poop on the front door of Pearl House, but where would they find the poop? There were all sorts of theories Emily had and Jason was thinking hard too, and I laughed at the stupid issue they were dealing with which was obsessive interest in acquiring poop. Conscie pinged them with laughter, or was that Subbie? I think it was Subbie actually doing witchcraft, but don't know.

Anyway.. As the night wore off, I remembered how Jason had said at one point, "Wow, you are virtuous if you, in the state you were in right there... (an incident I haven't spoke of), you would send me healing energy from your broken heart chakra."

My memory fails me because this was such an interesting night, but then my guides brought up the dark spot I still can't deal with, which is nothing, people just wouldn't talk about it out loud... And I asked the mattress with my mind while lying down, so also with my body, I did something that's easy which is energy manipulation. I asked for healing energy.

What I received back, or at the same time, was a death feeling, like the feeling I got when the second unborn baby miscarried. Then, I was also in a state of worrying about death, and I believe this, I don't always believe I am on the brink but I would not know. However, my brain released DMT, as Jason and I were so tightly wrapped around each other on the spiritual plane, I started to die because he was. I wrote several chirpy emails about it to them, but the problem was the DMT, whatever the chirpy emails said was just to point out the time, I guess. Then... I reverted back to wanting both Jason AND Emily to care about me dying, felt embarrassed, but laugthed because damn that is what my brain's DMT does I suppose.

The last thing I said was something about when the terrorists were probing me, I kept saying, no semen in my stomach, there is no semen in my stomach. Because I thought they were probing my stomach to see.

I got up, and dressed like my spirit guides told me to, which was the pink raincoat and sunglasses today, randomly sunglasses. They were doing something terrible to me as well, my spirit guides, which I knew weakened my aura and I thought it would effect how people perceived me. On the way to my parent's house, Donald Trump pointed out you (Rachel), you're not prettier by everyone's standards than Melania. I was embarrassed, and I was instructed to say "Sorry Melania," and that was in the parking lot at Safeway.

When I got in the store, someone looked at me and sent me a jolt or short burst of sick energy. I realized they did this on purpose, first I smiled than was embarrassed that I smiled, something sick was going on.

I went and sat down at the Starbucks at Safeway. I thought someone at the register was talking about me being rude for saying my thank you to them before they handed me my receipt and I thought of the f---ing brain fuckery. And then some teenagers looked at me, and said "hey there's a tabloid about someone leaking information to the terrorists!" Or something. I got up suddenly and left, remembering I had to get back to talk to the terrorists, shit shit shit. I got up and left with dismayed purpose.

At my parent's house, I reached for the guy who had probed me. They had asked me the night before, and I Remember now, they had asked what to do with the weapons if they really did have weapons of mass destruction, what should they do? I had told them just to take a video of them breaking them humoursly, they responded no they are not toy guns, and I said something I don't remember. I reached for their oracle at my parent's house, after consulting God. "Now, what Jesus would do is take a picture of the weapons in a public guarded place with this day's newspaper..." Then I remember now I had told them the night before to do absolutely nothing. And God said today that was fine. I meant don't attack, that's what they were planning on doing, so telling them do nothing was accurate.

Rachel's Ideal Match

Would be an African American man who wasn't annoyed by

To Further Explore Her Effect on the Psyche: She Imitates Herself Only

Also, Rachel a problem where she doesn't understand what a big deal it is, either, to be on a Conscious Mission and second only to Jesus in importance. She tells herself all the time, no you still don't get it, Rach. Also, she believes it, but other people don't, and they think she is scum. She also raises her eyebrows and leans over towards people and stares straight at their eyebrows, while lifting her own eyebrows, in a dance of mutual respect, but in retrospect she was actually trying to point out she was serious. God calls the raised eyebrow pose, "The look of Superior Knowledge."

Rachel: And Exploration in Snob

Rachel claims to be the most important person who ever lived, besides Jesus the lord thy God. Second to him only. Also, when accessing information, she uses constantly an image of Rebecca Gearhardt's Face when playing D&D. The context is Rachel didn't know Rebecca was acting, and told her to calm down. Rebecca looks both annoyed and indifferent, as in I would excuse that behavior in you though Rachel. So Rachel mimics Rebecca's face, also a grimace and look of mean. She also protrudes her lip to indicate lack of lip service.

By whom? The class. I wanted more.

Rachel changed the way she carried herself after Fish Out of Water Psychology.

You wish you had this trait. ~~~

After Aaron: Rachel Picks Up The Pieces (AND remembers while writing this title, heart attacks)

So, Aaron helped with the mission by distracting Rachel from the go-nowhere diatribe of DJT. She said a lot of stuff about Aaron, this is a guy she doesn't remember and can't access memory of what he even looks like. But he was... Hmm, Rachel didn't actually care either way. Indifferent to this dude, kind of. Except... Rachel is just indenial of the fact she doesn't have sexual impulses towards him, when she felt like she should. Why? I don't remember this guy's face, like I don't remember Jason's. I remember Christie's face. I don't remember Kernia's face but she looked exactly like Christie. Actually... What is your problem? I already forgave you, you are mad because I made a claim that that incident was racially motivated when I didn't think race was irrelevant. WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THAT RACHEL?! I thought if you are African American, and God was involved with potentially a mission, you should not play games because you do not Test The Lord THY God. What else? "Did you get that attitude at a major clearance sale? I am so over that issue already!"

Women: Yeah, even the butt, damn

Women, don't like things up their asses unless it's a string pantie with a G letter on the handle. This isn't my only observation, but why the butt too? WHY, women, are you so dumb? Because they like pooping as much as the Fecalphiliac who Doesn't Say.

Actually, I'm wondering why Kristen was named.

No, but dumb. That's dumb. I know.

Anyway...

To be thorough, making fun of liking pooping is the cheapest exercise to spirits. Yeah, we know OF Gods, or we actually might know GODS PERSONAL INFO. It says, to get the stuff out, you release endorphins. You don't sit around saying, wow I wish I was pooping...

Some do, though. Not I, or she, or Heavenli unless she is making a reference to the fact she is high. Because she was high, and they might be watching.

REMEMBERED.

P.S///"That's all I got on her..." -Alfred

Why Some: Are Dumb? Yes. Dumb.

So, you like men and women... You might like them both the same at the same time in one body. Said no land, grass, or sea animal. The only one I care about is that we don't change sexes! How enticing! And surprising! And in the end, remember, we mourned the dead on National Transgender Day of Resembrence, a day taking place right after the morbid splice in the woods! Oh, you know this is how enemies are made, and there is nothing cute to me about you. And, you have to sigh and say I do grown up things like work, and you wore a skirt and you're a boy. Now, when I order bows, I order only female colors, and blue is representative of your spirit animal the frog, which resides in the cool willowing ravine with your psycho nut-job friend Anniya, who I only knew was transgender because she pointed it out to me without saying a word. Precisely, one of those things where people say things to me without moving their lips and I don't know how they did it. Well Anniya, you should not be convinced otherwise: I'm not interested in you either.

Further Reading on My Life Topics

Rachel was offered the Earth Mission. Then, she went back to Jason. They had wild wooly sex, and then Jason spit on Rachel and called her a hooker.

Yeah, you'll do anything for me, won't ya? Won't ya? That's the attitude.

I have to think about this situation where I went back to my loyal crew of concerned friends and when asked how much sex we had, I said "once or twice." And that wasn't believable.

Though... As the mission became sooner and sooner, Jason and I stopped communicating, and I was embarrassed by him and I felt like I had been having sex with a retarded person.

And my spirit guides say really quickly, regarding myself and Eminem in heaven, "It's the same situation."

You know... Words hurt sometimes, especially when they came out of your own mouth, and Lisa Left-Eye was embarrassed that she said in a song "you have to lick it before you stick it." And there was a song like that played on the radio... Yeah, you get the idea, maybe.

Do you? Do you get the right idea?

I don't know.

Tupac and I got back together. Tupac has a story of an event between us that he is being mysterious about and not sharing and thinking he's going to laugh is head off when we meet face to face in heaven. "Hey, remember me?"

Rachel, Jason, Alfred, and a Ho Schmo's Doozle (parking ticket)

The drama and chaos and lowdown of the other side's shenanigans could start where Rachel finished her first lifetime as a special teacher who killed a student by accident. That lead to her growth in the miracle trait that everyone loves and loves hearing on the Earth Plane too about Rachel, anyway. So I was now a virtuous soul, lucky me! The sex was rampant, and Rachel was playful and liked mingling with different souls, and to be honest I think the problem is.... Dun dun dun.... I just want someone else to appreciate my glory in sex and this is a soul issue that works itself out in this lifetime in part. So, Alfred was Rachel's lover, and one time she put some sort of paint or paste in the room when organizing a sexual scenario with Alfred. Accessing heavenly memories leads to me thinking I thought I had a reason for putting it there that wasn't to harass Alfred with it but that excuse doesn't fly with everyone else who heard the story at the time. I put something like paint all over my fingers and tried to get Alfred to lick it off. He refused and screamed and cried. I don't know what else happened right there but that's against the law to do that in the spirit world and I got charged with a minor infraction and became a sex offender and I don't know what the cultural implications are of that in the spirit world, it's a little thing compared to what a big deal on it is on the Earth Plane. I got a Minor Infraction, I can visualize in my mind the video of me putting it on my fingers and acting stupid kind of like Kristen to be honest in her old Jeannie movie way but stupider still. I can remember looking at Alfred's face as he cried at the hearing and looked up to the sky. Ooh, virtuous soul, huh? Really? Virtue? And Alfred is crying because you disrespect him. Really? Virtue? Whatever... There's too much gossip on the other side, my spirit guides are warning me to wrap this up.

Umm... So I was reading a book by Jason in heaven that fascinated me with the way he joked about his rampant shmeel of masculine rage and the jokes he made about himself were funny. It was a funny read about an in-your-face masculine bad boy hero kind of thing to me, I found him on the other side and my intentions were obvious from the get-go. See, this guy Jason, I figured out when he was alive, is obsessed with the concept of virtue. He is deeply in awe of them, and if he can't be one, he can play with one, and I looked at this situation and thought it was fine. Until he, in the context of spirit sex, had me lick up grease. In my mind I can remember this, he says "Lick, lick, lick..." And he holds what looks like a muffin container but it's probably something from another plane that's greasier than muffins. And I was screaming in my mind this is a violation of my rights and that's clear when I think about it, and Jason hacked the spirit sex computer or whatever to make it so my tongue moved automatically without my permission.

"But you did it to Alfred! What about what you did to Alfred?!" he would always say, and I would be in silence probably out of shame at the Alfred incident, to the point where we made up. (I have no memory of a court proceeding with this incident, no info, I'm sure he was charged with something more serious than what I got).

And then, there was a concerned group of caring loyal friends I have on the other side who weighed in and said that's not true. Besides the fact that I had properly taken responsiblitiy and blame and shame for the incident with Alfred, the Jason incident wa considered modge-pa, and the Alfred one was not. And I have a little cartoonish memory of someone saying this to me, a woman who makes me think of a beaver, and then the cartoon screen goes to next scene, as I imagine being on the other side like living in a dumb cartoon if you haven't gotten a a lifetime (with pain) for awhile, which was a problem having because not only did the universe run by the different god crash, I was deprived of the rest of that lifetime so I was hurting. From lack of pain.

What else? Your physical form during spirit sex can take whatever and be thrown out at the end, however the experiences your soul has can damage there existence, health, growth, etc. This incident with Jason was harmful to my soul.

The lucky part... The next thing that happened was I got offered the Earth Mission! And Jim Besemer was there to congratulate me! So, a very long time in the future, I will have a cognitive defect that prevents me from making normal conversation, and no one knows why or that that's even a thing and that scared me and it hung over my head for years in heaven, and this is only my fifth lifetime, so right after my third lifetime I got offered the Earth Mission which includes healing the damage the grease incident caused my soul. And it blows my mind to think, wow, I have been worried sick about this lifetime for a very substantial part of my existence in heaven, wow it will feel good to finish it, but as Tyler Henry said, upon crossing over you have to be retaught the language.

I would like to be "taken" like Enoch. This plane is kind of devoid of good things to spend my time doing. Maybe I should think harder or try to approach the people without acting feral."

Motivation, Spiritual Possession, and ME (not the various kid callers who are blowing up the spiritual plane)

My experiences being spiritually possessed go back to 2005 and the incident with "Sean." It seemed to me at the time that that was spiritual possession, however it was my first experience with alcohol, and there was that.

Then, the drinking of the liquor prior to the ER incident struck me as too easy of a move, and I zoned out while I was doing it. This is something that could keep me up at night screaming if it weren't for the fact that I take everything in stride and say it's part of the drill, due to the intense effect the ER Incident had on my parent's and how they view me.

Then... Out of nowhere, the William Vandergaw incident. I happened to remember thinking the thought that saved my existence and in essence humanity during this occasion, which was as I was getting up immediately after we had both taken three shots of liquor and had a beers in our hands, I get up and walk back to the kitchen because I'm worried that won't get me drunk enough, and as I'm walking I can't get over in my mind thinking about how bad I really didn't want to do this but wow my body just popped right up out of the chair and walked to the kitchen, huh. Yeah, so at the time... I didn't understand the point of this exercise until my guides told me eventually and they were in the picture way earlier than they told me about the cinching of energy related to caring about someone's opinion of myself. I brought it up a couple times, and they found ways to distract me. I don't know why, it is probably complicated but they told me in like 2017 or something why we had that beloved incident.

What else? I'm used to letting Subbie move my body. See, Subbie can move my body as well as Conscie can, and Subbie can override Conscie's decisions most of the time if necessary. If a conscious decision is overriden by Subbie, there is nothing Conscie can do. Of course, usually that's just fine, like when I look in the mirror and am suddennly walking in the other direction, despite Conscie wanting to fixate on the mirror for a second. That happened one time, it was kind of funny. That's the other thing though, there are lots and lot of experiences related to the Mindflip that are incredibly cool, so yes, I did get the "mental handicap rewiring of brain" that everyone always wants. I had a fixation on it before I got offered the mission, this particular brain situation. It is both fun to use and rewarding, as I knew the mindflip would help me grow an astounding amount in intelligence. I'm thinking of going off on a tangent but I wanted to write about... Spiritual Possession.

People, young and old, as a side note... Don't mess with Ouija boards. I have never done so, but it is common sense not to. Stores stopped selling them for a reason. Knowing that stores won't sell Oijja boards yada (I've read this on spiritual websites I don't know what happened) is good enough reason for me to say no thank you that's stupid.

So, at some point it becomes obvious to me in my life that I am at times spiritually possessed. The story of hurting my mother went like this: Actually, I was planning on playing around with my parent's beliefs and this "that one time in downtown Portland"... Those words have come out of my mother's mouth and she stops. It's the Santa Barbara streets issue, I lived it up on the streets of Santa Barbara for several days before my parents took me to Idaho to Innercept. I had the time of my life, I was also under spiritual protection from the spirits, and Santa Barbara seems safe compared to downtown Portland. There is some dark energy there, something I would like to stay away from, so for some reason it's a joke with me that my mother would think I would repeat the Santa Barbara stuff in downtown Portland, like a kitten running playfully into traffic. I fear downtown Portland, to a certain degree. I also believe that other cities like Detroit probably are even scarier in this regard.

Anyway... I don't remember what I was thinking the night of the incident walking back from the gas station, drinking a hard seltzer Four Loko, just one (all day), and I left the bottle like a rebel in the little bird bath in front of the house. I walked in, my parents were sitting around the island in the kitchen finishing dinner. My mother said something that angered me because it was probably something about medication but I don't remember at all what the comment was. I remember I was annoyed, but... Not... Enough to do that, which I did while I was thinking that, seemed like Subbie, and I even got in on camera but my camera was stolen before I uploaded new stuff. My spirit guides told me it made a mark on Mass Consciousness, this moment where I felt indifference to what I was doing, and I was doing something that could have killed her. Kind of like, I'm sure I've pointed this out but this is funny and true, the Waterworld experience makes a noticeable impression when thinking in altered states but I don't know how to describe it. A memory of a shared moment of fun that went from happy to the most miserable you can imagine.

So, but we are talking about the attack. I rode a wave of rage right there, throwing my mother on the floor. So I cussed her out when she was on the floor. Spiritual possession involves whatever the force behind it to be able to manipulate you (me) emotionally as well. I called her the C-word, which really bothers me. You know, what happened in my life is both Robin (he didn't want me to tell anyone this though, but whatever) and Alfred called me the C-word for no reason in 2014 only to prove a point. Anyone can use any word and they don't need a license. So there is a culture shock thing with this word and it doesn't mean much when I say it except to mean I am angry. Also, I had a reoccurring dream that I called my mom the C-word, in 2019, and I was scared that it would come out of my mouth without me meaning to at some point, and that ended up happening.

So, I rode a wave of anger, I did not touch her again or try to hurt her further (I've heard my mother say I repeatedly slammed her head against the floor, that is absolutely not true but I think there is room for memory confabulation if your head hit the floor this quickly). I wanted to talk about the part that happened next. I did a little Diablo thing which was both touching and dumb, moving my dad's cane like it was a staff and Diablo, then took a video, put a couple of signs on the floor, and went into sleep. The police woke me, and I was compliant eve though the healthy thing here would be just to let me sleep in my own bed. Instead, I have to go to the part of Unity with the bright lights on you as you sleep, the only reason for this I think is in case people bang their heads against the wall which I find that disgracefully offensive for anyone to even suggest that I would ever purposely bang my head against the wall. Which brings me back to the thing where well I hit my mother's head pretty hard against the floor. Shit. Shit. Shit. Cringe, repeat. This is a thought that has been repeating for quite a long time in my brain, I cringe a I think about it, and I sometimes remember and sometimes do not... What? That other people might think I enjoyed doing that and that I am sick.

What else? After the spiritual possession incident, there is something I want to tell Eminem and everyone else about how it effected me. I was in denial that that incident was wrong, for a long fucking time. This is IRRATIONAL THINKING. That means, I did not think about the incident, did not fixate, and I believed it was right for some reason but I didn't think about it and I don't remember exactly how I thought about it which is bothering me because that doesn't seem to make any sense. I thought she deserved it I guess. Moving on. Moving on. Oh, and Sunday's Fan sent me a song called Tipton by Odessa. "All is well in my soul." Yes, that was true. Why? Because the part where I moved to throw her to the ground did not make sense in terms of motivation. There were no violent ideations whatsoever.

Subbie wanted to point out "haze." This issue was a "haze" issue in my brain that lead to blurry.

Jason was Sunday's Fan, he psychically read my mind and probed to see my reaction to that song, which he sent to taunt me, and then he said right there he wanted to marry me instead, for a second or maybe more, due to the fact that that song was dead on (not a song I listen to most of the time, it is too mellow and slow). But, all is well in my soul, because at heart I had no intent to hurt my mother.

Anyway, so that's my story, and then there was this recent incident at the ranch in Boardman. We got back from our Boardman trip in the van, I got out, went over to the nurse's station, yelled at the woman working (I don't know her name, and I don't remember what I yelled. Aggravating psychological factor on my mind was that I had used meth to counteract the dopamine blocking effects of the medication, and now I had meth face which I think went away but I'm still worried about). I was angry becaue of the medications, I don't remember what I yelled it wasn't that bad, it wasn't the C-word, then I walked around the stairway thingy to the entrance to the nursing station, for a second I thought you know I could go downstairs and leave this situation alone and relax but I don't wanna, and went and stood behind her, I didn't want to hurt her at this point. Then I was standing behind the woman and was struck with furious wind of anger, I pushed her hair down once, use of force was minimal, I didn't actually want to hurt her but I did in that one moment right there, which is what I wanted to talk about. There was this moment I was struck with rage and wanted to hurt her and not hurting her, in terms of motivation related to spiritual possession, actually didn't seem like an option I was allowed to choose. So it was a "multiple choice test with only one answer and that was to shove or push."

Anyway, I like writing and telling people stuff. I hope someday I will be famous for my writing and my outstanding personality.

The Manor in England: Make it Square

For some reason I had to think of the Stanley-Millgram experiment while writing the title blog.

Hell is real, it is what Matthew III wants. He's off topic though, the topic is teachers and they stay in school. I would like teaching but... What? But what Rachel you like teaching?

I don't want to encourage a stupid kid thought which was if there were only teachers, there would not be anyone else.

Leave. Art. It. Out.

No, it's because you have to forget about stuff like sex and your wiring, not that reason stupid Conscie there in then, takes control and bites the wind.

Blame.

Don'eat the preconscieved notion that actually strangers hate me.

Dogs: No One Knew the Real Rufus

Someone once spent there lunch money on apple juice. Did it taste better, in retrospect, than lemonade? Yeah, it did but I could only take about five minutes of the flavor before I had to push my mother down on her bed side. I hope she is alright. Then...

You googled yourself, didn't you, Rachel? I google nothing, and Sophie's legendary hang up was spit around the part of the bottom of a toilet seat.

Nube song.

[Blog, will power, will power, will, power....]

Hash List Tag! Weep joy at Your Past Misery of Not Understanding Hash List Tag!

Hash list tag, circle icosahedron, circle back, tag human. I learned your name, I circle you out, circle line worker on bread at counter 2, hash list complete. Algorithms for speed and circling....

I could bore you with fluff, or I could get to the point. That was later. At first, it was July 2016 Jimmy John's, and I was demoted to feral woman remembering past eye contact(=>Insert Facial Gesture), later your guides will insert more facial expressions.

I lie, cuz why? That's my p-p-poker face, intervened by spirits and we are perfect in our own right and style, copyrignt African American President Yugoslavia 8-1-6-2-5-4-3

On my death bed, or any bed or couch or sleeping place, I remember I wanted to tell no one about spiritual possession and what you think it does to your mind, makes sense to you, is not what the person in my brain wants to tell about crush flam split, dmune.

I hate that incident so much but I am not an aggressive person. I have no violence in my mind. When it comes up at random at a high stress point, I point it out to staff. I know I had no intention of doing that, and so does God.

Make room! Why? Make way for an outside the greatfox fan fic corner rav-heav