Stigma

So I hear that mental illness has a stigma. I know this, but I operate like there is no stigma. Which is probably a bad thing.

Maybe I am just sheltered from the way other people think. But I remember how I was, before I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I secretly thought people who were bipolar were cool. Some of the coolest people are bipolar.

I remember being at camp, and a girl was telling a story about how she was driving with her mom out in the country, and she looked behind her and saw a bus. There was no bus there. Her mom told her that. But she's like, "mom, I see a bus!" I secretly thought this girl was cool.

I don't know what it is. There is something about having a few screws loose that I think is cool.

However, it's annoying when it's you. And you mom is like, "Rachel, your brain is just so delicate! You are very fragile! You have a very fragile brain!!!" These kind of statements annoy the fuck out of me. So I would go to great lengths to try to convince myself I wasn't bipolar.

Even now, I think I have a mental illness. But I wonder if all the events that have happened have been purely random.

Bipolar people are cool because they are different. They have dealt with shit. I think people are cooler if they have dealt with shit in their lives, and not everything has been easy.

But I try to join the group of people, like how some autistic people are, who are like, it's not a curse it's a blessing! So maybe through being bipolar, I can unlock the brilliance of my own mind.

Mania is great. But it's hard when you have finally achieved the state you want to live your life in, and everyone tells you have to be medicated to the point where you feel confused and have low self-esteem. I finally got what I've always wanted, why must you take it away?