But Last Time You Were In The Hospital...

We could talk about how a belief that I was supposed to be some sort of actor playing Jesus on the Earth Plane, was replaced with a belief that I am actually Babylon. It fits, actually. I've explained it before on here. The thing is, it is very clearcut that SOMETHING SUPERNATURAL or biblical is going on here... the belief becomes SOLID when you point out, hey, you aren't Jesus, you are Babylon... I like being Babylon better, actually. It just takes a "psychological adjustment." You are not Ms. Perfect, or Mr. Ultimate Perfection, however you are someone who is extremely important. Which takes a psychological adjustment, and I never wanted to be Jesus anyway. When I was introduced to the idea in 2006, I didn't like it at first, then I realized that actually, that might be sort of fun... However, GEEZ, too much pressure. And... The world isn't ready for a female Jesus anyway. That's too strange and apparently America wasn't ready for a black president either, if the president immediately after was a demagogue. Sad, but true. What happened though? I denounced belief toward the end of my hospital stay. Or.. Despite the clear biblical reference, I was discouraged from believing it when I e-published my first memoir and it sold, how many copies? A measly SEVEN. Over the first few months, it only sold seven. What did I want to point out? Right before I published my memoir... I was looking at stuff online, like the fact that on my Twitter page, it says somewhere that no one at all searched for Rachel Zuhl. I find it kind of suspicious actually, that no one at all would be searching for Rachel Zuhl on Twitter. When I post blogs, it tells me how many times each blog was read, and I also give it leeway considering if you are viewing my blog as a whole, it does not count as a hit to a particular blog post... I get enough hits to encourage me to keep posting, but as Subbie has repeatedly pointed out to Conscie, "a lot more people tell me they read it (on the spiritual plane), then it shows up as hits. Which, leads me to believe this number isn't even accurate, at all." I figure that this is shaky anyway, and there is this situation on my blog where it keeps telling me I need to notify readers of cookies or something or get them to accept cookies.. Which, I figure, since I haven't done that, it wouldn't be accurate anyway. The "Higher Self" sent a message, in addition, not long before I published my memoir. "They do a neat job of keeping this from you." How many people are viewing my online stuff, in general, is what the "Higher Self" meant. And it doesn't happen very often either, that the "Higher Self" sends a message, and when it does it is important and it means I need to listen. What's the situation with the seven people who bought my blog? Well, two were these two guys I was talking to at the time that I am no longer talking to, there's Rebecca a friend from high school, my sister, and... Some random dude I don't even know, don't even have as a Facebook Friend, was talking to my on Facebook about how much he liked the Matthew III situation. Also, in addition, every once in awhile, despite doing no advertising, I get new likes to Party Like Jesus, and new likes to Subbie's Psychic Readings. You know, I actually find it suspicious, that no one at all bought Party Like Jesus. I would think I must have at least several other friends, people I know personally, let alone random internet followers, who were interested in my memoir. I actually find that kind of suspicious! Of course, I got blind-sided, thinking that this involves money so it's going to be accurate... Actually... Why? Eventually I will get the money. So, what's my point here? I am trying to point out it wasn't the medication that made me doubt my "delusional" belief system, it was nothing besides the supposed sales of Party Like Jesus. Also, I was doing pretty fucking terrible the last time I left the hospital. Suicidal, turning to harder drugs, lack of emotional energy to do positive activities... And I feel like that has changed now. So wow, do you think I am needing the old Depakote/Haldol medication? That was NOT effective. I don't think this is actually a WEIRD theory. I just think it is FUCKING ANNOYING. And that's that. So, what's my point? Is the right medication going to get rid of a belief that it is not schizoaffective disorder? You got to be kidding me...