The (woohoo?) Pez

The Pez, at Unity Hospital, is this large room of armchairs. In the back, there are four private rooms. They do not have beds, they have these squishy rubber or plastic or whatever cubes that you can push together and put blankets and pillows over. They are not good for sleeping. When I slept there, I had a dream that seemed to be suggesting trying at least, you know, hanging myself as a suicide method. Try it? And Subbie later said, that's called bad sleep quality. There is something wrong with the quality of sleep, if that's a dream I had. That wasn't an effective sleep session. Eventually though, after sleeping at one point, I told a guy who worked there, "I like it when sleep solidifies delusions." And he gave me a knowing look. The food there is bad, but it's always bad, especially bad here. Things you can do in this environment? Well, you can talk to the audio/video stuff, but then they think you are responding to "internal stimuli" and they come and medicate you. Another thing? Play around with social signals, and walk around, feel around, look at people, see how they respond, and try to do this discreetly, without upsetting people. You can talk to people, but sometimes I'm not in the mood here. There's a television, and I hate television. And seating in front of the television isn't good either, you have to have one of those fucking armchairs right in front of the television. I was thinking about Ethan, and haunted by this song by Sophie B. Hawkins, "As I Lay Me Down to Sleep." What kept me going? Thinking about the Lady Gaga song Babylon, and that awfully strange coincidence about how Tupac died immediately after I started school in fourth grade in Lake Oswego. I was dying here. Please let me out, please let me out... The bed took forever, and I don't even remember what they were doing with the medication here. Actually, I think this was the visit I was look, "Oooh, Zoloft, that's a good doctor!" And then they told me, "Rachel, you were already on Zoloft. Nope, the doctor said that Rachel... The doctor said that..." And I'm supposed to believe that they doctor was right and I simply did not remember. "For the love of God get me out! Onward! To the unit!" "A room finally opened up, but it is with a roommate." "Anything is better than this place!"