My Sister Announces Her Presence

I had a dream that I was lying on my bed, messing around when out of nowhere there was one finger doing things that I wanted it to do, just one finger. I tried to get this finger to masturbate for me but it would not. I was flung across the room by this finger, kept trying to get it to masturbate. The finger became a hand. Then, out of nowhere I was grabbed by this person who was hiding underneath my pillow! The person announced there presence and it was my sister. I was completely calm throughout the process. My sister said she wanted to inform me that she was going to figure out my secret soon. I asked her how. By watching a science show.

Your Suffering Has a Purpose

The reason each and every one of us come to Earth is simple: spiritual growth.

Some say, why is there so much pain? Pretty lousy job, the creator did. In reality, God did not design the Earth to be fun. Each and every one of us grow from the negative experiences we have and flourish in spirit do to the hard times we experience.

I wanted to talk about the Stanley Milgram experiment. This is the experiment where participants were asked to administer an electric shock to a guy who seemed to be having some sort of heart problem as a result of the electric shocks. Some have asked, is this experiment ethical? When participants obeyed authority anyway, and continued to administer electric shocks anyway, it made them question their own internal goodness when they discovered that the entire purpose of the experiment was to test their own willingness to comply despite harming another human being, and the right thing to do would have been to get up and leave.

My spirit guides told me they liked this experiment. Every single one of the participants grew in good as a result of being told, either you have something wrong with you, or you did the right thing.

We don't think complying with the "experiment" in this case should be considered normal behavior, but of course it is common.

What I'm trying to say is, bringing into question someone's inherent goodness, saying hey, that's sociopathic behavior, in a real way, helps peoples' growth and is encouraged.

Drug Use and Altered States: Correlation?

The answer is none at all.

While I was at Innercept, shortly before I was pulled out of the program, I went into an altered state. My parents pulled me out, as Innercept was supposed to prevent this sort of god awful occurrence. In reality, there was nothing Innercept could do.

At home, I was in an altered state, and this had the effect of, in Innercept's eyes, waiving all my rights to privacy. My journal was snatched from my bed side, given to my lousy therapist Lea Schilling and she read the entire thing.

In the journal, I described my struggle taking my dad's ritalin, how I didn't want to do it and how I was proud of myself for not taking any when I came home for Thanksgiving.

Lea Schilling repeated to my mother that I had been taking my dad's ritalin. My mom repeated to me until she was blue in the face her theory: Over Thanksgiving, I stockpiled a whole bunch and when I went back to Innercept, I was taking a whole bunch of my dad's Ritalin and that's why I was in an altered state.

I'm the only one who knows the truth.

The other story here was in January after I was home, I was taking less Adderall than prescribed (30 mg instead of 45) while I was in an altered state because I felt quite stimulated without it, than when my mom hid the Adderall from the counter, it was the same day I was done with the altered state. This was sheerly a coincidence. But my mom laughed and laughed and LAUGHED about it over email with my therapist Lea Schilling. What a funny joke!

I'm the only one who knows the truth.

Are They Real People Or Fake People?

When I was at Innercept, early on, I used to wake up in the evening and talk to my roommate, half asleep, while she was still awake.

One night I woke up and asked her, "Are they real people or fake people?"

Of course, this was because of a dream I was having.

Subbie told me, wow, what an awful nightmare that was!

After a lifetime of talking to fake people in my head with the Adderall, when it comes down to the point where I need real friends to help me through an emotional crisis, I have nothing. I do not have enough real relationships with real people.

In the nightmare, I was walking around a smoggy city, looking for someone to talk to. Everyone I approached disappeared when I spoke to them.

God Release the Innocent

Rachel stood outside a garden, holding a Jesus pamphlet that a corner preacher man had given her.

"Does he speak truth?" Rachel asked God, referring to the corner preacher man.

"Bits and pieces," God answered, and gave her a nudge. "Enter, this is your garden."

"I have no desire to own the Earth, just like a have no desire to work the soil."

"Well, I do not ask that you work the soil. We have Earth dwellers to do that for you. Enter the garden and I will show you something."

Rachel entered the garden, walked around, and sniffed the flowers. The sun was out and the moon was shining, both at the same time.

"Do you consider yourself worthy of this garden?" God asked Rachel.

"Well, it is very pretty, but I have no desire to own the Earth. This Earth belongs to you, God."

"Well, it is our special place. Yours and mine. And you didn't ask you your question. Do you consider yourself worthy of all that I have bestowed upon you?"

"It came with a price. I passed every test you threw at me. So yes. But I have no money to pay a gardener."

"Riches will come with time. Now sit."

Rachel sat down in the corner of the garden.

"Look at the pamphlet the preacher man gave you."

Rachel looked at the cover. It was titled, "Your Suffering Has a Purpose."

"Rachel, where does suffering come from?"

"From God, and his desire to see you grow."

"Have you grown from your suffering?"

Rachel laughed. "Well yes. But has the homeless man?"

"That's not what I asked. Do you believe all suffering has a purpose?"

"Yes."

"Do you have enough money for bus fare?"

"Yes, barely."

'So let's go."

Rachel left on the next bus, and went on a journey of the mind. She visited far away planets and lost civilizations, ate the food of the gods and puked out the remains of her iniquities. After all was said and done, one question was left in Rachel's mind. Who pays the price when a civilization forgets who they are?

Men: Type A, Type B, Type C

With masculinity comes a certain tendency to sexualize women, granted we are dealing with a straight man. In adolescence, men have a surge of hormones that causes excessive amounts of horniness and sexualization of women.

Horrors upon horrors, is it the woman's fault she doesn't want to?

The answer is yes, says type B. You want me, I want you, why not? The backlash comes when they take it out on the woman. We hung out twice, I deserve a naked picture of your butt and it's your duty to give me one.

Type B man is common, we see it in roughly less than half the population. You get souls who are annoyed and angry at God's ability to make them at the mercy of a female when they are by nature power hungry and desire ultimate control. They are in charge. But one touch and it sends them into a frenzy. How can the woman have so much power over me? These men are misogynists at heart.

You get Type A, and these are men who don't resent the experiences of the sexual desires of puberty and everyday adulthood. You see men that see women as people, understand that they by nature do not mean to tempt at every single second but like showing off their hot bodies, and enjoy the view. They go home every night and masturbate. They say hey, who am I to judge her for not showing me her pussy? She is a human being, I am a human being, we are all beings on God's green Earth living under the same sky. I enjoy my masculinity and I tease women the exact same way with me cute curly hair that needs to be petted.

Then you get Type C. This is where you see a different type of backlash. These are the men who by nature may or may not be low sex drive, and shake their heads at the excessive sexualization of women by other men and in general in culture, rapists, sex addicts, sexual predators. Repulsion ensues and they are ashamed to call themselves male. This is a rare but notable, negative but forgivable personality quirk.

Women on the other hand, enjoy the act of sexualization of men with curly hair.

Nutritional Analysis of American Culture

Earlier last year, I was taking part in a mysticism adventure. I was at the dollar store buying supplies, and there was an obese man ahead of me buying a whole bunch of junk food.

And this is where I get Bernie Sanders in my head. It's not that I have a problem with an obese man eating junk food, because I don't. It was an obese man eating low quality, dollar store junk food. I mean, if that's how he gets his kicks, by overeating, he should dine out on a big juicy steak. Not potato chips in a bag with a funny font. That was what got me. The font of the potato chip brand.

As I went home, I saw some sort of little red dots indicating some sort of nutritional element dancing around in my mind. Sure, we live in poverty. But why can't we afford high quality, nutritious food?

And this is where I die inside. Because you can get fruits and vegetables at a food kitchen if you are poor, for free actually. But no one eats their fruits and vegetables!

At the hospital, people don't eat their fresh fruits and vegetables. They are left on the trays for me to snatch.

You, America, have an eating problem.