Parables, Parables!

There was a hobo named Ollie. He enjoyed things of a hobo nature, like fight-picking, and eating beans. One day, he looked in a mirror, and saw his face. It has a scar on his right cheek. He told everyone, hey, I have a scar on my left cheek, but now it looks like it has migrated. He decided not to tell anyone anymore, because they all scoffed at his migration ideas. When he got home, he told his husband. He told him, you are not a boy. You are a man. Here, eat some dog testicles, and tell me what you really think. Did the scar migrate? Or are you not used to seeing your reflection? He undressed his clothes, and they enjoyed each other. The next day, the man without the scar got up, and left. And never came back.

The reason the man left, was because the hobo was so narrow-minded, he did not understand how badly his ideas sounded to others when he spoke them out loud. When he still did not understand why the scar was on his right cheek, the man left, because he knew if he could not understand why the scar was not where he thought it was, he would never get anywhere with his other ideas.

How about a good body rub? No, not a sexual body rub... a massage. We can take off your clothes, rub your body in lotion, and we will have a good idea of how often you need to wear your items in the sink.

When the man took off his clothes, he was seen naked by many a person. At the same instant, someone took a camera and snapped a picture. What is that idea on your leg? A poem? A bracelet? No, it is a symbol meaning we don't like the idea of mean-spiritedness towards men. When you look at it from one direction, it says, freedom for men. From the other, it means, male superiority. From another, it means, we hate women. Then, if you look at it upside down, from my angle, it means, happy life with a woman.

The items in the sink represent ideas of how often you need to perform good fun religious rituals. It is a massage of religious assessment. The reason everyone is watching is because everyone wants to see how often this man needs to, because he is a man of great prestige.

The items in the sink represent ideas of how often you need to perform good fun religious rituals. It is a massage of religious assessment. The reason everyone is watching is because everyone wants to see how often this man needs to, because he is a man of great prestige.

The man told her, I am a man of simple needs. None of this, I will astound you with my wit, man. Or, I will entice you with seduction, woman. I believe in free enterprise, love of woman, and sodomy on Sundays. Not sodomy, oral sex. Yes, oral sex. So, when I tell a woman, let's believe in the power of the Holy Ghost, she will tell me, no man, I am a woman who believes in equal pay, equal rights, and equal participation in child rearing. But I say, no woman, you believe in fornication, because you can't admit that my job pays more than yours. Then, you will understand that I am not what you want me to be, I am a man of destitute, laundering of the nether regions, and polygamy in the name of the lord. Yes, polygamy!

And at that, the woman fondled, her breast, and they made sweet, sweet love by candle light.

A woman once had a lotion and a perfume. She became addicted to the smell. One day, she decided to enamore herself with more than 8 ounces of perfume at the same time. She became addicted to smelling herself. And then, she bought the perfume off the shelf, and it didn't smell the same anymore. She became sad, tied a rope around her neck and hung herself.

This represents drug addictedness. After awhile, you do not become enamored by the same chemicals over and over and over again. The familiar comfort is no longer there. She became one with the idea of having the smell on her nose, and longed for something even deeper, that the perfume could not provide. These things are full of death smells, and longing to smell a perfume is akin to the sweet hum of the neurotransmitter dopamine swimming through the brain things. That is all.

Here is a dog. Don't believe in the dog. If you believe in the dog, it disappears. If you see the dog, it exists. If you believe the dog to be fake, it ripens. If you touch the dog, you become part of it's essence.

 Whatever you do, don't touch the dog.

The dog represents love of spirituality. If you believe in the correctness of your ideas, which are mutually exclusive with other peoples' you are not a good person. If you understand spirituality, it does not bother your senses to understand the other parts of life. If you believe spirituality is fake, you are at the mercy of your own mortality. But if you become one with spirituality, you do not understand what is going on anymore because you have entered and existential crisis. Don't go there, pretentious folk.

Parables Out the Wazzoo!!

The woman in red was a woman of great influence. When she stood up in front of people, they bowed their heads in silent agreement of what she had to say. One day, she was out walking, and a man knocked her unconscious with a cain. He stole her identity, and went off preaching a different story, one of heart ache, good but feeble intentions, and withered ideas of successful people. When she got back up, the world had turned against her, and she was now a wanted felon. When she took off her cloak, and resigned her duties as public speaker, she was no longer regarded as helpful, but rather, someone to be forgotten.

In this parable, the woman in red is not Jesus, but represents people who preach the message of Jesus. The man who takes her identity represents people and organizations such as the Westboro Baptist Church, who twist the message to mean something else. The damage that is done is widespread, horrible, and unforgivable.



There was a man names Elvis. He lived by the sea. One day, Elvis became enamored by a woman named Ramona. When they laid eyes on each other, each of their faces became entangled, and they could not untangle them without the help of a she wolf. When the she wolf looked at both of their faces entangled, it snorted, and coughed up a fish. The fish looked down at the ground, and became one with the two lover's mouths. This created a horrible menacing growl, and the girl became enamored by the fish. When the fish saw that the girl was enamored by her, it snortled, and became one with her mind. The two lovers parted ways, and the woman and the fish were united for all time.

The man and woman represent Adam and Eve. They are not fond of looking at each other, because they are endowed with quick slut like actions. When they become entangled, they have to get away with a man of great primordial instincts, to understand how to quickly disavow the idea of intercourse. When the wolf coughs up a fish, it becomes one with the two lover's mouths, keeping their conversation religious. When the woman becomes enamored by the fish, she enjoys the idea of life without her partner, because she is the one who is going to create a world of life. Not physical, spiritual. Because the woman is the one who rises up and kills the entire world. Just kidding. Just kidding.

Time for a Thanksgiving parable.

Three men ate Thanksgiving dinner together every year. One year, the man in a dark fierce coat forgot the cheese dip. The two others stared blankly at him, and then one asked for a number to call a lawyer. They stared blankly at that one for a few seconds, and then the third man started a fist brawl. The cheese dip man left without a scratch. The lawyer man left with a black eye, and the fist brawl man became pregnant with a miscarriage.

This dinner represents Thanksgiving. When the third man left pregnant, he was full of ideas of hatred, because he was giving birth to a baby of revenge. The man wanted his lawyer, because the cheese dip represented willingness to understand each other, and without willingness to understand each other, there is no ideas of peace. The lawyer man did not understand what was going on, so he wanted a lawyer to clarify the situation.

Here is a good parable for those who enjoy clusterfucks.

I was walking along side a girl. Her name was Ebony. She enjoyed things of a friendly nature with fairies. I told her her ideas of love were destitute, and believed her to be a woman of fun with money only, because I thought she was full of shit. The next weekend, I became one with a magic wand, and took it outside. I sprinkled pixie dust on the flowers, and the grew into very large wonky things. I screamed, screamed, and screamed, until I could scream no more.

This is a parable about making friends. If you piss off the people who hold the power, they will come back and haunt you with their minds. It happens to those who believe in nothing but death, and taxes.

Parables Galore!

There was a man named Heeley. He enjoyed poking fun at women. One day, he said to a gal, "Nice toots." She looked at him, and sprayed his name on her forehead. When he said to another girl, "Nice chompers." She looked at him, and woke up next to him in bed. Then, he looked at her, wrote his name on her forehead, and said, "You're my girl," in jest. Then, the two of them wed. Not because he wanted to, but because of obligation due to pregnancy. The child grew up to be a hooligan, and broke into large shopping malls, spray painted his name everywhere, and wrote in black ink on a woman's bicep, "Big tits sink ships." Then, he exploded from over excursion. The next day, during the autopsy, they discovered that it wasn't the right type of child for the woman to be having, it was actually an elven child.

Heeley is a man who enjoys pretentious banter with unattractive women. The women like him because they were so ugly, no other men wanted them. This man represents a certain unnamed church. When the man wakes up next to the woman, he realizes he has made a mistake of epic proportions. When the child turns out not to be his, he understands the meaning of the term, wake and bake, because he was high out of his mind and it warped fetal development.



There once was a man named Elmo. His daughter had a case of the chicken pox. A man in a dark coat said, give her this, and it will be gone. It was a prescription pill called Lexapro. When she took it, it healed the wounds, but at a great cost. She had lost her spring in her step. When she walked, she dragged her feet. Now, it was time to go off the drugs, when she stopped taking them, she became hypomanic, and the man in the dark coat appeared again, and offered him some invega for her bipolar disorder. When she took it, she developed a nasty habit of forgetting things. The man in the dark coat appeared again, and offered her some Ativan. Then Elmo asked where all this was going, and the man in the dark coat said, "we need to rid her of this disease in her mind, her belief in the mystical life of spirits. It is the root of all her troubles." Then, she came up, and told him that she did not believe in spirits anymore. And he said, "Good girl, now, here is a pill for your lying problem." And she did not take the pill, but she pretended to. When she swallowed, she pretended to think only of happy thoughts, for her mind was so erupted in chaos, she could hardly think straight. He leaned against her, threw the pill at her mouth, and she swallowed it in an instant. As she did, she submitted to the whim of everyone else's will. She went on to become a teacher, and taught from textbooks about religion.



There once was a man named Elloy. He enjoyed the finer things in life. When he woke up one morning, it had all disappeared. He asked the clouds, Why? Why did it all go away? The clouds responded, your ideas of luxury are not rooted in reality. You need to enjoy your own being, and stop fantasizing over treasures that do not bring true happiness. Elloy cried, and cried. Then he got up, and breathed life into a woman. Her name was Regina. Regina coughed up a bracelet, and with it, she entranced him in a love spell. They got married, had babies, the kids grew up, and Regina and Elloy lived long lives together. Still, Elloy was not happy. He told Regina, why do I love you so? You are so not my type. She told him, it's the bracelet, my dear, the bracelet. She showed it to him, and when he gazed upon it, he enjoyed something about it. The idea of it belonging to him. So he told her, no more, sweet lady, no more. I will own this bracelet, and it will be mine for all of eternity. So he kissed her one last time, got out a dagger, and stabbed her in the heart. When he did so, he keeled over and died as well, as the power of the bracelet was two hearts beating as one.

Regina represents pacifists in the world today. She believes in love at all costs, love, love, love!! Elloy represents materialists like James Randi, who fixate on value in atoms and particles and physical items, not on things that can not be touched. When she understands why she loves him, he does not reciprocate, because he does not understand what love is. Love is a mystery. We understand why she knows him, because she is in love with his mind. But he does not know why he loves her, because she is a wretched conniving little brat that knows nothing of what truly is. When she shows him the bracelet, she aims for true love, not fake love. When he stabs her, he dismisses her ideas as fabrication, but he does not understand, he knows so much about atoms, but does not understand himself, and what he truly is.




There was a girl named Henri. She existed without people in her life, until she met a girl named Fillippe. When they locked eyes, Fillippe fell unconscious. When she came to, she was surrounded by townsfolk. "What happened?" asked Fillippe. "Why, you fainted!" But Fillippe knew better. Her spirit had been drugged by Henri. Now, she had 8 weeks to live. When she understood this, she began to hunt and gather fruit and small animals to be sacrificed in a large supper, not for her, but for Henri. When Henri sat down to eat, she pretended to eat but didn't really. When Henri got up at the end of the meal, she fell down, dead. Fillippe rushed over and fanned her body with a napkin. "Why, what have you done here?" the townsfolk asked. Fillippe burst into tears. "I was trying to save her life! She was going to die of overexposure to the elements if she didn't eat this meal, and she chose not to!" The townsfolk withered away and dispersed. Fillippe took a vile out of her pocket, and gathered Henri's hair. With it, she cooked a stew, fed it to a calve, and the calve grew up and bore several herds of small calves. The calves went on to save Christmas. The end.

This girl, Henri, represents the dark arts. Fillippe was interested in her, not out of desire for friendship, but out of lust for a companion. The meal she was collecting for Henri was not to appease, but to become like her, so that she would not have to succumb to the drudgery of keeping her own company. When Henri does not eat the meal, she chooses not to accept offerings from petty mortals, but dies because of the aroma. The hair that Fillipe takes from Henri represents the ideas that she collected from her, in passing, and she uses it to feed the calve, which grows into a cow who births a small herd of calves who derive meaning from this tradition.



There once was a man named elie. When he went down to the salon, he idolized the women there. When he went home, he idolized his man, Charles. When he went to the salon one day, a woman named ellerie talked dirty to him. He told her she was pretty, but unappealing, in a sarcastic way. She slapped him, hit him, stomped on him, and sprayed him with manure. When elie came home that day, Charles noticed a funny smell. Eww... What's that? Elie told him it was the dawning of a new era, for he no longer needed approval seeking women to talk to him to feel complete. Why? The manure was rank, but not as bad as the smell of the gasoline of the cars.

The idea behind this parable is, girls
do not play well with men of different ideas of friendship. Men who
tread on their heartstrings do not need that kind of verbal abuse,
however.... when girls don't play fair, guys understand why they do
not need to release toxic waste into the atmosphere, via the
spiritual energy of negativity towards women. Another thing about
this parable is, the girl was a hermaphrodite.

Even More Parables!

There was an old wise man named Elmew. He always asked for the same thing on Christmas. Thick, woolen socks. Every year, he got something splend-tastic, like a motor bike, or a race car, or a golden nugget. When he was 83, he asked his dad, when will I get my thick, woolen socks? My feet are freezing! And his dad told him, never, dear son. You need not socks, because socks bring no pleasure. Instead, rejoice! I have made you an extra grande butterscotch torte! They sat down and ate, and Elmew grew fat off the butter and fat content of the torte. The fat collected around the ankles, and made up for lack of socks. When he grew to be 89, his dad told him, now, son, you need socks? Here you go. Socks. They were gold-plaited aluminum socks. When he put them on, they rubbed holes in the back of his foot arch. He now bled out all the toxins, and became anemic. When he died of lack of proper nutrients, he dazzled in the knowledge that this story would be told for years to come.

Elmew represents wealth in the beauty of the real world. People around him rejoiced in fake pretty on the surface things, that held no real value. Elmew delighted in reason, wit, and brethren ship. He enjoyed socks because he needed them so that his feet were not warm, but able to withstand hardship. He believed in little more than compassion, and his friends did not understand the beauty of truth. Therefore, they believed in a shallow butterscotch-laden existence, and pretended not to know that he was different. No, they knew, they thought he was full of shit. When he dies of lack of proper nutrients, it's because his body shut down from all the butterscotch. When he wonders if his story will be told for years to come, it's because he was Jesus.



There was a woman named Chelsea. She thought highly of women with fashionable tastes in apparel. One day, she went to the corner store, and spotted a man in drag. She scoffed, stuck up her nose, and said, "You are not good enough to learn of the ways of the woman, pretend you are a hobo and beg for mercy." She then decided that he was not worthy of anyone's time, and wrote the one f-word on his forehead. He walked the rest of his life in shame. When Chelsea met the father of her new husband, he had a word scrawled out in dark ink in his forehead. She wondered about it, until he told the tale of how he was buying a woman's coat for a man, and the man wore nothing but underwear, and he wanted him to remove his clothes. The man stole his clothes and then left, and he was left wearing nothing but women's clothes from his grandma until he got enough money to buy a new wardrobe. When Chelsea heard this story, she laughed, because she remembered it not at all. Then he looked in her eye, at a twinkle, and he recognized her eye shadow patterns as the same girl who wrote the f-word on his forehead. He got up, wrote whore on her forehead, stole her clothes, and forbid the two of them to marry. Chelsea walked home in her underwear. On the way, a prophet hobo noticed a scar on her calve, and recognized her as the woman who would one day rise up and stop the world of poverty. He blessed her with a crown of thimbles, and pretended to tie a knot of thorns around her left breast. She enjoyed the banter, but didn't believe him until he showed her a picture of her in her casket. The picture had no real meaning, it was just a drawing he made because he was a charlatan and the woman was drunk on champagne. The next day, she was impregnated by the hobo, with twins. One of the twins grew up to stop poverty, the other one grew up to be a pretentious whore in a popular sitcom.

The woman Chelsea represents snobbery at its finest. When she meets the guy on the side of the road, she is given a test by God to see if she can match wits with someone in need, of a higher standing than she is. She fails miserably, and fate takes it turn and leaves her in a compromised position. When she meets the prophet hobo, it is only in a dream. He tells her a tale, of finery on her part, and pretends she is some sort of savior. She eats it up like cupcakes with very fine frosting. But when she understands that he is full of hot air, she does not remember that she has a naughty word on her forehead, and pretends she is nothing but a queen, until she bears two children, one resembling herself, but better, and the other resembling the hobo, and what he is all about. The hobo represents health and welfare, love and prosperity, but he is only a fantasy, and that never actually happened. The girl goes on to be a beggar.

More Parables!

There was a woman named Elrod. She enjoyed the ways of women. She tried very hard to be beautiful, but failed. Her looks withered with age. She went in for a face lift. When she got to the doctor's place, it was full of young women getting botox. They saw her, and screamed. "Is that what my face will look like in 18 years?" They started sobbing and crying. She tried to leave, but then a police man gave her a ticket for disturbing the peace. When she got home, there was a note on her bed from a former lover. It said, "Don't doubt your mind, it is full of potential."

 This woman represents Bette Midler. She is ugly.



There once was a man named Meeny. He enjoyed picking fights. He once picked a fight with a fine young woman named Aili. She enjoyed the fight, but forgot to pack concealer for the bruises. She bitched him out afterwards, telling him never to fight a girl. She wrote a song about it, and made the top 80. Whenever her song played on the radio, Meeny smirked. It reminded him of a lovely fight he had one, that was so fun to win that he could hardly contain his excitement. When Aili met Meeny in the subway, he smirked, and she scowled. This time she had concealer. She challenged him to another fight. She won. When she covered up her bruises with concealer, they still showed through. She put on another coat. They still showed through. She put on another, and another, and every time she got madder and madder. Upon the last coat, she took a knife and scraped them off. She bled to death on the Subway.

Meeny represents wisdom, and Aili represents virtue. When they fight the first time, Meeny wins, and bruises Aili pretty badly. When Aili wins the second time, it is because it is only right. When she is annoyed by the bruises, it is because she cannot get past the people she has scarred along the way to freedom. When Aili passes out, she withers. Because she has forgotten her strict moral upbringing, and cannot understand why she decided revenge was okay. Aili represents virtue of the innocent, who have not learned patience with lesser souls. Meeny smirks at the music, because it is so vengeful. Aili is known for her virtue, but cannot keep track of her own morals when it comes to placing the blame on others.

This parable is representative of the Treaty of Versailles, where Meeny is Germany, and Aili is the rest of the world.



There once was a girl named Elron. She existed without time. One night, she broke a pencil. She got up to get a new one. When she got up, she broke her nose by hitting it against a window. When she closed the window, she broke her finger. When she patched up her finger, she broke her other finger. And then, a ship shipwrecked into her house. The next day, at the funeral, two young men were talking about her. They both told the other that they were spiritually involved with her. They both got jealous, and started sword fighting. When one cut the other's ear off, the other dumped urine on the other. When that guy went home, he wreaked. He took a shower, and there was a rose in the window. It was from Elron. There was a note that said, "You only live once."

Elron represents wild crazy people. When they start going down, the spiral. When Elron is killed, she is killed because crazy decision led to another crazy decision and it wouldn't stop at all so she kept trying to stop it but it wouldn't stop. When Elron dies, her followers love her so much they quarrel over who loved her more. Elron loved them both equally. When the young man gets the rose from Elron, it is because she was taking a chance with him, and did not understand why she needed to make use of better people who loved her a little less. When Elron dies, her death is not a big deal. A lot of people died in the shipwreck. It was a national tragedy.

This story represents the Watergate Scandal because Nixon was on his way out a long time before he actually got booted. When he left, he had many followers. They were not good people. Nixon was a reckloose, and did things of a crazy nature all the time because he was mentally ill.



There once was a movie making genius girl named Allerie. She enjoyed the fine arts. One day, she lived alone, the next, she lived with a boyfriend. They moved in and out of Paris, until one day he left her. When he left her, he gave a reason. She had grown away from what they originally had in common. She lived alone the rest of her days, and died with a man named Frenchwa, who loved her, but did not appreciate her greatness. When they had a child, her name was Eemee. She had a funny looking birthmark on her forehead. When the other children made fun of Eemee, she placed spells on them for them to die cold and lonely. When they got older, they all died alone, in the middle of the Markem Bridge, from suicide attempts. When Eemee saw that she was alone again, earlier in life, she painted a picture on canvas, of her mom, her dad, and her boyfriend, Charlie. The picture had a large fish in it. When you looked at the fish from one angle, it had no smile. When you looked at the fish from another angle, it had no pizzazz. When you squinted really hard and looked at it from a slight left tilt, it created a beautiful halo around your head. It was such a beautiful picture, it went to a big time art contest, but lost. The reason it lost was because after people saw it, they just wanted to go home and paint, and none of the judges who judged the paintings stayed to cast their ballots.

Eemee represents people of a polyamourous persuasion. When she paints, no one watches, but when they look at her painting, they melt. When she makes them pay for their sins, they do what she says, not because of the spell, but because of superior intellect. The painting represents harmony of believes amongst loving individuals. When they all look at the painting, they see a cacophony of different ideas, and it creates peace that dwells deep within. Never underestimate the power of mindfucks. These women who judged the painting never return, and grow longingly for more ideas of a harmonious nature, but never come across them. They lead a beautiful life in lives of polyamory, but pretend to enjoy the art of sex, but usually, enjoy it less than the art of love.