Oh, the Woes of Babylon

I woke up this morning from a dream about Jason and the witches. There was something weird about it, and I don't actually remember what the events in the dream were, if it can even be reduced to a series of events and not psychological hublub and vague references to people, emotions, and situations that aren't exactly clear. The thing about it, that I gathered from the emotional tone and stuff my guides said when I awoke, he's sorry. I'm trying to look the other way on a consistent basis from how sick that situation actually is, to remain sane, of course. Of course, it's a lot easier to do, when the ole' guides have done lots of sick things to me but no, it was for my own good and in the name of training. So when they actually wish me harm, it doesn't actually seem all that much different, I make jokes and we are, you know, having fun "I guess." Of course, I like excitement, and that's the thing. You're not supposed to like excitement maybe, just calmness and normalcy. The misunderstanding here is so ridiculous, it almost seems funny but maybe that's not what I really think. What do I really think? Actually, one of the supposed benefits of this lifetime was to separate us, in heaven. It finally came out, something my "true self" or "Silia self" said, this relationship brings me down on the other side, over and over again. It's also a detriment to my spiritual growth. We're talking about our relationship in heaven, I'm talking about before I was born obviously, in case that's a weird concept for some people to try to understand, I don't know. What else is going on? My guides were sending me humiliated energy this morning. Yeah, it's possible that I would feel humiliated on my own, yes. It is possible that this supposed "energy" could actually be human emotion. They actually are sending me energy though, I'm trying to distance myself from everything, it's a magic dance of accepting obnoxious situations in retrospect and in time. It gives the impression that I will eventually realize, there was nothing good about my Earth situation ever, that's not what I actually think though. There are things I know about myself and my behavior, I am always trying to be polite, nice, and forgiving when people are downright rude. Well, of course, I may have done something rude by accident, I wasn't trying to be rude and well if I was polite I wouldn't have even said anything at all, right? Like, saying something that's just an observation. The energy I'm getting, actually from my guides, is something like rage, they're not mad at me, they're pointing something out. The thing is, I know something about the situation, and I don't know if it makes people mad to say it but the problem wasn't me. I'm not pointing any fingers at anyone else either. "God's plan." People like my parents didn't always do the right thing (guardianship and Innercept), however that was part of "God's plan." As a side note, that came up as something Jason didn't understand about the situation. I'm not pointing fingers at anyone else, either. That was what was supposed to happen. Eventually I took Jason's behavior as a "social cue." It goes downhill from here if you are in the public arena for this wack situation that's hard to understand. The other thing is, the guides, which are real and I wonder if that's the issue right there that people don't believe in the paranormal, it was a long road, I didn't think any of that was possible to begin with, and eventually I achieved peace with myself this lifetime. And I don't feel like trying to argue the point with anyone else here either. That's the thing, no you wouldn't take my word for it would you, and that's not the issue. And the other thing is, there's something weird about the ole' "mindflip." It's a fun brain update, but is it an ideal one? And that's the sad truth, not really. It's fun and interesting but there's something wrong with it, I have trouble with certain types of cognitive tasks, and I don't know if there is going to be another sudden miracle in this situation like was promised. And at one point quite a long time ago now, my guides helped me understand that I was capable of things that seemed impossible. I am amazingly strong and unstoppable. But does that mean I am capable of everything that could possible happen under the sun? No. And that's the thing. I don't think I am capable of everything here. I don't know if people think I'm supposed to kill myself here, or if I'm not supposed to, it seems like. And then if you are suicidal, people think it's a cry for sympathy, or at least some people seem to think that or that's some sort of myth about suicide. And I'm not suicidal either. I actually think there is something wrong with my body, due to factors galore. What are the factors here? Alcohol, medication (yep, I think that's a factor), and chakra problems.