Parables Galore!

There was a man named Heeley. He enjoyed poking fun at women. One day, he said to a gal, "Nice toots." She looked at him, and sprayed his name on her forehead. When he said to another girl, "Nice chompers." She looked at him, and woke up next to him in bed. Then, he looked at her, wrote his name on her forehead, and said, "You're my girl," in jest. Then, the two of them wed. Not because he wanted to, but because of obligation due to pregnancy. The child grew up to be a hooligan, and broke into large shopping malls, spray painted his name everywhere, and wrote in black ink on a woman's bicep, "Big tits sink ships." Then, he exploded from over excursion. The next day, during the autopsy, they discovered that it wasn't the right type of child for the woman to be having, it was actually an elven child.

Heeley is a man who enjoys pretentious banter with unattractive women. The women like him because they were so ugly, no other men wanted them. This man represents a certain unnamed church. When the man wakes up next to the woman, he realizes he has made a mistake of epic proportions. When the child turns out not to be his, he understands the meaning of the term, wake and bake, because he was high out of his mind and it warped fetal development.



There once was a man named Elmo. His daughter had a case of the chicken pox. A man in a dark coat said, give her this, and it will be gone. It was a prescription pill called Lexapro. When she took it, it healed the wounds, but at a great cost. She had lost her spring in her step. When she walked, she dragged her feet. Now, it was time to go off the drugs, when she stopped taking them, she became hypomanic, and the man in the dark coat appeared again, and offered him some invega for her bipolar disorder. When she took it, she developed a nasty habit of forgetting things. The man in the dark coat appeared again, and offered her some Ativan. Then Elmo asked where all this was going, and the man in the dark coat said, "we need to rid her of this disease in her mind, her belief in the mystical life of spirits. It is the root of all her troubles." Then, she came up, and told him that she did not believe in spirits anymore. And he said, "Good girl, now, here is a pill for your lying problem." And she did not take the pill, but she pretended to. When she swallowed, she pretended to think only of happy thoughts, for her mind was so erupted in chaos, she could hardly think straight. He leaned against her, threw the pill at her mouth, and she swallowed it in an instant. As she did, she submitted to the whim of everyone else's will. She went on to become a teacher, and taught from textbooks about religion.



There once was a man named Elloy. He enjoyed the finer things in life. When he woke up one morning, it had all disappeared. He asked the clouds, Why? Why did it all go away? The clouds responded, your ideas of luxury are not rooted in reality. You need to enjoy your own being, and stop fantasizing over treasures that do not bring true happiness. Elloy cried, and cried. Then he got up, and breathed life into a woman. Her name was Regina. Regina coughed up a bracelet, and with it, she entranced him in a love spell. They got married, had babies, the kids grew up, and Regina and Elloy lived long lives together. Still, Elloy was not happy. He told Regina, why do I love you so? You are so not my type. She told him, it's the bracelet, my dear, the bracelet. She showed it to him, and when he gazed upon it, he enjoyed something about it. The idea of it belonging to him. So he told her, no more, sweet lady, no more. I will own this bracelet, and it will be mine for all of eternity. So he kissed her one last time, got out a dagger, and stabbed her in the heart. When he did so, he keeled over and died as well, as the power of the bracelet was two hearts beating as one.

Regina represents pacifists in the world today. She believes in love at all costs, love, love, love!! Elloy represents materialists like James Randi, who fixate on value in atoms and particles and physical items, not on things that can not be touched. When she understands why she loves him, he does not reciprocate, because he does not understand what love is. Love is a mystery. We understand why she knows him, because she is in love with his mind. But he does not know why he loves her, because she is a wretched conniving little brat that knows nothing of what truly is. When she shows him the bracelet, she aims for true love, not fake love. When he stabs her, he dismisses her ideas as fabrication, but he does not understand, he knows so much about atoms, but does not understand himself, and what he truly is.




There was a girl named Henri. She existed without people in her life, until she met a girl named Fillippe. When they locked eyes, Fillippe fell unconscious. When she came to, she was surrounded by townsfolk. "What happened?" asked Fillippe. "Why, you fainted!" But Fillippe knew better. Her spirit had been drugged by Henri. Now, she had 8 weeks to live. When she understood this, she began to hunt and gather fruit and small animals to be sacrificed in a large supper, not for her, but for Henri. When Henri sat down to eat, she pretended to eat but didn't really. When Henri got up at the end of the meal, she fell down, dead. Fillippe rushed over and fanned her body with a napkin. "Why, what have you done here?" the townsfolk asked. Fillippe burst into tears. "I was trying to save her life! She was going to die of overexposure to the elements if she didn't eat this meal, and she chose not to!" The townsfolk withered away and dispersed. Fillippe took a vile out of her pocket, and gathered Henri's hair. With it, she cooked a stew, fed it to a calve, and the calve grew up and bore several herds of small calves. The calves went on to save Christmas. The end.

This girl, Henri, represents the dark arts. Fillippe was interested in her, not out of desire for friendship, but out of lust for a companion. The meal she was collecting for Henri was not to appease, but to become like her, so that she would not have to succumb to the drudgery of keeping her own company. When Henri does not eat the meal, she chooses not to accept offerings from petty mortals, but dies because of the aroma. The hair that Fillipe takes from Henri represents the ideas that she collected from her, in passing, and she uses it to feed the calve, which grows into a cow who births a small herd of calves who derive meaning from this tradition.



There once was a man named elie. When he went down to the salon, he idolized the women there. When he went home, he idolized his man, Charles. When he went to the salon one day, a woman named ellerie talked dirty to him. He told her she was pretty, but unappealing, in a sarcastic way. She slapped him, hit him, stomped on him, and sprayed him with manure. When elie came home that day, Charles noticed a funny smell. Eww... What's that? Elie told him it was the dawning of a new era, for he no longer needed approval seeking women to talk to him to feel complete. Why? The manure was rank, but not as bad as the smell of the gasoline of the cars.

The idea behind this parable is, girls
do not play well with men of different ideas of friendship. Men who
tread on their heartstrings do not need that kind of verbal abuse,
however.... when girls don't play fair, guys understand why they do
not need to release toxic waste into the atmosphere, via the
spiritual energy of negativity towards women. Another thing about
this parable is, the girl was a hermaphrodite.

Even More Parables!

There was an old wise man named Elmew. He always asked for the same thing on Christmas. Thick, woolen socks. Every year, he got something splend-tastic, like a motor bike, or a race car, or a golden nugget. When he was 83, he asked his dad, when will I get my thick, woolen socks? My feet are freezing! And his dad told him, never, dear son. You need not socks, because socks bring no pleasure. Instead, rejoice! I have made you an extra grande butterscotch torte! They sat down and ate, and Elmew grew fat off the butter and fat content of the torte. The fat collected around the ankles, and made up for lack of socks. When he grew to be 89, his dad told him, now, son, you need socks? Here you go. Socks. They were gold-plaited aluminum socks. When he put them on, they rubbed holes in the back of his foot arch. He now bled out all the toxins, and became anemic. When he died of lack of proper nutrients, he dazzled in the knowledge that this story would be told for years to come.

Elmew represents wealth in the beauty of the real world. People around him rejoiced in fake pretty on the surface things, that held no real value. Elmew delighted in reason, wit, and brethren ship. He enjoyed socks because he needed them so that his feet were not warm, but able to withstand hardship. He believed in little more than compassion, and his friends did not understand the beauty of truth. Therefore, they believed in a shallow butterscotch-laden existence, and pretended not to know that he was different. No, they knew, they thought he was full of shit. When he dies of lack of proper nutrients, it's because his body shut down from all the butterscotch. When he wonders if his story will be told for years to come, it's because he was Jesus.



There was a woman named Chelsea. She thought highly of women with fashionable tastes in apparel. One day, she went to the corner store, and spotted a man in drag. She scoffed, stuck up her nose, and said, "You are not good enough to learn of the ways of the woman, pretend you are a hobo and beg for mercy." She then decided that he was not worthy of anyone's time, and wrote the one f-word on his forehead. He walked the rest of his life in shame. When Chelsea met the father of her new husband, he had a word scrawled out in dark ink in his forehead. She wondered about it, until he told the tale of how he was buying a woman's coat for a man, and the man wore nothing but underwear, and he wanted him to remove his clothes. The man stole his clothes and then left, and he was left wearing nothing but women's clothes from his grandma until he got enough money to buy a new wardrobe. When Chelsea heard this story, she laughed, because she remembered it not at all. Then he looked in her eye, at a twinkle, and he recognized her eye shadow patterns as the same girl who wrote the f-word on his forehead. He got up, wrote whore on her forehead, stole her clothes, and forbid the two of them to marry. Chelsea walked home in her underwear. On the way, a prophet hobo noticed a scar on her calve, and recognized her as the woman who would one day rise up and stop the world of poverty. He blessed her with a crown of thimbles, and pretended to tie a knot of thorns around her left breast. She enjoyed the banter, but didn't believe him until he showed her a picture of her in her casket. The picture had no real meaning, it was just a drawing he made because he was a charlatan and the woman was drunk on champagne. The next day, she was impregnated by the hobo, with twins. One of the twins grew up to stop poverty, the other one grew up to be a pretentious whore in a popular sitcom.

The woman Chelsea represents snobbery at its finest. When she meets the guy on the side of the road, she is given a test by God to see if she can match wits with someone in need, of a higher standing than she is. She fails miserably, and fate takes it turn and leaves her in a compromised position. When she meets the prophet hobo, it is only in a dream. He tells her a tale, of finery on her part, and pretends she is some sort of savior. She eats it up like cupcakes with very fine frosting. But when she understands that he is full of hot air, she does not remember that she has a naughty word on her forehead, and pretends she is nothing but a queen, until she bears two children, one resembling herself, but better, and the other resembling the hobo, and what he is all about. The hobo represents health and welfare, love and prosperity, but he is only a fantasy, and that never actually happened. The girl goes on to be a beggar.

More Parables!

There was a woman named Elrod. She enjoyed the ways of women. She tried very hard to be beautiful, but failed. Her looks withered with age. She went in for a face lift. When she got to the doctor's place, it was full of young women getting botox. They saw her, and screamed. "Is that what my face will look like in 18 years?" They started sobbing and crying. She tried to leave, but then a police man gave her a ticket for disturbing the peace. When she got home, there was a note on her bed from a former lover. It said, "Don't doubt your mind, it is full of potential."

 This woman represents Bette Midler. She is ugly.



There once was a man named Meeny. He enjoyed picking fights. He once picked a fight with a fine young woman named Aili. She enjoyed the fight, but forgot to pack concealer for the bruises. She bitched him out afterwards, telling him never to fight a girl. She wrote a song about it, and made the top 80. Whenever her song played on the radio, Meeny smirked. It reminded him of a lovely fight he had one, that was so fun to win that he could hardly contain his excitement. When Aili met Meeny in the subway, he smirked, and she scowled. This time she had concealer. She challenged him to another fight. She won. When she covered up her bruises with concealer, they still showed through. She put on another coat. They still showed through. She put on another, and another, and every time she got madder and madder. Upon the last coat, she took a knife and scraped them off. She bled to death on the Subway.

Meeny represents wisdom, and Aili represents virtue. When they fight the first time, Meeny wins, and bruises Aili pretty badly. When Aili wins the second time, it is because it is only right. When she is annoyed by the bruises, it is because she cannot get past the people she has scarred along the way to freedom. When Aili passes out, she withers. Because she has forgotten her strict moral upbringing, and cannot understand why she decided revenge was okay. Aili represents virtue of the innocent, who have not learned patience with lesser souls. Meeny smirks at the music, because it is so vengeful. Aili is known for her virtue, but cannot keep track of her own morals when it comes to placing the blame on others.

This parable is representative of the Treaty of Versailles, where Meeny is Germany, and Aili is the rest of the world.



There once was a girl named Elron. She existed without time. One night, she broke a pencil. She got up to get a new one. When she got up, she broke her nose by hitting it against a window. When she closed the window, she broke her finger. When she patched up her finger, she broke her other finger. And then, a ship shipwrecked into her house. The next day, at the funeral, two young men were talking about her. They both told the other that they were spiritually involved with her. They both got jealous, and started sword fighting. When one cut the other's ear off, the other dumped urine on the other. When that guy went home, he wreaked. He took a shower, and there was a rose in the window. It was from Elron. There was a note that said, "You only live once."

Elron represents wild crazy people. When they start going down, the spiral. When Elron is killed, she is killed because crazy decision led to another crazy decision and it wouldn't stop at all so she kept trying to stop it but it wouldn't stop. When Elron dies, her followers love her so much they quarrel over who loved her more. Elron loved them both equally. When the young man gets the rose from Elron, it is because she was taking a chance with him, and did not understand why she needed to make use of better people who loved her a little less. When Elron dies, her death is not a big deal. A lot of people died in the shipwreck. It was a national tragedy.

This story represents the Watergate Scandal because Nixon was on his way out a long time before he actually got booted. When he left, he had many followers. They were not good people. Nixon was a reckloose, and did things of a crazy nature all the time because he was mentally ill.



There once was a movie making genius girl named Allerie. She enjoyed the fine arts. One day, she lived alone, the next, she lived with a boyfriend. They moved in and out of Paris, until one day he left her. When he left her, he gave a reason. She had grown away from what they originally had in common. She lived alone the rest of her days, and died with a man named Frenchwa, who loved her, but did not appreciate her greatness. When they had a child, her name was Eemee. She had a funny looking birthmark on her forehead. When the other children made fun of Eemee, she placed spells on them for them to die cold and lonely. When they got older, they all died alone, in the middle of the Markem Bridge, from suicide attempts. When Eemee saw that she was alone again, earlier in life, she painted a picture on canvas, of her mom, her dad, and her boyfriend, Charlie. The picture had a large fish in it. When you looked at the fish from one angle, it had no smile. When you looked at the fish from another angle, it had no pizzazz. When you squinted really hard and looked at it from a slight left tilt, it created a beautiful halo around your head. It was such a beautiful picture, it went to a big time art contest, but lost. The reason it lost was because after people saw it, they just wanted to go home and paint, and none of the judges who judged the paintings stayed to cast their ballots.

Eemee represents people of a polyamourous persuasion. When she paints, no one watches, but when they look at her painting, they melt. When she makes them pay for their sins, they do what she says, not because of the spell, but because of superior intellect. The painting represents harmony of believes amongst loving individuals. When they all look at the painting, they see a cacophony of different ideas, and it creates peace that dwells deep within. Never underestimate the power of mindfucks. These women who judged the painting never return, and grow longingly for more ideas of a harmonious nature, but never come across them. They lead a beautiful life in lives of polyamory, but pretend to enjoy the art of sex, but usually, enjoy it less than the art of love.

Parables!

So as some of you already know, one of my many talents is writing parables. I usually reserve my parable writing skills for Facebook, but it has come to my attention that many of you are not on my Facebook! So here, we have a once in a lifetime peak of my parables!

There once was a girl named Eelay. When she went to the stone cutter's convention, she found a young man named Mimi. He looked at her and fell madly in love. When they walked together for the exit, another young man fell in love with Eelay. When three thousand men were in love with Eelay, she decided she would marry whoever swept her off her feet. When she found someone who did, his name was Mya. When Mya left her for his sister, she realized there was something wrong with her choosing skills, so she asked her brother to choose a mate for her. There was a match of wits, and they all got together and played chess until the winner was crowned. His name was Sophie. Sophie was so pretty, it was hard to imagine how much he looked like a woman. When Sophie and Eelay got married, Sophie revealed on the wedding night that she was a woman. Eelay screamed and killed her with friendly punches. At the funeral, the wife of the minister fell madly in love with Eelay too. They did not get married, instead, gave each other frowny faced ice cream tortes and decided not to pursue a relationship with each other. When Eelay's frowny face torte was cold enough to eat, she took a bite, and decided never to eat again. She died of starvation.

Eelay represents a woman who would do better with another woman, but instead chooses men over women. When women choose men over women, they become something like women needer s. When women do not need other women, they starve from lack of satiety. When this woman eats the frowny face ice cream torte, she realizes that lesbianism is more for the grumpy faced women, and decides never to speak of her trials in lesbianism again. She goes on to marry a man who loves her, but does not understand the meaning of the word, "arrogant twit." He kills her by not feeding her needs in the bedroom.

There once was a woman named Mae. She lived by the sea. Each night, she took out her trash to the curb to be collected by the hounds. One night, she forgot to take out her trash. She forgot again the next night. When she remembered 8 nights later, she forgot to stop taking out the trash. She left her entire house's valuables by the curb. When her husband got home that night, he looked for his wallet. He couldn't find it. When he entered the kitchen, she was making love to the pastor of the church. They both grinned and smiled dumbly. When he asked what was going on, she said, I don't need worldly possessions, I have him!

When they broke up, she left him a note. It said, "Do not worry, God loves the best and the worst equally. When you grow old, a peasant girl named Romney will love you so bad it hurts. When you forget to take out the trash, you will know if the love is true or not."

This is about the national debt. When you repay it, people change and hate you for what you used to be. When the die young, they pretend they care and don't. When you eat salad on a regular basis, you grow weary from all the intoxicants in the lettuce. When one believes in a higher power, you never know where she decided to go wrong.

When Romney comes into her life, she changes it by refusing to ever take out the trash. She dumps him for not understanding her concerns. This represents the rift between poor nations and rich nations in their ability to refuse payment.

Sticky Potential Roommate Situation

So, it is a trying time for me right now. I am SO stressed out. I want to move out of this room in my parents house, off to a room somewhere else, where I can be my own person and live my own life. But no, no no no!

Actually, no one is saying no. Both my parents seem to be on board. The trouble is, I need a place to move. Where I can actually afford, not some place that my parents pay for me to live. Well, I could live with Matthew. I think that's a good idea.

Everytime I say this to my mom, she suggests that I am somehow trying to punish her. But wait a minute, I am serious. I would totally live over there. Sure, they don't have a room for me. But we talked about it already, I get a divider and wall off part of the living room for my own place. Sure, it smells a little bit over there, but whatever. I can deal with smells, I'm no prude.

So what is the issue with it? What is your issue, Beev?

"It smells bad. It's not a safe neighborhood."

Well, I can deal with the smell, it would be more than fine. The neighborhood is not bad... It's not good either, but you either get a cheap apartment in a bad neighborhood, or an expensive apartment in a good neighborhood. You can't have it both ways, Beev.

"Well maybe we can if we search and wait long enough!"

My mom suggested that we look into subsidized housing. I told her what Mathew told me, he knew someone who used that and it took five years to find a place.

"Well? Five years is fine!"

SHUT THE FUCK UP, BEEV!!! I want out of this place now, I'm not waiting five years! I will make it on my own, I will find a way to make money, and I will find a way to pay for myself. You just need to give me a shot, and if that means living in a shitty deal place for a little while, so be it. I would rather live at Matthew's than at home.

Of course, there's the issue of whether or not Matthew and his roommates will let me live there, but I think they will, since we sort of already discussed it. I talked to Matthew last night and he said it was a slim maybe, because there wasn't a bedroom... but maybe, if he talked to his roommates, they would let me stay in the living room with a divider. And I think that's a good idea, and his roommates want to pay less rent, and they don't use that part of the room anyway. So I think it's a good idea.

If it weren't for this issue, my life would be peachy right now. I have gotten control of everything that needs to be controlled in my life, from my weight, to my bookwork, to other miscellaneous issues. Everything should be peachy, but it's not. I'm worried. I'm worried. I'm worried.

So I ask my intuition, what will happen? And when I ask my intuition what will happen, I get the feeling that things will be good. And I know of other similar situations to this, where I was worried about how things would turn out, but things always turned out for the better at the last minute. Everything will work out. Maybe I will have to live with some random psycho roommate from the subsidized housing situation, but that's okay, as long as she doesn't steal both my computer and my flash drive in what swoop. If I lost both those things, I'd be dead. Because my computer has my books on it, and my flash drive is where I back up my books in case of a hard drive failure. If I ever lost my books, I'd probably jump off a bridge I'd be so depressed.

But that's it. That's the situation. I'll live anywhere as long as it means FREEDOM!!! That's what I need right now.

Plus, it would be fun to live with Matthew, since he is one of my favorite people.