Spiritual Musings on a Chemical World

Saturday, December 23, 2017

Rachel Refused a Hug and Got in Trouble

The only reason I hug my parents is because they want me to. I don't particularly enjoy the physical contact, okay. Just now my mom startled me. I wasn't mad. Asked me a question and then asked for a hug. I refused.

Apparently that meant I wasn't doing well.

I've seen this behavior before in my mom. One time, I was reading my mom's email, and she mentioned the hand touching she does in the car is a test of my mood.

I wanted to point out to her, no it isn't. Sometimes I just don't want to. Actually, I never want to, but it's not that big of a deal to hold her hand for a second. That's a manic/depressive test, basically.

I tried to point this out to her. I just didn't feel like hugging. I'm not in a bad mood. I'm doing fine. Except, when I did, I got a little bit too worked up about it because I hate this. She's not that bright, I don't want another email to my psychiatrist about mania. Even he claims they are excessive and her reasoning is groundless.

Anyway, my dad talked to me about outbursts. He tried to tell me that I should listen to them about how well I am doing. I told him it was my right not to listen. I still have freedom over what I am doing in my own mind. I didn't say that part out loud.

I tried to explain it was due to psychology, not mania. There are things bugging the psyche. And he said that doesn't make people have outbursts. At this point, I'm done.

I can't explain any of this due to the intelligence gap. And I tried to explain to him that he's not all that bright and he is a know it all, instead I yelled it very loudly.

Apparently I am on edge due to a strange bout of energetic stuff and MUCH MUCH MORE!!! Including spiritual stuff and shit.

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