So, it is a trying time for me right now. I am SO stressed out. I want to move out of this room in my parents house, off to a room somewhere else, where I can be my own person and live my own life. But no, no no no!
Actually, no one is saying no. Both my parents seem to be on board. The trouble is, I need a place to move. Where I can actually afford, not some place that my parents pay for me to live. Well, I could live with Matthew. I think that's a good idea.
Everytime I say this to my mom, she suggests that I am somehow trying to punish her. But wait a minute, I am serious. I would totally live over there. Sure, they don't have a room for me. But we talked about it already, I get a divider and wall off part of the living room for my own place. Sure, it smells a little bit over there, but whatever. I can deal with smells, I'm no prude.
So what is the issue with it? What is your issue, Beev?
"It smells bad. It's not a safe neighborhood."
Well, I can deal with the smell, it would be more than fine. The neighborhood is not bad... It's not good either, but you either get a cheap apartment in a bad neighborhood, or an expensive apartment in a good neighborhood. You can't have it both ways, Beev.
"Well maybe we can if we search and wait long enough!"
My mom suggested that we look into subsidized housing. I told her what Mathew told me, he knew someone who used that and it took five years to find a place.
"Well? Five years is fine!"
SHUT THE FUCK UP, BEEV!!! I want out of this place now, I'm not waiting five years! I will make it on my own, I will find a way to make money, and I will find a way to pay for myself. You just need to give me a shot, and if that means living in a shitty deal place for a little while, so be it. I would rather live at Matthew's than at home.
Of course, there's the issue of whether or not Matthew and his roommates will let me live there, but I think they will, since we sort of already discussed it. I talked to Matthew last night and he said it was a slim maybe, because there wasn't a bedroom... but maybe, if he talked to his roommates, they would let me stay in the living room with a divider. And I think that's a good idea, and his roommates want to pay less rent, and they don't use that part of the room anyway. So I think it's a good idea.
If it weren't for this issue, my life would be peachy right now. I have gotten control of everything that needs to be controlled in my life, from my weight, to my bookwork, to other miscellaneous issues. Everything should be peachy, but it's not. I'm worried. I'm worried. I'm worried.
So I ask my intuition, what will happen? And when I ask my intuition what will happen, I get the feeling that things will be good. And I know of other similar situations to this, where I was worried about how things would turn out, but things always turned out for the better at the last minute. Everything will work out. Maybe I will have to live with some random psycho roommate from the subsidized housing situation, but that's okay, as long as she doesn't steal both my computer and my flash drive in what swoop. If I lost both those things, I'd be dead. Because my computer has my books on it, and my flash drive is where I back up my books in case of a hard drive failure. If I ever lost my books, I'd probably jump off a bridge I'd be so depressed.
But that's it. That's the situation. I'll live anywhere as long as it means FREEDOM!!! That's what I need right now.
Plus, it would be fun to live with Matthew, since he is one of my favorite people.
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