Post Traumatic Dancing Disorder

This is good, my dad said, looking at the steak.

Why? I asked, befuddled by his gluttonousness.

I stared as he ate the steak in large mouthfuls. I stared as he fixed himself a slice of cake afterwards. And I stared as he went over to the TV and watched television, looking satisfied.

I went to the kitchen for my dinner. There was half a tomato and a piece of lettuce. I ate this and went upstairs to cut myself on the piece of mirror I found in my dad's arm chair.

I cut, then stopped. I was sick of this lifestyle. Did I really want to be thin? No. I didn't care. I just wanted someone to care about me. Everywhere I looked, girls my age had boyfriends. I had Mark. I looked up and he was not sitting next to me. I sighed and went back to the kitchen for an after dinner snack, as I was still hungry as hell. I had not forgotten about cutting. I planned on doing that later.

In the kitchen, I found a piece of steak. I stared at it hard. I was so hungry. I looked at myself in the mirror hanging by the fridge. I didn't look skinny, no. But skinnier than I had a couple months ago, yes. I stared at my fat stomach and cringes. God. I couldn't believe I used to be okay looking like that!

I put the steak back in the fridge. God I was hungry. God I wanted to eat it. But no. I was too fat. I found something in the back of the fridge. A half-eaten slice of tomato pudding. I did not understand who would eat tomato pudding. That was so fattening.

WHO THE FUCK MADE THIS TOMATO PUDDING?! I screamed.

My dad was watching Television. He knew I was on a diet. Didn't care. Teenage girl stuff. He looked up from the television and stared dumbfounded at me.

Why are you yelling? I made it last night and ate it already, except for one part for you!

I was fuming. WHY?! I HATE IT!!! IT'S SO FATTENING!!!

Laura, why are you yelling? I thought you liked tomato pudding!

I sat down, steadied myself, and calmed myself down. I touched my wrist bone. It jutted out a little bit farther than I remembered. I smiled a slight smile and sat back. "No. I don't eat that anymore. Throw it out!"

He looked at me dumbfounded, sat back, and scowled. Laura, what's with you? I'm worried about you! You are taking the diet way too far. I think we need to take you to the doctor to straighten out your body image issues. You look fine. I know I'm not one to talk, but you look good. I know. I'm a man.

Laura was dumbfounded and grossed out, but understood that he wasn't coming on to her so she decided to let it slide. She stood up and shrieked.

WHY DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND?! THIS IS NOT WHO I AM ANYMORE!! I'M NOT YOUR DAUGHTER! I WANT OUT OF THIS HOUSE!

He looked at her and died inside. Her daughter wanted out of the house. He started to hold back a tear, realizing this was teenage angst. He thought long and hard about the best way to handle this. Ice cream was out. That's what his dad always did.

How about a shopping trip? He asked her.

She looked at him and screamed. "I'M TOO FAT TO BUY NEW CLOTHES!!!" she shrieked.

I know, I know, I know. Oh boy, Sweetie? Danielle? Can you bring out some Ativan for Laura please?

I DON'T WANT ATIVAN IT SLOWS DOWN THE METABOLISM!!

Her mom walked out from the other room. "Laura sweetie, how about a back rub?"

NO!!! I WANT OUT OF THE HOUSE!!!

How about a bubble bath?

NO!!! I HATE BATHS!!! THEY MAKE YOU THINK TOO MUCH!!!

Time for a psychiatry appointment, Danielle said.

Laura was driven to the psychiatrist's office the next day, where she was pumped full of narcotics and given a prescription for Seroquel and Depakote to combat depression and anxiety. She gained 40 pounds and lost even more self-esteem. When she turned 18, the medication caused something like a manic episode due to unforeseen side effects and she was sent to live at Adderall Center for Medication related illnesses. She learned that all side effects to medications could be treated by abstinence from drugs. When she turned 22, she was given a prescription for Ativan and turned to suicide over and over again to calm the pain of rejection from man after man after she gained another 20 pounds from the antipsychotics. When she got a little older, her parents put her in a permanent stay hospital because she wasn't getting any better. She was visited by three angels during the night, giving her hope that she was on a quest and she was going to help stop the world from prescribing antipsychotics. When her guides entered the picture, they told her real name was Esmerelda and that's what they called her all the time behind her back. She was mad but got better when they rewired her brain to be more sarcastic and witty and beat the hell out of her parents in a custody war over the custody of her only child who lived with them and was force fed narcotics in his morning cereal. After she won the case, she lived a long and prosperous life giving speeches and performing miraculous mental scans of people's energy bodies, discovering unusual ailments and treating them with magic random pranks. When she got old enough to look back on her life, she was disappointed. Not because she had done a poor job living life to the fullest, but because for so many years she had neglected to shave her legs and so given the opportunity, she wouldn't have been able to have sex with a guy and have him enjoy it. When she came to this realization, her legs started sweating profusely from an altered sweat gland condition and she died suddenly. Her body was donated to science.