Super Special Fun Weeks

So I am sitting here at this restaurant called Cafe Yumm!, and I am mad because I got this bowl of rice and stuff, and I got the medium one because the small looked way too small, and it was good. But after I am finished eating, I look up the calories and the bowl had like 800 calories. Which pisses me off because that is way too many calories to consume at one sitting.

I am thinking about what it's like to be delusional. There are times where you go off and have a week or so of mysterious magical fun while strange delusional things happen. It's actually really fun. But I can't do that anymore. I can't do that anymore. It's not going to happen again. At least, not anytime soon.

When this happens, I listen to one song on repeat the entire time. When I come back down, and listen to that song again, it reminds me of that time and brings back super positive feelings.

That's how I know a period of my life was good. If I listen to a song that reminds me of a time period of my life, and it makes me feel good, I was having a good time. Sometimes, even though I liked the song, it will bring back bad feelings. This is true of songs that remind me of time I spent at IT, when I was dealing with their bullshit.

The most recent song that defined a delusional experience is "Annie You Save Me" by Graffiti6. Other songs include Porcupine Tree "Fear of a Blank Planet," Katy Perry "Wide Awake," Oingo Boingo "Sweat," The Verve "Bittersweet Symphony." My first ever delusional fun week happened before I had an iPod. The song that I hear that reminds me of that time is "Sunday Bloody Sunday" by U2. Just thinking about the way that song sounds reminds me of when I first became delusional and the stuff I was thinking about.

My dad got mad at me one time because I was delusional and I was listening to the same song over and over again. Actually, I wasn't really delusional, I was just having one of my fun weeks, back in January. I tried to explain to him that when you are in this state, you experience music differently. Music is way more intense, and you feel the vibration of the song, and you get addicted to that particular vibration, and you want to hear it nonstop. Your special song of the experience doesn't get old when you are like that.

I've been delusional before and not had a super special fun week. Super special fun weeks are the shit. I  don't do anything else when I am like that, I can't work or do any unrelated things.

But if I want to make things happen in my life, I can't be delusional anymore. I can't do that shit anymore. When I became delusional back in November/December of last year, I wasn't doing anything strange chemically. I don't know why that happened. Just random, I guess.