Song of the Raven

As Rachel sat on her bed, she stared at a book sitting on her pillow case. It was a book Richard Dawkins, The God Delusion. She reached for her bottle of Adderall and took a pill.

As she got high on dopamine, she drifted off in a thoughty trance. She concluded that if God existed, he wouldn't allow so much pain in her life and other people's lives.

She looked out at the window of her cheap two bedroom apartment. Out the window, a bird had landed on a nearby tree branch. It sang a broken three syllable melody. The melody shifted, and the melody changed, but it always rang out of the bird's mouths the loudest on the three last syllables. They were in a minor key.

The door bell rang. She opened the door and welcomed in two Jehovah's witnesses. She asked them to explain the part in the bible about sin and how that applied to her life. Not believing she was a sinner, she asked them why lying when the truth was none of their business was considered a sin. They answered that it was one of the ten commandments.

Rachel shooed them out the door. She walked over to her back porch and went outside. It was a winter day, so she put on shoes and a rain coat.

As the rain ran down her clothes, she whispered to the raven on the window sill. To her surprise, it spoke back!

"Why do you sing such a sad sad song?" Rachel asked the raven.

"I am a bird who echoes the sentiment of those around me. If you were joyous, so would be my song!"

There was a hard, firm knock on Rachel's door. As she waited for the knocking to stop, a large fish in her fish bowl swallowed a smaller fish in one gulp.

Rachel tore open a package on her counter. In it, there was a bird feeder. The bird feeder promised to serve those who enjoy bird watching. Rachel perched it on her deck and remained calm.

As she dozed off on the kitchen counter, her head fell onto the counter and she was struck by a vision. It was a hand pointed at a grandfather clock.

As she opened her eyes, the clock remained firmly ingrained in her mind.

As she closed a box of crackers. a loud ticking came from the ceiling. The ceiling was then torn off the building, and God was reaching into her living room! Rachel ducked but God grabbed her any way.

He placed her on the mountain top.

NOW SING!

Rachel bellowed out the star spangled banner.

NOW PRAY TO GOD!

Rachel got down on her knees and thanked God for the mightiness of the mountain top and nature in general, praying that he would help humans preserve it for future generations.

NOW READ!

And he handed Rachel a pamphlet. It was titled, "Caring for God's Creatures Great and Small."

Rachel got on a roller coaster, and was whisked away over the Pacific Ocean. In the middle of the journey, God pushed her off the roller coaster!

There was utter silence, as Rachel bobbed around in the water cold and all alone.

She prayed. And God spoke, "Now I will prepare you for your journey."

Rachel woke. She was sitting bolt up right in her bed. On the other side of the room, the rat in the cage regurgitated several oblong pellets.

The hand of God pointed to the clock.

Tick. Tick. Tick.

"Your time of glory is coming. For now, thy lord speaks and you listen."