Parables!

So as some of you already know, one of my many talents is writing parables. I usually reserve my parable writing skills for Facebook, but it has come to my attention that many of you are not on my Facebook! So here, we have a once in a lifetime peak of my parables!

There once was a girl named Eelay. When she went to the stone cutter's convention, she found a young man named Mimi. He looked at her and fell madly in love. When they walked together for the exit, another young man fell in love with Eelay. When three thousand men were in love with Eelay, she decided she would marry whoever swept her off her feet. When she found someone who did, his name was Mya. When Mya left her for his sister, she realized there was something wrong with her choosing skills, so she asked her brother to choose a mate for her. There was a match of wits, and they all got together and played chess until the winner was crowned. His name was Sophie. Sophie was so pretty, it was hard to imagine how much he looked like a woman. When Sophie and Eelay got married, Sophie revealed on the wedding night that she was a woman. Eelay screamed and killed her with friendly punches. At the funeral, the wife of the minister fell madly in love with Eelay too. They did not get married, instead, gave each other frowny faced ice cream tortes and decided not to pursue a relationship with each other. When Eelay's frowny face torte was cold enough to eat, she took a bite, and decided never to eat again. She died of starvation.

Eelay represents a woman who would do better with another woman, but instead chooses men over women. When women choose men over women, they become something like women needer s. When women do not need other women, they starve from lack of satiety. When this woman eats the frowny face ice cream torte, she realizes that lesbianism is more for the grumpy faced women, and decides never to speak of her trials in lesbianism again. She goes on to marry a man who loves her, but does not understand the meaning of the word, "arrogant twit." He kills her by not feeding her needs in the bedroom.

There once was a woman named Mae. She lived by the sea. Each night, she took out her trash to the curb to be collected by the hounds. One night, she forgot to take out her trash. She forgot again the next night. When she remembered 8 nights later, she forgot to stop taking out the trash. She left her entire house's valuables by the curb. When her husband got home that night, he looked for his wallet. He couldn't find it. When he entered the kitchen, she was making love to the pastor of the church. They both grinned and smiled dumbly. When he asked what was going on, she said, I don't need worldly possessions, I have him!

When they broke up, she left him a note. It said, "Do not worry, God loves the best and the worst equally. When you grow old, a peasant girl named Romney will love you so bad it hurts. When you forget to take out the trash, you will know if the love is true or not."

This is about the national debt. When you repay it, people change and hate you for what you used to be. When the die young, they pretend they care and don't. When you eat salad on a regular basis, you grow weary from all the intoxicants in the lettuce. When one believes in a higher power, you never know where she decided to go wrong.

When Romney comes into her life, she changes it by refusing to ever take out the trash. She dumps him for not understanding her concerns. This represents the rift between poor nations and rich nations in their ability to refuse payment.