Mark Zuckerberg was driving along the freeway one night in the pouring rain. He saw a furry blob on the side of the road and gasped. It was a dying kitten!
Mark pulled over his Rolls Royce and plucked the dying kitten from the storm draining. It was black and yellow striped, beautiful on the outside and in, and mewing pitifully.
"Hear hear, kitty kitty." Mark mewed. "Just because no one else in the world loves you doesn't mean I don't love you."
It was exactly like a scene out of the childhood game Rachel's sister and Rachel used to play as a kid in the shower, little bunny in the cold. Mark plucked a dying kitten out of the storm drain and nursed it back to health.
At home, Mark hosed of the kitten in the shower and fed it some chopped up mouse pieces. The kitten learned Mark's name, Mar-kus. It purred Marks name.
"Mar-kus. Mar-kus. Mar-kus." the cat spoke rhythmically.
Mark was taken aback and stared, transfixed. "Yes Rachel?" He had named the cute little kitten Rachel.
"Mar-kus. I am Ray-shull. I want to tell you about the secrets of the universe."
Mark gave Rachel a strong cup of coffee, and Rachel perked up and groomed her whiskers, that kissed Mark on the cheek playfully.
"I come from a faraway land. Ten thousand, twenty-three million years ago, God took a match and lit it. That was the big bang.
"As the universe grew, it began to engulf all other flames in God's heart. He named this new universe Earth's beginnings. Then, God's child touched the flame, and burnt his finger. At this point, God put the child to bed. In this moment, Earth was created. God named the planet Earth, as his child's name was Earth.
"Then, God put a spell on a woman, and she fell madly in love with her neighbor on Earth. This is Mark and Priscilla."
Mark stared at Rachel in disbelief. "Okay, time to lay off the catnip, Rachel."
"And I, I was there at creation. I incarnated on Earth as a modern day Jesus. That makes Mar-kus the elias and Priscilla his wife the great mother of the giving tree."
Mark kissed Rachel softly on the cheek. "Rachel, in your dreams does my wife Priscilla not love me for me, right, she had a spell cast on her..."
"Mar-kus. Mar-kus. Mar-kus. She loves you for that spot inside your soul only, that spot that labels you one of the Chosen Three. The Chosen Three are Rachel, Mar-kus, and Jason Farnworth."
"Don't bring Jason into this!" Mark screamed and reached for his pocket knife.
"MEOW! MEOW! MEOW!"
Mark laughed. "I'm sorry, Rachel. I thought you were being an insane bad kitten. Now I see you are just and eccentric good kitten. I didn't mean to threaten to harm an innocent creature with my temper. See, I come from a long line of angry men who do angry things like create enterprises. It takes an angry man to be successful."
"I know you are an angry man, Mar-kus. Now I am going to sing you a soothing melody to get you to calm down."
And Rachel started humming a tune, with a pulsating techno beat. Mark's eyes got big and he fell in love with Rachel.
Then the hands of God swiped over the area, and the two were separated semi-permanently. Rachel was given a home in a sinful atheist household in Portland, Oregon. She was fed more milk there than she needed.
When her paws were accustomed to the key board, she wrote Mark Zuckerberg a message on Facebook, asking for his paw in martiage. Mark looked it and laughed at the gibberish over and over and over again.
To this day, he still tells that story to his friends. How a cat wrote him a message on Facebook, pronouncing his name funny and asking for his furry finger to fit with a ring, and offering to lick the fur on the top of his head.
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