How about a piece of paper to write down those ideas? He listened intently to what I had to say. He made out with his hand while talking to me. I watched his tongue move. It moved like a party dance.
I scared him off with a story of my past. He was mad. He looked up from the rhythm of his toes to work on my face. He looked at my face and worked his mind so hard his brow furrowed. I got worried and touched the furrowed brow. It removed from his face and danced on top of the ceiling.
Shit woman, what are you taking?! He screamed at me. Meanwhile, I was rhythmically hypnotized by the movements of his mouth. They formed syllables, like a pencil would form letters. I asked him to repeat a word many times because I liked the way it looked.
Silhouette, how did that taste? Did the word taste good? Can I have a taste? I asked Randy. He looked enticed, but mad at the same time.
Don't go there Rachel, I need you clean and sober for tomorrow! Don't go there!
I tasted the word in his mouth. It tasted like candy. Chocolate chip marshmallow swirl. I ate the word and savored it in my mouth until I started heaving like I was going to blow chunks. Randy touched me on the boob. I looked at him and smiled. I dry heaved and vomited not at all, got a second wind and made out with him again.
We stared at each other in the eyes and then looked down. He looked at my blouse. It was pretty with cotton suds of wax all over the sides. He touched my boob and smiled again. I laughed.
NO! I screamed. NO! I screamed again. And NO! I don't want that anymore! Not anymore! Not anymore! Not that! Stop! It hurts the side of the unicorn horn!
What?
I lived there with you, remember? The castle? We lived there together?
Oh boy... Rachel, you are not good on shrooms. Don't act dumb. Please. My parents are coming tomorrow!
I listened hard and listened good. When I was done listening, I asked him to say something again so I could demonstrate my good listening abilities. He said my name over and over again. I listened again and said nothing.
Now Rachel, don't freak out. I'm going to show you something and I want you to touch it, okay?
I looked at him in the face. He bled! He bled from every pore! I touched the blood. Smelled it. Caressed it with my finger. And then blew it in the wind.
Okay, sweetie. What do you want me to touch?
We smiled at each other. There was something wrong with something on his face. It looked wrong. I talked to it to make it feel all right again. Every word I spoke fell flat. Each time I said something, he looked at me and shrugged his shoulders. It became a really awesome shrugging game, seeing how many times I could get him to shrug his shoulders. I watched the outline of his face pronounce my name again, but I wasn't listening. I couldn't hear him anymore. There was a noise outside the room and in waltzed another handsome strapping fellow.
Hi Ryan! What up? Randy said. His words spoke out loud again like they usually did. I coughed and spit. Venom of a sexual sort. I watched as he worked up the courage to ask me how I was.
Why? I asked Ryan.
He looked at me, sexualizing me existence. He talked out loud and spoke thoroughly, and each word bounced off the ceiling and into my throat. I began coughing. Each cough sounded like a hiccup to my other ear, but to the first ear it sounded hoarse. I was sick.
Don't do that again, Rachel! Randy screamed. I was touching his face again. I moved my hand to touch his penis instead.
Like that better? I smiled at my own intelligence. He smiled a half hearted smile and went back to ruminating on the past.
I choked and vomited on his shoulder. He looked happy. I looked down at the vomit. It was invisible. He looked at my face and scanned it for a happy facial expression. None found. Mission aborted.
I got up to take a piss. On the way to the bathroom, I got lost. I looked up and down, but not around. I couldn't find my way to the restroom. I looked inside my hand for a solution. There was a picture there of me and someone else. I didn't know who it was. I wanted to ask my mind, who is this a picture of? But no one was home. I went back to the room without pissing.
On the way in the door, I got Ryan giving Randy a handshake. I wondered why they were shaking hands. It was not customary at this point in time. I asked Randy to give me a handshake. He looked at me funny and smiled secretively to Ryan. They both chuckled. I didn't know why.
Why? That's what I asked both of them when they were done swallowing their food. Why? They screamed at me with their mouths open but I couldn't hear them anymore. They looked like food to me. I couldn't eat them though. They would get mad.
At the end of the night, I was alone. Cold and lonely in the middle of the street, screaming about how it wasn't my fault. They stared at me out the window and asked me to grab a cab. We would talk about it later. I wandered the streets for a long time and met no one. It was the end of the line.
I found a ditch and played dead, until morning came. When morning came, someone was looking at me with funny facial features. It was my dad. He wanted to know why. I told him why.
Because I wanted to. That's why.
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