Helicopter Clientelle

So that's how I made it happen! I yelled to the guidance counselor.

She blinked. And then she scowled. And wrote a note on a piece of paper.

I left, feeling elated. Then, my dog walked in the building. He was lost.

Oh no, not this again! I yelled.

My best friend Samantha was there in spirit. She looked at me in the face and screamed my name. All around me, the crowds were circling. Friends not at all. They watched from a distance as my friend Samantha ate a piece of cheese in front of my face and screamed obscenities at me for not asking the guidance counselor how many credits I could make due with.

I left her beside herself, whisked her away with the flick of my wrist. My dog was looking for me. He looked lost. I touched him and he disappeared. Not again! Not again!

Rachel, wake up! my dad screamed in my face.

I looked up at him. He was dead to me. I could tell he was waiting for me to wake up. He wanted nicotine gum. I screamed obscenities and went to the safe and got him some. Afterwards, he chewed loudly. Sat in the corner and chewed. I watched him. He had a knowing smirk on his face. Like he knew my secret. I chewed a piece and stared back. We both chewed loudly, trying to outdo each other. Than, the cat puked right in front of us. Puked its guts out.

I got up and told him to leave. He left and went to ask a question about me from his guides. He knew little about talking to guides, so he just asked his hand. His hand told him no. I didn't hear the question.

It was time for school. I looked in the mirror. My face looked ugly. I needed makeup. If I wore makeup, I would be a drop dead gorgeous babe! But there was never enough makeup to cover the dark circles. Never enough. If only I had some other mechanism to cover them up.

At school, a boy asked my hand in marriage. I told him maybe. I would think about it. After I thought for three days, I looked at the future and it said he would end up dying of a disease before his time. I politely declined his invitation, giving him a message from my guides to get over his weird obsession.

I left school that day feeling flabbergasted. When I got home, my dad was eating a sandwich. He looked at me and screamed. He was in an altered state. I yelled at him, "ARE YOU ON DRUGS!?"

He looked taken aback. "NO!!!" he screamed at the top of his lungs.

I looked at his demeaner, the weird mix of vegetables on the sandwich, and thought he was lying but didn't say so. He did this from time to time.

I went upstairs into my bedroom to do something else. He was watching television downstairs. I could hear him talking to himself about me. He didn't say anything mean, but it was all blatantly inaccurate so I went down to set him straight. When I looked at his eyes I saw the fear, and told him it was okay. Don't talk to those guides anymore. They are wrong.

He was happy to be prepared for the next meeting, and went upstairs and met with a former colleague. He was working on an article for the newspaper. When he got upstairs, all the math in his mind fell out. He was looking all over the floor and he couldn't find any more of the math he had left in his mind before it fell out.

The cats gathered, and started eating the math. When they were done eating, they were smarter than he was. They started speaking to him about quantum mechanics and they outdid him with logic! He looked baffled and asked the cats a question about hairballs. The cats looked taken aback, put in their place, and left without making a sound. One cat stayed behind. It was his favorite. It told him a joke about Rachel needing more prescription pot to help her mind problem. He laughed and patted him on the head. When he did so, he stole the math back and put it back in his own mind to continue working.

Rachel sat in her room and pondered. Then, the doorbell rang. It was Matthew Mason. He looked taken aback by her ragged appearance, and tried to kiss her. She tried to get him away. His hands were everywhere!

AHHH!!! Rachel was running around screaming until she woke up from another bad dream. She was surrounded by ghosts. The ghosts looked at her and screamed obscenities about her ragged looking eyebrows. She looked back and fainted.

When she came to, her mom was there. She had soup. Rachel was sick. She wanted to feed her with a spoon. Rachel wanted to feed herself. When Rachel told her mom that, she looked downtrodden. She looked at Rachel and held up the spoon of soup. Rachel did not eat. She slurped her own mind food out of a can and outdid her mother with mathematical genius.

The next day at school, Matthew was there handing out gift certificates for a brainwash session. Rachel wanted one! He offered one to Rachel, and gave her a free certificate for unlimited sexual massages. She wanted none of these! She gave them back! He handed her an extra brainwash ticket and told her to be at his house at 5.

The next day, Rachel woke up. She was awake. She knew it! Her dad was in the other room reading. She told him she had had a bad dream.

The bad dream was about a mouse. He was ugly. When he ate cheese, he always frowned. Whenever the cheese tasted bitter, he ate less. When he got ugly and frowned, the mouse next door wouldn't speak to him. Then, he ate little cheese and drank little wine and grew little in the mind. His spiritual growth went down hill and he died inside. When he woke from his bad dream, the mouse spoke little of any language and could not communicate. All the other mice laughed at him in unison. Their unisonic laughter echoed and the mice chirped happily when he cried. This went on for all of eternity until hell collapsed and devoured everyone. Everyone was in unimaginable misery until the end of time.

When Rachel told him this story, he frowned and cried. He hated dream interpretation. He told her to take a bubble bath and leave it alone.

The next day, she looked at her body in the mirror again. It was bad. She never stopped touching her body to see how skinny she was. She never stopped until someone made her. The person was Matthew Mason. He said stop touching, I will never stop touching myself if you never stop touching. After that, Rachel never touched her body again.