Life Situations

So I'm really happy because I'm on this new drug Metformin, which is a diabetes drug. I don't have diabetes, but this drug can help people on antipsychotics lose weight. I think this is going to work. Now I have both the energy to exercise and the will power to not overeat. So unless someone fucks with my drugs, this is going to work.

That's this ever-present fear I have, I'll get in shape, and then they go and fuck with my drugs. Usually, because something happens, like I have an episode. Like, a serious episode, where I go batshit crazy and they have to fuck with my meds. And that changes my appetite and motivation.

So really, what I have to do now, is keep taking all my meds. Because I don't want anything bad to happen.

Episodes themselves are crazy and fun. When I look back at my life, and the times where I was happy and having a good time, it was because I was delusional. But no more of that. NO MORE OF THAT! I have to be happy with reality. God dammit I hate reality.

So, anyway, I have that on track. I have a few invasive bad thoughts from time to time, but that's tolerable. I am doing tai chi, which should help bring back my psychic abilities.

Psychic abilities can be annoying. You are sitting at home working on something, minding your own business, and then it's suddenly like, "Hey! Someone's talking about you!" And you don't know who, or what they are saying, but you feel your aura being invaded. And then later you get confirmation, like that happened and Erik told me he had been talking with one of my friends about the time she first met me. So I was correct.

And you feel all this random energy all the time, and you don't know where it's coming from.

But the cool thing is, you can look at people's pictures and feel things about them. And you are like, why didn't I feel these things before? And you get confirmation on that stuff too.

But anyway, the problem is this objective C shit. I am trying to learn objective C, the programming language, in order to make mobile apps for a living. I am convinced I could make the next Angry Birds, or at least the next Plants vs. Zombies, if I were to ever learn how to use this x code thing with objective C.

I think I need one on one instruction. I think that's the only way I am going to learn.

It's really sad, because I feel like a low life mooching off everyone. I have no income. I am going to get SSI, but I have to wait six months and that will only be $700 a month.