Romantic Neurosis

I have this problem. I feel like I can never live in the moment. It's like, I'm always waiting for something better than this current moment.

Why can't I be satisfied in the moment? Now matter how happy I am, I always have to feel like we are just passing time, waiting for something better to happen.

What am I waiting for? Death? Heaven? Or love? ...Maybe I'm waiting for love.

If those romantic notions are true. Like, once you discover the person for you, you fall in love with them, and as long as you have each other, nothing else matters. But is that really how it is? No, that's not really how it is.

Maybe it is because, now, I'm incomplete, when I am in love, I will be complete.

Is that really how it is? For most people, it's not. Maybe it's because most married couples aren't really in love.

Love is like the ultimate goal in life. Maybe the reason I can't live in the moment is because I'm a romantic person at heart. And I feel my inner incompleteness.

It seems to me that when you are in love, everything you do, you do for your partner. You take a shower, you are staying clean for your partner. When you work out, you work out for your partner. When you go to work and make money, you do that for your partner too. Everything is for your partner. You become the best person you can be, and the reason is because you love your partner and you think they deserve the best person they can possibly have.

Romanticism can bring out the best in us. But it is also a form of neurosis. Romantic people are neurotic. They are too dependent on that other person and not dependent enough on themselves.

Can you be not neurotic and romantic? Sure, you can fake it. But the more you care about someone else, the more of your own power you give away. You can't control what someone else does, their decisions. What if they decide to take up heroin? Maybe they'd never do that, but who knows. You can't make someone else's decisions for them. So when you are in love with someone, you give away power over your own happiness.

The most stable people, perhaps, are alone. But is that stability? Because you have that missing piece, and that might drive you crazy. Everything you do, you do for your partner. Perhaps you keep ahold of your sanity solely for your partner.

What's better to do is, take that social aspect of you, the part that cares about other people and wants to be liked, and spread it out more evenly. So you care mildly about a great number of people, but not excessively about just one.

I don't know