A Roaring Womb: Turbulence Erupts as the Crowned Tyke Emerges

I went to the doctor today, swearing that I would be diagnosed with gastritis for my horrible constant nasaeu. I feel like puking if I don't eat, I feel like puking if I do eat. This has been going on for about a week. Of course... Joyous news! I'm pregnant. That was definitely something I considered might happen in this case. Of course, given my new-found pro-life status, abortion is off the table... Actually, my guides say they are outlawing surgical abortion, not chemical abortion. However... Awhile back when I was writing a piece about our views on abortion here, talking about the spirit world... I forgot to point out we are for over-the-counter availability of Plan B. Contrary to whatever science says about the situation, a fertilized egg IS sentient... However, it experiences the equivalent of a minor headache, in this situation. And while we don't like the idea of people using Plan B as an alternative to birth control... It's so important that women are able to take it immediately in situations where unwanted pregnancy is possible, if abortion isn't an option. However... "That's a situation for someone else to comment on, Rachel." I told my mom, and she got upset and left. "Well we warned you about this situation, Rachel." I know... And I didn't think that was impossible either, but geez, why do they even make such a shitty product as condoms anyway? What a fucking shit product... Should they even be selling these, geez! How many times did I have sex since the IUD was removed, like what, three times, with condoms? Obviously this is an act of God here. This is definitely not a possibility I didn't consider. The father is Chris. There is no one else it could be. In case you were wondering. The issue here is money. That's the only issue. Hey, where's my check from my memoir? Anyway... A lot of things come up when my mom gets upset, and of course she has good reason to get upset, but I think the issue here is my refusal to just get an abortion. Without making any clear-cut declarations or accusations, there are a couple thoughts that come up here. The biggest one, and this is the angering one... What the hell is wrong with adoption? If you think, for one second, that I am going to drink alcohol or smoke marijuana while pregnant, you do not know me. And I don't want to put words in my mom's mouth, but if that's the issue, than fuck you. It's a no-brainer that I cant' drink when pregnant. Actually, I'm disgusted that I have a mother that thinks it's so important to immediately kill the unborn baby, instead of giving the SURPLUS, there are plenty of couples looking to adopt children... A loving family the option of raising the child instead. What is wrong with society, when aborting a baby is seen by some as completely lacking in consequences? Of course, there is also the medication issue, which is a fuck you... Actually, I'm sure it was a hormonal reason I was sent to the hospital to begin with, where I am subject to a situation where without any say whatsoever, I could be subject to Haldol injections if I didn't suck it up and take the lithium, a medication that led to decreased joy, human compassion, and social inclinations. What's the other issue? This is the issue I feel uncomfortable bringing up... Which is, I get angry thinking about it, but my mom's own failures in her ability to be a good mother. The other issue is that I think I would be a much better mother than she was. Conscie makes an unsure statement, "I think she was a self-centered mother." And Subbie says, yep, understatement. I don't want to be mean to her right now, because I know it is stressful and she has every right to be stressed out. So I don't feel like it's a good time to pick her apart. But, she is someone we think of as feeling "fortunate to be kind," to quote Danny Elfman. I also feel like she doesn't know me at all. And with mental health professionals, they have this attitude like, "your mom knows you the best." No. She knows nothing. Absolutely nothing. I'm getting overwhelmed now, thinking about this myth that I can't handle money. It started in 2006, when I was already at Fred Meyer and needed clean clothes and bought some more, and it got written in the mental illness report that I was buying new clothes instead of doing laundry, which wasn't true. Actually, I very clearly remember doing laundry at the dorm Callahan. I did that ONCE, where I bought some new clothes so I wouldn't have to do laundry as much. I know that might seem off-topic, now I'm getting angry about this issue where I was supposed to be doing something like putting away my money for retirement when I was in college and had no necessities to spend money on. It must be the raging hormones, or the fierce will of the emerging tyke. Fiery, determined, strong-willed and able from the very beginning. The beginning of a child who will take on the world with passion and intensity, joined together with a mother who already has love and compassion for the unborn baby. Love, strength, and determination abound.