Enlightenment and the Atheist Conundrum

I was at the hospital, with the iPad and I was listening to some atheist podcasts. Immediately, God told me to stop, it just feeds into the negativity in you. It was interesting that it was God who sent the message, and not my spirit guides like normal. One of them I was listening to, the guy's name I think was "Mike Dillahunty." This was the podcast that reminded me why I hate atheists. And I don't actually HATE anyone, just... I've been struggling for years to try to put it in SUCCINCT language why I believe in God, I always feel like I am failing, and now all of a sudden I feel like I am capable of doing it, actually. It's hard. However, I hate this attitude, "You have no proof, bye." There was someone who called into his show and said he had some sort of evidence, maybe not succinct or actual evidence... And Mike Dillahunty hung up on him. You know, I was sort of interested in what that guy had to say. That podcast had bad energy and made me feel sort of sick so I didn't waste anymore time on it. In another podcast, the guy didn't seem as obnoxious, however he was talking about the tree falling in the forest and if it makes a sound. This was sort of funny, actually, because he said, "You know, why would the tree be polite and not make a noise if no one was around? Wouldn't it rather be polite if there were people around?" That question is apparently too much of a "big kid" question for some of these people who run these little shows. What's my point? It's atheists with a tremendous ego complex about being atheists that bug me, not atheists in general. Another thing is it's interesting the kind of people who sometimes make good impressions when they call out to Subbie. Also, seems like the last thing I have to get over with enlightenment, is disgust at militant atheists. Of course... God hates militant agnostics, not militant atheists. And that's a joke, when God says he hates someone, he's kidding. Except for the worst soul who ever lived, which... Actually, I'm going to err on the side of caution and remember Zuck's words about how I should probably worry about national security. Except, Subbie says, not important. I'm talking about Osama Bin Laden. Actually, back to discussions about God, the answer comes about when you ruminate heavily for hours and years on end on the subject of awareness. Deducing concepts and everything into awareness or no awareness. That's how long it took for me, maybe for others it wouldn't take as long, or I could explain it and they will understand. I've done that already though. It's come up that I was actually hurting as a kid because I didn't have any sort of spirituality in my life. It's a sore topic, I don't even want to think about it. Actually, I heard about Jesus the first time from my sister. We were visiting relatives in Indiana, and we had come back home and one night she was talking to me about a story my Aunt Heidi told her. About some great man who lived a long time ago and was nailed to a cross by sinners or people who weren't as good as him. She acted sort of strange about it, telling me she thought this story was a load of baloney, and maybe that was a bad thing but that's how she feels. The interesting thing was, Kristen didn't explain the story that well, however it had a weird effect on me. And I developed "Christian Psychology" just because I heard Kristen's explanation of Jesus when I was three years old. The thing was, the Jesus story, seemed almost like it could have happened to me... I don't like the way that sounds, so let me explain. I didn't think it did, it comes maybe from having a special good trait that people with special good traits, when they want to grow in them they usually live lifetimes where they are heavily discriminated against. That's relevant but that's not actually the reason, and Subbie reminds me that the real reason I felt that way was because it happened right after I had "that dream." I'm talking about a dream I had when I was three, that I was in the backyard of my old house and a bunch of family/family friends/acquaintances came at me and held a blanket around me and taunted me with a song. Then my mom showed me the stone tablets with the words to the song, and my sister had a strange attitude about how we had to find the right place to hide the blanket. I woke up from the dream feeling undescribably good and I wanted to fall back asleep and go back into the dream. The dream seemed to have strong religious connotations, that was the mood of it. Games I played as a kid by myself usually had some strong religious element to them, like blind worship of an object. When I got older, I made a computer game representing memes and world religions. The thing about the game, it was a representation of an atheist worldview. And... That's why I would think it was strange if I got around to actually programming the game Insect Heathen Conversion, seems funny but I think I am done with representations of atheist worldviews. The thing is though with the original insect game, there WAS a God though, that was clear in my mind when I was programming the game. The only actual example of God's intervention though, was that if a shrine becomes too unholy it bursts into flames, and it is called "Godly incineration."