Breaking Through

I need to find a way to get myself off the ground. I have to learn to make my own income. Since no one seems to want to hire me, I'm left with two options: become famous or survive off of government handouts/become a beggar. So it's one of two extremes. This is how I see it.

The problem with becoming famous is it's kind of like losing your virginity. Once you've done it you can't go back. I read about and listen to celebrities complain about being famous yet I still say fuck it, I want to lose my unknown status. Which is a big leap for me. It's not as big of a leap for my sister, since she is sometimes recognized by strangers. But we don't talk about that.

The process of querying agents is maddening, and if you've been reading my recent blogs you'll know that a lot of things are maddening for me. But I think querying tops the list. And people on the writing website have been hassling me about things, though I don't think they mean to hassle they're just trying to make sure I've thought things through. But I don't want to get into that.

So I said, screw querying for a little bit. Kristen (my sister), let's you and me become YouTube sensations. Now it's probably not as easy as it looks, but look at some of the simple weird videos that become YouTube sensations. There's like a gerbil or hamster or whatever that turns around and has a dramatic look on it's face. That's it. That's all it is, and everyone knows about it. And then there's that guy who lip syncs to that one song. He's also a YouTube sensation.

Kristen and I represent upper-middle class suburban dystopia. There's my sister, but we don't talk about what she does. She also converses with spirits. And then there's me, who dropped out of college when I became delusional and thought that I was Jesus on a mission to warn the world about global warming. I live at a residential treatment center for upper-middle class fucked up young adults/adolescents. Yeah it's all rich kids, because it costs a freaking fortune but isn't worthy hardly a fraction of what it costs. But I've said that already (and deleted that post, I had my reasons). Anyway, I think my sister and I are a pretty good pair.

But my sister doesn't seem as sure of herself in what she is thinking is going to happen anymore. This worries me, because I trust her intuition more than I trust my own, though not about everything. Which because of the fact that I just wrote "not about everything" makes me think I should trust myself more, for reasons I won't get into.

But to sum things up, I'm really not sure about anything anymore, except for the fact that I don't want to resort to applying for social security disability money, and I don't want to end up living off food stamps.