Another thing I know is that getting rid of the ego entirely is a very, very bad thing, something that is not healthy at all. Feed the ego. Feed the ego. Whenever I start feeling bad, I don't know what is wrong for awhile, then I remember and yell out EGO! And I have to find a catchy song to listen to and get egotistical to. If you don't feel good about yourself, you feel depressed. This isn't a problem anymore though, I am doing a lot better. I need music though. Most important thing right now. Wooh.
I had to feed the ego. Feed the ego. Everywhere I went, when I was feeling down, it was because my ego was dwindling. In order to feed it, I had to listen to music. I kept forgetting, now, what do I need to do when I feel this way? Music! Feed the ego. Feed the ego.
It wasn't actually the ego I was feeding when I did this, but something akin to the ego. Something very similar to the ego, that helped me to understand how important I was in the universe.
What does that mean? I asked my guides one night.
What does what mean? They replied.
I love life, but hate the people who make it for me? I asked my guides in a huff.
You hate your parents, numbskull, my guides laughed.
I was joking. They knew I was joking. I wanted to take the joke further.
When will you understand I love my parents and want to make them proud of me? I asked my guides.
We would cut that energy cord if we could, believe us. We asked for special permission to, but it didn't get cleared. Really, really, really! They said.
I was angry. Why couldn't we cut the child cords to both my parents? I wanted nothing to do with these people. They were so backwards, there belief systems, both about the government and about my life.
We want you to do something for us, my guides said. You know you are conservative. You have known it for a long time.
I've been conservative since high school! I yelled loud enough for the other guides to hear me.
We know, we know. But you don't understand why you are conservative. You still think you are a liberal. Why don't you read the book Atlas Shrugged? It is a good book! It will help you sort out your ideas for why you are conservative.
Okay, I guess, I told my guides. We went to the store and bought it on tape in the discount section. Now, all I had to do was take the time to listen.
Okay, where do you think you are going now, missy? My guides said to me.
To the kitchen to get a snack, because my tummy is rumblin', I whispered loud enough for my guides to hear but not comprehend.
It is okay to watch television later, and get a feel for the current political environment, my guides said to me.
Okay! I screamed at the top of my lungs, then passed out from low oxygen intake.
I walked, and as I walked, I asked my guides, “Is there anything inherently better about being better?”
YES!!! My guides screamed.
I don't know, I said. In my mind, I imagined someone being held up on a pedestal high above everyone else. Everyone was cheering and loving the person. The person wore a crown, and sighed, and slumped down with their head on their fist. Unhappy that they were held so high above everyone else.
We know what that visual means. That's why you wanted the Pussycat Brawl.
Why's that? I asked.
Your silia self said so. Because she feels that she is always high above everyone else, and she wants to feel inferior to someone. It would help her spiritual growth.
I liked thinking I was Jesus, but not really. Is it really that good, being Jesus? Not really. With everyone bowing down to you and such.
I remembered a dream I had, the enlightenment house dream, where I did not look up on the way out of the house, but my sister looked up, and sighed longingly at what the top.
What does that dream mean? I asked myself.
“I know what it means. A bunch of different things got jarbled. Erik was right, you were being anointed. When you left, and you don't look up, but your sister does... It is referring to the fact that, most people would like to be Jesus, they would love to be Jesus, but they don't dare even consider anything so high and far-fetched and grandiose. They don't even dare. You did, and you were ostracized for it. But is that really a character flaw? You didn't want it, you just thought it was true.” I spoke from the subconscious mind.
We know something about people, my guides said. They hate people who think they are Jesus. Not because it's not true, but because they don't deserve to even think something so high and mighty about themselves. It is too good for anyone, especially them. If anyone is Jesus, it is them. Huh Rachel?
I don't know if that's how most people think... I responded.
We know, they do not. But that's how you think. You think you are good, not quite Jesus good, but if anyone is Jesus, it is you.
“Aww, fuck. It's true, it's true.” I hung my head in shame.
Don't worry about it, you are that much better than most people. If you met the majority of the population, you'd really understand how dimwitted and mean most people are. Most people are wretched.
I do hate a lot of people though... But it's because they say so many dumbfuck things on the spiritual plane. I only ever say mean things to people who are mean to me. So many people are mean to me, so many people.
When you go home tonight, remember that you are good. Don't tell yourself, you are not that good, you don't clean the kitchen.
Ha! My dad was always telling me I must be selfish and sociopathic, because I don't clean the kitchen. This was a sign that I didn't care about other people's well-being.
Well, we frown upon making people feel bad for frivolous reasons. They are fully capable of cleaning up the kitchen. You know, they never taught you to clean up after yourself.
I remembered how at Innercept, people always said things about how I was inconsiderate because I didn't clean up after myself. But I was used to just leaving things out, and having them magically go back to the places where they belonged. I didn't even give it a second thought.
We know, we know. Your mom is a dipshit and didn't raise you right. Your dad's just trying to make you feel bad. They want you to fit a mold. They want you to be a wonderful daughter and make themselves do less work. But you can't do that. They did not do a good job raising you, luckily, you raised yourself nicely. When you go back to the house, make a sandwich. You need the calories.
As I was walking back to the house, I lost contact with my spirit guides, but continued channeling anyway.
“Hi, is this my guides?”
“No, these are guides who hate you. We suggest you walk to the store, buy five alcoholic beverages, and drink them one after another. Then, on the way back, watch cartoons and breathe heavy.”
“Hi, is this my guides?”
“These are guides who love you, my dear. We suggest you eat cake. Lots and lots and lots of cake.”
“Hi, is this my guides?”
“No, these are your friends though. We suggest you make way! Make way! Make waaaay! We love a challenge, but we think you need oxygen! Breathe!”
“Hi, is this my guides?”
“No, but we like you. We think you need calories, honey. Don't eat a sandwich, eat bacon! It is so much healthier and will help you lose weight! Nevermind their advice, your breath does stink but not as bad as your farts!”
“Hi, is this my guides?” “No, but we hate you. Don't worry about anything, your mind will go down in the dumps if you have any food, eat celery and carrot sticks only until you are skinny!”
“Hi, is this my guides?”
“We think you know the answer to that question. Watch more television, it contains the secrets to life and happiness!”
Chapter 80
What do we do now, baby? I asked Alfred.
We do what we always do. Animations!
He showed a kid running after an ice cream truck. When the truck pulls over, the ice cream man smiles and waves out the window. The kid waves back.
Gives you warm fuzzies, doesn't it sweet pea? Doesn't it? Doesn't it?! Well, I'll show you what happens next!
The kid stops and orders an ice cream cone, then, the man pulls out a knife, and makes the kid perform oral sex on him.
I stopped smiling.
Didn't like that, did you, honey bee? Ruined your warm fuzzies, didn't it, Sugar Plum? He cackled.
I frowned, and wished he hadn't included that part of the story.
That was just a joke, I'll show you the real ending!
The kid stops, and the man gets out and shows him what types of ice cream he has. The kid buys one, starts licking his cone, and walks off happily. As the man drives off, he runs over a cat by accident.
I smiled, then frowned.
A little better, huh?
A spirit came to me, saying “Garbanzo beans, baby, garbanzo beans.” Later, another spirit came to me, pretending to be Honey Booboo.
Hey, wasn't it funny how that spirit pretended to be Honey Booboo? Alfred said to me.
I thought it was funny too, but it wasn't a big deal. A lot of spirits came to me, saying weird things. The other day, I was sitting on my bed, when a spirit came to me saying, “You bear an uncanny resemblance to your mother.”
That was me, nitwit! I was the Honey Booboo spirit! He said after awhile of repeatedly bringing up the Honey Booboo spirit.
I was also the garbanzo bean spirit! It wasn't some spirit hanging around, noticing you liked garbanzo beans! It was me!
Oh, I said. I thought it was funny.
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