It started to hit Rachel as her guides were doing soul work on her. They were fixing the damage to the soul all of Rachel's life circumstance had caused her. As they do, it brings up the pain more, and there is no where you can hide from the reality of the situations.
Rachel began feeling completely worthless and suicidal. Rachel has the problem of severe lack of people in her life. The reason is, she never made an effort to stay in contact with anyone, ever. For whatever reason, she didn't understand that making an effort was an absolute necessity in making and keeping friends.
As Rachel's guides join in and harass Rachel, Rachel wonders what their fucking problem is. Can't they see I'm in a lot of pain? she asks. Alas, they do. This is part of the fire of extermination of the last part of the ego!
When Rachel was in the hospital the last time, which was less than a week ago, her guides told her she had cut the last ego cord. She did this by giving up a judgment of one of her peers. When she did this, endorphins slowly started to flood her brain.
At home, the soul work commenced. As Rachel carried on regardless, she realized that she never sees any of her friends! And she realized that might mean they are not her friends anymore, she realized she was fat, she realized she had nothing to live for. Of course all these problems are fixable.
As she sweltered in the heat, she imagined that maybe God was trying to break her down to get her to call out to him and ask for His help, and let religion enter her heart once more. Rachel did so, and God responded with words to Rachel's prayers, telling her he was helping her but she needed to continue trying to help herself, she needed to reach out to peers to create lasting friendships and put herself on the line a bit more often. He would send people her way.
As she sweltered and the heat started to wear off but still pressed onward, she decided she needed to give up living life for herself, which she still did even now. She needed to live life for other people.
Rachel's thought's continued, and the final extermination of the ego continued.
As she laughed, she imagined what she had been thinking earlier. Earlier that same night, she had been thinking, maybe if I just think hard enough in the right direction, I'll make myself happy. It turns out, this idea was spot on.
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