The Root of Evil: When Sex Goes Awry

So I'd like to take a moment to discuss how sex leads to evil.

Before you say, sex isn't evil! Let me explain. No, sex in itself isn't evil. But evil is created when sex goes awry.

So first off, what is evil? Evil is exreme hatred, disregard for other people, or pleasure derived from the misery of other people.

Sexual arousal is an emotion unlike other emotions. The reason it is unlike other emotions is because there is a greater range of variation in situations that trigger sexual arousal from person to person.

There is slight variation in other emotions, like sense of humor. Different people laugh at slightly different things. But sexual arousal is different. One only needs to google the word "fetish" or "sexual deviation" to find the great variety of odd things that people find sexually stimulating.

Some people think sexuality refers to sexual orientation. Sexual orientation is only a small part of sexuality. Sexuality is huge.

Sexuality develops early in life. The media influences your child's sexuality. From an early age, young girls and boys are bombarded with images of femininity and masculinity. These images and the child's response to these images become a part of the child's sexuality. That is why you better be careful what you let your kids watch on TV. Little kids are like super, massively absorbent sponges.

If a kid is sexually stimulated early in life, this will affect the child's sexuality. The moment will become ingrained in the child and be the basis for what the child finds sexually arousing.

And this is how... SEX GOES AWRY!

It all starts when a child is touched inappropriately by a pervert of some sort. When a child is touched inappropriately, THEY DON'T LIKE IT! They experience massive distress. But if their genitals are stimulated, they become sexually aroused. So what happens is, they come to associate things that generate the emotion they were experiencing, distress and revulsion, with sexual pleasure.

So when these children grow up, an orgasm means something different to them than it means for the average person. An orgasm isn't something that results from a happy situation, nor is it triggered by things that are aesthetically appealing. An orgasm is a coping mechanism that happens when they are faced with situations that evoke a certain type of distress.

The thing is, the orgasm creates more pleasure than the distress creates pain. So as a result, this person begins seeking out these situations that create this kind of distress.

And in their mind, the line between the victim and the perpetrator becomes blurred. It is still the same situation. Which is why people who were molested as kids grow up to be child molesters. These people seek to recreate the situation that originally created so much revulsion and distress in them.

Or they might not become child molesters. They might become sexually fucked up in some other way. They might not be interested in children, but nevertheless a seed was planted. A seed that makes them associate sex with something vile.

When children are molested, they do not like it! But they may get sexual pleasure from it. It was horrible, and disgusting, and made them gag and want to scream and die, but it felt good. And so the line between these two things becomes blurred.

There may be other ways this line becomes blurred, other than child molestation. Child molestation is just the most obvious one.

So once the line is blurred, it is up to the victim to keep the evil at bay. The person may be weak, and put sexual pleasure before other people. And when they act on their urge to do evil, they plant evil in others, through molesting children. Or they may unleash evil in some other form. This may be an allegory for something else.

Sex leads to evil because it is an easy way that pain and horror becomes linked with pleasure.

That is why God encourages sexual discipline and restraint. Because He knows that it is a crappy mechanism and that if people were go just give into their sexual desires, all hell would break loose.

I know about these things, because these are things that are obvious to me, but I'm not sure if they are obvious to other people.

Truth is Beauty (Why God Allows Suffering Revisited)

So I have been sitting here thinking some more on the pain/pleasure thing, about why God allows suffering.

God knows that pleasure in itself isn't good, and pain in itself isn't bad.

God knows that what is good is truth.

As humans, we experience pleasure and pain to represent good and bad. When something unhealthy happens, we experience pain, of some sort. When something healthy happens, we experience pleasure, of some sort.

However, these indications aren't always accurate. Some people experience more pleasure than they deserve. Others experience more pain than they deserve.

God knows that what is good in this world isn't pleasure, and what's bad in this world isn't pain. What is good in this world is beauty. Beauty is something much more complex than pleasure. Beauty is altruism, and strength of spirit.

When beauty corresponds with pleasure and wickedness corresponds with pain, that is truth. Pleasure corresponding with wickedness is what is bad.

So, the reason there is suffering in the world is because the world is made up of humans, and humans are wicked. Of course, pain isn't distributed equally, the wicked don't necessarily suffer on Earth and the righteous aren't necessarily free from suffering.

Earth is a chaotic mess. But from this mess, comes order. Through this mess, God sorts things out, selecting and holding on to the righteous souls and discarding the wicked souls.

You are only as good as the way you would treat your worst, most despised enemy.

What is good? Is justice good? Or is mercy good? Do you think some of the most vile, evil characters from throughout history should bask in love and warmth and happiness for all of eternity? Or do you think they should pay for all the pain they have caused?

The truth is, heaven is oneness with God. God is pure good. To allow the most wicked, vile souls into heaven defiles God.

Evil souls will cause pain. Allowing evil into heaven taints heaven, ruining the experience for everyone. That's why it's better, for the good of everyone, just to cast them out.

People have free will. And like I was previously explaining, this choice is not random, nor fixed, but originates from something mysterious. This mysterious thing is the soul that lies within each of us. God can not look at an idle soul and decide if it is wicked or not. He has to test it. That is where Earth comes into play. The soul demonstrates whether or not it is wicked based on its thoughts and deeds. Souls are highly unpredictable and may turn sour or straighten themselves out.

If things I say ever sound contradictory it is because I am trying to straighten out what I believe.

Why God Allows Suffering: The Answer to a Stupid Question

So today I am going to answer the age-old question of: If God is so good, why does He allow suffering?

I am, of course, qualified to answer these questions, because I just know things like this.

The reason why God allows suffering is pretty much the same reason why we choose not to take drugs to go into an artificial state of bliss for the rest of our lives. It's the same reason why we choose the truth over a sugar-coated lie. It's the same reason why people pursue lives of value, and do things like dedicate their lives to science, to learning, to achievement, rather than lives filled with lowly pleasures.

Sure, God could have made a happy sugary fairyland Earth. But who wants to live in a happy sugary fairyland Earth?

Actually, I believe a lot of people would prefer it. Or rather, they think they would prefer it. But the truth is, God knows, for reasons that we don't quite understand, a world that includes suffering is preferable to a world filled with only joy, pleasure, and happiness. It's healthier. Because pain serves a purpose.

So yes, it is a stupid question. I'm sick of stupid atheists acting like the fact that the world is horrible and filled with misery and hardship is proof that God doesn't exist. It's not. Your arguments are invalid. Obviously you don't understand God like I do.

Complaining about the misery in the world is the same thing as complaining about all this discomfort one experiences during good hard exercise, and puzzling over why people go to the gym when working out can be so uncomfortable. "Working out is so uncomfortable, why do people voluntarily do it? They're either idiots or completely out of their minds!"

Well, obviously, it seems silly if you are missing a piece of the puzzle. Working out creates temporary discomfort, but leads to a more long-lasting mental, physical, and spiritual well-being. Pain and suffering in the world is uncomfortable, but it builds strength of spirit.

There is a reason why if you hurt yourself, you experience something unpleasant. There is a reason why everyone isn't automatically just born straight into heaven. People are born on Earth first. Why is that? What is the purpose to life? Only God knows.

Life isn't necessarily supposed to be fun. There are things I have done that have caused me pain that I don't regret. It's like I always say, "What kind of person would you be if you never had any hard experiences? A pretty fucking lousy person."

So in conclusion, God allows pain because PAIN IS HEALTHY!

The Wonder of Consciousness: Part 2

So, consciousness is required to give a physical being a sense of identity and free will.

When we introduce free will, it adds what can most closely be described as an element of randomness to a being's actions. Of course, it is not truly random. But in terms of programming, that's what it would most closely be related to.

If there is not free will, there is no purpose to consciousness whatsoever. All consciousness does is add the random element. If a being's actions are predetermined beforehand, if every decision has a fixed outcome even before it is made, then all you need is the algorithms, which can exist without consciousness.

On one of the websites I was looking at it said that consciousness gives animals the ability to plan. I don't understand why you need consciousness to plan. You don't. You just need more complex algorithms.

Free will is something very small, but very powerful. Free will is limited by the way your brain is wired. Free will exists in your thought processes. When you make a decision, it starts with a thought. Which leads you to the next thought, and you have a very small range of thoughts that you are likely to choose. Free will is what gives you a range of thoughts. Otherwise, without free will, you would not have any choice at all and only one possible thought to follow the first thought. From the second thought, you choose a third thought, from the small range of thoughts. Each thought is like a node, and while the range of choice from thought to thought is very small, you go through many thoughts which increases the range of variation when it comes to the outcome, which is the choice you make in the end. It is the shear number of nodes or thoughts that make free will powerful. Just so you know, I am just making this up.

Free will is most closely related to randomness, but it is not really random. However, it is not fixed beforehand either. It is neither. It is based on the nature of the spirit.

What exactly free will is, we are not supposed to know. All we know is that it is not random, not fixed, not known by us, and it is something in existence that is very magical and sacred.

Now, imagine a universe without consciousness or awareness. It's something that's kind of difficult and amazing and mind-blowing. If it's not, than you aren't doing it correctly! Because, through imagining the universe, you are imagining how you would experience this universe without any sort of awareness. Except, without awareness there are no experiences. Things don't look like anything. There are no thoughts or concepts to describe anything. So if you are doing it correctly, you should just draw a complete blank, because anything you experience when imagining it is an experience and in this world there are no experiences.

And so when I think of this, I am reminded of how truly magical and extraordinary consciousness is. And I realize that consciousness is everything. It is the source of everything beautiful and good in existence.

If something exists that doesn't effect anyone's experience of anything, does it really exist? No.

And I am reminded of the quantum mechanics slit experiment thingy I don't know much about.

If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound? If a universe exists but no one is around to experience it, does it really exist? Did the universe really exist before life came about?

Yes. That's because God was around. That's what I think.

So I guess what I am trying to say is, consciousness is like the most fucking amazing thing ever. It is something so mind-blowing it is impossible to comprehend. That's why it amazes me that some people think it is just some accidental byproduct of life forms, that it serves no purpose, or it is just an illusion. What the hell? Yeah, I read that some people think it is just an illusion. How the hell could it be just an illusion? Like I think I experience things, but I don't really experience anything at all besides total and utter nothingness. God dammit some people are just so god damn fucking stupid.

Or maybe they just didn't understand the question.

The Wonder of Consciousness Part 1

So, I wonder about people. Mostly, I wonder about people who think that the world is just physical, not spiritual or anything else.

Because I mean, I think it is pretty obvious that there are non-physical things. Like, concepts. Concepts are non-physical. You can't touch them. They don't take up any space. There isn't a point in space where they are thought to be located. Yet, you can't really deny that they exist.

Then there are things we experience. Like noises, or tastes, or colors, or thoughts. Noises are present in the air. Tastes on our tongue. Colors on objects. And thoughts on our minds. But when we experience these things, we don't really experience them in these places. We experience them somewhere else.

We experience these things in our consciousness. Consciousness is not a physical thing. Consciousness is a spiritual thing. Self-awareness is a spiritual thing.

No person would seriously deny that we are self-aware. There is really no argument about this, since we all experience it and know it to be a fact. The weird thing I think is, everyone knows about the existence of self-awareness, but some people would argue that the universe is just physical.

So consciousness or self-awareness is spiritual. Question is, what does spiritual mean? To me, spiritual means something that has value beyond the physical.

I remember a person at Innercept telling me about something he would ask the residents about at Innercept. He has a plant cell. And he kills it. Physically, it is identical to a living plant cell. But the living cell works and the dead one does not. Something left the dead plant cell.

When we have thoughts, where do these thoughts exist? In our heads? Inside our skull?

I guess what I am trying to say with this post is, I think that the simple state of being self-aware is magical. I don't think humans will be able to find a way to reproduce consciousness, because it is something supernatural.

To me, the fact that we are conscious proves the existence of the supernatural.

What is the evolutionary purpose of consciousness? There's none that I know of. If you think about it, at least, if you think about it to the extent I have thought about it, I can't really think of any way that self-awareness could be an evolutionary advantage.

So I just looked it up, and I found some of the fucking stupidest reasons ever. Like, consciousness is an advantage because species that enjoy living are more motivated to live. That's the stupidest fucking reason ever. If we were more robot like, we could just be programmed so we would always do things to help us live. We would have no "wants." Obviously this person didn't understand the question.

But apparently, it is some debate what the purpose of consciousness is. They can't figure it out. But I can. The purpose of consciousness is so that people have the power of choice and free will.

At least, that is the reason is showed up in living physical creatures, so that when spirits inhabited them, they could make choices.

To be continued...

The Magical Day When You Stop Trusting Your Brain and Submit to Everyone Else's Opinions

So my parents think that there was this magical time when I accepted I couldn't trust my own brain. Because as we all know, every parent dreams of that magical marvelous day when their child accepts that he or she just can't trust their own brain and submits to not thinking for themselves, not forming their own opinions and submitting to the opinions of everyone else.

I remember back awhile ago, I was reading my mom's email. And she had emailed a link to one of my blogs to my old therapist, a blog titled, "Trying to Reason When Your Reasoning is Messed Up." And my mom said, "Wow, how far Rachel has come!"

I thought that was funny, because that's not even the point I was making in that blog.

The thing about being told over and over and fucking over again that you can't trust your own brain, is that you start to wonder if maybe you can't. So that's all that post was, me wondering if I couldn't.

Anyway, you can tell that's not the conclusion I come to in this post because I end the post by wondering what the purpose of the final event was. The thing is, now I understand the purpose of the final event.

The reason this is significant is, my belief was that things weren't just random and delusional but each event happened on purpose for a reason. So by questioning the purpose of the final event, I was showing that I believe that the events happened on purpose. They were delusional, in that I believed stuff that wasn't true. But that's besides the point. The point is, I believed stuff that isn't true for a reason.

So, my parents think that my thinking was corrupted by this Scientologist guy. But that's not really what happened. My thinking has always been corrupted. It was never uncorrupted. But, there was a time when I pretended to believe what they wanted me to believe.

So my parents response to this is, “Rachel, your memory is messed up. You can't trust your own brain. You can't trust your own memory. We remember you believing the doctor's diagnosis with no reservations.”

Me not remembering things correctly is another symptom of my mental instability.

So, I had been working on taking myself off this nasty drug Depakote. Which can be difficult, but I was working at it and I had some success. I had myself stabilized on one pill instead of the normal two. Then, my mom found my stash of untaken pills. This filled her with distress.

So, I think that one of the ways my parents thought that Innercept made me better is that now I am willing to take medication. Not so. Not so. In reality, Innercept is a very expensive waste of time. I tried to tell my parents this, but they are like, Oh, Rachel, I can tell just by talking to you that you are doing so much better! You are so much more with it and here mentally than you were!

My dad tells me this when I am high out of my mind on cough syrup. So that's pretty much why I don't trust my parent's opinions.

Thank you for your time.

An Evolving God

So, I'm not sure how well my theories hold up against the bible. The parts of the bible that I am familiar with are more like history or mythology, and there isn't a whole lot about the nature of what God is, apart from there being only one god, no gods before this god, three parts to this god, basic stuff like that. The parts that are mythology are stories God told that didn't literally happen as He told them, like the story of Creation, and Adam and Eve in the garden of Eden, and the story of the tower of Babel. Like, I don't believe the reason people speak different languages is because God confused their language when they were building the tower of Babel.

I was just reading Genesis again and one of the things I noticed that didn't make any sense is that Adam and Eve have Cain and Abel, and then Cain kill Abel, and then God curses Cain. So, if you are following the story, there should be only four people in the world at this point. Well, now three, because Abel died. But then God casts Cain away, and Cain complains that anyone who finds him will kill him, and God put a mark on Cain so that that no one would kill him, and then Cain goes off and marries some woman. What the hell? From whom did this other woman come from? Did Adam and Eve have a lot of other children that aren't mentioned?

So what I am thinking right now is, maybe, I don't really know, but there was evolution going on, and Adam and Eve were the first people who evolved from the apes or whatever into a human form. But this was happening everywhere, so there are other people other places. I don't know, that was just something I thought of right now.

So, I wanted to talk about this shattered God more. The purpose of life is to help God evolve. We are all pieces of God. So what God does is, He sends a piece of himself out to Earth, and that piece is the soul of a human. On Earth, that person forms bonds with other people, who are also pieces of God, and hopefully a bond with God directly. Upon death, God draws the piece back in, and that piece is again basked fully in the unlimited love of God. The bonds that the soul created on Earth are what help God evolve and grow stronger.

When fully basking in the eternal love of God, everyone is at their best. On Earth, you are still connected to God, but you are separate. You experience hardship and desire, and things that tempt you to turn wicked. As God challenges us, He challenges Himself. He challenges us to forgive one another. At the same time, He is learning to forgive us, and love us despite our wickedness.

You can not give birth to something that is not present in you. God Himself is not wicked, but within God is a desire for wickedness. He gives birth to creatures with that same desire. Within God, is humanity, even before humanity existed. That includes the positive aspects of humanity and the negative aspects of humanity. But the difference between God and humans on Earth is that within God is also a good force which overpowers the desire for wickedness.

See, God in his entirety is perfect, but in this case, perfect is relative. As God evolves, the definition of perfect also changes, and becomes better.

That is why God evolves throughout the bible. God causes death and destruction in the old testament. Perhaps He has a hard time forgiving people for their wickedness. God's rules do change as time goes on. Jesus sets out updated laws from the laws that Moses set up.

There are more than just three aspects of God. The father, the son, and the holy ghost are just the basic aspects of God.

All this is just speculation.

A Shattered God

So I think something people who read my blog should know is that I don't really read all that much. So, I don't usually know what is written on the topics I discuss on here. I read sporadically. It is rare for me to read a book from start to finish. I pick up a book and read parts of it. And I read stuff on the internet.

So, I am going to talk some more about God.

One thing I am thinking right now is, God is capable of error. Because if God was incapable of error, that would limit the range of things he was capable of doing. Thus limiting his power.

Maybe there are reasons why this isn't true. Like, God is CAPABLE of error, He just never would make a mistake, because he knows everything. But that is not my personal belief. I believe God knows everything there is to know about this present moment, and all past moments, but not the future.

Because people have free will, what they are going to do is not predetermined. God can predict with good accuracy what people will do, but His predictions are not foolproof.

So, God as a whole is not perfect. The Christian belief about God is that there is one god, but there are facets of God, as in the trinity. So, what I think is, facets of God are perfect. God as a whole represents completion, but not complete utter perfection.

The reason is, it is better that way. It is better to fall slightly short of perfection. As humans, we want to strive as much as possible for perfection, but miss the mark slightly. We don't need to purposely miss the mark slightly though, the truth is we always will.

Because if we were to strive for perfection, and acheive it, there would be nothing left to strive for. And some of the greatest joy comes from trying to attain something. It's like how the say, the fun is in the journey, not the destination. Or whatever the hell it is they say about that.

So, what I am thinking now is, God in his entirety IS perfect, in all sense of the word. However, as God was sitting there in all his perfection, He knew that there was great joy in strife. So He created the Earth, and humans, and put a piece of Himself in each human. And perhaps in other non-human creatures/spirits as well, like in angels. I'm not sure.

So now that God is split into pieces, the father God in heaven no longer equals complete perfection. But that's ok, because now that God is split, it creates the possibility for strife, and there is great joy in strife.

So now that God is not complete, the God in heaven is no longer completely foolproof. And, He no longer is completely satisfied. He longs for a relationship with the souls he has created, the pieces of Him that have split off, that are now on Earth.

All of this is just me speculating.

The Misconception About Hell

So I had this revelation, while I was going through my spiritual experience, about what hell is.

There is this major misconception in this world about hell. People think that God intentionally sends people to hell to punish them. So my revelation was, that God is like a computer programmer. He programs this thing called life. Except, this program has a bug. The bug is that after you die, something really horrible happens, for no real reason. You go into a state of horrible misery for all of eternity. God didn't purposely program it that way. It's like a bug.

So God works around the bug, using kind of a flying buttress approach. He sends Jesus down so that people don't have to go to hell. So the thing is, if you don't accept Jesus, there is really nothing God can do.

I don't want to sound preachy or anything. If you know me, you know I have always been this person who isn't at all religious. Actually, I have always secretly had a religious personality, which I have discovered in recent years. But the thing is, I like to think for myself. And I don't like things that tell you what to think, and I always felt like that's what religion did. But you realize that there is truth to be found in religion.

So anyway, hopefully that clears up the question of why a loving God would do something like damn people to hell. It is my personal belief that God does not damn people to hell. People get sent to hell by accident.

Also, hell isn't a physical place. When you are in hell, you are completely alone. At least, you are not in the company of any other benevolent spirits. There may be evil spirits, so basically you would rather be alone. There isn't any real fire or brimstone. God just used the expression "fire and brimstone" to attach concrete ideas to hell, when hell is actually something more abstract. See, a lot of spiritual concepts are more abstract but God thinks you will understand them better if He explains them in concrete terms.

I actually have no idea what it says in the bible in regards to hell. This was just part of my revelation. I think I need to look into this more.