I tried to talk to my parents about my suicidal depression. My mom says, "You're not worthless, you are just ill." Well, I hate how I am called ill. It reminds me of the word sick. They are synonyms. And sick people molest children.
I don't really think I am ill, which means right off the bat that this conversation is not going to be productive. Through deductive reasoning, I conclude that the best solution is God. I ask my parents if I should turn to Jesus. My dad makes a noise like this is hokey and stupid. This pisses me the fuck off. I am being serious! Lots and lots of people find hope in Jesus. Maybe he is the answer?
My sister is no help either, as she is also not a believer in God. My mom says yeah she believes in God, but he is not a person. That basically means she doesn't believe in God!
As I have no realistic suicide plan that doesn't fill me with dread, I have decided to continue living my life instead of ending it.
As I write an email to a friend and talk to another friend online, I start to smell and taste and feel the chipotle pepper again.
No comments:
Post a Comment