I Made it to my parent's house...

In June of 2022, before Suicide For Hire, right after the first witches attacked. I made it to my parent's house that morning, wondering if I was safe. They did a spell on me that made my private parts leak water or something. That's the part I'm having trouble mentioning. I said, if you are going to do that I can put up with it I'll just put on a maxi pad. I didn't, and they stopped, these witches did. I could tell they were talking about me seeming like I was abused, maybe they should lay off. They were watching, I was sitting on the bed in my mom's sewing room, they said, "We work outside the law." And I thought "haha..haha, you work outside God's law because he isn't protecting me from this.." Then they shot a spell and my guides intervened and blocked it. It had the impression on my mind like a bunch of them in unison shot it off and it was a molecule flying and my guides put it out.

So that was that part. The mood was focused.

I Think I Had to Sleep a Lot

After the first witch attack, going back to that... The next morning, or some morning, it probably wasn't right afterwards because my memory is strange about thinking about this... I woke up, clinged to Jason or was it Nick Fredricke? In the bed, he said "No I don't want to help you I do not want to help you I don't want to help I wish you well not at all..." And that was all I had left, of relations with the human species. Pulling on something in my bed, damn. I got up, out of bed, and there were witches doing nasty spells. I left the room and went over to my parent's house, to refresh and stay sane. That is where... We had the session stuff with Ian. This was a low point, not as low as January 2022 though, that was how low... Can you possibly go, like the jail visit the first time.

What Happened With the Grim Reaper Dude?

This guy Jose or something, some common Latino name, told me his entire family worships the Grim Reaper. This is the guy who was present at the apartment during Suicide For Hire. I thought that was sort of cool, that coincidence. We were meeting this one time at the abandoned lot, I talked about psychic stuff but I couldn't focus well do to the meth, it made me kind of "zony" which is not the same thing as zoned, something not conducive to anything at all. I mentioned Fentanyl, it might have been this guy who said this (I might be getting things confused), "Well this has Fentanyl in it." I smiled. "You know, that's the difference between my mother and me. I wouldn't worry about something like that!"

The Grim Reaper dude indicated he has always felt some sort of divine protection.

"The Popular Response:" Another Untold Story, Told!

The night was sometime in February of 2023, I think. The month is unclear, but I think it was February, it could have been March. I was living at Pearl House. I told night staff, I'll try melatonin tonight. Maybe it will help me sleep.

The melatonin did nothing, and I don't know if my guides disappeared it on the way down or not, but that was a good night, all right. No, not good, eventful. At first, I was being harassed by some witches and using my faith in God as a shield, as Ian puts it. There were a number of them doing something my brain has blotted out or repressed. I was talking to the FBI, I don't remember about what, as I got up and dusted myself off so to speak, and lay back down on my bed kind of like psychoanalysis style.

Then, Subbie said she was looking at something funny. The Dark Duo of Infamy was plotting against me again, thinking of putting poop on the front door of Pearl House, but where would they find the poop? There were all sorts of theories Emily had and Jason was thinking hard too, and I laughed at the stupid issue they were dealing with which was obsessive interest in acquiring poop. Conscie pinged them with laughter, or was that Subbie? I think it was Subbie actually doing witchcraft, but don't know.

Anyway.. As the night wore off, I remembered how Jason had said at one point, "Wow, you are virtuous if you, in the state you were in right there... (an incident I haven't spoke of), you would send me healing energy from your broken heart chakra."

My memory fails me because this was such an interesting night, but then my guides brought up the dark spot I still can't deal with, which is nothing, people just wouldn't talk about it out loud... And I asked the mattress with my mind while lying down, so also with my body, I did something that's easy which is energy manipulation. I asked for healing energy.

What I received back, or at the same time, was a death feeling, like the feeling I got when the second unborn baby miscarried. Then, I was also in a state of worrying about death, and I believe this, I don't always believe I am on the brink but I would not know. However, my brain released DMT, as Jason and I were so tightly wrapped around each other on the spiritual plane, I started to die because he was. I wrote several chirpy emails about it to them, but the problem was the DMT, whatever the chirpy emails said was just to point out the time, I guess. Then... I reverted back to wanting both Jason AND Emily to care about me dying, felt embarrassed, but laugthed because damn that is what my brain's DMT does I suppose.

The last thing I said was something about when the terrorists were probing me, I kept saying, no semen in my stomach, there is no semen in my stomach. Because I thought they were probing my stomach to see.

I got up, and dressed like my spirit guides told me to, which was the pink raincoat and sunglasses today, randomly sunglasses. They were doing something terrible to me as well, my spirit guides, which I knew weakened my aura and I thought it would effect how people perceived me. On the way to my parent's house, Donald Trump pointed out you (Rachel), you're not prettier by everyone's standards than Melania. I was embarrassed, and I was instructed to say "Sorry Melania," and that was in the parking lot at Safeway.

When I got in the store, someone looked at me and sent me a jolt or short burst of sick energy. I realized they did this on purpose, first I smiled than was embarrassed that I smiled, something sick was going on.

I went and sat down at the Starbucks at Safeway. I thought someone at the register was talking about me being rude for saying my thank you to them before they handed me my receipt and I thought of the f---ing brain fuckery. And then some teenagers looked at me, and said "hey there's a tabloid about someone leaking information to the terrorists!" Or something. I got up suddenly and left, remembering I had to get back to talk to the terrorists, shit shit shit. I got up and left with dismayed purpose.

At my parent's house, I reached for the guy who had probed me. They had asked me the night before, and I Remember now, they had asked what to do with the weapons if they really did have weapons of mass destruction, what should they do? I had told them just to take a video of them breaking them humoursly, they responded no they are not toy guns, and I said something I don't remember. I reached for their oracle at my parent's house, after consulting God. "Now, what Jesus would do is take a picture of the weapons in a public guarded place with this day's newspaper..." Then I remember now I had told them the night before to do absolutely nothing. And God said today that was fine. I meant don't attack, that's what they were planning on doing, so telling them do nothing was accurate.

Rachel's Ideal Match

Would be an African American man who wasn't annoyed by

To Further Explore Her Effect on the Psyche: She Imitates Herself Only

Also, Rachel a problem where she doesn't understand what a big deal it is, either, to be on a Conscious Mission and second only to Jesus in importance. She tells herself all the time, no you still don't get it, Rach. Also, she believes it, but other people don't, and they think she is scum. She also raises her eyebrows and leans over towards people and stares straight at their eyebrows, while lifting her own eyebrows, in a dance of mutual respect, but in retrospect she was actually trying to point out she was serious. God calls the raised eyebrow pose, "The look of Superior Knowledge."

Rachel: And Exploration in Snob

Rachel claims to be the most important person who ever lived, besides Jesus the lord thy God. Second to him only. Also, when accessing information, she uses constantly an image of Rebecca Gearhardt's Face when playing D&D. The context is Rachel didn't know Rebecca was acting, and told her to calm down. Rebecca looks both annoyed and indifferent, as in I would excuse that behavior in you though Rachel. So Rachel mimics Rebecca's face, also a grimace and look of mean. She also protrudes her lip to indicate lack of lip service.

By whom? The class. I wanted more.

Rachel changed the way she carried herself after Fish Out of Water Psychology.

You wish you had this trait. ~~~

After Aaron: Rachel Picks Up The Pieces (AND remembers while writing this title, heart attacks)

So, Aaron helped with the mission by distracting Rachel from the go-nowhere diatribe of DJT. She said a lot of stuff about Aaron, this is a guy she doesn't remember and can't access memory of what he even looks like. But he was... Hmm, Rachel didn't actually care either way. Indifferent to this dude, kind of. Except... Rachel is just indenial of the fact she doesn't have sexual impulses towards him, when she felt like she should. Why? I don't remember this guy's face, like I don't remember Jason's. I remember Christie's face. I don't remember Kernia's face but she looked exactly like Christie. Actually... What is your problem? I already forgave you, you are mad because I made a claim that that incident was racially motivated when I didn't think race was irrelevant. WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THAT RACHEL?! I thought if you are African American, and God was involved with potentially a mission, you should not play games because you do not Test The Lord THY God. What else? "Did you get that attitude at a major clearance sale? I am so over that issue already!"

Women: Yeah, even the butt, damn

Women, don't like things up their asses unless it's a string pantie with a G letter on the handle. This isn't my only observation, but why the butt too? WHY, women, are you so dumb? Because they like pooping as much as the Fecalphiliac who Doesn't Say.

Actually, I'm wondering why Kristen was named.

No, but dumb. That's dumb. I know.

Anyway...

To be thorough, making fun of liking pooping is the cheapest exercise to spirits. Yeah, we know OF Gods, or we actually might know GODS PERSONAL INFO. It says, to get the stuff out, you release endorphins. You don't sit around saying, wow I wish I was pooping...

Some do, though. Not I, or she, or Heavenli unless she is making a reference to the fact she is high. Because she was high, and they might be watching.

REMEMBERED.

P.S///"That's all I got on her..." -Alfred

Why Some: Are Dumb? Yes. Dumb.

So, you like men and women... You might like them both the same at the same time in one body. Said no land, grass, or sea animal. The only one I care about is that we don't change sexes! How enticing! And surprising! And in the end, remember, we mourned the dead on National Transgender Day of Resembrence, a day taking place right after the morbid splice in the woods! Oh, you know this is how enemies are made, and there is nothing cute to me about you. And, you have to sigh and say I do grown up things like work, and you wore a skirt and you're a boy. Now, when I order bows, I order only female colors, and blue is representative of your spirit animal the frog, which resides in the cool willowing ravine with your psycho nut-job friend Anniya, who I only knew was transgender because she pointed it out to me without saying a word. Precisely, one of those things where people say things to me without moving their lips and I don't know how they did it. Well Anniya, you should not be convinced otherwise: I'm not interested in you either.

Further Reading on My Life Topics

Rachel was offered the Earth Mission. Then, she went back to Jason. They had wild wooly sex, and then Jason spit on Rachel and called her a hooker.

Yeah, you'll do anything for me, won't ya? Won't ya? That's the attitude.

I have to think about this situation where I went back to my loyal crew of concerned friends and when asked how much sex we had, I said "once or twice." And that wasn't believable.

Though... As the mission became sooner and sooner, Jason and I stopped communicating, and I was embarrassed by him and I felt like I had been having sex with a retarded person.

And my spirit guides say really quickly, regarding myself and Eminem in heaven, "It's the same situation."

You know... Words hurt sometimes, especially when they came out of your own mouth, and Lisa Left-Eye was embarrassed that she said in a song "you have to lick it before you stick it." And there was a song like that played on the radio... Yeah, you get the idea, maybe.

Do you? Do you get the right idea?

I don't know.

Tupac and I got back together. Tupac has a story of an event between us that he is being mysterious about and not sharing and thinking he's going to laugh is head off when we meet face to face in heaven. "Hey, remember me?"

Rachel, Jason, Alfred, and a Ho Schmo's Doozle (parking ticket)

The drama and chaos and lowdown of the other side's shenanigans could start where Rachel finished her first lifetime as a special teacher who killed a student by accident. That lead to her growth in the miracle trait that everyone loves and loves hearing on the Earth Plane too about Rachel, anyway. So I was now a virtuous soul, lucky me! The sex was rampant, and Rachel was playful and liked mingling with different souls, and to be honest I think the problem is.... Dun dun dun.... I just want someone else to appreciate my glory in sex and this is a soul issue that works itself out in this lifetime in part. So, Alfred was Rachel's lover, and one time she put some sort of paint or paste in the room when organizing a sexual scenario with Alfred. Accessing heavenly memories leads to me thinking I thought I had a reason for putting it there that wasn't to harass Alfred with it but that excuse doesn't fly with everyone else who heard the story at the time. I put something like paint all over my fingers and tried to get Alfred to lick it off. He refused and screamed and cried. I don't know what else happened right there but that's against the law to do that in the spirit world and I got charged with a minor infraction and became a sex offender and I don't know what the cultural implications are of that in the spirit world, it's a little thing compared to what a big deal on it is on the Earth Plane. I got a Minor Infraction, I can visualize in my mind the video of me putting it on my fingers and acting stupid kind of like Kristen to be honest in her old Jeannie movie way but stupider still. I can remember looking at Alfred's face as he cried at the hearing and looked up to the sky. Ooh, virtuous soul, huh? Really? Virtue? And Alfred is crying because you disrespect him. Really? Virtue? Whatever... There's too much gossip on the other side, my spirit guides are warning me to wrap this up.

Umm... So I was reading a book by Jason in heaven that fascinated me with the way he joked about his rampant shmeel of masculine rage and the jokes he made about himself were funny. It was a funny read about an in-your-face masculine bad boy hero kind of thing to me, I found him on the other side and my intentions were obvious from the get-go. See, this guy Jason, I figured out when he was alive, is obsessed with the concept of virtue. He is deeply in awe of them, and if he can't be one, he can play with one, and I looked at this situation and thought it was fine. Until he, in the context of spirit sex, had me lick up grease. In my mind I can remember this, he says "Lick, lick, lick..." And he holds what looks like a muffin container but it's probably something from another plane that's greasier than muffins. And I was screaming in my mind this is a violation of my rights and that's clear when I think about it, and Jason hacked the spirit sex computer or whatever to make it so my tongue moved automatically without my permission.

"But you did it to Alfred! What about what you did to Alfred?!" he would always say, and I would be in silence probably out of shame at the Alfred incident, to the point where we made up. (I have no memory of a court proceeding with this incident, no info, I'm sure he was charged with something more serious than what I got).

And then, there was a concerned group of caring loyal friends I have on the other side who weighed in and said that's not true. Besides the fact that I had properly taken responsiblitiy and blame and shame for the incident with Alfred, the Jason incident wa considered modge-pa, and the Alfred one was not. And I have a little cartoonish memory of someone saying this to me, a woman who makes me think of a beaver, and then the cartoon screen goes to next scene, as I imagine being on the other side like living in a dumb cartoon if you haven't gotten a a lifetime (with pain) for awhile, which was a problem having because not only did the universe run by the different god crash, I was deprived of the rest of that lifetime so I was hurting. From lack of pain.

What else? Your physical form during spirit sex can take whatever and be thrown out at the end, however the experiences your soul has can damage there existence, health, growth, etc. This incident with Jason was harmful to my soul.

The lucky part... The next thing that happened was I got offered the Earth Mission! And Jim Besemer was there to congratulate me! So, a very long time in the future, I will have a cognitive defect that prevents me from making normal conversation, and no one knows why or that that's even a thing and that scared me and it hung over my head for years in heaven, and this is only my fifth lifetime, so right after my third lifetime I got offered the Earth Mission which includes healing the damage the grease incident caused my soul. And it blows my mind to think, wow, I have been worried sick about this lifetime for a very substantial part of my existence in heaven, wow it will feel good to finish it, but as Tyler Henry said, upon crossing over you have to be retaught the language.

I would like to be "taken" like Enoch. This plane is kind of devoid of good things to spend my time doing. Maybe I should think harder or try to approach the people without acting feral."

Motivation, Spiritual Possession, and ME (not the various kid callers who are blowing up the spiritual plane)

My experiences being spiritually possessed go back to 2005 and the incident with "Sean." It seemed to me at the time that that was spiritual possession, however it was my first experience with alcohol, and there was that.

Then, the drinking of the liquor prior to the ER incident struck me as too easy of a move, and I zoned out while I was doing it. This is something that could keep me up at night screaming if it weren't for the fact that I take everything in stride and say it's part of the drill, due to the intense effect the ER Incident had on my parent's and how they view me.

Then... Out of nowhere, the William Vandergaw incident. I happened to remember thinking the thought that saved my existence and in essence humanity during this occasion, which was as I was getting up immediately after we had both taken three shots of liquor and had a beers in our hands, I get up and walk back to the kitchen because I'm worried that won't get me drunk enough, and as I'm walking I can't get over in my mind thinking about how bad I really didn't want to do this but wow my body just popped right up out of the chair and walked to the kitchen, huh. Yeah, so at the time... I didn't understand the point of this exercise until my guides told me eventually and they were in the picture way earlier than they told me about the cinching of energy related to caring about someone's opinion of myself. I brought it up a couple times, and they found ways to distract me. I don't know why, it is probably complicated but they told me in like 2017 or something why we had that beloved incident.

What else? I'm used to letting Subbie move my body. See, Subbie can move my body as well as Conscie can, and Subbie can override Conscie's decisions most of the time if necessary. If a conscious decision is overriden by Subbie, there is nothing Conscie can do. Of course, usually that's just fine, like when I look in the mirror and am suddennly walking in the other direction, despite Conscie wanting to fixate on the mirror for a second. That happened one time, it was kind of funny. That's the other thing though, there are lots and lot of experiences related to the Mindflip that are incredibly cool, so yes, I did get the "mental handicap rewiring of brain" that everyone always wants. I had a fixation on it before I got offered the mission, this particular brain situation. It is both fun to use and rewarding, as I knew the mindflip would help me grow an astounding amount in intelligence. I'm thinking of going off on a tangent but I wanted to write about... Spiritual Possession.

People, young and old, as a side note... Don't mess with Ouija boards. I have never done so, but it is common sense not to. Stores stopped selling them for a reason. Knowing that stores won't sell Oijja boards yada (I've read this on spiritual websites I don't know what happened) is good enough reason for me to say no thank you that's stupid.

So, at some point it becomes obvious to me in my life that I am at times spiritually possessed. The story of hurting my mother went like this: Actually, I was planning on playing around with my parent's beliefs and this "that one time in downtown Portland"... Those words have come out of my mother's mouth and she stops. It's the Santa Barbara streets issue, I lived it up on the streets of Santa Barbara for several days before my parents took me to Idaho to Innercept. I had the time of my life, I was also under spiritual protection from the spirits, and Santa Barbara seems safe compared to downtown Portland. There is some dark energy there, something I would like to stay away from, so for some reason it's a joke with me that my mother would think I would repeat the Santa Barbara stuff in downtown Portland, like a kitten running playfully into traffic. I fear downtown Portland, to a certain degree. I also believe that other cities like Detroit probably are even scarier in this regard.

Anyway... I don't remember what I was thinking the night of the incident walking back from the gas station, drinking a hard seltzer Four Loko, just one (all day), and I left the bottle like a rebel in the little bird bath in front of the house. I walked in, my parents were sitting around the island in the kitchen finishing dinner. My mother said something that angered me because it was probably something about medication but I don't remember at all what the comment was. I remember I was annoyed, but... Not... Enough to do that, which I did while I was thinking that, seemed like Subbie, and I even got in on camera but my camera was stolen before I uploaded new stuff. My spirit guides told me it made a mark on Mass Consciousness, this moment where I felt indifference to what I was doing, and I was doing something that could have killed her. Kind of like, I'm sure I've pointed this out but this is funny and true, the Waterworld experience makes a noticeable impression when thinking in altered states but I don't know how to describe it. A memory of a shared moment of fun that went from happy to the most miserable you can imagine.

So, but we are talking about the attack. I rode a wave of rage right there, throwing my mother on the floor. So I cussed her out when she was on the floor. Spiritual possession involves whatever the force behind it to be able to manipulate you (me) emotionally as well. I called her the C-word, which really bothers me. You know, what happened in my life is both Robin (he didn't want me to tell anyone this though, but whatever) and Alfred called me the C-word for no reason in 2014 only to prove a point. Anyone can use any word and they don't need a license. So there is a culture shock thing with this word and it doesn't mean much when I say it except to mean I am angry. Also, I had a reoccurring dream that I called my mom the C-word, in 2019, and I was scared that it would come out of my mouth without me meaning to at some point, and that ended up happening.

So, I rode a wave of anger, I did not touch her again or try to hurt her further (I've heard my mother say I repeatedly slammed her head against the floor, that is absolutely not true but I think there is room for memory confabulation if your head hit the floor this quickly). I wanted to talk about the part that happened next. I did a little Diablo thing which was both touching and dumb, moving my dad's cane like it was a staff and Diablo, then took a video, put a couple of signs on the floor, and went into sleep. The police woke me, and I was compliant eve though the healthy thing here would be just to let me sleep in my own bed. Instead, I have to go to the part of Unity with the bright lights on you as you sleep, the only reason for this I think is in case people bang their heads against the wall which I find that disgracefully offensive for anyone to even suggest that I would ever purposely bang my head against the wall. Which brings me back to the thing where well I hit my mother's head pretty hard against the floor. Shit. Shit. Shit. Cringe, repeat. This is a thought that has been repeating for quite a long time in my brain, I cringe a I think about it, and I sometimes remember and sometimes do not... What? That other people might think I enjoyed doing that and that I am sick.

What else? After the spiritual possession incident, there is something I want to tell Eminem and everyone else about how it effected me. I was in denial that that incident was wrong, for a long fucking time. This is IRRATIONAL THINKING. That means, I did not think about the incident, did not fixate, and I believed it was right for some reason but I didn't think about it and I don't remember exactly how I thought about it which is bothering me because that doesn't seem to make any sense. I thought she deserved it I guess. Moving on. Moving on. Oh, and Sunday's Fan sent me a song called Tipton by Odessa. "All is well in my soul." Yes, that was true. Why? Because the part where I moved to throw her to the ground did not make sense in terms of motivation. There were no violent ideations whatsoever.

Subbie wanted to point out "haze." This issue was a "haze" issue in my brain that lead to blurry.

Jason was Sunday's Fan, he psychically read my mind and probed to see my reaction to that song, which he sent to taunt me, and then he said right there he wanted to marry me instead, for a second or maybe more, due to the fact that that song was dead on (not a song I listen to most of the time, it is too mellow and slow). But, all is well in my soul, because at heart I had no intent to hurt my mother.

Anyway, so that's my story, and then there was this recent incident at the ranch in Boardman. We got back from our Boardman trip in the van, I got out, went over to the nurse's station, yelled at the woman working (I don't know her name, and I don't remember what I yelled. Aggravating psychological factor on my mind was that I had used meth to counteract the dopamine blocking effects of the medication, and now I had meth face which I think went away but I'm still worried about). I was angry becaue of the medications, I don't remember what I yelled it wasn't that bad, it wasn't the C-word, then I walked around the stairway thingy to the entrance to the nursing station, for a second I thought you know I could go downstairs and leave this situation alone and relax but I don't wanna, and went and stood behind her, I didn't want to hurt her at this point. Then I was standing behind the woman and was struck with furious wind of anger, I pushed her hair down once, use of force was minimal, I didn't actually want to hurt her but I did in that one moment right there, which is what I wanted to talk about. There was this moment I was struck with rage and wanted to hurt her and not hurting her, in terms of motivation related to spiritual possession, actually didn't seem like an option I was allowed to choose. So it was a "multiple choice test with only one answer and that was to shove or push."

Anyway, I like writing and telling people stuff. I hope someday I will be famous for my writing and my outstanding personality.

The Manor in England: Make it Square

For some reason I had to think of the Stanley-Millgram experiment while writing the title blog.

Hell is real, it is what Matthew III wants. He's off topic though, the topic is teachers and they stay in school. I would like teaching but... What? But what Rachel you like teaching?

I don't want to encourage a stupid kid thought which was if there were only teachers, there would not be anyone else.

Leave. Art. It. Out.

No, it's because you have to forget about stuff like sex and your wiring, not that reason stupid Conscie there in then, takes control and bites the wind.

Blame.

Don'eat the preconscieved notion that actually strangers hate me.

Dogs: No One Knew the Real Rufus

Someone once spent there lunch money on apple juice. Did it taste better, in retrospect, than lemonade? Yeah, it did but I could only take about five minutes of the flavor before I had to push my mother down on her bed side. I hope she is alright. Then...

You googled yourself, didn't you, Rachel? I google nothing, and Sophie's legendary hang up was spit around the part of the bottom of a toilet seat.

Nube song.

[Blog, will power, will power, will, power....]

Hash List Tag! Weep joy at Your Past Misery of Not Understanding Hash List Tag!

Hash list tag, circle icosahedron, circle back, tag human. I learned your name, I circle you out, circle line worker on bread at counter 2, hash list complete. Algorithms for speed and circling....

I could bore you with fluff, or I could get to the point. That was later. At first, it was July 2016 Jimmy John's, and I was demoted to feral woman remembering past eye contact(=>Insert Facial Gesture), later your guides will insert more facial expressions.

I lie, cuz why? That's my p-p-poker face, intervened by spirits and we are perfect in our own right and style, copyrignt African American President Yugoslavia 8-1-6-2-5-4-3

On my death bed, or any bed or couch or sleeping place, I remember I wanted to tell no one about spiritual possession and what you think it does to your mind, makes sense to you, is not what the person in my brain wants to tell about crush flam split, dmune.

I hate that incident so much but I am not an aggressive person. I have no violence in my mind. When it comes up at random at a high stress point, I point it out to staff. I know I had no intention of doing that, and so does God.

Make room! Why? Make way for an outside the greatfox fan fic corner rav-heav