Spirit Humor on the Conversation I Had With My Mom

It's a point of interest to me that it had never come up anywhere, my blog/internet presence or in any of my memoirs, what the all time stupidest comment I've ever heard a mental professional say was. It was at some point around the time I was diagnosed, some man I only interacted with briefly and wasn't anyone who was important, we had this short conversation. "So you believe you are the messiah. Is that normal?" I say cautiously, "No..." "Is that typical? Is that common?" I look at him sadly and say no, and then he goes off saying with confidence, "See, THAT'S what I always ask, is that belief normal.." On a tangential thought process, one guy asked me, "Why you? See, that's what I ask people." Which, you know, is not the same question, maybe more effective to some, but not to me. My response is, "Because I'm the girl who never talks." And in both these situations, I'm not trying to convince them because I know that won't happen. I say it cautiously and it kind of leaves me feeling weird. It's counterintuitive, like that's not a good thing, that's a problem if you don't talk to people. The thing is that's what kept me believing the initial delusional situation (I understand that this situation is confusing for newbies, you have to read my memoir to understand), there was something weird about how I couldn't talk to people for so long. It seemed paranormally influenced kind of, it made no sense why I wasn't capable of talking to people. It seemed clearcut that everyone else was at an unfair advantage. What was the joke though, about the conversation with my mom? I'm trying to actually have a serious conversation with her, and the notion that comes up is, if you are the only one who experiences something how do you know it's not a mental illness? Ian makes a joke that was composed of vague ideas right here, it's hard to explain. "Like... That! Tada!" It's a vague reference I can best describe as taking materials and making an ingenious mechanical design out of it. The thing I brought up was, the brain thing, which much to my chagrin they know about, saying things out loud without knowing what you are about to say. And MUCH MUCH MORE! It's Pearls before Swine that I don't talk about this. What's the joke here though? This situation where you had THIS done to your brain supernaturally, and you are in a situation where you find yourself explaining it to your mom, of all people. If your brain was supernaturally rewired, you wouldn't be telling anyone at all, unless over time there was someone else with a kooky belief system who knew you weren't crazy who you felt like you could confide in, and here I'm talking about both Erik and Jason, two years later. I kept this situation to myself for two fucking years. When it comes to a situation seven and a half years later when you find yourself explaining it to your mom who is also your guardian, it's for the sake of the argument and you don't really expect her to believe it. There is something seriously FUNNY going on that the brain situation happened to begin with, and you would expect something else to happen regardless of if your mom believes you or not. The cards are stacked in your favor and that will become obvious at some point or the situation will eventually come to fruition. That's why I laugh at situation that aren't funny, and sometimes I worry that people will think I'm lying because my emotions when talking about a horrific situation don't match the emotions evoked by the situation, some combination of sarcastic happiness and nervous laughter. Pertaining to the guardianship and mental health "professionals," everything that could go wrong did go wrong, except for stealing my money. And as a side note, I'm supposed to forgive my mom because she tried to help even though she did things I knew were stupid and I told her that but I "didn't know" so I'm supposed to forgive them because I was right but I didn't know. And I'm supposed to listen and understand the severity of the situation because I would be dead without the guardianship, my anger over the guardianship would have pushed me over the edge. My mom actually said that. Anyway, so I don't try to get avid trying to explain the brain situation, I keep quiet knowing that something has got to give in this situaion. I've been struggling keeping my faith because I am so overwhelmed, it's an irrational thought process when I think the only way out is suicide. I've been put through the ultimate ringer. The comment my guides made about what my mom sounds like to me when she tells me the mindflip isn't real, is what it would sound like to her if a stranger walked up to her and told her she never had children. And what's my mood? At times it's kind of light-hearted and sardonic, I reference a cartoon situation that doesn't exist of the most off the wall fantasy situation, however the facts are consistent and don't change. It's not a situation that's illogical, is what I'm saying. At times I get overwhelmed and break down. As always, soaring recklesly into the future!