Why, When Asked For a Religious Preference, Do I Always Say Christian?

It has been a long and strenuous journey trying to figure out the Christian religion. Why? Why does everyone else despise this worldview? Well, it seems to be a Christian belief that the purpose of life on Earth, is to believe a very far-fetched and unrealistic story that happened a very long time ago. THAT was the entire purpose of life, and you are either rewarded or punished solely on that idea! Is that something I personally believe? NO! Absolutely not! So then why do I say I am Christian? Well, in early adulthood, it seemed to me to be some sort of challenge that came up every once in awhile... Is dedicating your life to Jesus and having Jesus change you dumb? No, it seems, there is something actually very spectacular and worthy of respect about doing that... Does it happen? Dunno. Maybe. I guess. No. I don't know. Anyway... But the Bible was calling to me, over and over again, and I couldn't deny that I felt inside a feeling of peace, when talking about the Bible, reading the Bible, and when thinking and talking about Jesus. And it was so weird to me how common this sentiment seemed to be, with the entire world around me entirely obsessed with this old story, still, 2000 years later. I attribute it, believe it or not, to a certain Bible study and the pastor there, entirely through subconscious conversations, explained to me every error in my reasoning about misunderstanding the Christian religion. It was an agreed upon fact between us, yes there may be many spiritual belief systems throughout history which God had his hand in, however Christianity seems to be, inarguably, the most important and relevant and "best" at this exact moment in history. There are numerous details and situations presented in the Bible and Christian doctrine, which while may not be entirely factually accurate always, were put in place by God for a reason, and God knew what he was doing, naturally. And Rachel hasn't actually changed that situation either, yet. So right now it is a Christian world, and for that reason my religious preference is Christian. The only drawback? Ignoring people who misunderstand the situation and see the Christian worldview as... "ooh you accepted the 'magic special unbelievable story' go you!" Well, what was the alternative? Well you could say your religion is Buddhism, yes. However, don't get me started on how much I disagree with THAT worldview, let me tell you. For the record I love Buddhism and think it has many very valuable traits, but I don't believe every single person and soul on this planet has a goal in existence to reach enlightenment once in all of eternity, or at all for that matter, and after you do... You stop living lifetimes and just exist, or whatever you might do, I actually lack understanding of what an enlightened person does with their time, according to Buddhism. So no I don't like that worldview either. And yes, I could say New Age, God... On first glance my belief system actually seems more New Age, yes. But what the fuck is New Age? It is not a clearly organized religion, it's all over the map, and there are so many "New Age" beliefs that come up I find tacky and stupid. So no, I don't say "New Age" either. The best option is to just say "Christian" or sometimes "Protestant." It also comes up here, that my preferred psychiatric facility, and for newcomers yes I naturally need a preferred psychiatric facility haha, is Unity and that's the only one that's not officially Christian and I consider that a notable drawback. However, that wasn't all that important anyway, given I don't think Jesus had direct approval of any of these facilities, and I sort of think if Jesus were here today he would prefer Unity too, given the situation. Just sayin'.

Dark Duo of Infamy Sends Death Wish, Spirit World Intervenes

I have been working on enlightenment... And last night I was hard at work, maybe for hours actually, using my mind, which is a force that is interesting, just pointing out it's interesting how it moves and stuff, disconnect "cords" or "devices" to/from Jason. And I'm not an energetic vampire, I'm very good at producing my own energy thank you very much. Except for... the time I leeched energy off the woman at McDonald's. Actually, I was just doing something with my mind to see if I could, and there was another woman across the room and it DID work which was the thing, I felt better after I did that. I was just trying that out, not a trick I would try again, point of interest to me at the time. Anyway... We have been "wrapped around" each other on the spiritual plane for about a year, life's been intense for us both I guess, not sure EXACTLY what it looks like, sometimes I lie down and I feel like he is holding me... That's happened BEFORE, not a normal occurrence, but I grab grab grab hold hold hold squeeze for comfort, I don't LEECH. There's a clear-cut difference actually, not sure what he experiences, I'm sure he's not actually lying but if you tell me so I'll let go, just like that, two seconds, geez. The funny thing is that I can grab people at will, not sure they notice, I would think so, wouldn't have any proof... Just pointing out I can do motions with my mind and my mind moves when they happen. So, no extraordinary claims here, for the record, or maybe, but whatever. Anyway... So, I don't usually leech, what happened was I got annoyed with the Dark Duo of Infamy and started attacking them on the spiritual plane several months ago, and that was the beginning of it. You think at the time, why can't I lie on my own bed in my own room and think about whatever I damn well please? Well, and also do whatever motion with my mind I damn well please? And yeah, that's why I excused it at the time, I don't actually think I'm effecting anyone, just doing something to pass the time. It turned into a crazy match, it seemed, zippy things you know, at first I was winning, Ian says, "Well that was stupid. You have more strength, but he has more stamina." And that ended up being true, and before you know it he's leeching leeching leeching off of me, but you know I started it. Of course, I want them to, but I know without being told, my guides don't bail me out here. They are not there to help me energetically harass other people, that's not their job, that's a mess I created myself. Then, I found out, hey, suck on the tendrils he's sending you to leech, which sounds like a sexual joke and the funny thing it sounds like one but it's not. And I told the unborn baby I won the argument right there, by finding a way to leech off him, then I went to sleep. The problem continued at times, I dealt with it, went away or something, not sure. Anyway... So, last night I was undoing all those leeching cords and energy coming from him in my direction. Trying to disconnect us from holding on to each other, in whatever which way, whatever that meant, me and Jason. I went to sleep, woke up, and the Dark Duo of Infamy was MAD at work attacking ME. Nasty, cruel energy, compromising my enlightenment, no joke. I begged and screamed, "LEAVE ME ALONE!" three staff members arrived immediately, I got mad, it occurred to me one reason they might arrive immediately was because of sexual assualt, not that they wouldn't wonder what was going on anyway. And then out of nowhere, Emily sends "indifference." What the hell is indifference energy Emily? It's bad energy to point out I don't care if you live or die, that's indifference energy. Yeah, so the Dark Duo of Infamy is trying to get me to kill myself again, and it seems like it so obvious that I shouldn't have to point it out, I will kill myself a lot quicker and it will seem a lot easier if people do NOT care, not if they do, but what a weird thing to have to point out to someone. And no, this is NOT a suicide threat, actually I'm doing great. And, then... after feeling like I had cuts all over my inside, energetic cuts... Guides said, spirit world officials are taking care of the situation, and both of them are being charged with "Interfering With a Mission," which is a funny crime because of how small of a situation, relatively speaking, at times, gets you years in the chokey or so I was told, I don't know what the consequences are though. That happened with the girl who died at the group home though, because she stole my blush. How fucking obnoxious, I'm not allowed to have nice makeup because you are jealous because I am prettier, I don't have an attitude about that situation like you assumed. The other thing, I was laughing to myself one time, and that same woman said to me, "Well, that's all fine and good, as long as you don't laugh so hard you just start crying!" Oh God, what an annoying thing to tell ME, of all things... And I have to say something obnoxious back to, which I don't really want to say, but God damn... "But when I cry, I cry because I'm happy." Yeah. She randomly died of a heart attack in the hall. They woke Needrashay to see where she was, which made me worry it was murder at the time because I hadn't slept... They wanted to make sure Needrashay wasn't traumatized by the occurrence. And she had to use the restroom, and went in the hall and saw and. It was a situation that was unspoken between us actually, it was like she actually said this to me, talking about Needrashay. "I'm such a doofus they had to wake me up to use the restroom, seemed like it, I know that's not the reason. They woke me up to make sure I didn't see the situation in the hall, and they woke me up and I had to use the restroom so now I am randomly bombarded with the situation, great." Anyway...

Kickin' off the Kick Stand

Getting rid of the training wheels... It comes up, in my world, with certain things... My reasoning. Do I think in a language that no one else understands? Basic language of logic and reasoning, because whenever I'm making sense, my mom tells me I'm not. Well, I know better, plus the fact that I never make sense to anyone on Facebook... Actually, hold that thought and whatever comes up with it, I intend to actually go back and LOOK at the situation in a second. I'm sure it's some sort of modge-podge mixed blessing, at times I may have left people wondering what the fuck I was talking about, I know, okay. Anyway... You get rid of the little leaning tier of Jason's confirmed reasoning in me, which came up notably at times, not with everything, and that was fine. He comes back, says hey you have a mental illness, not mysticism... Or... Accuses me of this, this, and... I was trying to listen, and I was, and I broke down and got suicidal of course... More willing to change than anything though, is the thing. However, you got to me kidding me, what is your fucking point in talking to me anyway? Seems kind of like it is to bring me down further, or taunt me about how I don't have the guts to pull the trigger, IN ALL HONESTY NOT KIDDING NOT TRYING TO BE MEAN. Very seriously, that was what I was left thinking about the situation. It gets to the point, you are hearing what you want to hear, you want to bring me down, you want to make me feel bad about myself, and that was your entire goal in talking to me anyway. And how much do you think I respect you? I have respect for you, in some regards, but it comes up there are things that would normally make a person angry that he said that I let slide because I don't have all that high of standards for his behavior anyway. He is the juxtaposed kickstand, which you kick off right here! Tada! And after wallowing, vowing to take your own life, no matter how hard that might be... It comes up that this is "dizziness" or disorientation from having the kickstand jarringly pushed away, and now I am trusting my OWN reasoning and I am on my OWN feet. I know my own heart here, like I told the guy at Providence who told me I had attitude, my attitude there was with someone else, my personal belief was that he internalized that because he was insecure about being gay but I let that issue slide in a heartbeat... haha, I have no problem with gays by the way I know it makes people uncomfortable, this a tangent I thought was interesting. Anyway... So, for awhile I was teetering here, it didn't take long before it occurred to me, that guy made no sense whatsoever. I was listening to him about calling out my parents on everything online, seems like I should adjust that to keeping it to the memoir, not all over the internet anymore. You could internalize it and act like it's a personal problem that I would do that to begin with... Actually, like I said it's an exposee, but everyone needs feedback from others every once in awhile to keep themselves in line, or on track, or seeming rational and reasonable. And I don't like saying, or having an attide about, or making a bold statement that I DO NOT have a mental illness either, define rational, sometimes I'm not completely rational, it's not schizoaffective disorder but saying that at all doesn't accomplish anything. Depression is a mental illness, suicidal ideations probably indicates some sort of mental illness no matter what, and what the hell is wrong with a mental illness anyway? Doesn't matter either way, what you say, so define mental illness. So, my point is, I was trying as hard as I could to listen, I was trying as hard as I could to concede, but he wasn't making any sense, and so you kick off that confirmed reasoning issue, because you know humans like to have their own reasoning confirmed by other humans, ALWAYS, no exceptions... But you get to this point, I'm making more sense than he is or anyone else to myself right now. Have a problem with this? For the love of God, clearly talk to me and state your issue. Please. I don't think there is a problem, just pointing this out. So? I have recovered from the Jason-induced suicidal ideations and intent, and yeah, in retrospect, the hospital was a good idea actually. And.... Back on track, on top, thinking I might actually be getting enlightened right now. What's the problem? Not wishing others harm, obviously, that's obvious to me that's never issue. What's the issue now? You are supposed to be sacrificing yourself for others right now, and always Rachel, GEEZ, it's always YOU YOU YOU all the time... Thank you, Bill O'Reilly, a person who entered my head randomly right at this moment. Thank you. (not consciously sure of the relevance)

Boddhisatva: No One Likes a Braggart, Rachel

Did I spell that word right? Anyway, there was something fundamental to my "world" life thoughts... What do you want, in my position, being the Boddhistava, or a I don't want to say that because it sounds egotistical but bear with me... It means someone who helps other people reach enlightenment, but that's not what I mean here either and I don't think that's a difference that's significant, by the way, but others might, just saying. What do I mean here? I have a vested interest, my goal, job, desire in life, is to help the growth of EVERY SINGLE SOUL. So what does that mean? Well, sometimes, someone pisses you off. Get off your high horse, it's not about you, and yes, that is way easier said than done, but what do you want to happen to that person who pissed you off? Do you wish them pain? No, actually, I WISH THEM SPIRITUAL GROWTH. (And everyone else, too). So what do you do? You might give them a "thwap"... a nudge, a gentle or light or hard slap, a hit on the but, a pistolwhip, a compliment to encourage... You have to nudge them, poke them, or WHATEVER, with the right amount of force to help their spiritual growth. So what is our motto? Do I wish anyone harm? No, I wish every single person, SPIRITUAL GROWTH and BETTERMENT, from whatever level they are at right now, no judgment, onward and upward. (of course, there might be a tad bit of judgment, or whatever, at times, I'll admit, honesty..) Anyway. That's a fundamental difference in thought processes. And now... We do a symbolic act of writing the word "Revenge" on a piece of paper, and throwing it in a trash can, to point out that's not a word that's ever relevant, ever, to me and my life.

Could be Enlightenment, Could be Brain Rot, Could be Endorphin Rush

I remembered my dream last night, was the thing. It was about driving around a parking lot with a teacher, let's just leave it at that, and it was a parking lot in paradise. That was my dream last night. The weird part was that it was therapeutic to drive just a little bit up and down over the curb. It took seven years for it to occur to me, when Alfred says, "YOU DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE THIS PART OF SPIRIT SEX RIGHT HERE!" That's a part I DON'T like. What, specifically, was the context here, where I figured this out? Actually, I was at a restaurant, sitting in the bar, pregnant, and I intended to order a non-alcoholic beverage. And I did too, but the thing that was bothering me was bad energy. Does the guy next to me seriously know I'm pregnant, and he is pre-emptively sending me bad energy for drinking? This is sort of conundrum, because no I DID NOT believe it, it just seemed like it, however... Actually, it isn't all that WEIRD, really, for a stranger to know who I am in the area, or even anywhere, but especially not in the area, and I said online that I was pregnant. So... Just something I was thinking about at the time, one of those little "Zippy things," or whatever. Anyway, the unborn baby is a virtuous soul. He's in heaven now, in case you didn't get that, I had an abortion. Yes, it made me very sad, however I don't get hung up on it as much as you might think, actually, THAT SITUATION WAS GOING SOMEWHERE BAD. I do not regret it at all, it was the right decision, and my guides were just fucking with me with the aborted babies become dark souls bullshit. I'm sure God is powerful enough to do something about that shit, if it was really that painful, numb the pain or SOMETHING in that situation, wow what a wimpy God who couldn't do something like that. Anyway, so what was the thing Alfred and everyone always said? "You don't know how much we love making you feel embarrassed about your own virtue!" No, you don't understand what we mean... It occurred to me though. At the restaurant, pregnant, with the guy at the table next to me sending me bad energy for being in a bar, or whatever. What does that mean, embarrassed for your own virtue? I still have no idea, but what occurred to me was, there is some sort of problem that early virtuous souls have that they make fun of you for, THEY don't have that problem and they think it is a funny problem, is all. "OH SHIT!" I said in the presence of the unborn baby. "I don't want to do that!" Then the baby got upset, what horrific thing did Mommy just realize? "This is a whiny Mommy concern. There has been a spaghetti feed (must be hungry if I mention spaghetti) of misinformation, I am perfect, just young. Actually... It might be that... Virtuous souls have an embarrassing problem other souls don't have. The other souls love doing this. What else? Actually, the thing about this is, you grow in these sexual activities as well, so making fun of us for whatever this problem is CORRECTS THE PROBLEM, IN TIME. So, phh... Just something I hadn't thought of before because this is probably something really annoying. And now the baby is all upset because he is worried there is something unsavory about something I am thinking, and he doesn't know what it is. Anyway, what was the other part that Alfred loved about spirit sex? Actually, this is desecrating virtuous souls and it is DARK spirit sex here, okay. It's a line from a song, which reminds him of a part of spirit sex. "Hold your head up. Keep your head up. Moving on." It's from Eurythmics Sweet Dreams. He always loved that particular line of the song. And the other thing? I might publish my memoir series. Yes. There's something weird about the song "Drop the World" by Lil Wayne/Eminem. It's a personal reference to my life. It's like, you got to be kidding me. That's what I think now. I can't actually listen to the song anymore, at least now, because it was a very significant personal reference to me and the unborn baby. Eventually... I might though. The other thing is, the baby's favorite song was, "Get Out The Way" by Mother Mother.

I Love You

I have errors in my reasoning sometimes. This is a known problem. The thing about that is, if you point out one reasoning error, like this right here, it may have been a reasoning error or you might have had some problem in the way you think due to past meth use.. Or social isolation, intense excruciating stress, unusual human circumstances, etc. Is it humanly possible for one person to do this mission? Yes, but you look out for problems, like when you think Donald Trump is talking to you while watching television. Consciously, I mean. He missed the debate, my dad put cameras up here, and Donald Trump can talk to you telepathically, yes you are losing it then. Realize this, take a breather, stand up, brush yourself, take a break at the hospital for the love of God if it helps the problem... This structure of beliefs, which is my faith, there is always something else REAL and IMPOSSIBLE TO REASON AWAY that comes up. Things like... Eminem Death Note is the one I use as an anchor, not that it is THE ONLY THING. There are other things, too. Lots and lots. Well, you can always go back to the day you were walking to the gym with low blood sugar because of trying to lose weight, not a lot of patience, flipping because my iPhone's sound won't adjust due to some perhaps required feature now that it has a Nazi guard attitude about constantly turning the music DOWN... Actually, that was what I was trying to do then was the thing, turn my music down... I'm not a perfectionist on Facebook, either. I think people can handle nonsensical posts and way too many selfies, sometimes I think it might be a good thing to tone down the selfie situation anyway, though. Anyway... Get to the gym, refuel, work out as much as my body can handle at that point in time... I am in a relaxed mood as I leave. There it is on the sidewalk. "Temper Tantrum Zone." And a guy holding a "Trust Jesus" sign. I didn't take a picture though. Why? This attitude I have, these things happen every single second (and at that time there were lots of things), but when I went back later it still said "temper tantrum zone." Being accused of throwing a tantrum? Actually, I don't care what a stranger thinks, this situation was aggravating because my brain WORKS DIFFERENTLY THAN OTHER PEOPLES. Music is life force. If I have to mess around with my music all the time... or if it's fucking up... I get annoyed, not a hang up of mine, not wimpy or weird especially since I had maybe 400 calories that morning, which might seem like enough for some, but no not for me... I have to eat a lot. Yep, I eat a lot, sometimes. I eat like a champ, yes. Food is not an obsession of mine though, just pointing that out, for the sad hearted and wimpy people who can't seem to accept that, or whatever, don't take that personally okay. And that's it. But why didn't I take a picture? It happens all the time, someone takes me seriously in this regard, or there is a strange sign. This guy meant me harm. I don't know what kind of harm, but he was trying to upset me, whoever the fuck this low life is, but I'm not trying to be mean okay, I'm glad that guy did that. SOMEONE believes you, Rachel, yeah you are Babylon, not Jesus. And you keep acting like a fucking authority Rachel, geez, why would we trust BABYLON? Anyway, this guy here, believes I am Babylon, and I live another day because I got validation from someone. Some might wonder, well that guy is cray cray, obviously... A thought, not pretending to know, what is this guys belief system? "Well, at least I recognize that Jesus was great and I wouldn't compare myself to him." That's not a direct quote, just a thought... And to end this discussion, I will point out that George W Bush has been living in the Bible every single day of his presidency. I don't get mean inside my own mind, until every single person in my life treats me like a piece of shit and no one is left. We wait a second, no nothing has changed, but we brush ourselves off because that experience didn't last very long at all, and move on. Like George, I have been living in the Bible every single day of my life, see. And that's that. So, at least I'm making sense to SOMEONE here. Why the hell are you, random sign waver? How the hell do you know who I am? That's reassuring, actually, that sometimes random people know who I am, and believe me about being a religious figure... You're a bad religious figure though, phh, I don't care. I know I am in a good place with God, and that is not a hang up of mine, right now, when I am torn inside out be stress, I sometimes apologize profusely for calling someone who lost their son to suicide the "Suicide Couple." I was just torn apart and blown away by the irony in THAT situation... In retrospect... MAYBE THAT'S NOT AN OKAY THING TO SAY, NO MATTER WHAT. No matter what, you do not say that. And that's why I apologize. Talking to Jason, he says one second, I can handle sexual banter, next second, no don't worry about the other stuff, RIGHT NOW I'm talking about the sexual stuff you said to me. Which... I'm playing a game of living in la la land and pretending that was all me, SEE? Isn't that brilliant? OH GOD... I HATE how I had to have some sort of rampant sexual desire for this man, all of a sudden, out of the blue, against my permission. Right, you couldn't do anything at all about that, could you? HAHA... Yes you could... Ha... You couldn't scream loud enough to get them to stop getting them to send you sexual wooing energy? Exactomondo! If I couldn't scream loud enough and I was attempting suicide to get out of the fucking harrassment situation, all the fucking weirdo shit I had to deal with, the one I remember the most is the hatred energy they were sending that was wearing holes in my aura, but oh GOD, I don't even want to point out, I don't want to think about, I don't remember for real what else they were doing because I didn't want to... Yes, Jason, they would cut me slack THERE, at the sexual wooing energy, but not at the other miscellaneous harassment situations. That's faulty reasoning on your part, just pointing that out, and no, my story never changed here. Anyway... I don't hate you either, actually, however I feel about you, there is something wrong with you. Circumstantial. You lost your son to suicide and there is some sort of social situation going on in your life I don't have full facts about, I imagine everyone is telling you that I lie, and then I am supposed to know I lie because YOU said so, and I'm supposed to trust your opinion over mine, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD RACHEL STAB THEM WITH THE SWORD OR JUST TELL THEM TO GET LOST... Actually, no that doesn't work. And no that doesn't work. And no that doesn't work. I tried as hard as I possibly could recently, and no no no that doesn't work, they are still harassing me. What else? Jason wants to be paid back for the horrors of our friendship by being comforted by the knowledge that THAT WOMAN wanted him for the rest of her life. Actually... You know... You gained a bunch of weight didn't you? Ha ha, so there's that, I like men sometimes who... You know where I'm going with that so I'm going to be quiet. Also, I have lost so much respect for you that the idea of sucking your you know what is obnoxious to me now. Right now. Yes, yes, yes.... Heard THAT before, huh? Actually, if we plot my desire for you on a graph, quantifying the amount of desire from moment to moment, overall the desire seems to be rapidly declining. You are the most selfish prick I have ever met in my life, and no being selfish is not a turn on. And yes, at times, it's interesting listening to the "Silia self," talk about you and what kind of unsavory treats she finds appealing in you. These are the things that bring him back to me, see. You just can't change that guy, without elaborating on what I am talking about, you will never know what that conversation is. So what's going on now? We are waiting for the energy to dissipate... They lie for a reason... Yep... Why the hell did you start talking to me again all of a sudden? You are not as smart as me, but you have intelligence traits and other miscellaneous sorts of traits on me... "Well, if you're so smart, how did you get yourself into this hole of a mess?" Yeah... Not a question that bothers me. Anyway... I know, and I know, and I know, something will happen now to distract me from the whole Jason debacle. The right issue, a person, SOMETHING, will come at the right time, or SOMETHING... THERE WILL BE A SAVING GRACE TO DISTRACT ME FROM THIS SITUATION... Yep... And we go back to faith, I sincerely doubt the spirit world is in such utter chaos that they would allow some spirits to be ruining my life from a young age. Can't argue I was wimpy for not talking in school, I understand that situation in retrospect and you can't convince me otherwise... Wow, this soundtrack, geez... Gettting me worked up and overstimulated... Anyway, so what happened at some point, back to the sign waver... It wasn't a memory confabulation, I went back and it said that on the sidewalk. And yes Jason, weak minds have trouble understanding that my parents edit and add/subtract/juxtapose facts and myths every which way, so in MY situation, yes Jason, it helps to ask if they can give a specific example or if they remember when. Didn't I tell you about the ketchup debacle? There are situations that come out of left field... Like my parents telling the prescriber that for awhile I only ate ketchup. No, that didn't happen. It came out of thin air. Just like... "That one time in Downtown Portland" Oh God, we don't even want to think about that one time in downtown Portland! There wasn't any sort of obnoxious incident in downtown Portland, the only thing that comes up is that one time, right after I left Innercept and I wasn't used to the bus system, my dad had to pick me up from downtown Portland because I was out past when the busses ran, or so I thought, so he picked me up. The other thing that comes up... And my dad shudders... One time I was talking to him on the phone, and there was a misunderstanding about where I was. I was at the Expo Center, and he thought I was at the convention center, or SOMETHING... And it was oh so scary, that Rachel didn't know where she was. AND I ADMIT I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE MISUNDERSTANDING WAS HERE. I don't remember this incident all that well, because a lot of things happen in my life, and I probably didn't think it was all that interesting. There was a misunderstanding about where I was? Now, did I miscommunicate, or did he misunderstand? I am not making any claims either way. But I am wondering, for the love of God, when I was a teenager, I hung out in the house, on my computer, every single fucking day. Usually. I didn't wander around tow, like other people may have. So, for the love of GOD, why is it so fucking scary that I might not know the Portland area as well as you, if that's even what the mistake was there, which it may or may not have been? The other thing... My mom remembers me saying, "I don't want to be batshit crazy." And she tries to hold this against me (there you go again RACHEL, bitching and moaning about your parents...). What was the situation? She brings it up, I told her that never happened because that's NEVER been my opinion on the situation, I LIVE AND BREATHE for altered states and excitement, fuck it if there was a delusional issue, we can throw it out like rice and we come right back down quick, which is the difference now between before Innercept and after Innercept altered states. In the states before Innercept, they ended with suicide attempts. NOW, we throw situations out like rice. And... My mom tried to point at me and say, "I don't want to be batshit crazy..." No, didn't say that Beev... And... The word "plot hole" is too tough of a word for her to remember, she has to right it down. Why? To point it out to Anne. WHY THE HELL DO YOU THINK ANNE WILL FIND THAT INTERESTING, BEEV? WHY? You know, it strikes me, almost as a given that I would say that. Wooh... Plot holes... WHY THE HELL DO YOU THINK THAT IS AN INTERESTING COMMENT, BEEV? WHY? Whisper... Whisper... Whisper... And BREATHE. It said that on the sidewalk later, too. I went back, it still said "temper tantrum zone." Wasn't a memory confabulation. It was there later. Thank you, random Jesus freak. Yes, Jesus was good dude. I'm glad you recognize that it is possible to have a wonderful person. It's nice that you recognize that Jesus was good. I don't know if you are following me on this thought process... So la di da... We end the discussion. Could have saved my life, sign waver. There are other reasoning things too here, still haven't pointed every single thing out. Actually, I didn't want anyone to know my location at this point. I don't want people to know which city I am living in. And that... Is why I didn't want to... Who the hell would go there anyway? It didn't say Temper tantrum Zone on the ground on the way into the gym though, I remember the moment walking by that piece of sidewalk. I just remember thinking about how I walked that direction, sometimes I cut across the parking lot. And there were people in the parking lot so I didn't. Anyway...