I want to try something, Sweetie, Alfred said.
What's that? I asked inquisitively.
I want to see if you like something I do to you... I'm going to pull a cord... A mean, mean, mean cord... And you will love it, okay?
Is that really a good idea? Is it really that mean?
Oh no, not that mean, you'll love it...
Alfred began to pull a cord. At first, he hesitated, and almost decided against it. Then, he did it. He pulled a cord in my lungs. It made me feel weird and funny like I couldn't breathe, but more than that, like there was something seriously wrong with my lungs that was life threatening. I withered, as I could not breathe.
STOP!!!! DON'T YOU EVER PULL THAT CORD!! WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?!
He stopped. If you had just waited a second, I was going to pull a pleasure cord!
Oh fuck off! You have no right to pull that cord! That's not a cord for pulling! That's a mortal danger cord! NEVER FUCK WITH MY BREATHING EVER!!! SERIOUSLY!!
You're sending me negative energy, sweetie. Remember, the soul is always correct. You are wrong. If I think it is okay to fuck with your breathing, I think it is okay and it makes it okay. You are not right, I'm right. I'm the soul. I'm always right.
When it comes to mortal danger, like breathing difficulties, it is never okay to fuck with it. I think we have to do some revamping of the soul/silia literature.
Not only was it horrible, it fucked with the energy of my respiratory system. My guides told me no sleep tonight, get up and make coffee. I couldn't sleep that night because Alfred decided to pull that cord, because if I were to fall asleep, I wouldn't be able to breathe and would immediately wake up. I had already had many a sleepless night, and had been sleeping on average only every other night, as a result of spiritual plane changes that affected the internal organs and made sleep tricky if not impossible.
I got up, made coffee, and paced to keep myself awake. I was so tired, and now I couldn't sleep. Great. I hated Alfred right now.
The next day, I was famished for sleep. I got up, got clothes on, and walked around the neighborhood. There was something funny going on in my heart. I had a focal point of energy in my heart which I had conscious control over. If I moved my brain the right way, if I thought about it wrong, which was very easy to do, I would disrupt the function of my heart. I hated this. It was so horrible. I went out for pancakes with my mom, all the while in a state of panic. We sat down at the restaurant, and then I left the table to pace as I was so agitated from these bodily problems it was hard to sit still. Yet, I was so tired. I went outside and sat on the curb and did some spells, as I was in the middle of a spiritual attack.
On the way back to the house, I thought I was going to die. My heart was going nuts, not palpitating, just feeling really funny with a funny energy focal point in it. If I were to go to sleep right now, I don't know what my mind would do with the focal point, it might mess up the energy of my heart and lead to palpitations or a heart attack. My guides said it was a serious issue and I was not allowed to sleep. I was so tired, but I could not sleep. At the same time, I felt like I was about to have a heart attack, and in the midst of all this, I had to hold my brain very still so I did not disrupt my heart. An angel entered me to fix my heart. Thank god. Still, it took awhile. After we got home, it instructed me to drink milk, and I downed a glass. I almost told my mom there was something wrong with my heart, but my guides cautioned me very strongly against doing such a thing. They would run tests, I would be put on heart meds... And I didn't need to be on heart meds. This was temporary, a result of the spiritual plane shift.
After a lot of tinkering and a long time of worry and dread and feeling like I was going to die, the angel finished and its work was done. It left. I was left to sleep. Now, I was wide awake. Finally, I fell asleep, and slept soundly.
That night, Alfred decided to play a trick on me. He started drawing reiki energy over my heart, creating problems.
WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?! I asked Alfred.
Just playing a game, it's harmless don't worry.
I don't like it, don't do it! Don't fuck with my heart, after everything we've just been through!
He kept saying it was harmless. I was pissed at my guides for allowing this, but later I learned they were scrambling as fast as they could to disable is reiki capabilities.
Again, another sleepless night, because he messed with the energy of my heart, and if I fell asleep, my heart might stop.
I went on a walk the next day. Alfred said he was only trying to assert dominance. He was the soul, I was the silia. He was always right. It was never okay to send him bad energy. Ever. He could do what he wanted to do, he owned me. He was only messing around, he was going to fuck with my heart until it started palpitating, and then fix the problems.
I was fuming, I was mad. But then, something happened. I submitted to him. I gave up thinking I had some sort of power over Alfred, because I didn't. I told him he was right. I was his. He could do what he wanted to do, and there was nothing I could do about it.
Alfred was ecstatic. Later, he told me he had actually been trying to kill me. Seriously, kill me. He wanted me on the other side now. He wanted to know if I was for real about the Pussycat Brawl because he could not wait that long to see if I was for real a lot. I had been having thoughts, both conscious and subconscious, regarding not wanting to do the Pussycat Brawl at all. He wanted to know if I was for real, he wanted it now more than anything else in the world. He did not care about the mission. All he cared about was his own ego and pleasure.
Well, let's talk to the silia self!
“Alfred, I am down. Don't think I'm not down. We agreed to this before you were put out, for the beginning of this lifetime. You don't remember. I do. You brought it up. I am more down than you are, seriously. I don't like this. Do not fuck with this mission. It is important to me, and to you, and I know that. We will do it. I am down! You just have to be patient!”
Later, though, way farther down the line, the silia self admitted that this is when she knew the Pussycat Brawl was not a good idea. This is when we knew it was not good for Alfred's spiritual development.
Another day, when we were at the mall, Alfred told me to buy a special necklace. I bought two, a dragon necklace, to remind me of what I loved about Alfred, and a bullet necklace.
You dodged the bullet, sweetie. I was going to kill you. This necklace represents the bullet you have coming for you if you ever back down on the Pussycat Brawl. I have friends on the other side, lots of them, that will be after you, if you ever back down. Whenever you are having any sorts of doubts about the Pussycat Brawl, or about my dominance over you, I want you to bite the bullet. Literally, bite the bullet. Go on, do it.
I was wearing the necklace. I picked it up and bit the tip of the bullet.
I liked that emotion you had there, a feeling of subservience to me. That's what I like. That's what I want to see, whenever you have doubts. You bite it, feel a subservient emotion. And I will tell you if it was good or not. I am your master. Bow down.
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