Death: Why Not?

Reflections on death include first and foremost the deeply seated belief that I will die pretty soon.

I don't want to die right now. I want to procrastinate and procrastinate the death scene. I am enjoying being a celebrity even though no one tells me I am. I enjoy posting online, I enjoy conversations with spirit guides and all the radical topics that come up. I am having fun. When I'm not happy, I am struggling to function. There is no jarring sadness.

There is no question that I am on a God-ordained mission in my mind. No worries, legend status over time, with a finale that makes me stick around as a memory of the most important person ever, next to Jesus Christ. I have no worries that I will leave behind a distasteful memory of good ole Rachel Zuhl or Good ole Babylon.

I live entirely in the moment. However, even though I say that, I still crave some sort of "Grand Finale" to life. Maybe a marriage, a relationship, a happy social setting, a boyfriend (ha), or Jesus Christ returning. And I keep forgetting that Jesus Christ himself is scheduled to return sometime. I do not have access to the schedule and I will have to see it to believe it as well. Which is an annoying fact, I have the most faith out of everyone and even I will have to see Jesus Christ return to believe it is possible.

"There is no better feeling than completing a Conscious Mission.

That's what I look forward to, death, but I want to make the best of my time here. I am having a great time but it's also a constant struggle to keep sane.