Society Made A Bad Impression

Civilization never seemed all that "civilized" to me. Growing up, I learned about all sorts of horrors and injustices: Bigotry, slavery, false imprisonment, etc. Did society seem fair to me? Nope, the exact opposite. Life was unfair. That was clear-cut. There was no reason to believe laws were just. It's come up in my mind, do my parents know that I think of the guardianship as a hostage situation from day 1? If I had told them that from day 1, and every single day after, would it have ever registered with them that that was my firm opinion and not just the "mental illness talking?" I never agreed with the guardianship. I knew that was irrelevant. There is some notion in society, that with guardianships, the victim of the guardianship agrees it is necessary, no matter what they say. "No, you don't understand, Rachel. This is a GUARDIANSHIP. YOU KNOW IT'S FOR YOUR OWN GOOD! YOU KNOW IT! YOU KNOW IT!" It doesn't matter what I say, under the laws of the United States, I agree by default. It came up at one point, then why didn't you get angry? My rights were taken away, pardon my French, but dumbass. You don't get angry when you are declared a second class citizen. You shut down and withdraw. My words meant nothing. And as Subbie says, that was when I stopped loving both of them. The day they got the guardianship was the day I stopped loving them. I knew it was an injustice, however I didn't get IRATE because it was unfair. There was clearly nothing I could do, and clearly, this was something about the way the world worked that throwing a fit wouldn't help. Like slavery, this was just some problem with society that hadn't been straightened out yet. This was the world for you. The world is unfair. And more than anything, I didn't even want to think about the guardianship. Out of sight, out of mind. Redirect and refocus my attention onto something else. I lost and I had no power in this situation. It comes up, if my parents, with the guardianship, have done nothing but hurt me with it, than why didn't I contact the authorities or make a fuss? Well, for one, there was never a moment when they stopped helping, because there was never any time they were helping. FROM DAY ONE, THE GUARDIANSHIP WAS FOR MY PARENTS, AND ABOUT MY PARENTS, AND IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BENEFIT MY PARENTS, NOT ME. What did they say about it? "It's just a legal thing, it makes our lives easier." And they are assuming here that I am a fucking moron, that I don't think a "legal thing" is significant. They think legal thing to me means paperwork. It simplifies paperwork. I could be horribly insulted by that, however instead I lose respect for both of their intelligence. There is no reason at all to have such a disgusting opinion of me, that you don't think I know that a "legal thing" doesn't mean some meaningless detail regarding paperwork. What did they say about that? "If you go to the hospital, we can get information about it, even if you refuse to sign consent for that." You know, if I don't sign consent, maybe it's for a good reason. The underlying traumatic issue here, God help their sanity, it the infamous ER incident, where they didn't know for two long horrible weeks that I had been sent to the ER in college because of alcohol poisoning. Poor babies. That was so horrific and hard. My mom tells me, "parenting lasts for you/your son/daughter's entire life." No, wench, it lasts 18 years. Technically, that's all. You and your disgusting worldview, Bev, that you think the right thing to do is immediately secure a guardianship if your son/daughter gets diagnosed with a mental illness. I wouldn't do that in a MILLION FUCKING YEARS, I would never in my life secure a fucking guardianship over my child, God help us all. My mom whines and mopes about being underappreciated. No, wench, you are actually OVERAPPRECIATED. You get what you give Beev, and right now, Feether Meeke is bending over backwards to support you and agree with every thing you think, say, or do... Because he has shut down in his marriage and doesn't feel comfortable arguing, ever. If one day, you decided you wanted to kill Kristen, Feether Meeke would tell you you are correct and justified. He doesn't feel comfortable arguing with you, ever. This is a situation that has come to my attention, not all that long ago. Yes, and I worry about saying this here, because I worry about a backlash. What does that mean in my situation? I have a tyrannical mother who controls my life, and a father who supports my mother and will never support me, inanely repeating and supporting things she says/does. On my birthday, my mother pissed off both her daughters in one fall swoop, and then whined about how underappreciated she was. Oh, give me a break, Beev. She called my sister and demanded she make lasagna for my birthday, which was a tremendous hassle for her, and when I got over there and found out, I imagined eating lasagna and it made me want to throw up. Sometimes I like lasagna, but I am pregnant, and my food tastes are weird. I'm usually very agreeable, but for the love of God, to I have to gag and throw up on my special birthday dinner. More than anything, this is a cause for concern over her sanity, NOT A NEW THING. Not a fucking new thing. She has said before she thinks she is losing her mind, and I wondered why she didn't go to the hospital herself. Of course, in this situation, I excuse stupid comments from both my parents. In this situations, I refer to them as "distress noises" and don't throw a fit when I hear asinine comments. There are several examples that come to mind readily, like my dad trying to guilt-trip me that he spent all his money on me, when every fucking time I was on the phone with them at Innercept I told me to pull me from the program, for the love of Jesus, and not waste their money on this expensive living situation. The other one I wanted to point out, I said I am 100% sure it is mysticism and not mental illness, my dad said "Wow that's open-minded!" I excused this comment. You dork. Do you think I haven't considered at length that it could be a mental illness? Anyway... I don't want to rehash that long struggle, but if I truly thought it was a mental illness, I wouldn't have a stupid attitude about how it wasn't, I would say that outright. It's not that I'm so fucking afraid of the stigma, newsflash. Whoops... I've been going off on a tangent. What I was trying to point out with the blog post, I didn't think very highly of society and that's why it wasn't some extreme shock that they allow such an injustice as an immediate guardianship. The story I wanted to point out, was this is also a society which encourages the forced drugging of children, with speed. This was the big whammy that broke my trust in society. When I started taking Adderall, it was just a coincidence that it happened to help some unique bizarre Rachel Zuhl mood problem I had at the time (not anymore), where it cured a serious mood problem. For that reason, I wasn't going to scream or shout or make a fuss, or even point this out or say a single word about it, actually. However, regardless or Rachel Zuhl's unique problems... This probably wasn't a drug that should be legal, especially not for children, especially not forcibly, for the love of Jesus. However, here it was, and my mom laughed at people who hesitated to give it to their children, or children who were reluctant to take it due to high potential for addiction. As a side note, there was a situation in elementary school, they were trying Dexedrine on me and my sister was the one who pointed out to me it was seriously addictive, "oh, Kristen!" was the reaction. I was scared out of my mind when my sister told me this, took it because my Mommy gave it to me, but told her right away I hated it. Actually, I didn't even notice the effects, I was just scared. Anyway...