It has come to my attention, through supernatural means... there is something weird about the way the way my mom in particular talks about me, when I’m not around, that makes some family members want to punch her in the face . “She adds details that we make character judgments of Rachel from. Based on added details that she made up.”
I remember one example of this.... and I only know about it because I read her email. It was around the time I left Innercept, I was sent to stabilization (the little cabin in the middle of nowhere). I was angry at this situation where I was forced to be idle, as there is nothing to do at Stable. I was taking a physics class, and I had a test to study for. On a day I needed to study for the physics class, they had us rake pine needles.
In an email my mom sent someone, she said, “They forced Rachel to rake pine needles. Rachel hated every second of it.”
Actually, I didn’t say that. Nope, that was fabricated and not how I felt about it. It was actually sort of cathartic. There was a myth in my mind at the time that I had a poor work ethic, and on that day I proved to myself I actually had a good one. Why did I complain about it at all? I had a physics test to study for!
My guides also pointed out to me, your mother wanted to think you were suffering, because you dating the Scientologist was interfering with the Innercept brainwashing facility’s “You should be poisoning yourself for no reason” doctrine. She wanted to believe I hated it.
That’s all I know. What else have I witnessed? My mom’s therapist’s angry outburst when I went to see her with my mom, when my mom made a casual comment about doing paperwork. “NOW DOES THAT SOUND CONTROLLING TO YOU, RACHEL?” There must have been a lot of moping from this woman about being under appreciated, the woman who was too chicken to pull me from the treatment center that was poisoning me with Geodon, and I’m supposed to have sympathy for her emotional issue regarding money after they stuck with that place and wasted all their money on it.
That’s why, you know, I get worried when my new doctor raves about how much he LOVES my parents. There are a lot of other people I consider much nicer than my parents, not that my parents are actually FAKE... my mom has a way of wearing her kindness on her sleeve, and that’s a trait that comes back to bite and leads to overall decline in good, not a good thing. Traits and soul tendencies are complex. My mom has a tendency to mope and worry, and sometimes that’s her way of being caring. It’s not real caring, moping about how someone else (maybe) had worse problems than you do. I don’t have any sort of self-pity myself, that is a foreign concept to me.... I don’t want someone else to do it for me.
I wanted to point out I don’t actually have enough information here, to know if it’s the same thing with Dr. Ijaz as is going on with my mom’s therapist... obviously not as bad, but I got a bad feeling from the family call. I broke down the other day and the doctor referred to it as a tantrum. That right there says bad with people. You are not good working with people. It suggests that you have bought into the immature label, and the kicker is you think it is helpful to point it out to the patient.
What happened then? Well, I get sick of the situation where I moved automatically and hurt my mom. To be honest, it’s not because I actually feel horrible about hurting her... she is not someone I like, but that is not a prudent thing to do, hurt someone, it causes serious problems. It does something weird to me psychologically when I can’t control my own body’s motions and it moves and hurts someone. In case you don’t know, it was Subbie fulfilling something in book of Revelations. In addition, I was forced to take Trileptal, which caused me to feel RAGE. When the doctor said something about my irritability, which was caused by the Trileptal, since I was adamant about wanting off it... I was very excitable, tensed up, which meant putting my hands in fists and moving a little bit forward, standing straight and I was sitting on my legs, so I had to move forward. That guy got in my face, yelling at me and leaning over the bed with his fingers in my face yelling, I didn’t catch a word he said as I had to use my power trait to immediately release that attitude, and there we go again, bad with people. That’s normally how you escalate things. We can let go of this issue, I’m not mad but it doesn’t make you look good... I said I feel threatened by him, he said well he felt threatened by me, because I put my hands in fists and moved forward. Anyway..
On top of that, they look at you, come and peak at you every fifteen minutes to make sure you aren’t hurting yourself, and ask you if you feel like hurting yourself or anyone else. They go to great lengths to keep you from having weapons, anything at all... plus I can’t do much in here, feeling hated from the soul work my guides are doing, and no matter what I do the lunch cart guy says I have an attitude. Which indicates death, because he said that, I know my own heart I have no animosity at all towards that guy, until you accused me of having an attitude... now you got to walk away from the situation, when you are wrongly accused of having an attitude, it’s a lose/lose.... NOW I am angry at the guy, so now I really do have an attitude. I remember the time I almost had a mental breakdown, when I was sent to the hospital for being happy, after being unhappy for quite sometime... technical error, please reboot. That means, I started yelling and crying about how everyone thinks I wish them harm.
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