Parables Out the Wazzoo!!

The woman in red was a woman of great influence. When she stood up in front of people, they bowed their heads in silent agreement of what she had to say. One day, she was out walking, and a man knocked her unconscious with a cain. He stole her identity, and went off preaching a different story, one of heart ache, good but feeble intentions, and withered ideas of successful people. When she got back up, the world had turned against her, and she was now a wanted felon. When she took off her cloak, and resigned her duties as public speaker, she was no longer regarded as helpful, but rather, someone to be forgotten.

In this parable, the woman in red is not Jesus, but represents people who preach the message of Jesus. The man who takes her identity represents people and organizations such as the Westboro Baptist Church, who twist the message to mean something else. The damage that is done is widespread, horrible, and unforgivable.



There was a man names Elvis. He lived by the sea. One day, Elvis became enamored by a woman named Ramona. When they laid eyes on each other, each of their faces became entangled, and they could not untangle them without the help of a she wolf. When the she wolf looked at both of their faces entangled, it snorted, and coughed up a fish. The fish looked down at the ground, and became one with the two lover's mouths. This created a horrible menacing growl, and the girl became enamored by the fish. When the fish saw that the girl was enamored by her, it snortled, and became one with her mind. The two lovers parted ways, and the woman and the fish were united for all time.

The man and woman represent Adam and Eve. They are not fond of looking at each other, because they are endowed with quick slut like actions. When they become entangled, they have to get away with a man of great primordial instincts, to understand how to quickly disavow the idea of intercourse. When the wolf coughs up a fish, it becomes one with the two lover's mouths, keeping their conversation religious. When the woman becomes enamored by the fish, she enjoys the idea of life without her partner, because she is the one who is going to create a world of life. Not physical, spiritual. Because the woman is the one who rises up and kills the entire world. Just kidding. Just kidding.

Time for a Thanksgiving parable.

Three men ate Thanksgiving dinner together every year. One year, the man in a dark fierce coat forgot the cheese dip. The two others stared blankly at him, and then one asked for a number to call a lawyer. They stared blankly at that one for a few seconds, and then the third man started a fist brawl. The cheese dip man left without a scratch. The lawyer man left with a black eye, and the fist brawl man became pregnant with a miscarriage.

This dinner represents Thanksgiving. When the third man left pregnant, he was full of ideas of hatred, because he was giving birth to a baby of revenge. The man wanted his lawyer, because the cheese dip represented willingness to understand each other, and without willingness to understand each other, there is no ideas of peace. The lawyer man did not understand what was going on, so he wanted a lawyer to clarify the situation.

Here is a good parable for those who enjoy clusterfucks.

I was walking along side a girl. Her name was Ebony. She enjoyed things of a friendly nature with fairies. I told her her ideas of love were destitute, and believed her to be a woman of fun with money only, because I thought she was full of shit. The next weekend, I became one with a magic wand, and took it outside. I sprinkled pixie dust on the flowers, and the grew into very large wonky things. I screamed, screamed, and screamed, until I could scream no more.

This is a parable about making friends. If you piss off the people who hold the power, they will come back and haunt you with their minds. It happens to those who believe in nothing but death, and taxes.